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“Bullseye! Can I get a WOOP WOOP?!”
The Nuke was originally developed to reveal the long term effects of not wearing sunscreen . Using either plutonium or uranium, it can show the effect of 20 years of sunlight on bare skin. Per standard procedure, the United States decided to test it on animals. Foolishly listening to the Army Intelligence branch See Military Intelligence, Truman believed that Hiroshima and Nagasaki would only be populated by koi and mythical dragons. The two ensuing nuclear blasts See Nuclear Explosions only solidified this belief as every other animal and the entire human population of both cities were either liquidated by the explosion or killed by cancer within 3 days. By the time the U.S. bothered to clean up the mess in 1965, only koi and mythical dragons were found.
While the nuke has been used to wipe out several smaller countries[see "Nuke Preventions] and is a common tool in political debates and middle school chemistry classrooms.
The nuke has only been tested 17 times with 3 successes. The success rate has currently not been calculated since the math required is far too advanced for any world leader.
In the unlikely event that war breaks out, nukes can be used to quickly resolve the situation. Also, Dr. Strangelove loves this particular bomb, after he learned to stop worrying.
Most standard nuclear weapons can be found at your local Costco, with top of the line WMDs available on Amazon.com and cheap knock-off nukes commonly sold in Texas supermarkets.
edit Nuking in Love and War
Nuking stuff has proven popular over the last few years, especially with Jews, right-wing religious groups, George Bush and Mr. Sally's crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the "ol' drop a nuke while riding it". There are also much more intelligent methods, involving dropping the nuke and blaming a third world country. Riding the nuke was brought to the people's attention when they watched that weird black and white movie (you know the one - nuking in the USA!). Certain black people are also able to activate nuclear missiles at will. For example, Oprah. And Eminem.
Nuking is a joyous activity of fun for most countries. Representatives from countries meet up in Las Vegas and start to gamble. Which ever country loses gets nuked. Japan has always been bad at this game, and once lost twice in the same week. China always tries to cheat. They once rolled a 10 on a six sided die. This led to Tiananmen Square. Bush then told China "Wada u doin' rollin' a 10 on a seven - no five, no four - sided die. I'm gonna nuke your country". but then the Chinese gave him a nice kick and bush ran away like a dog sayin "Argh! I've been shoop da wooped!"
edit How the Nuke Works
A nuke works by this equation: , where is equal to , and the variables a,n,x,y,and z are just random numbers.
edit Nuke Prevention
Nukes are commonly used to stop other poor countries from making nukes. Various countries are nuked for various reasons. The most common scale for a nuclear bombing is the dumbass scale. Based on the average IQ of the country they may or may not be bombed.
edit Nuclear-free zone
There aren't actually any nuclear-free zones, but if you live in Kansas, you might be lucky; other countries may forget that it's actually inhabited.
edit The Nuking List
In March of 2001, George Bush and Jake Bashore made the NUKING LIST. This list taught the world's gentlemen which places, creatures and types of toffee to nuke. Some popular examples include Iran, Syria, Holland, Japanese People, Basmati rice, and the Taj Mahal.
edit Controversy of Canada and The List
While the contents of the list were the subject of much controversy, even moreso were the contents missing from the list. Specifically, Canada. The answer however, is obvious to anyone with more than a fraction of a brain cell!
Simply put: Nothing bad happens in Canada. Ever.
edit Suicide Nukers
In the last Taliban Press conference, their head of PR, Mr.X said he hoped in future the Taliban could use suicide Nukers. Big Bad George's comment was "Future years? Hell, they only got a month." He proceeded to nuke another hapless middle-eastern country out of existence.
- G.W. Bush is about to nuke you for reading this list as it is highly confidential and part of the national intelligence (stolen from the FBI database by Chinese h4z0rs) so.... run away to Mexico or something*** Actually, Mexico's on the nuke list too, so that ain't such a good idea. Canada would probably work better.
edit Recreational Nuking
edit Music Nuking
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular with the help of Scott Mullen. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, My Chemical Romance, Metallica, Slayer and N'Sync. Professional Nukers will also listen to Britney Spears and Lady GaGa ,but this is only for advanced Nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more precisely the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds). Unfortunately, this is a very dangerous activity, especially if the Nuker is listening to fight fire with fire's guitar riff or solo, as it can alter the Earth's orbit around the sun(assuming theres anything left of earth). With a bit of bad luck and a very loud song, we could either be pushed out of orbit or pushed into the sun. It is generally accepted that both of these would be a Very Cool Thing.
edit Nuking as Advertisement
Nukes were a common yet attention grabbing marketing device that was often used until banned in 1999. Much like skywriting, a plane would fly overhead of say, a sporting event. The nuke was dropped and during the explosion, colorful dyes were released, often in colors of the product, like red and yellow for McDonald's. The enveloping mushroom cloud would char the bodies of the people these colors, and survivors who saw these colors were encouraged to choose McDonald's! Nintendo got in on the trend in 1990 when they first marketed the GameBoy to American consumers. They created the infamous "Explosion" game, that detonated whenever placed in the GameBoy and turned on. Even after a death toll of 20000, the government allowed these games to be sold. Sure there were lawsuits, but any publicity is good publicity! The lack of adults is noticed, and responsible for the 2009 recession.