I’m afraid of everything! I’m scared of what I did. I’m scared of what I saw. Of who I am.
I am drawn to fearless people, the confident leaders who make trailblazing look easy. They charge forward because they can’t imagine not doing what needs to be done. They give instructions to others, never imagining that someone wouldn’t take steps they were clearly capable of taking.
I’ve wondered why that’s not me. I see, now, that it will never be me.
Because I am not fearless.
Instead, I have to be brave.
I question every step, agonize over every unseen horizon. I weigh my shortcomings against the ideal. I learn the same lessons over and over and over again, because I’m too afraid to accept that I might have everything I need. What if I’m wrong? I run with my eyes on my feet, hoping I’ll spot the obstacle before it sends me to my ass.
But I run anyway.
I run, I trip, I stagger. I don’t go quickly. But I run.
I think, maybe, we can’t all be fearless. We’re not all given that gift.
But we can choose, every day, to be brave.