Movies That Were Turned into Cartoons for No Damn Reason
Pretty much every movie released these days is either a sequel, reboot or “re-imagining” of a classic story – original content, it seems, is as dead as original thought. This, however, is not a recent occurrence. For decades, Hollywood has been milking all it possibly can out of popular flicks, with varying degrees of success. Selling Star Wars toys? Genius. Making cartoons out of R-rated movies where people flame-throw each other to death? Not so genius. Which is why the cartoons on this list, y’know, shouldn’t exist.
Ah, Police Academy. The film franchise about inept pigs spawned seven sequels and, for better or worse, the career of Steve Guttenberg. In 1991, years after the franchise was relevant, it was also turned into the logically named “Police Academy: The Animated Series”. The show’s theme song was performed by the Fat Boys (a 80s-era rap group whose success, albeit nominal, was predicated on the fatness of its members). Despite being in ALL SEVEN film sequels (a feat even Guttenberg didn’t pull off), Michael Winslow, a.k.a. the dude who makes wacky sounds with his mouth, wasn't involved. That’s how bad it was.
RoboCop, the hyper-violent film about a, uh, robot cop, was initially given an X rating because it was so violent – that didn’t stop it from being turned into two cartoons, though. The first, called RoboCop (duh), lasted only 12 episodes; the second, 1998’s RoboCop: Alpha Commando, lasted a still unimpressive 40. Why America’s children didn’t feel the need to watch a cartoon based on a 12-year-old movie set in a Detroit of the future is beyond me.
Dumb and Dumber
The film Dumb and Dumber stands as a testament to truth in advertising – every time you think it reaches its apex of dumbness, it somehow, in spite of it all, gets DUMBER. But in the hands of the Farrelly Brothers, dumb doesn’t mean appropriate for children – these are the directors, after all, who famously put spooge in Cameron Diaz’s hair for a larf. The cartoon version of Dumb and Dumber subtracted the presence of the Farrellys and added a pet purple beaver to the cast. It failed. Obviously.
”Remember those annoying-ass puppet things from Return of the Jedi, a.k.a. the worst Star Wars movie (well, at least until The Phantom Menace comes around)? Here’s an idea: let's give 'em their own show so we can sell MORE TOYS!” – George Lucas, September 1985
Star Wars Droids
”Oh, crap. Almost forgot about those two other ancillary characters no one likes. Let’s make a cartoon about them, too. Hold my calls; I’m going to Tahiti.” – George Lucas, September 1985
Friday is a movie about two dudes in South Central LA who need to pay a drug dealer before 10PM Friday night or get the hell beat from them. A cartoon is a show about teaching children life lessons, primarily shown at 10AM on Saturday mornings. These are two very different things. Which is why Friday the cartoon lasted a grand total of eight episodes, all of which ran for two weeks in the summer of 2007.
The Cartoon Adventures of Teen Wolf had a weirdly pro-disability, pro-civil rights slant – the titular teen wolf (who, unlike his big screen counterpart, kept his wolf leanings a secret) often complained that the non-wolf residents of his town were always stereotyping "his people." The series ran for three years, one of which entirely consisted of reruns. Woof.
Strike one for Highlander: The Animated Series? It was French-Canadian. Strike two? It was released in 1994, despite the fact that Highlander came out in 1986. Strike three? It was pretty damn violent – people routinely died as a result of beheading. Strike four? A video game based on the series called Highlander: The Last of the MacLeods was released for the (equally doomed) Atari Jaguar. Y’know what they say – four strikes, YOU’RE OUT. (I don’t know how baseball works.)
What other spinoffs have no right to exist? Let us know in the comments!