The inadvertent education of monster trucks and floor maintenanceJennifer Doyle
I remember the day very well that I came home from shopping for a bathing suit, the first since having children, and realized that indeed I am a mom. Instead of a bikini or even just a one piece suit, I’d bought a skirted bathing suit. GASP! Nevermind that I’d given birth to two children already, but the purchase of a frumpy skirted suit did more to make me truly feel like a mom than sitz baths, leaking boobs, or spit up crusted, three-days-since-my-last-shower hair ever had.
There have been moments since that have given me that same eye opening YOU ARE A MOM feeling. I’ve gained so much knowledge inadvertently since becoming a mom that it seems unfair that I don’t get to sign my name with a bunch a fancy letters following it to show off this education, Jennifer Doyle, Ph.D M.O.M.
Here are just a few of the things I’ve learned so far.
1. I know the names of many monster trucks and their drivers and have googled ON PURPOSE, “Monster truck rally near Knoxville.”
2. I have watched more than one NASCAR race, from the pre-race banter to the post-race celebrations and have had lengthy discussions with my son about the drivers and their cars.
3. Need to know where to find a semi-clean restroom in Knoxville or along the interstate in Tennessee, Illinois, or Missouri? I’m your gal!
4. I know that it’s easier to let rice and cereal the kids have spilled to dry overnight on the hardwood floor before trying to sweep it up. A dirty floor is really not that big of a deal, (which pretty much sums up my entire cleaning philosophy).
5. I’ve finally learned the difference between sizes 3 and 3T, though I still don’t understand sizes 6 vs. 6x.
6. I know that that the logic of sending the kids to bed late will result in getting them to sleep in is not only a flawed theory, it’s a FILTHY, ROTTEN LIE.
7. I still have to remind my kids EVERY TIME to say please and thank you despite this being a requirement at every thoughtful gesture and request.
8. At bedtime, it’s easier to just kiss each stuffed animal goodnight when asked. You can protest, but all you are doing is prolonging the inevitable. KISS THE BUNNY ALREADY.
9. For almost every day of the week, I can tell you where kids eat free. And what’s on their kids menu. And if they maybe have any (beer) specials.
What have you inadvertently learned as a parent?