Darkness engulfs us.
It's hard to believe, but there are still places in the world where a signal just can't reach. And people who still need wires still want to talk to their friends! That's why we've got these phones. But also they're good if you want to ironically hang one in your Brooklyn loft and act like you're in the 1970s.
In the abyss of Black Friday, we cannot hear ourselves scream. In the pitch darkness, we cannot see what hunts us. Without light, there is only dark. In the dark, there are no friends only enemies. All is gone. All is lost. So, heck, why not take advantage of our LOWEST PRICES OF THE YEAR!