It’s the perfect Christmas gift: A bulletproof backpack for the child you love.
And Mother Jones reports that sales for bulletproof backpacks are booming post- Sandy Hook.
Here’s how it works. If you’re an Israeli child, maybe. But for an American kid, this oughta scare the bejeesus out of any kid who gets this as a present (though I do wonder if it wouldn’t help, psychologically, some of those kids who survived Sandy Hook – I’m not sure I’d ever go back to school again).
A company called Amendment II is selling a Disney “Princess” bulletproof backpack (one wonders if Disney actually approved of this).
I suspect they may be re-selling the standard Disney kid’s backpack with a bulletproof liner that a number of companies advertise, like this one:
Yes, they have a “Happy Hippo” style of bulletproof backpack insert for your kid.
I decided to search around for what else was available, bulletproof backpack-wise, and there’s actually quite a lot.
Here’s another video, showing the backpack in use, blocking bullets – useful for when your child is the victim of a mass-shooting while bound and suspended from a beam with creepy painted-on John Travolta hair:
And what if they shoot at the kid’s head? Glad you asked. They have portable notebook binders too:
I suppose this is so that your kid can lift her or her notebook and deflect the bullets, Wonder Woman style:
And here’s Wonder Woman in action, showing how America’s children can protect themselves with backpacks made of “feminum.”
And why stop there? They have cool bulletproof clothing, for adult men and women interested in that Tasha Yar/Israeli secret service look:
They also have designer armor for a night on the town (I wonder if the armor makes her back bend like that):
Do people still think our country doesn’t have a serious problem?