We be Licktoads! We make raid!
Put the longshanks to the blade!
Burn them up from feet to head,
Make them hurt, then make them dead!
Cut the parents into ham,
Smush the babies into jam,
All the rest in pot get stewed,
We be Licktoads – you be food!
The Licktoad tribe just finished a rousing banishment of a goblin now known only as Scribbleface. He committed the heinous crime of writing things down, so the tribe ran him off, took his stuff, and burned down his house using fireworks they found within. As they embers cooled, the PCs were called to a private audience with Chief Gutwad. The Chief spoke to the PCs directly, proving to them that they were strong and powerful goblins for withstanding the awesome power of his voice (though not as powerful as himself, of course…and maybe not as powerful his major domo, Slorb, either). Because they’re so strong and powerful, he bade them to go into the swamp following a map they found in Scribbleface’s hut. Follow the map and retrieve the rest of Scribbleface’s fireworks stash. He also told them if they found any dogs, make them dead. Any humans, make them dead! Any horses, make them dead. And if they find Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, maybe they should run. Before they left, though, there was the feast!
The feast was held to help burn off any remaining bad luck caused by Scribbleface’s heresies. A great bonfire was built out of the remains of Scribbleface’s hut. Food, fermented cider apples, and challenging dares were the order of the evening. Members of the Licktoad tribe heckled the PCs, daring them to very acts of foolishness, and while no one was able to dance with Squealy Nord, Spack Jarrow was able to eat a whole bag of bull slugs really quick (and didn’t even get sick doing so!), Brodo survived the Rusty Earbiter without losing any bits, and Garagornne successfully Hid so she wouldn’t Get Clubbed. For these impressive feats of derring-do, Chief Gutwad granted them the use of several items from his personal stash: Gorge of Gluttons (a Dogslicer +1, Horse Bane), the Chief’s Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful (Robe of Useful Items w/a three-legged turtle, a ladder, & a bullhorn), and a Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good (Ring of Climbing). He told them they could use them, but better return them, or else!
In the morning, they headed off into Brinestump Marsh. Fortunately, they were suffering no ill effects from neither the fermented cider apples nor the bull slugs. Otherwise, they might have walked right into the Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many’s webs! They noticed the webs and managed to get the drop on the spider, despite Brodo’s feelings that they should NOT engage the spider. Fortunately, Lotslegs’s reputation was somewhat inflated and they were able to easily dispatch the nasty beast. They followed tracks back to her lair and looted goblin and human bodies within, gaining many new shiny objects, some old candy, and a few potions, as well!
They continued following the map until they found an old shipwreck surrounded by a rickety fence. According to the map (which Garagornne noted was NOT to scale; they had walked way more than the length of her first knuckle). Brodo climbed up a tree while Garagornne and Ent snuck around the fence to the far side, and Spack Jarrow climbed the fence near the tree Brodo was climbing. Garagornne and Ent found the entrance to the makeshift compound, where a nasty horse awaited them! The horse was no match for Ent’s musket and Garagornne’s bow and fell quickly. They climbed the gangplank, dislodging a wasp’s nest. Two dogs chained to a mast started barking.
The battle was joined! The dogs proved tougher than the horse and during the fight, another goblin with a giant frog animal companion and dog emerged. Spack Jarrow recognized her as the vile and wicked Vorka! She screamed obscenities at them, threatening to suck their eyes out through their noses (and other obscene things with their skulls after gouging out their eyes). She walked up the second mast and summoned a swarm of spiders to hinder Garagornne. Brodo charged across the rigging, knocking Vorka off the mast (bull rush, FTW!). The other goblins fell upon her and cut her to pieces. They killed her little (not so little, they were goblin-sized) dogs, too! The frog tried to flee, it’s master dead, but was cut down, mid hop.
Naturally, they looted the ship, found the fireworks, and set fire to the wreckage (just in case). They returned to the village, hailed as heroes! Chief Gutwad offered the hand of his daughter, fearsomely corpulent and ferociously lusty Gupy Wartbits, to Brodo Faggins, made Ent Cleastwood the Head Village Watcher, made Spack Jarrow the Overseer of Village Stabbings, and made Garagornne the Boss of Big Fire.
And there was much rejoicing.
Too much rejoicing…a booze cart ridden by a human was raided and things got fuzzy after that. The PCs have vague recollections of being caged and carted away…but to where? Why was the world rocking? And did they remember to give the chief his magical items back?