Morticom funny true stories of animals
TRUE STORIES / TRIVIA
In the Kruger National Park, South Africa in 1996 the Celani family, from Italy, who were on safari decided to take photographs of a herd of elephants when a huge elephant bull took exception to this.
The elephant bull rammed their Land Rover smashing the windscreen with his tusks. He then head butted the car repeatedly while the driver frantically tried to put the car into reverse and escape.
Eventually the car got away with the elephant bull chasing them for at least a mile. The Celani family were later found walking around the Park, having left their vehicle behind which had finally broken down.
Although none of the Celani family were injured there was major structural damage to the Land Rover which had to be later scrapped.
In Moscow, Russia, Mr. Vladimir Kotov returned home from work one day with two carrier bags of top quality minced beef which he had bought for his dinner. He left the bags in the kitchen and then went to take a shower. After his shower Vladimir went into the kitchen and was enraged to find that his cat had eaten all of the contents of one of the bags. He grabbed the cat by the scruff off the neck and threw it out of his fifth floor window where it splattered on the pavement below.
Vladimir got 6 months hard labour!
In China TV channels are being blamed for the deaths of many St. Bernard dogs. This breed of dog is seen as a very expensive delicacy and are regularly served up in up-market restaurants.
Certain Chinese TV shows have described the St. Bernard dogs as being ideal to eat because it spends most of it's time just lying around and also because they grow quite quickly.
A campaign has been started to stop European breeders selling their dogs to Asian businessmen.
In Scotland employees of a large pet shop have been told to stop licking the backs of the pet toads that are on display in the shop.
It is thought that the employees had read a book which described the hallucinogenic secretions on the toad's skin and decided to have a go. Unfortunately none of the staff suffered any ill effects.
In Bangladesh, Asia, 25 elephants were grazing near to a liquor distillery when they were suddenly driven insane by the fumes coming from building.
The elephants smashed their way into the distillery and drank down the entire stock of alcohol. They then ran amok through a village scaring away all the inhabitants and destroying many houses.
In Toronto Peter Lerat, 33, was arrested by Canadian authorities when he was found to be using animals as hostages. He was initially arrested for threatening to hit a raccoon on the head if passers by didn't give him any money. It was soon discovered that Lerat was already wanted by police for using a goose in a robbery.
In Sardinia 200 livestock farmers were placed under investigation by police after it was found they had put up to 12,000 non-existent sheep out to graze in the fields. They did this to try and scam the EU into giving them grants. The farmers were cleverly moving small flocks of sheep around to give the illusion that there were far more than was really there.
In Seattle, Washington, USA, Rocky, a mongrel dog, was sentenced to death for his part in a robbery. However the judge took mercy on him and he was released and told never to return to the city.
In West Lafayette, Indiana, USA, a restaurant called The Hop Scotch claims to be the first ever to serve fast food rabbit meals.
In parts of Asia cattle are considered to be so precious that it is thought better that a man lose his life rather than his livestock. Herders are often seen lying across train tracks to ensure that their cattle cross safety.
In Northampton, England, UK, a heron caught a Koi carp goldfish in a private pond, flew away and then accidentally dropped it down a chimney. The goldfish fell down the chimney, landed on the hot coals and bounced onto the living room floor. The owner of the house phoned the RSPCA and after the goldfish was examined it was found to have only minor injuries.
In Oklahoma, USA, a man robbed a convenience store using a snake as a weapon. The robber told the cashier that he had a rattlesnake but it was later found to be a small harmless python.
In Pakistan drug addicts are getting high by smoking scorpions. The addicts crush the scorpion's tails which are filled with the poisonous venom, and then smoke it. Some addicts have said that it is better than heroine!
In Pattaya, Thailand tragedy struck in a local circus when a dwarf clown who was jumping up and down on a trampoline bounced off and landed in the open mouth of a hippopotamus. The hippo instantly snapped it's huge jaws together instantly killing the dwarf. Hilda as the hippo is known was defended by vets who stated that her swallowing mechanism was automatic and she had never before attempted to eat anybody. Police took the trampoline away as forensic evidence.
In Cheshire, England, UK David Allison, a hairdresser, decided that his pet boxer dog Murphy would be his best man at his wedding. The dog wore a morning suit to the ceremony.
Allison later said, "I told my fiancee that if she marries me, she marries my dog as well!"
In Khorda Mohanpur, West Bengal, India, in 2000 a four year old girl has married a stray dog. The wedding was approved by the girl's father after he was told by a local astrologer that his daughter's health was being adversely affected by Saturn and the marriage would displace the planet's negative influence on the dog. The priest who performed the service has since been arrested.
In Gloucestershire, England police arrested Romanian Gabriel Zarafu when they caught him having sex with two shetland ponies. After reports that the ponies were being fiddled with, police staked out the field and, using night vision glasses, they caught him red handed.
Zarafu was deported.
In Brazil 32 year old Jose Goncalves amazed fellow bathers at a local beach when he attacked and killed a shark barehanded when it was seen to be swimming near children. Goncalves jumped in the water, swam after it, punched it senseless, dragged it 45 feet onto the sandy beach and finally clubbed it to death. He later stated, "I had to do it, it could have been my children in the water!"
In San Diego, California, USA, in June 1998 24 year old Nicholas Vitalich was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend with a full size tuna fish after they had an argument in a supermarket.
Two weeks earlier Anthony Tucker, a 37 year old trawlerman, was charged with assault and using a deadly weapon when he hit a fellow fisherman with a 20 pound tuna, breaking the man's back and causing concussion.
In Florida, USA 58 year old George Finlay received a six month jail sentence when he threw his pet dog against a tree and hit it on the head with a vacuum cleaner after he caught it trying to have sex with another male dog. It is probably the only recorded case of a gay-bashing attack on an animal.
In Howard, Pennsylvania, USA a couple woke up to find a wild deer having a bubble bath in their home. Apparently the deer forced it's way into the house, galloped upstairs into the bathroom and started kicking around until the the tap water was turned on, knocked an open bottle of bubble bath into the tub and then jumped in. Local vets tranquilised the deer and then returned it to the wild.
Frank Buckland the 19th century naturalist used to serve up strange meals like kangaroo stew, roast parrot, mice on buttered toast and stewed sea slug.
He also once tried to make elephant trunk soup but in spite of boiling the trunk for several days it was still too tough to eat.
English landowner William Beckford once took a flock of sheep with him on a visit to Portugal so that he could improve the view from his window.
Florence Nightingale always kept a small owl in her pocket while serving as a nurse in the Crimean war.
George V of England had a pet parrot which he would encourage to walk across the breakfast table, much to the disgust of the queen.
US President Woodrow Wilson's wife used to graze sheep on the front lawn of the White House during the First World War.
Queen Christina of Sweden had such a big phobia about fleas that she had a four inch long cannon made so that she could shoot tiny cannonballs at them.
Off the coast of South Africa in 1865 a ship was wrecked killing all 29 people on board. The only living thing to make it to land was a pig.
In the Scottish Highlands in 1978 a sheep was found to be alive and well after being buried in a snowdrift for 50 days.
In 1914, during the battle of Tanga, in East Africa the winner was decided by a swarm of bees. With the British taking on the might of the German army all was going well until, angered by the noise of the bullets, a swarm of agressive African bees emerged from their hives and chased the untrained Indian soldiers, on the British side, back to the coast.
The British were then forced to evacuate and ended up losing over 1000 men.
During Word War II the Russians invented a cunning weapon known as the 'dog mine'. They trained dogs to associate food with the underbellies of tanks and, with tank mines strapped to their backs, they were sent out into the battlefield to deal with the German Panzer Divisions.
Unfortunately the dogs associated the food solely with Russian tanks and forced an entire Russian division into retreat.
Genghis Khan's cavalry all rode female horses so that his soldiers could drink the animal's milk.
Queen Henrietta of Belgium had a pet llama which she taught to spit into the faces of anyone who stroked it.
In ancient Rome dried boars dung was used as a steroid. Chariot racers often drank a concoction of the dung before major events.
Although there are millions of rats in New York, USA only about 311 people are actually bitten by them every year. However 1,519 citizens are bitten every year by fellow New Yorkers.
Singapore means "City of Lions" but none have ever been seen there.
A zoo in Tokyo, Japan closes for two months of the year, every year, so that the animals can have a rest from the visitors.
In Alaska every July a moose dropping festival is held commemorating everything to do with moose shit. You can buy jewellry and fancy goods all made from moose droppings and a contest is held where competitors throw gold painted moose droppings at a target.
It is thought that millions of trees are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury their nuts and then forget where they hid them.
Bird droppings are the chief export of the Pacific island of Nauru.
In the Falkland islands there are about 350 sheep for every person who lives there.
There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people.
India has a bill of rights for cows.
The Canary islands were named after dogs not birds. The Latin word for dog is "canis" because of the wild dogs that lived there. Later in the 16th century people brought back little yellow birds and named them canaries.
There are no turkeys in Turkey.
In Indonesia people believe that when the gecko lizard barks while a child is being born it is good luck.
In Devon, England a 70 year old tortoise which had it's leg amputated after being savaged by a cat had the limb replaced with a pair of Lego wheels taken from his son's toybox.
In Fort Worth, Texas, USA they hold armadillo races.
Cheetah racing was once held in London in 1937.
Marcel the monkey was sacked from the US sitcom "Friends" after he kept on vomiting live worms while he was on the set.
Armadillos are the only animals other than humans who can suffer from leprosy. They can also walk under water.
The skin of a polar bear is black.
Rats cannot vomit.
Porcupines float in water.
When the first duck billed platypus was found scientists at the British Museum thought it was a fake and tried to pull it's beak off.
99.9 percent of all animal species that have lived on earth were extinct before man arrived.
Carniverous animals won't eat another animal that was killed by lightning.
An adult hippopotamus can bite a 12ft crocodile in half.
Bulls cannot see red as they are all colour blind.
Pigs can become alcoholics.
Pigs, walruses and horses are the only other animals apart from man that can get a sunburn.
Because of the placement of it's eyes a donkey can see all four of it's feet at the same time.
Bats always turn left when they come out of a cave. They are also not blind but can see perfectly.
Kangaroos are good swimmers and some have been found swimming a mile off shore.
When opossums pretend to be dead they are not playing. They actually pass out because of sheer terror.
The ribbon worm can eat 95 percent of it's own body and still survive.
Snails can sleep for up to three years without waking up.
The sticky discharge that a snail leaves behind forms such a strong layer that it can slide along the edge of a razor blade without cutting itself.
All tortoisehell cats are female except for the the odd sterile male.
A Russian Blue cat often has an extra toe on it's paw.
Tigers have striped skin as well as striped fur.
Cats cannot taste anything sweet.
Cat's urine glows in the dark.
No new animals have been domesticated in the last 4000 years.
One in 10 dalmation dogs are born deaf.
In a survey it was found that Afghan hounds are the most stupid dogs in the world.
A crocodile cannot stick it's tongue out.
Male turtles grunt and female turtles hiss.
In Russia a salamander was found to have been frozen for 90 years and when it was warmed up it awoke from it's hibernation.
When snakes are born with two heads each head fights each other for food.
Toads do not have any teeth but frogs do.
Ducks only lay eggs in the morning.
The turkey vulture squirts excrement on its legs and feet to stay cool.
When an ostrich died at London zoo the contents of it's stomach included an alarm clock, 3 feet of rope and a quantity of coins.
Over 10,000 birds a year die from accidentally flying into windows.
Ninety percent of all species that have become extinct have been birds.
Robins only have a life expectancy of 18 months so the robin that seems to visit your garden every year is almost certainly a different one.
When hummingbirds are awake they must eat at least every half an hour or they will starve to death.
Lobsters have blue blood.
Even fish sometimes suffer from seasickness.
Although there are over 250 species of sharks only 18 of them are dangerous to humans. Also sharks are the only animal on earth that cannot suffer from any illness, including cancer.
Octopus have been known to remove the stings from captured jellyfish and attach them to itself to use as weapons.
If an octopus becomes unduly stressed it may eat itself.
Cockroaches can live for a week after they have had their heads cut off but they will eventually die of starvation.
Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.
If you put a drop of alcohol onto a scorpion it will immediately go mad and sting itself to death.
A cockroach's favourite food is the glue on the back of a postage stamp.
The Japanese beetle which lives in Canada and the US can chew through a human eardrum in a few minutes.
Lobsters were so common in 18th century Maine, USA that they were used for fertiliser.
It is estimated that about 100 million birds die each year around the world by flying into man made structures.
In Mid-West USA a dog named larry has to be kept in the house or wrapped in a blanket when he goes outside because he hates looking at himself as he walks past shop windows.
His condition has been confirmed by pet psychologists.
In Zaire it has been found that the rare Pygmy chimpanzees have an amazing sexual appetite which outranks even the rabbit. They have been seen having sex in all different ways including males with males and females with females. It seems that sex is their main form of communication although the downside is that they can become very neurotic and some can die instantly of fright.
Female Pygmy Chimps often manipulate males by luring them into sex and then stealing their food.
In Lincolnshire, England an alcoholic fox has been raiding the insect traps filled with alcohol, drinking the mixture and eating the dead insects inside.
The insect traps are designed to show how GM crops can reduce pesticide products.
Designers had to rethink and run the programme again.
In Busia, Uganda, Africa a 2 year old boy was killed when a chicken attacked him, kicking his neck repeatedly until he bled to death.
The parents instantly tore the bird to pieces and police later stated that the boy had been pestering the chicken when it suddenly turned on him.
Local people believed the chicken to be an evil spirit in disguise and the parents had to visit a local witch doctor after the incident to avoid any similar incidents.
During the 19th century, in Vitenhase, South Africa James Wilde, a railway signalman, lost both his legs in an accident and had to rely on his pet chacma baboon, Jack, to help him out.
Firstly Wilde trained the ape to push him to and from work in his wheelchair and then progressed to sweeping up the office and handing out keys to the train drivers.
He was eventually promoted to working the signal levers and became so proficient at this that he was given a railway salary worth 2 cents a day and a half a bottle of beer at weekends!
When toads vomit their reflexes are so strong that not only do they bring up the contents of the stomach but they also bring up the stomach itself.
The toad can then wipe the stomach clean before swallowing it again!
On average a pig's orgasm lasts about half an hour! No wonder they always have a smile on their face!
You are more likely to be killed by a flying champagne cork than being bitten by a spider!
In Brisbane, Australia it is illegal to keep a ferret. After police confiscated one on a local market they put it in a cardboard box, placed it in the back seat and headed for the animal hospital.
During the journey the ferret escaped from the box, climbed onto the policeman's lap and sunk it's teeth into his penis.
The police officer was later treated for shock.
Lions can mate over fifty times a day!
The Quahog, an ocean bottom clam, can live for more than 200 years.
After the Exxon oil spill disaster in Alaska the average cost of rehabilitating a seal was $80,000 per seal.
At one special ceremony two of the most expensively saved seals, which cost hundreds of thousands of dollars each to make better, were released into the wild watched by a huge crowd, amid cheers and applause.
One minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale!
In midwest USA Mrs Jean Voight had to keep her small pet dog Larry in the house or take him wrapped up in a blanket all the time after pet psychologist's confirmed that the dog was suffering from a phobia where it hates looking at itself naked when he runs past shop windows!
The streets of Palermo, Sicily have been blighted by a plague of fat mice falling from the skies. Locals have become so upset by the mouse rain that they have erected barricades after some residents were hit by the plummeting vermin. It's believed the mice used to be fed by an old crone who lived on the Via Papierto, and, when she was carted off to a nursing home, they went scavenging for food. Sadly, they have become so engorged, they were no longer able to successfully leap between buildings and fell to their deaths.
In Toronto, Canada,three ambulance officers fled in panic from their toilet when two male monkeys, who had escaped from a local zoo, invaded it. The primates then went beserk in an adjacent department store but were eventually recaptured in the toy department as they tried to mate with a giant stuffed teddy bear.
In the American Midwest, in June 1955 a violent storm that swept through the area was so powerful that after it had passed dead chickens were found scattered across a 12 mile swath of farmland.
They were all inflated like balloons and had all of their feathers ripped off by the wind!
In County Durham, UK, in January 1999 Mrs Betty Stobbs, aged 67, was at her farm feeding a flock of geese when they all jumped on the quad bike she was sitting on, toppling her and the machine over the side of a disused quarry killing her instantly.
In Milwaukee, USA, in October 1998 Mr John Hwilka was showing his mother how to use a .45 calibre handgun when suddenly the pet French poodle, Benji, jumped onto John's lap, jarring his hand and made him shoot himself!
In Kinshasa, Congo, Africa, in 1999 local people were being eaten by crocodiles on a regular basis. Although the people of Congo see crocodiles as a great delicacy in the local restaurants these huge reptiles have been feasting back on them, killing at least 20 people in one year!
In Australia Mr. Rick Hall, described as being a trekking operator, was arrested for being drunk in charge of a cart being pulled by two camels.
When Hall was stopped by police he tried to escape by jumping on a camel lashed to the rear of the cart but he was later subdued when police used pepper spray against him.
In England an English Bull Terrier dog that had been left in the back seat of a car managed to jump into the driver's seat, step on the handbrake, bump the gearstick into neutral and take off downhill, eventually hitting two women who were both later treated for shock.
In Auckland, New Zealand a marine research student studying Killer Whales has found that they play "frisbee" with stingrays.
The only explanation that can be found for the unusual behaviour is that the killer whales are trying to get the ray into a position where it can be eaten without the dangerous barbed tail harming the whale.
In East Kilbride, Lanarkshire, Scotland a couple's worst nightmare came true when 300 bats took up residence in their home and worst still it was illegal for them to be removed because they were protected and ousting them could have resulted in the baby bats dying.
The squatting bats could only be removed at the end of the summer when the offspring were old enough to take care of themselves.
In England a couple had returned from a weekend away to find that their house had been virtually destroyed by a squirrel that had fallen down the chimney.
In a panic to escape the rodent chewed through window panes, pictures, curtains and totally wrecked the kitchen.
The damage was estimated at about £5,000!
Giraffes were once named camelopards.
The bearded vulture will knock victims off the edge of a cliff for food if it cannot find any already dead prey.
A rabbit can reach a top speed of 34 mph while a fox can achieve only 27 mph.
A giraffe's blood pressure is twice that of a man's.
In 1978, in Uganda, Africa, tens of thousands of people had seen and heard a talking tortoise.
Scientists have found that elephants really do have long memories.
The basenji, a species of dog only found in the Congo, Africa, cannot bark but instead makes a yodelling noise and washes itself like a cat.
People who have eaten opossum meat have said that it tastes remarkably like veal.
The pig has been classed as the tenth most intelligent animal on earth.
Bulls are actually colour blind and cannot see the colour red. Matadors cloaks are red so that they can hide the bloodstains not so that they can rouse the bulls.
Male emus incubate the eggs for the female emus.
Crocodiles kill about 2,000 people every year.
There is a frog from Java that can actually fly by using the webs between it's feet to glide.
Flies always take off backwards.
The latin name for the American bison is 'Bison bison'.
Kangaroo meat is actually cholesterol free.
Ostriches and moles can swim in water.
Bears are left and right handed just the same as people are.
Dinosaurs used to suffer from tooth decay.
There are no snakes in Ireland and New Zealand.
Dolphins are only ever half asleep at any time. This is because half of their brain shuts down alternately.
The most gentle dog breed in the world is the golden retriever.
In England during the 1960's one in every thirty two postmen was bitten by a dog!
The wagon trains in the USA in the 19th century were mostly pulled by oxen not by horses.
In England in 1951 a psychic horse named Lady Windsor made headlines when she directed police to the site of a missing child's body by typing out a message on a giant typewriter with her nose.
In ancient Egypt there was no such thing as a stray cat. All cats were fed and cared for.
In 1890, 180,000 Egyptian mummified cats were sold to a company to be made into fertiliser.
Because the word 'Cock' embarrassed many Americans the word 'Rooster' was invented to replace it!
The panda is actually a member of the raccoon family.
The rabbit population of Australia is based on just three pairs which were released during the 19th century.
In less than ten years their numbers grew to millions!
After the coal mines act of 1911 all pit ponies were only allowed to work a total of 48 hours per week and were given two weeks holidays every year.
The very first people to keep guinea pigs as pets were the Incas.
The flying snake of South East Asia can glide from tree to tree.
In Israel cows are issued with their own identity cards.
The common housefly is such a filthy animal that it can transmit as many as 30 different diseases to human beings.
The reason that vultures have no feathers on their heads is because of their habit of thrusting them into the insides of dead carcasses.
The very last dodo bird was spotted on Mauritius in 1681.
When an alligator bellows the noise that it makes can be heard over a mile away.
At birth a baby blue whale weighs about the same as a fully grown hippopotamus.
In Australia earthworms have been found measuring over 11 feet in length!
The odds of being attacked by a shark are about 30 million to 1!
The Sea bass fish are female until they are five years old when most of them change their sex to a male.
Squids and octopuses are jet propelled.
Turkeys are particularly prone to having virgin births.
Baby whales are always born tail first.
The water spider lives most of it's life underwater and manages to breathe by trapping a bubble of air onto it's back and carrying it back to it's nest.
If you weighed all of the earth's insects together and then weighed all of the earth's animals together the insects would be heavier.
German and Egyptian bees actually communicate in different languages.
The very last wild boar in Great Britain died in 1683.
In Greece, in 1984, A Greek Orthodox priest was cooking the head of a sheep when he found that the sheep's jawbone was composed of 14 carat gold.
As far as anyone was concerned the sheep came from a normal herd owned by the priest's brother-in-law and he could not come up with any plausible explanation.
The Greek Ministry of Agriculture looked into the case but they also could find no explanation for the solid gold jawbone.