Nobody likes waking up in the morning, but if you find yourself describing the process with words like "agonizing", "soul-deep loathing" or "simply impossible", you might want to check out these alarm clocks, which are deliberately designed to make you as miserable as possible in the morning, spurring you out of bed.
1. Time is Money
We wrote about the Shredder Clock, a concept that's meant to force you out of bed by shredding more of your precious cash the longer your sleep in. It's currently only a concept, but if you're enamored of the idea, you can hack one together with ease.
How evil is it on a scale of 1 (least) to 5 (most)? 3.5. You put the money in there, you know what's gonna happen. Just be sure to unplug it when you go out of town.
2. Hell on Wheels
Sure, the Clocky ($49.99) looks cute. But go past your alarm time and the little thing shoots off your side table and rolls around the floor, deliberately seeking out dark spaces to hide in. How cute do you think you'll find it when it's hiding under your dresser and you've just stubbed your toe in the dark?
How evil? 4. Looks are deceiving; its cuteness is probably the only thing preventing it from being smashed.
3. Pain in the Brain
It takes us a long time to shake off the sleep fog in the morning, a process that's helped by fresh air, sunlight, coffee and time. But if you want your brain to go from 0 to 100 in a split second, check out the Twist Equation Alarm Clock ($14.99). Nobody should be made to do equations that early in the morning, but luckily this one isn't too hard; the clock works by spinning numerical dials til the whole thing adds up.
How evil? 3. Why did they always schedule math classes for 8 AM?
4. Peer Pressure
This alarm clock's all in the name; it's called the Tyrant, and its job is to shame you out of bed every morning, whether you like it or not. Plug in your cell phone, and if the alarm keeps ringing it randomly dials a number in your contacts.
How evil? 4.5. Because not only do you have to suffer by waking up at the crack of dawn, now your friends, loved ones and business associates might have to, also.
5. You Snooze, You Lose
Like the Money Shredder, the SnūzNLūz ($39.99), one of ThinkGeek's notorious April Fool's jokes, hits you where it hurts - your wallet. This sucker connects to your bank account over WiFi and donates money to a charity or non-profit that you hate. Each snooze sends them $10. Currently unavailable, but ThinkGeek does sometimes make real-life versions of their parody products, so stay tuned.
How evil? 4. Sinister because it's silent, without even the whine of a shredder to rouse you from your slumber.
Do you have an evil alarm clock to recommend? Share it with Unplggd readers in the comments.
More Alarm Clocks on Unplggd