Have you ever had trouble using the right terms when with the LGBTQ community? With a desire to better understand, you can learn the differences.
1Learn the terms.
- Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Transgender, and Queer are the most commonly used ones, but there are more. Getting some books from the library can help you understand more about these people and how they live.
2First, learn about sexual identity. Sexual identity defines which gender(s) of people an individual is sexually attracted to. It says nothing about the way they dress, behave, or present themselves.
- Lesbian: A lesbian is a female that is attracted to females. Some fall into the "butch" (masculine) or "femme" (feminine) categories. However, their gender presentation is usually more nuanced than that.
- Gay: Gay is a term to refer to all homosexual people, male or female, while lesbian is strictly for women. Gay men can be masculine, feminine or in between.
- Straight: A person of ether gender attracted to the opposite gender. Also called heterosexual.
- Asexual: A person who experiences no sexual attraction. They may still fall in love, however. For example, a panromantic asexual is capable of falling in love with someone of any gender, while a homoromantic asexual only falls in love with people of their gender. An aromantic asexual does not fall in love.
- Bisexual: A person of either gender, that likes people of both their gender and other genders. In contrast to pansexuals, gender usually plays a role in their attractions.
- Pansexual: Sometimes described as 'gender blind', a pansexual is attracted to men, women and everything in between (agender etc.). Also known as omnisexual.
3Learn about transgender and intersex people. Transgender people identify as a different gender than the sex they were assigned at birth. They usually figure this out in childhood, and then transition to their real gender (if the environment allows). Their "real name" and "real gender" are the ones that they prefer.
- Transman/Transgender Man/AFAB Man (Assigned Female At Birth): A man who was thought to be a girl when he was born.
- Transwoman/Transgender Woman/AMAB Woman (Assigned Male At Birth): A woman who was thought to be a boy when she was born.
- Transsexual: A person who has undergone sex change surgery so that their genitals match their gender. This term is rarely used because some transgender people do not need surgery to feel comfortable with their bodies, and some people consider it offensive. Most transgender people do not use this word at all because the word has "sexual" in it, which usually points to sexual orientation, and gender has nothing to do with your sexuality
- Intersex: A person whose genitals did not neatly fit into the "male" or "female" category when they were born. An intersex person may be of any gender.
4Learn about nonbinary genders. Some people do not feel that they are male or female, and believe that a different label best fits them (if a label fits at all).
- Genderqueer: Refers to a person who does not identify as male or female, and may use gender neutral pronouns.
- Bi-gender: A person who switches between masculine and feminine gender-type behaviour depending on the situation.
- Genderfluid: A person who flows between two or more gender presentation, sometimes feeling male, sometimes female, sometimes others regardless of their birth gender.
- Neutrois/Neuter/Agender: A person who feels no gender.
- Androgyne: A person who is both genders at the same time, or middle gender
5There's also the Q in the LGBTQIA acronym. It stands for "queer" or "questioning."
- Questioning: People that are of any gender or circumstance that feel they may be one of the above sexualities or gender identities.
6Be accepting. Show sympathy and compassion for diverse people. Understand that there is more than one kind of couple and that love comes in many forms. LGBTQ people are your neighbors, family members, friends, peers, co-workers, and classmates. They are individuals, not what Hollywood stereotypes them, and are humans with dreams, feelings, and talents, just like you!
Questions and Answers
Give us 3 minutes of knowledge!
- When uncertain, ask, and respect the answer. For example, if you aren't sure what someone's gender is, you can ask "What pronouns should I use for you?" but only if you are good friends with them. If you are unsure what a stranger's pronouns it is none of your business.
- Make sure that your questions are respectful, and not too personal. Think about what questions would make you uncomfortable. Simple questions like "How is your partner doing?" are fine (you wouldn't mind if an acquaintance wanted so see how you significant other was), but asking about something like if a trans man has had surgery is not okay. (Asking about people's genitals is usually not a good idea.)
- If you don't understand something but think it would be rude to ask, read up. Books and the internet can tell you the how and why so people do not have to.
- If you accidentally say the wrong pronouns, don't make it into a big deal. Correct yourself, and move on. The person will appreciate you dealing with it gracefully instead of making a scene.
- Note that 'Transsexual' is widely recognized by the LGBT+ community as offensive and a slur.
- Watch your terms. Some people are deeply offended by certain words. Always ask what is OK to call them and what is not. An example is that older people who are gay would be offended if you said Queer, but younger people could claim that word and use it.
- Know that some LGBT+ people will use slurs in a reclamatory or joking sense. This doesn't give you a right to use those words.
- Do not "out" anyone. Always find out who knows about someone's identity, and who doesn't know. If you out a LGBTQIA person, it may make them lose their trust in you, ruin a relationship, or even jeopardize their safety. Never assume that someone knows.
- It is okay to ask "So, who else knows that you're a lesbian?" This shows that you respect their privacy.
- Don't introduce someone as "my gay friend" or "Tom, who is transgender." If the person wants their new acquaintance to know, they'll tell them personally, and it is seen by most people as objectifying to their sexuality or gender.
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