President, The King's College
Dear Mr. D'Souza,
you blamed 911 on sexually permissive liberals. Five years later, these same liberals tricked you into issuing your own enticement to terrorists--an invitation penned in the slippery depraved fluids of your adulterous couplings with a not-man who was not your wife.
Please don't feel too badly about this. Obviously, these liberals knew what they were doing. Knowing that it would be nearly impossible to successfully tempt the president of a Christian institution as prestigious as King's College, they spent years studying you, looking for a weakness they could exploit to trap you.
Eventually, they found it in the form of your leopard print carpet, and soon you were introduced to their bait, a young kitten draped in a leopard print dress. You couldn't help yourself, Ms Joseph looked so beautiful, so plush, and so wickedly spotted standing their admiring your book. You had to ravage her, like a grand he-leopard savaging the lusciously inviting haunches of its prey.
You still have time to stop the evildoers before they react. You must act quickly. Repent and ask God and the American public for forgiveness, preferably with Mrs. D'Souza standing behind you in a demure leopard print dress.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Now, for something completely different
A tip o' the ol' hemet to JadedSkeptic