Okay, let me try to be kinder to you than I have been, Johncs - not because I necessarily think you deserve it, but because when people say harsh things to you, you seem to cringe and go into full defensive deafness mode.
The two primary lines of argument you have used in this thread are:
1. "I have a right to do whatever I need to to protect my feelings! That doesn't make me a bad person!"
2. "How dare you compare me to other guys who are obviously much worse than me?"
With regard to point 1: the first part (the implication that you don't have a right to act that way) is spurious, since no one has ever suggested you don't have that right. It's the second part - the implicit assumption that prioritizing your feelings above everyone else's should put you beyond reproach because FEELINGS! - where the fundamental point of disagreement lies, and that's the one you seem unwilling to face. However "necessary" you may believe it to be to withdraw after you've been rejected, you're wholly unwilling to recognize that maybe you are causing just as much pain to the other person, and maybe as a compassionate, decent friend, you owe it to her to try another approach, not just insist that emotional pain disobligates you of any further consideration for her feelings.
(If you read any of that as: "Therefore you are obligated to suck it up and stay friends with her forever, period" then I give up, you just ain't seeing the same colored sky I am.)
With regard to point 2: shitty behavior exists on a spectrum. On the "guys being shitty towards women" spectrum, it ranges from "Making sexist comments" to "forcible rape." The fact that someone says that you are exhibiting behavior on that spectrum does not mean they are saying you like to go diving into the far end of it. Your behavior, statements, and expressed attitudes are not dissimilar to those of a PUA, or the whiny Nice Guys who think they are entitled to women's attention and affection. That does not mean that the exact words attributed to some of the worse examples of the latter have come out of your mouth. But I'm sure not the only one here seeing similarities. Rather than consider why people are perceiving you that way, you keep insisting that you're totally, absolutely different and how dare anyone compare you?
I mean, considering that most of your participation on a writers' forum has consisted of bleating indignation that you were compared to PUAs and a woman just can't understand your pain, maybe you should consider as well that your evident priorities and the issues that seem of greatest concern to you also make a statement. This isn't, like, a temporary derail, as these conversations are for most of us. I have also been known to talk about, you know, books, and writing. But this is your big entry into the forum. Ponder that and how it might lead people to give you squidgy side-eyed looks.