Wednesday, March 22, 2006
The Sad Story of Mansooria
This little bit of fiction is the story of the rise and fall of the Empire of Mansooria.
11:11 pm pst
Mansooria, formerly known as the City of Costa Mesa, located in the County of Orange in the State of California, was located
on southern California coastal table land and was completely surrounded by the United States of America - much like the country
of San Marino is surrounded by Italy. Mansooria was an extremely small country, comprising only 16 square miles and was bordered
by several municipalities - Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, Santa Ana, Fountain Valley and Irvine. When Mansooria seceded
from the union the government of the United States placed a 100 yard federal zone around the entire perimeter to provide separation
from the cities.
Mansooria was created and seceded from the United States early in 2007, following the municipal elections in November, 2006.
Riding the wave of discontent about alleged illegal immigrants within it's borders that then-mayor Allan Mansoor whipped up,
the ruling troika on the city council and a small group of angry dissidents decided that simply screening miscreants for possible
immigration violations was not enough. They, following Mansoor's lead, decided that the federal government was not doing
enough to manage the problem of illegal immigration, so they conjured up their ill-conceived plan to withdraw from the union.
Prior to the election they orchestrated a recall for the two members of the City Council that were asking difficult questions
and mucking up their plans. That recall, coincident with the election, resulted in five persons on the council with the
same agenda - the "sanitization" of Costa Mesa.
First, Mansoor declared Costa Mesa an independent country, named it after himself and formed a government with him as the
ultimate leader - The Emperor. A dissatisfied deputy sheriff/jailer on a power trip, he abolished the city council, declared
marshall law to maintain order and closed the borders of The Empire. Of course, he'd been trying to exercise that kind of
power surreptitiously for some time, so it came as no real surprise.
The Emperor Mansoor named his friend and court jester, Derick Muskrat, as Prime Minister. Under Muskrat's direction, the
constitution of Mansooria was cobbled together using Mao's little Red Book, a tattered copy of Mein Kampf, an old Joe Miller
joke book, and a current version of Dictatorships for Dummies as the foundation.
A controversial activist with a name sometimes confused with a type of duck was appointed Minister of the Interior and Thought.
With the help of imported mercenaries from the Minuteman Project, Minister Duck promptly expelled all persons with brown,
red, yellow or black skin, gays and lesbians and those who "looked Jewish" and claimed their property for The Empire.
As a result, the population of The Empire was reduced by half and approximately 50% of the businesses - 75% on the Westside
of the country - became vacant, virtually wiping out Mansooria's commercial base. Minister Duck also attempted to claim the
Banning Ranch, a piece of bluff top land between Mansooria and Newport Beach, including a tiny strip of coast. That incursion
was rebuffed by the United States, who then installed a double, twenty-foot high chain link fence topped by razor wire around
the entire perimeter of Mansooria to discourage further aggression.
Minister Duck outlawed any books in Mansoorian schools except the new constitution and his three novels. He also permitted
selected essays from right wing web sites to be used as learning tools in the schools. His goal, of course, was to be sure
all children educated in Mansooria were "thinking right" - no matter how you define that term.
Following the Banning Ranch debacle, a wild-eyed, hot-headed pal of The Emperor's, Mel Phurillo, was named Minister of Security
and immediately positioned himself at the fence with a bullhorn and screamed the lyrics to the new national anthem, "Louie
Louie", until the batteries ran low and he permanently lost his voice. Henceforth, he became known as "the mute
galoot with no bullhorn to toot".
Continuing in his effort to totally control every element of Mansoorian life, The Emperor Mansoor appointed cronies to high
positions within The Empire. Several couples were appointed as Joint Ministers on his cabinet.
The first couple, Tristan and Karleen Herrick, were named Ministers of Culture. They immediately named music box repair
as the national industry, square dancing the national dance and whining as the official national pastime.
Another couple, Perky and Stretch Ferry, were appointed as Finance Ministers and promptly reported that the new country had
no available source of income. They assured The Emperor that he shouldn't worry - they could make it up in volume.
A third couple, Nan and R. Lyle Naggerson were named Ministers of Senior Affairs. Very shortly afterward it became evident
that they were well past their prime and they couldn't remember their own names and addresses. Their contributions to The
Empire were recognized by the naming of the dementia wing of the Senior Center for them.
Hirsute activist Pablo O'Hare was named Minister of Technology and, with the assistance of Minister Duck, promptly set out
to locate sufficient quantities of discarded tuna cans to upgrade The Empire's communication systems.
Former U.S Army veteran senior non-commissioned officer Donte Tellmoore was appointed Chief of Staff of the Mansooria military.
He spent most of his days spit-shining his low quarters, arranging his foot locker for inspection and trying to figure out
how to make his computer work.
Unable to establish diplomatic relations with the United States, Mansooria could conduct no trade. Inflation was rampant
within The Empire - the "99 Cent Store" became the "Five Dollar Store" overnight. The residents of Mansooria
began to suffer from food shortages, so many turned to the kindness of strangers at the various charities on the Westside
of The Empire. These charities were funded by international donations, most of which came from Newport Beach. The charities
were overwhelmed by the demand for services, which called for drastic action on the part of The Emperor Mansoor and his ministers.
Since no one from outside Mansooria could shop at South Coast Plaza, and residents couldn't afford to, The Emperor Mansoor
decided to demolish that shopping center and other centers of commerce along the 405 Freeway and return the land to agricultural
uses. Food crops were planted to provide nutritional self-sufficiency for The Empire. However, The Emperor Mansoor and
his ministers overlooked the fact that they had no source of labor to tend the fields. So, a guest worker plan was created
to provide workers from neighboring Santa Ana. Many expelled former residents of Mansooria took advantage of the program
and crossed the border to work in the fields each day, dawn to dusk, returning home to Santa Ana each evening.
The former 405 and 55 freeways became a toll roads through Mansooria - and provided one of the few stable sources of revenue
for The Empire. Each day more than 350,000 vehicles passed through these corridors. Each vehicle was charged a toll of 20
mansoorys to pass. A mansoory is equal to 5 cents, $US.
Another source of income for the new country was the fee charged for desalinized water to flow from the Poseidon plant in
Huntington Beach through the north part of The Empire toward it's final destination in South Orange County. Mansooria charged
a fee of 20 mansoorys per gallon. Due to a dispute with the contractor, and since there were no qualified contractors remaining
in Mansooria, the trench carrying the water pipe remained unfilled and left a 20 foot wide gash across The Empire near the
The Emperor Mansoor and his minions also tried to levy a tax on every airplane flying over Mansooria from John Wayne Airport
and Long Beach Airport. That effort failed. As had been the case in the past when Mansooria was known as Costa Mesa, any
discussion or opinion about airport issues was always ignored. Some things never change.
With all people of color expelled from The Empire, the school district, once shared with Newport Beach, withered. All elementary
schools except one closed. Only one high school remained. The Emperor Mansoor tried to charge expatriate fees for all students
from outside Mansooria at Orange Coast College. With no available housing, and no open border crossing, that plan failed
and the college closed.
Following the expulsions the average age of Mansoorians was calculated at 63 years. Since many remaining residents had depended
on United States Social Security for their primary source of income and that benefit no longer applied to the citizens of
The Empire, Mansooria became a virtual welfare state.
In an effort to re-populate The Empire, The Emperor Mansoor, Prime Minister Muskrat and Minister Duck hatched a plan to encourage
immigrants from other parts of the world to a new life in Mansooria. As inducements, they touted the temperate climate, a
common skin color and the fact that you could actually see the Pacific Ocean from a few locations in The Empire. Since only
those of Aryan extraction would be welcome, they had a hard time finding enough interested potential immigrants. Any Northern
European immigrant who somehow made it across the border was granted immediate Mansoorian citizenship.
Minister Duck suggested a policy of aggressive, incentivized breeding within the country to backfill the empty space left
by the previous expulsions and to provide an inducement for potential immigrants. Under his scheme, which was called Prioritized
Population Enhancement (PPE), each female citizen of Mansooria that produced an offspring would receive a bounty, with a premium
paid for twins and triplets. Males were rewarded for each attempt at propagation, successful or not.
The announcement of the PPE policy sparked interest by potential immigrants. However, since Mansooria had no port of entry,
reaching The Empire proved to be difficult. Many boatloads of blond, fair-skinned potential immigrants ran aground at the
mouth of the Santa Ana River as they tried to use that point to enter The Empire. They were forced to seek asylum in Newport
Beach, where they blended right in. Others tried to come across the heavily-guarded Santa Ana River from Huntington Beach
with limited success. Still others tried to sneak across from Santa Ana with the daily contingent of guest workers, but were
stopped at the border by the United States Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials. A creative group of Scandinavians
managed to sky dive into Mansooria, but the United States government promptly put a stop to that by establishing a "no
fly zone" over The Empire - except, of course, for the commercial flights from John Wayne Airport and Long Beach Airport.
The immigration plan failed, but, with the incentives, PPE became so popular that it evolved into a new national sport. Teams
were established, competitions were held and scores posted on The Empire's web site. Because of the limited gene pool, there
was concern that some of the citizens of Mansooria might begin to resemble some characters in the movie, "Deliverance".
The Mansoorian empire, unable to create a stable economy, crumbled. Disenchanted subjects, unwilling to live under a bigoted,
totalitarian regime, rebelled and overthrew The Emperor Mansoor. The Empire was absorbed back into the United States. New
borders were formed. The land north of the 405 Freeway became part of Santa Ana. The remainder became part of Newport Beach
and the combined territory was named Newport Mesa. Former expelled citizens were welcomed back and the economy began to thrive.
The Emperor Mansoor, his ministers and a small group of loyal disciples - still seeking a perfect, lily-white world - requested
political asylum in the United States and were permitted to relocate to Idaho. At last word, they were attempting to resurrect
their PPE plan up there, where they've apparently found an interested audience.
What did we learn from Mansooria's failed experiment? We've learned that no city exists in a vacuum. Regardless how misguided
or inept the leadership, each city is part of a broader regional community. That role requires intelligent, mature, patient
leaders and a willingness to consider options that serve not only their constituents, but all residents of that community,
as well. We learned that leaders unwilling or unable to look beyond their own narrow interests cannot provide proper guidance
for a city in this century. We learned that prejudice cannot form the cornerstone of a successful government. We learned
that, no matter how persuasive the argument and how dynamic the speaker, racial intolerance cannot succeed.
Sadly, it took the near-destruction of a previously vibrant city to prove these points.