“Communication is the key to any relationship.”
I’m sure we’ve all heard this quote in some form or fashion. What’s left out is just how hard it can be to effectively communicate with someone.
I’ve noticed in our constantly connected world where someone is always “talking,” it can become very difficult to actually “communicate” one’s feelings in a manner someone else can understand. For example, I’m pretty sure we can all agree that text messaging probably isn’t the best tool for communicating feelings where nuance and understanding are needed.
There’s something very raw and frightening about telling someone you’re involved with exactly how you feel and why you feel that way. In addition to it being uncomfortable, it’s a risk. You can’t BS your way through a conversation in the same manner you would when someone’s standing directly in front of you.
Texting of any sort provides the opportunity to make slow and measured responses and to mask feelings. It’s widely known that most people communicate with nonverbal cues. This makes it much harder to tell someone that “everything’s completely fine” as they’re watching you shift your weight from side to side as you completely avoid eye contact with them.
What’s most interesting about communication is despite its heralded importance, so many people fail at what is a seemingly basic (albeit difficult) task. But why is it so difficult?
Imagine that communication is a two – way street.
Most people would prefer that street to be an easy, well paved road with reflectors to keep you in line for smooth driving. Unfortunately, there are a series of obstacles which may keep that from happening. Things like trust issues, insecurities, and not feeling “safe” with that person tend to create quagmires where the free flow of “communication traffic” turns into a roadblock.
In a world where it’s far easier to send a text or respond to a Gchat request than to actually pick up the phone and hash out a situation, most people would prefer to simply take the easy way out. Being open with your feelings while someone is staring directly at you (and in some cases it feels as if they’re staring into your soul) is uncomfortable, even if it is the best course of action. And yet, as people, we’re likely to forgo the latter in favor of the former.
In some cases, some people would actually prefer to quit situations entirely before even addressing the problem.
(And now, for a story)
I was having a conversation with my ex-girlfriend about this new guy she was dating (we’re cool like that). In that conversation, she was telling me about a problem they’d had and she wasn’t happy with his method of dealing with the situation. Instead of calling and discussing the situation, he chose the “default” method of texting. It made her upset to the point where she didn’t want to be associated with him anymore.
I told her she needed to explain to HIM texting was not her preferred method of communication. Furthermore, if she wanted him to understand that, SHE would actually have to communicate that to him, otherwise, how else was he going to know? She insisted that “grown people don’t text about problems” and instead of addressing the situation she found it much simpler to just kick homie to the curb and move on with her life.
Funnily enough, I talked her out of that.
(Did I mention we’re cool like that?)
As a person who’s had problems with communication in the past, I empathize with anybody who finds trouble forming words to express how they feel.
(And I’m a writer)
I’ve been known to emotionally shut down and refuse to speak when things get too far out of hand. With that said, I’ve experienced first-hand how text message conversations can quickly spiral out of control. A normal conversation about something minor can easily evolve into a catastrophic occurrence simply because a meaning was inferred where there wasn’t one.
Texting really has the ability to make ordinary conversations extremely stressful. That’s not what’s up.
With that said, what is your preferred method of communication? Would you prefer to have a face-to-face conversation or would you rather text it out? Be honest. Are you working on it?
Does the length of time you’ve been dealing with someone determine how effectively you communicate with that person? If so, how long does it usually take?
RealGoesRight is a freelance writer, law graduate and lover of all things Jay-Z and Radiohead. He’s just here to write things which he believes will make a difference in the lives of the people who will read it.