\nQ. The woman I'm dating says she likes to talk dirty. What is she expecting?
Dirty talk is just another way to show enthusiasm. It doesn't matter what you say specifically, as long as you're verbally expressing how psyched you are to be naked together. That could translate to a lot of ‚"You're so [bleeping] hot; that feels so [bleeping] good‚" on brainless repeat. Or it can be whispers, step-by-step details about exactly what you're doing and what you plan to do. It's totally your call. In any case, whatever you say, you'll feel a lot less self-conscious once you see firsthand that a well-timed expletive or growled command can be just as powerful as any kiss or caress.
Q. When I see a hot lady, I know right away if I'd like to sleep with her. How long does it take a woman to know she wants to have sex with a man?
Sometimes when I meet a man, just three seconds of sharing the same air is all it takes to imagine the feel of my fingers in his hair, his breath on my neck, and his hands deftly navigating my wrists, hips, thighs, skin. Other times, the magnetic charge sneaks up on me; an old friend can laugh in a certain way, and after years of pure, platonic nothing, I suddenly and inexplicably want his mouth on mine. The real question, though, is how long does it take a woman to go from craving sex to indulging in it? The answer depends on what she desires most at the time‚ whether that's a relationship, a breathless thrill, or to sate her hungry flesh.
Q. I told my fiancé I like her hair better straight than curly. Why did she get so mad?
Because it's a pain in the ass to straighten curly hair. Because she wants to believe that you'll still find her magnificent even when she doesn't feel like putting in that effort. And because every woman hopes that the man she marries actually means it when he says, "I think you're at your most beautiful without any makeup or frills at all. I love, want, and desire you for you." (Taking notes?) But now she's worried that you won't find her attractive unless she really works on it. So you need to say, "Hey, baby, you're stunning no matter how you do your hair. You could shave your damn head or grow dreadlocks and I'd still love you." Got it?
Q. Is it normal for my girlfriend to still be really good friends with her ex, a guy she dated for more than two years? How should I handle the situation?
How "good" of friends are we talking here? Biweekly-e-mails good, or He's-the-first-person-she-calls-with-major-news good? Basically, does she share with him what you wish she'd share exclusively or primarily with you? If no, then be cool, dude; jealousy is only cute in small doses. If yes or maybe, then tread lightly; ultimatums and demands just foster resentment. Instead, tell her that you're feeling a little insecure about their closeness, and then show her, through actions and words, that you'd love to be the one she turns to first for support and encouragement. Open up about your feelings, and ask her about hers. The closer you two get, the less she'll need him.
Q. During sex, my new girlfriend prefers to finish herself off. It's hot to watch her touch herself, but does this mean she thinks I'm terrible in bed?
Relax. If your girlfriend really thought you were terrible in bed, she probably wouldn't be wasting her time rubbing it out in front of you; she'd be seeing someone else. Here are some more likely theories: She loves being watched. She's anxious about taking forever and doesn't want you to get bored. Masturbation is the only way she can climax with any consistency. You get the picture. In any case, why don't you just ask her? Then assuage any fears she has about your boredom, and request that next time, she let you explore her body for as long as it takes to make her writhe with pleasure. I don't see why she'd deny you‚ or herself‚ the opportunity.
Q. Why do women love jerks?
Because they're phenomenal in the sack. Yes, really! Or because getting caught up in their fascinating and unpredictable lives makes our hearts race. Or because they're so hilarious, we pee our pants when we're around them. Or because they make beautiful music or speak eloquently and thoughtfully or earn a crapload of money, honey. My point is, I would never tell a guy to be mean to get girls. But I would tell him to be a dynamo in bed, to develop hobbies and interests, and to have a wicked sense of humor. Because, for at least some women, those traits take priority over being nice. (For the record, I'm not one of those women. I want it all, kindness included.)
Get More Sexy Insight:
For more tips just like these, check out CFG: Cosmo For Guys, a monthly app for men on the iPad. Download CFG for him here.