A friend of mine mentioned yesterday that she'd dated a guy who had a tattoo on his penis.
I don't remember how this came up. It was somehow germane to something.
A tattoo. The kind you make with a sharp pointy little needle thing. On. His. Penis.
So after I got over the initial shock and accompanying twitchy little squeamy dance, I had so many questions.
First, how? How do they do this? Do you have to have an erection for them to tattoo your penis? And if so, how the hell would you maintain it?
Also, would there be a different picture flaccid and erect? That would be kind of interesting.
Like, maybe it would look like a sink when flaccid and then you realize it's actually a picture of a the Washington Monument.
Not that you would necessarily want a sink or a monument on your private bits for all eternity.
And what would you want on your wing-wang for all eternity? I forgot to ask her about the actual tattoo.
Also, was he into pain? Was that why?
No, she said. It was more that he worked somewhere that everyone had tattoos. It was more a macho thing.
But honestly. If you want to look like you can tolerate a lot of pain, get your elbow tattooed. Everyone knows that hurts like all hell.
But your penis? Who would know you were manly enough to withstand the pain?
Unless, of course, you wore chaps, and nothing else. And then I'm pretty sure your pain tolerance is not where people's minds would jump first.