You sir, are offensive. Not in personality, but rather in odor. You have a lingering scent about you which one might mistake for the rectum of a deceased mule. When given the choice, even the most masochistic of those with olfactory senses would rather place bison droppings within their nasal cavity than accidentally breathe within a 300 mile radius of your person. In other words, you smell so bad, you make soap dirty.