I suffered with ocd all my life, and found what was at the core of anxiety ! ANGER!!!!
Everyone of my rituals pure OCD touching, washing,counting,pacing, stepping, rubbing, right spots, prayers to our lord and savior, safe words or phrases, special moods, feelings, all that crazy $#%^! all those things are coping mechanisms I made to help me control my extreme anger
I studied seven years!!! SEven years!!! since i was 15 yrs old
OCD made me very desperate, but the sum bitch will wish it hadn't!
You see when a person is extremely angry and they can't let it out (like punching the hell out of a bully , but afraid he might kick our ass or we might get sent to the principles office or the bully is our mom), we conceal a powerful evil called anger, we feel wronged, pain in our gut, but can do nothing, but it is still there with no where to go, the brain is ready to fight the cuase of anger but no fight is initated, so it remembers the pain, the anger and files that as a danger we cant fight, to avoid that danger we can't fight and pain the next time the stress responce, it tells us watch out ( danger will robinson , danger) thus anxiety comes in to avoid that danger flight since we can't fight and when we get the check engine light we turn it off with our rituals to gain control of the anger or situation since we couldn't have control at the time of the initial conflict , but the anger is still there thus the warning light stays on so my rituals relieve my anger temporarily also/ the anger is then turned towards yourself from the oppressor
to find you anger you must soul search and pick through the broken pieces of your life, all the painful , hard times as a child through now. everyone that made you angry, everyone even parents and family ,friends, lovers , people. Causes of anger, bullies, teasers, work, over controlling parents, wife , husband , lover(different but similar mechanism used),people, bad situations- rape, beating , verbal abuse etc.
Once you find the anger you will always want Justice, you want to hurt them now , make them feel what you felt. you want to make a wrong right....NOW LET THAT PAIN GO. IT'S OVER. LIVE YOUR LIFE .YOU WON WHAT??? HOW IN THE HELL DO I LET IT GO? YOU ASK The answer is why you let it go? thats what the person or persons wanted to make you angry, suffer , crumble
if you don't let go even after they are long gone they will still have that control of you
BUT WHY SHOULD I LET IT GO THEY WRONGED ME!!!!
Justice means doing the right thing in front of being wronged . How in the world do U want justice by doing wrong? Be the bigger man , forgive them, by doing this you have done yourself justice you have placed youself a kastle, kingdom , and kings chair on top of a-holes conscience
You have proven to the world that place your name here is better than place a-holes name here You have Won , take what you earned your life back , and live your life like the truely better person should
medical terms- synapse- new connections of brain when learning something Neurons- wrinkles of the brain
HERES THE KICK IN THE PANTs
It starts as a child due to early trauma ( bad experiences, bad child hood, controlling parents ETC..)
well since we learned those coping stratigies as a child our brain formed synapses that are made to think w/ an ocd mind set not present in a healthy brain. since we have those synapses we changed the way our brain learns, function, and grows towards an abnormal way. our brain has synapses that make us think in a more negative view of life, making us more dark at times.
Since we formed those abnormal synapses , the normal synapses atrophy or loose strenght becuase we never use them, thus thats why we have holes in the RAS and BASAL GANGLIA becuase normal people grew up positively and block out the negative thoughts with RAS and BASAL GANGLIA , Since they don't have holes or less developed nuerons present. As teen it's a hell of of alot worse becuase the body and the brain goes through it's hormonal growth period. The normal growth hormones that help the brain grow in to adulthood conflict with the abnormal growth and holes in the ocd brain, the holes get stronger due to the normal hormones that help the grow , but not near how strong they should be and thats why ocd sucks as a teen. as an adult the abnormal structures of the brain, and holes remain thus damage is perminent.
SO THERE IS NO CURE OF ABNORMAL STRUCTURES AFTER CHILDHOOD
EVEN if you let go of the anger you can't stop the rituals becuase your brain is programed w/ the synapses for the rituals, so you would have anxiety and urges for no reason becuase it has now become a habit w/ no cuase
BUT the brain has plasticity - the brain will always learn and make synapses, MY theory is if i let go of all my anger and by making it right, and what i want , and think what i want , even if i have the urge to do a ritual or have anxiety , and stop the thoughts and doing the rituals at all cost for 1 yr i can make a synapse around or even over the hole to make the connection to normal synapse to block out the thoughts and rituals
" analogy- if i can't plug in my usb to the main port becuase its blocked or doesn't work, i can go around and plug it to another port i just found behind my computer to upload the files i just got"
Wish me luck
MY name is JEFF CABALLERO and i have OCD