During a tedious press conference during which President Obama repeatedly explained the financial estimates that would allow entitlement programs to remain funded while not exceeding the interim debt limit, the president started to tremble and was possessed by seizure.
"Good God, y'all, ya gots ta keep up the gub'mint cheese," Mr. Obama bellowed uncharacteristically. "And not jus' those twos and fews. I's da one be deliverin' the cheese cuz Who da Man? Dat's right, I da Man. Can you dig it? I knew you could."
"Now, everybody give it up for Aretha Franklin. Aretha, back that big thang out here -"
It was at this point that Secret Service agents tackled Mr. Obama and carried him away.
The president is recovering at Walter Reed Army Hospital, in the hyperbaric easy-listening music chamber normally used for shell-shocked soldiers.
The psychiatrist in charge, Dr. Duncan Rikker, said, "Mr. Obama had a white mother and a black father, and this poses special problems for his equilibrium. All humans must balance the estrogen of the mother against the testosterone of the father. But the president must also balance the caucastrogen of his mother against the negrosterone of his father. Just like Spock in the original Star Trek, Mr. Obama must keep his opposing sides in check, except during mating season, when he should be as black as possible.
"None of us who study honkology are surprised that Mr. Obama experienced a breakdown. How many of us could say things like, 'constructive bipartisan dialogue of mutual respect despite differing etc. etc.' for an entire year without snapping? A few caucasoids in the U.K. have managed it, but they were clones."
Dr. Rikker added, "Though Mr. Obama's syndrome is primarily genetic, there is a strong influence from the environment of his upbringing. This is why the president sounded like a ridiculous black character from an '80's American sitcom rather than, say, a black man from Kenya."