A Typical Teacher's Timetable
When is this "infiltration" exercise supposed to take place? I was under the impression that the reason for attending school was to enable people with qualifications (all secondary teachers must by law have a degree in their suject) to share their knowledge and insight with younger generations and hopefully to instill some sense of competence, inquisiveness and love for the world. In the real world however, it is more like this...
7:05 Stiffle a scream as the alarm clock goes off.
7:45 Rush out into morning traffic.
8:40 Narrowly avoid "Johnny" hiding in teachers carpark smoking and letting down tyres.
9:05 Registration - report missing pupils, lack of uniform etc double check the locker room, report offenders to office, chase up letters from parents for those who were late yesterday.
10:15 Finally start teaching the first class of pupils - interrupted by request to do "cover" for absent teacher in a completely unrelated subject.
10:30 Morning break - breakfast is coffee and a soft biscuit
11:00 Deal with phonecall from local authority regarding "Johnny's" numerous detentions
11:15 Finally start lesson, interrupted by fire alarm (Health and Safety)
11:55 Finally get the next class settled. Attention span of class aproximately 4 minutes.
12:15 Lunch Break - can't leave the building because all the shops are filled with kids, can't have a fag because the bike sheds are already occupied, avoid canteen because the supervisor will rope you in to watching "Johnny" again.
13:05 Escort small child with green face to nurse - do not touch child under any circumstances, don't administer pain killer or alka-seltser. Watch child put entire pocket full of empty sweet wrappers in bin.
13:15 Afternoon lessons begin - this would have been a break but instead there is a sea of E-numbers grinning back awaiting tuition in a completely foreign language.
13:25 Find remote control for pre-arranged video.
13:30 Finish rewinding tape.
13:35 Bell goes - choas - double lesson.
13:40 Order resumes.
13:45 Door opens, someone says, "oops sorry" and goes out again.
14:05 End of lesson, 15 minutes of tape still to go - abandon classroom for own department.
14:10 Phone reception to find out if there is a reason why "Johnny" isn't there.
14:25 Observe "Johnny" walking across playing field, so does the rest of the class.
14:35 Lesson resumes. Attention span of class approximately 30 seconds.
14:45 Lesson ends.
14:50 Forty minutes to plan tomorrows lessons
15:30 Chaos as "Assisted Learning Department" empties one lesson sooner that everyone else and the final lesson of the day begins. Sea of closed eyes.
16:00 Buses start collecting outside, attention span of class now 3 seconds.
16:05 Final bell goes
16:06 Room empty
16:07 Children vomited out of building in mass rabble racing for the front (or rear) seats
16:45 Finish marking
16:55 Re-inflate tyres
17:15 Head home trying to avoid the lure of large bottle of something 40proof.