It was never quite what you promised me
when we lay in wet grass
talking, swearing, loving;
back when dew soaked through denim
and night-time air filled lungs with ice,
when it left me feeling cold.
Those days, suns set around us
as we huddled close together,
fingertips piercing skin.
The marks of your teeth were left on my arm
for days, red and jagged,
a reminder of what we had done.
Haunting me, whispering
why do you always have to hide?
I was nothing then
but you made me hunger and breathe in,
everyday praying that I could be something better,
It was never quite what you promised me -
sweet words that dissolved like sugar on my eager tongue
and stained my insides like iodine;
arms protecting me from the harsh world,
and slipping under defences and clothing
with a frightening efficiency.
I was purple and blue,
soft and squashy,
and dressed up in long black eyelashes.
Innocence was lost that year
and you waved it goodbye with a smirk on your face,
eyes narrowed the way they should be.
you have to know it was you
who forced me to grow up, and realise
your promises were nothing