Carlin-Leary Personality Assessment Matrix
G. L. Dryfoos
"According to the great philosopher Carlin, we have 3 classes of
problems in this country: 
- the genuinely stupid
- the full-of-shit, who sound stupid but aren't...
- the fucking crazy"
The observation above inspired this investigator to create the
Carlin-Leary Personality Assessment Matrix. The Matrix allows one to
more precisely describe anyone by specifying the subject's relative
amounts of Stupidity, Full-of-Shit-ness, and Craziness.
The C-LPAM is defined as an
abstract "personality space", any point of which identifies a unique
proportion of Real Stupidity (R.S.), "Fucking Craziness" (F.C.), and
The C-LPAM itself is based on research by Dr. T. Leary in personality typing,
assessment, and change. Various instruments devised by Leary use the
graphic approach to indicating and recording a subject's placement and
movement along a variety of social role spectra
("Avoidance-Confrontation" "Dominance-Submission" "Self Directed-Other
According to Leary, this type of personality assessment is best used
on repeated occasions, to map the subject's movement over time through
the personality space.
The Carlin-Leary Grid (see Figure
1) is a graphic representation (in version 1.0, a simple printed
form) used to indicate and record a subject's placement in the matrix
Using the Grid
Each vertex of the grid represents the maximum point of a given
characteristic, while the zero amount of that quality is found along the
For example, a person who was completely "Really Stupid", with no
admixture of either "Fucking Crazy" or "Full of Shit" would be located
at the exact RS vertex of the grid.
On the other hand, a hypothetical Evil Genius (what with
being a "genius" and all) would have zero amount of "Really-Stupid" but
would be equally both fucking-crazy and full-of-shit. Thus, the
Evil Genius would placed along on the RS=0 axis, midway between
the FC and FS vertices.
Similarly, the typical Crap Artist, being not at all crazy,
but entirely a combination of Really-Stupid and Full-of-Shit, would be
on the axis farthest from the Fucking-Crazy vertex, halfway between RS
Score Placement on the Grid
Since the Matrix describes the relative amounts of
RS/FC/FS, in this model the total quantity is always fixed. (See Figure 2.) For technical reasons, the
sum of all three components has been fixed at 23. (For mixtures of
three quantities that always equal a fixed amount, a gauged equlateral
triangle has an appropriate format..)
Again, each side of the grid represents the zero point of one of the
three traits. Thus one indicates a certain amount of that quality by
counting away from that edge, with each interior parallel line being a
unit measurement. I.e. for someone rated as a 17 in "FC", one would
start at the bottom edge of the triangle (FC=0) and count upwards 17
lines. A specific amount of either of the other two attributes will fix
a point along the FC=17 line. Since the total of the three attributes
is fixed equal to 23, the specification of any two necessarily defines
It is hypothesised that regular on-going assessment of a subject's
C-LPAM placement may yield trajectory information that could be valuable
for various therapeutic and predictive purposes.
There is at present no assessment questionnaire or test specifically
for the C-LPAM, but this investigator has had good results using the
"Donut Shop Method" in which habitues of a nearby coffee and donut
establishment were asked to describe various public figures, in terms of
the C-LPAM categories "Really Stupid", "Fucking Crazy" and "Full of
Dietary concerns and issues of personal safety, as well as an
interest in extending the C-LPAM to those outside the public eye
indicate the need for a specific Carlin-Leary Personality Assessment
Matrix Assessment Instrument [C-LPAMAI].
It is hoped that further funding will allow the development of the
 According to Carlin:
“How many really stupid people you run into during the
day? Goddam there's a lot of stupid bastards walking around.
Carry a little pad and pencil with you. You'll wind up with
thirty or forty names by the end of the day. Look at it this way:
Think of how stupid the average person is and then realize that
half of them are stupider than that. And it doesn't take you very
long to spot one of them does it? Take you about eight seconds.
You'll be listening to some guy... you say... ‘This guy is
“Then... then there are some people, they're not
stupid... they're full of shit. Huh? That doesn't take very
long to spot either, does it? Take you about the same amount of
time. You'll be listening to some guy... and saying, ‘well,
he's fairly intelligent... ahht, he's full of shit!’
“Then there are some people, they're not stupid, they're
not full of shit... they're fucking nuts!”
 This same triangular
grid is used in many fields to denote relative proportions of a
fixed total (usually 100%). Eg., in soil
texture studies: of clay, sand, and silt; in jewelry alloys:
of gold, silver, and copper; in dating: of
food, entertainment, and affection.
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