 endless caretaking activities. It's the feeding round the clock, it's making sure stuff stays clean and uncontaminated (tubing and the like) it's the breathing treatments, and that's not even counting the therapy appointments! And it will most likely get harder as he gets older, because you'll have to worry about turning him and lifting him and all sorts of other stuff. Even diapers are EASY now, but what about ten years from now (assuming you're blessed with ten more years)?
So yeah, your daughter will feel short changed at times. The only way I can think of to even TRY to make it more equitable is to involve her as much as possible, because then you're spending time with BOTH of them, and she gets to help.
I REALLY hope that helped. I'm totally shooting from the hip, here, but I REALLY want to be just right enough to give you some support.
I know what you mean, though. I think ppl just don't know how to deal with grief. We're expected to suck it up and move on. Hide if you're crying.
Heck, as a child, I was constantly told to quit crying. Ok. Now I cry in private and can count on one hand the number of times I've broken down in a sobbing, wailing, tear-stained mess of emotion after a death of a loved one.
People don't want to hear it because they don't know how to deal.
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We just got back from the il's and cleaning and stuff after mil died. I realize my replies are, like, a week late. I haven't had internet access at the il's. Sorry if I screwed up the flow of the topic
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How do you bridge that gap when you're the one freaking out about one day in the Hospital and your friend's kid is the one in the Hospital every week? I mean when Brendon was born at 4 lbs 14 oz, I was scared he'd have a NICU stay (he was 37 1/2 weeks, so it wasn't even on my radar screen). I was ready to stay in that NICU with him 24/7 until he got out (he came home with me after 2 days, we were lucky).
I STILL feel like I dodged a bullet - how do I relate to the mamas who had babies fighting for their lives for a month in the NICU? I mean, shoot - I DID dodge a bullet. My pg was perfect and my baby was full term and healthy. So what do I say to the mamas who went through that He// that I dodged? How do I not sound either arrogant or shallow? What does one say when "I'm so sorry" isn't even remotely good enough?
I only knew to say 'Is there anything I can do?' with those mamas, but mostly I tried to be someone they could talk to, if they wanted to- I was in the NICU but my baby was stable, so I could spend time with some of the other parents.
More thoughts, but I have to take DS to his gastro appointment....
I've had a friend bring me food while we were in the hospital. She understood my dietary restrictions, I gave her specific directions about allergies, and she brought it. I needed company and the coffee, yk?
Food, books, company, distraction, and real concern. But distraction is mostly what I need with real concern in the background.
I'm not sure every family is able to express what they need though.
That said - there are people in this world who have the ability to say "I'm bringing you dinner tonight, what do you want?" Those people are really cool.
I dont' mind talking about it to others though. I like to educate them. Plus I am proud of my son and the true miracle he is. I only do it if they start though. Usually the only time I start is if someone is openly staring because J is acting up....lol. Then its usually a very nasty "He has autism". That usually solves the problem. I wish I had friends that had SN kids too. Or knew someone IRL. That would make life so much easier.
It is so hard to hear other parents complain about simple stuff when I am having to give my son meds that are poisons, one of them could make him go blind at any time. I try to chalk it up that they haven't had to deal with life like I have. J has opened my eyes so much. He is a gift.
Well, ok it hasn't happened yet, but you never know.
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.
I make light of my situation all the time. I've found it helps others who don't have experience with SN feel a little better with talking about it and it makes it easier for them to understand that it's not a horribly situation to be it. Different and occasionally difficult, but it's all still good. One thing that crops up occasionally is I refer to DH and DD as the "Dark side" of the family, their both part Japanese have dark hair and dark eyes and a darker skin tone. DS and I are at the very edge of normal skin tone (ie, mary kay doesn't have make up light enough, but some other companies do) blonde hair and blue (for DS) and grey eyes. So all together, the contrast is pretty obvious.
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.
2/02, 4/05, 2/07, 11/09, and EDD 12/25/11
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.
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The very short survey I did a week ago of some US companies revealed internal health and valuations which may be too low, in a normal market. Raising interest rates seems like impossible to do, but only because it will curtail the flood of dollars into the market.
But this method does not work, because the forex market values instantly any hint of interest rate raises, those leveraged trades have to feel a future where dollar lives with higher interest rates, than effectively zero.
By refusing to raise rates, the Fed has made forex like the equity market in the sense it has to value on a future expectation, in this case of rate rise, like the equity market is supposed to value on future stream of income (but as I suggest does not presently). Interest rates on a currency though are like income streams, because they give you an income stream in deposits in that currency.
But I have expressed such optimism about the US economy. Why? Because those companies carry on regardless. Whose companies are strong in areas which matter, especially to the future. The US. Computer software is probably one of the most important industries for the future. Its potential is still barely realized, anybody who has worked in computer science research can see this.
However, the resurrection of US company strength (because this was not the case in the 70s) coincided with the decision to float equities on various forms of debt in various ways, from the early 80s. It results in huge revaluation shocks, as supposed assets are seen as non existent or as debt. This shows up in the market as the making of a new less steep trend line.
When the stock market rises high, shares rise and this makes it easier to borrow money. Those companies which are quality (as evidenced in their balance sheets) and used this money wisely get lean and hard in the crash. Then they power through the lift again, with this readjustment, like a retooling of their functionality.
What will happen if now the focus is away from debt but on investment, like the kind in the stimulus package?
 I can't get over it. What do I do?
He knows im such a soft & sensitive person and he acted on that. He would pretend to care about me for weeks straight by asking me how my days were, how i was and asking me all these personal questions. He would plan out perfect dates and everything.  Im a firm believer in that people are ready when they want to be. I hadn't felt this way about someone in forever. How do i get over him when i still have to see him every day?
How did he "use you for sex?"  If you didn't want to have sex, why did you? There must have been something you expected to get that didn't happen. The only thing you can reliably trade sex for is money, and if you do, you should insist on payment up front. You can't trade sex for love or commitment. With condoms and contraception sex is pretty safe these days.  / Then enjoy it (if possible) and don't regret it. If you aren't feeling it, then don't do it. If he dumps you, so what? You weren't really into him.
I was really in to him thats the problem and i thought he felt the same.
Relationships end. That's why we date, instead of just having babies with the first person who is willing. 
How was the sex? Did you enjoy it? If you did, then be happy for that. If you didn't, then it's good that it's over.
Alittle lesson for women. Guys have these horrible things called hormones. They will make you do and think whatever they want. They can make you think you are in love with a girl