Thursday, May 13, 2010
Bathroom Monologue: How much does a shit ton weigh?
We say “I have a shit ton of work.” “I have a shit ton to do tomorrow.” It’s being used as a proper unit, so we’re left to ask just how much the average shit ton weighs. It's tempting to say it weighs a ton. But is it a metric ton? For a metric ton weighs 1,000 kilograms, where a proper ton weighs 2,000. That's a big variance. And what if the ton is moist? Because moisture weighs a solid down, so ton of dry turds would likely have less general volume. Is water weight extra? Or maybe shit tons refer to food consumed - the shit produced after eating a ton of food. In that case the weight of your shit ton would vary wildly based the metabolism of your excreters. Even if they were just retaining water that day. Also, if it's the weight of pre-digested food, are we handling pre-cooked weight or post-cooked weight? Hamburgers sweats off several ounces on the grill. A pre-cooked, pre-digested shit ton could weigh a lot.