Um, Shaq? Haven't you learned anything from Jack Clark or Mike Tyson? When you're a professional athlete you can't be making level-headed decisions that involve reasonably priced, single-family homes, and four-door sedans. Despite being worth close to $250M, O'Neal purchases a modest Florida homestead that doesn't even have a killer whale aquarium, 24 karat gold toilet, OR wallpaper made of hand-cut True Religion jeans. Someone is in desperate need of a how-to guide for stunting.