MSN is one of my Great Work Distractions, mostly because they change the links on their page all day long. Today, one of the articles is The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master. And while I lack the proper plumbing to be a man, I decided to see how I stack up, starting with numbers 1 through 20.
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
I'm not good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
2. Tell if someone is lying.
I can do this! Everyone is a liar. True story.
3. Take a photo.
Easy. Point camera, push button.
4. Score a baseball game.
Um. Count the runs, right?
5. Name a book that matters.
I'm sorry, I cannot take this one seriously because this is what the article said: "The Catcher in the Rye does not matter."
EXCUSE ME? The Catcher in the Rye DOES NOT MATTER?!? I'm going to assume that was a typo, otherwise fuck you, article!
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
I suppose I could learn more about Rivers Cuomo.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
OH MY GOD, I CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
I try not to do this, unless the conversation turns to The Office, in which case I can't help myself.
9. Write a letter.
I write the shit out of letters.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
Can I have water wings?
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
I don't think I've ever punched anyone, really. I've always assumed that, should I need to fight someone, my fighting skills will simply appear.
14. Chop down a tree.
I would never chop down a tree because I love them.
15. Calculate square footage.
I passed 6th grade math, so I think I'm good here.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
Does crack juice count?
18. Speak a foreign language.
Does pig latin count?
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
Hmm, I'm beginning to see why this article doesn't really apply to me.
20. Sew a button.
To be continued (unless I forget). Anyway, how did you guys stack up?