Sugar pie. Snookums. Schmoopie.
Or how about Pookie, the name June McCarthy has been using for her husband,
William, since before their wedding day, nearly 45 years ago.
The tender nickname arose when the Rosebank couple was dating and would watch
"The Soupy Sales Show" together. Mrs. McCarthy connected with the show’s lion
puppet, Pookie, which was "warm and cuddly" – just like her sweetheart.
The association stuck and Mr. McCarthy has been "my Pookie," ever since, his
wife said, sweetly.
Some folks may gag at lovey-dovey nicknames, even on Valentine’s Day, but
according to Dr. Carol Bruess, an interpersonal communication professor at
University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minn., their usage is one of several
"rituals of connection" we humans employ to stay emotionally and mentally glued.
As a graduate student 20 years ago, Dr. Bruess published a study about the
correlation between the private language a couple uses, including nicknames, and
the level of their happiness.
When her study was picked up by newspapers worldwide, she realized it had
"hit a common relationship nerve, in a positive way," she said, noting just
about everyone uses a pet name or knows someone who does.
Years later, when Dr. Bruess and her colleague, Anna Hadak, were doing
research for their 2008 book, "What Happy Couples Do," they discovered most of
the pairs they interviewed have affectionate names for one another.
"It helps couples, in particular, develop a relationship culture," Dr. Bruess
said. "It’s how they express affection, express ‘I love you,’ without saying
In addition to injecting playfulness into a relationship, nicknames also are
a way for loved ones to separate themselves from the masses.
"It says, ‘We’re special and unique. I know you in a way no one else does,’ "
Dr. Bruess explained, noting this is true for grandparents/grandkids,
parents/children, friends, siblings – any sort of interpersonal relationship.
Even at the work place, utilizing nicknames can signal "a strong culture of
people who work well with each other," she said.
Dr. Bruess said almost all nicknames emerge organically. They might develop
from a personality or physical trait, a funny incident or shared interest.
A common interest in "Star Wars" was the inspiration behind Arden Heights
residents Marisa Calabrese and Rick Reede’s pet names.
Ms. Calabrese recalls how on their first date last summer, Reede had been
boring her with talk about the theory of relativity. When she shifted the
conversation to "Star Wars," of which she’s a huge fan, "the force" was with
them. He’s a buff, too.
Quickly into their courtship, Reede started calling Ms. Calabrese, "My Little
Ewok," after the small, furry creatures from the George Lucas series, and "My
Little Tauntaun," referring to characters that really are not so little,
measuring over eight feet tall. A very smitten Ms. Calabrese uses the same terms
of endearment for the man she calls her "soul mate."
"I definitely share a special bond with him. Nobody gets me the way he does,"
she gushed, noting their pet names encapsulate the unique connection they have.
CAPTURE A HISTORY
Dr. Bruess’ belief that affectionate nicknames also can "capture the shared
knowledge of a whole history of interaction" is borne out by former Islander
Peter Cavagnaro’s anecdote about his late grandfather, Peter McCann.
As Cavagnaro relates, "At Pete Piffin’s" was a euphemism his grandfather used
for "the pub" when his mother was a little girl and would ask where Daddy had
been after a long day at work. Because McCann delighted in retelling the tale to
his family, he tenderly became known as "Pete Piffin."
It became such a beloved name that when Cavagnaro and his brothers opened a
now-shuttered bar in Stapleton, they called it "Pete Piffins."
Children usually come up with the cutest monikers. For instance, when Dr.
Bruess was pregnant with her second child, her firstborn, Tony, believed he had
naming rights for his future sibling. His pick? "Rice Krispie."
And when, Rice Krispie, er, Gracie, was a tot and couldn’t pronounce her
older brother’s name, Tony became known as "Gooey."
The family still occasionally uses "Gooey" and "Rice Krispie," Dr. Bruess
reports, noting the appellations have established "a mini-culture in this
One obvious, but important point the professor wished to make: Sometimes a
nickname isn’t appreciated, which often can happen when a child has outgrown it.
So, if it’s obvious someone isn’t digging a moniker you created, drop it.
Got that, Stinkerbell?
Elise McIntosh, editor of the Relationships section, may be reached at