We spend a lot of time talking about networking and its value for your career. There are degrees of networking as well. What the Facebook/LinkedIn/Twitter phenomenon has taught us is that you can connect with any number of people with similar interests and concerns, but how many of those connects can you count as contacts in the true sense of the word? How many of those 500+ LinkedIn connections can you call for advice or to exchange ideas? That’s what is missing in the world of social networking.
And part of the challenge of effective networking is promoting likeability. For someone to offer to help you or even to listen to what you have to say, they have to have enough regard for you to give you the time of day. In short, they have to like you. The same is very true in job search – you will never hire someone you don’t like. To quote from a recent article by Denise Martin in Consulting Magazine explores the fact that, in order to do business, you have to like the other party:
“After all, the very continuation of the species depends on us being social with each other. We consider the loner, the misfit, and the socially inept as pariahs and avoid them where possible. We simply prefer to say ‘yes’ to people that we like. For proof positive, look at the success of Tupperware parties, office charity requests for their kids’ activities, attendance at benefit auctions, etc….
“That trusting environment is embodied in the emotion of liking someone. It is critical in the art of doing business. You will never, repeat never, do business with someone you don’t trust. Also true is a corollary fact: you will never trust someone that you don’t like.”
So when networking or job hunting, you have to promote likeability. No matter how smart you are, how qualified you are, or how good your ideas are, you will never connect with another person unless you can get them to like you at some level.
So how do you promote likeability? There are some simple techniques anyone can use:
- Smile – As the saying goes, let a smile be your umbrella. If you smile, not matter what your real mood, will promote openness and likeability. This doesn’t mean you have to paste a perpetual grin on your face, but be prepared with a social smile. Use a smile when you are on the phone as well – if you smile it will lighten your tone of voice.
- Find common ground – Find something you can come together on to forge a connection, even if it’s only the weather. Start with small talk to find something you can agree upon and have in common to make a connection.
- Be complementary – Complement the other party’s tie, or dress, or hair, but find something positive to say so you can praise the other person and demonstrate that you are paying attention to them.
- Establish camaraderie – Use “we” language to imply you are of the same tribe and interest. “We” is the pronoun of teams and by using it you are saying we are on the same team.
- Build on the familiar – If you are from the same region, or have common friends, or have known each other for some time, use it! People gravitate toward the familiar and it promotes instant likeability.
- Name dropping – Use the other person’s name, often. Work it into conversation in a natural way, because people like to hear their name; it promotes familiarity.
- Get them to do you a favor – We are not talking about a huge thing but find an area where the other party can perform a small service, whether it’s giving you the name of a movie or sharing something small. The act of providing a service creates a connection.
In business, or any type of networking for that matter, likeability has to come before trust. If they don’t like you they can’t trust you, and if they can’t trust you, they will never help or hire you.