Re: What's the point?
When I felt like that I had a lot of anger I needed to get out, physically. I used a shovel inside an old wooden garage and banged and yelled away. We are very rural so no harm done.
After that I started doing things that required moments of complete concentration, such as archery, ballroom dance, indoor rock climbing...
If there is a community center or Y near where you live, try to volunteer so you can get out.
When the therapist and your mom and whomever else tell you that you should have known better and ask you how you could have allowed that, thank them for their insight and tell them you aren't going to accept their assessment of where YOU should have been at that stage of your life, and that you aren't going to accept THEIR criticism, because it is unhelpful and therefore abusive, like kicking you when you're down. If they want to help, they need to be forward thinking.
Right, like I believe these people giving you hind-sight advice and blaming you were never in the same predicament, ever. Sounds to me like they're hiding something and aren't being honest with themselves. The way they're treating you it sounds like they are afraid to get close to your pain, kind of like it's too close to home. Maybe I'm wrong, but if I were you, I'd dig a little deeper into that, maybe ask them for examples of how they could see something like that coming and what they did about it... they can't be that clueless. It's good you can't afford therapy. With a therapist like that.
Dust yourself off. Some people are mean. If you stay on the ground, other people will kick you. The fact that this happened to you tells me that you are a good, trusting, optimistic, helpful, person. You gave your H a lot of chances. You were willing to go the distance for him, despite knowing that he had obvious challenges you loved him and were patient. He did not want to accept all of that, he resented you for being you and because he knew that he was transparent to you. Your helpfulness and caring exposed him and he couldn't stand it, he lost control of the situation and moved on to a new person he could start a whole new cycle with, someone who doesn't see the real him because he doesn't want to see it either.
When people treat you badly, try to understand it is not because you are a bad person, it is because by accepting their abuse or mistreatment and still being kind to them, you become a mirror, and they don't like what they see.
Find people who are more aware of themselves. You can usually tell by body positioning and movement who these people are, they are relaxed, they smile, they are open but they also maintain a steady personal body space. They don't mumble and they look at you when they're talking to you, even over the most trivial matter. They might introduce you to other people or share their interests with you just out of interest, not for any underlying purpose. Spend more time with these kinds of people.
In case you're wondering, yes, therapist, your close family and your H can all be negative people to be around. Don't think because it's all numbers and you're the odd one out that something is definitely wrong with you. Close relationships including therapist are most difficult...spend time with people who are further away from you personally. Your perspective of life and living might shift a bit.