Oh dear, it's that time of the year again where you find someone like me who writes something big and complex in the hope that someone more zealous will go throw more links in my page, correct my grammar if necessary, and wikify because I'm lazy. Sure, I could do all that, but I should go do more writing instead. I'm gonna guess this is hit or miss here, but I bet the uncanny style of this article will bother many an old guarder and it will never make it to featuredom. However, if you find it funny, please help! Review away kind friends.