I used to wonder how I would feel if someone I loved died suddenly.
I thought I knew how I would feel, and I thought I knew how I would react. I didn’t really know; no one ever knows.
You remember all the things you wanted to do with that person. You break down, you cry, your heart is broken. You wait every day for them to walk through the door. You feel like you would give anything to just see them one more time. There are things you wish you could say, things you wish you could apologize for, and things you wish you would have known.
In the beginning, everyone asks you how you’re doing. Then things fade, people fade, it’s forgotten and no one asks. People say things, you see things, and the pain is suddenly fresh and new.
It’s true that we as people are built to endure tragedy. Life goes on, even if it’s colored by loss forever.
I know I wasn’t smart enough to have done any different. But if I could have him back again, I’d do it right this time.