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William Tenn - Venus and the Seven Sexes (Tenn William)
It is written in the Book of Sevens:
When Plookh meets Plookh, they discuss sex. A convention is held, a coordinator selected, and,
amid cheers and rejoicing, they enter the wholesome state of matrimony. The square of seven is
This, my dear childrenтАФmy own meager, variable broodтАФwas the notation I ex-tracted after
receiving word from the nzred nzredd that the first humans to encoun-ter us on Venus had at last
remembered their promise to our ancestors and sent a cultural emissary to guide us on the difficult path to
Let the remaining barbarians among us cavil at the choice of this quotation; let them say it represents
the Golden Age of Plookhdom; let them sneer that it shows how far we are fallen since the introduction
of The Old Switcheroo by the gifted Hogan Shlestertrap of Hollywood California U.S.A. Earth.
The memory of Hogan Shlestertrap lives on while they disappear. UnfortunatelyтАФah, well.
Please recall, when you go forth into the world to coordinate your own families, that at this point I
had no idea of the kind of help the Earthman wanted. I suspected I had been honored because of my
interest in literary numerals and because it was my ancestorтАФand yours, my dear children, your ancestor,
too!тАФthe nzred fanobrel, to whom those first Earthmen on Venus had made the wonderful promise of
A tkan it was, a tkan of my own family, who flew to bring me the message of the nzred nzredd. I
was in hiding at the timeтАФthis was the Season of Wind-Driven Rains and the great spotted snakes had
come south for their annual Plookh feed; only a swift-flying tkan could have found me in the high grasses
of the marsh where we nzredd hide at this season.
yet been civilized and were still using our ancestral language in-stead of the cultivated English.
"Last night, a flame ship landed on the tenth highest mountain," the tkan told me. "It contained the
long-promised emissary from Earth: a Hogan of the Shlestertrapp."
"Hogan Shlestertrap," I corrected. "Their names are not like ours; these are civi-lized creatures
beyond our fumbling comprehension. The equivalent of what you called him would be 'a man of the
"Let that be," the tkan replied. "I am no erudite nzred to hide lowly in the marshes and apply
numbers categorically; I am a tkan who has flown far and been useful in the chain of many families. This
Hogan Shlestertrap, then, emerged from his ship and had a dwelling prepared for him by hisтАФwhat did
the nzred nzredd call them?"
"Women?" I suggested, remembering my Book of Twos.
"No, not womenтАФrobots. Strange creatures these robots: they participate in no chain, as I
understand it, and yet are reproduced. After the dwelling was completed, the nzred nzredd called upon
thisтАФthis Hogan Earthman and was informed that the Hogan, who feeds and hatches in a place called
Hollywood California U.S.A. Earth, had been assigned to Venus on our behalf. It seems that Hollywood
California U.S.A. Earth is considered the greatest source of civilizing influence in the universe by the
Terran Government. They civilize by means of something called stereo-movies."
"They send us their best," I murmured, "their very best. How correctly did my ancestor describe
them when he said their unselfish greatness made dismal mockery of comparison! We are such
inconsequential creatures, we Plookhh: small of size, bereft of most useful knowledge, desired prey of all
the monsters of our planet who consider us transcendentally delicious morselsтАФand these soaring
adventurers send us a cultural missionary from no less than Hollywood California U.S.A. Earth!"
"Will the Hogan Shlestertrap teach us to build flame ships and dwellings upon mountains in which we
may be secure?"