Top 10 Finishers to Smackdown Your Opponent
While many believe 1992's 'Mortal Kombat' originated the Fatality, that's not entirely true. Text game characters have been mercilessly killing each other in bloody, gruesome ways long before "Finish Him!" was an iconic phrase. While Congress was scrambling to slap warning stickers on every new videogame, text games luckily slipped under the radar. Can you imagine for a second if text games had to be submitted to the ESRB for approval? I'm pretty sure some of these text game finishers would warrant a Mature or even AO+ rating. That's what makes them so badass, though, and I've listed some of the classiest text game finishing moves for your enjoyment (sick pups)!
The forest-loving Metamorphs of Achaea can bond with various animal spirits, two being the Icewyrm and Gorilla. While inhabited by the Icewyrm, a metamorph can freeze their text game opponent, rendering them frozen solid. If they quickly transform into a Gorilla before their opponent unfreezes, the metamorph can rain down angry gorilla fists with the fury of a thousand Gods, effectively shattering their opponent into a bajillion pieces. Suck on that, Sub-Zero!
2: Eternal Sleep
Bringing some 1980's horror to the text game arena, Dreamweavers in Lusty are able to kill an opponent where they're most vulnerable - in their dreams. Traveling into a sleeping opponent's dream realm, the Dreamweaver will cut the precious cord that links us all back to our bodies. While going 'peacefully' is a preferred method for some, I know I'll be sleeping with one eye open in Lusternia.
3: Absolve / Catharsis
Holy Priests and their evil Apostate counterparts share a similar text game finisher - that is, the ability to rip out a victim's soul. Priests and Apostates are granted Celestial guardian angels and daemonic Baalzadeen companions, respectively. Once an opponent is under a certain mana percentage, the Priest or Apostate will give the signal to their companion, who will literally tear the soul from the hapless player.
Unique to the Wiccans of Lusternia, this finisher is two-fold. First, the Wiccan will curse their opponent with the Toadcurse, transforming them into, you guessed it - a toad. However, there's no Prince Charming or happy ending in sight for the unfortunate amphibian. The Wiccan will proceed to stomp on the toad, very hard, leaving a mess of blood and guts behind. A fantastic Brothers Grimm tale, indeed.
Perhaps the most gruesome text game kill of all, practioners of Necromancy are able to horrifically torture their victims before death. After shriveling their opponents arms and legs, leaving them utterly helpless, the Necromancer will proceed to slowly rip open their victim's chest before finally stabbing him with his own sternum, leaving the corpse as a warning. Brutal. Fortunately for you, past articles explain how to avoid this!
Utilized by Lusternian monks, this ability works a lot like the 5 Finger Touch of Death. After a series of chest-pain inducing blows, the Tahtetso monk will deliver one final strike, causing your frail heart to suddenly explode inside your chest. If Pepto Bismol existed in text games, I don't think it'd be much help here.
This one is self-explanatory. The wild and savage Lycans of Aetolia will, after slicing your guts, proceed to devour your carcass whole. True to their wolf nature, they'll clean the meat from your bones until you're nothing but a toothpick.
The stealthy Rogue class in Midkemia Online allows players to sneak up on an unsuspecting text game opponent, silently creeping closer and closer until they're in perfect range. Then, without warning, they clamp their hands over the mouth of their victim and slit their throat with a dagger. The text game Rogue slips away behind the ensuing fountain of blood, for the win.
9: Incendiary Arrow
One of my personal favorites from Imperian, the incendiary arrow is an explosive finishing move - literally. After the arrow buries itself in your gut, text game players have a short time to remove the arrow as the fuse burns down, or be blown to smithereens. Removing an arrow from your guts can be extremely painful, but it sure beats your intestines splattering against the nearest wall.
10: Divine Zap
Pissing off a God character in any IRE text game can end badly for you. Maybe you offended them, or maybe you were just being an obnoxious player - whatever the reason, a stream of crackling fire will soon go sizzling across the skies. Your text game character can only watch in horror as the ball of fire hurtles towards you at an alarming velocity, before instantly incinerating you to a crisp. Text game misbehavers quickly shape up when the fireballs go a-streakin', for sure.
Ron Owens can be found mercilessly slaying opponents on his favourite text games at Iron Realms!