Robocalls are almost always annoying. Obsession over tznius is usually obnoxious. Attributing good fortune to particular acts is often offensive. Lying is immoral. This recording is a toxic mix of those four poisonous ingredients.
A gathering of women teachers in Lakewood was held on May 14, 2014. The topic was tznius, of course. Apparently, the rabbis suggested that the teachers of Lakewood shorten their wigs to make them look less alluring.
Rabbis are instructing women to cut their $2000 wigs. The wigs are expensive because they look nice. So the rabbis say that the women should chop the hair that won’t grow back on their costly wigs which look nice so that the women won’t look as pretty. Sounds wasteful to me. It seems somewhat reckless to demand that others spend money to devalue their wigs because a new edict has been issued regarding wig length. It’s obviously not mandatory if it was okay until the present moment. So maybe it would be more compassionate to demand that the next wig purchase be a shorter cut. And if you insist that women cut their wigs, perhaps it should be sponsored by the rabbis and they can reimburse the women for losses incurred?
Why can’t the women of Lakewood look pretty? Why do they have to cut their wigs to a length that is specifically chosen because it doesn’t look as nice? Why are rabbis making decrees about wig length? Why is an unappealing wig length considered tzanua? Why is this an issue? Why is this the issue? Why did so many people attend the event?
Anyway, the gathering ends and I have no idea if anyone actually went to cut their wigs to comply with the rabbinically sanctioned recommended wig length. Let’s assume that hundreds of women shortened their wigs.
A robocall congratulated the women who attended the “haya machanecha kadosh” asifa for cutting their wigs to a shorter length. The voice announced that because of the great merit of the righteous women who shortened their wigs to the new appropriate lengths there were (Baruch Hashem) no Hatzalah (local ambulance corp) calls in the entire Lakewood. This is truly historic as it was the first time ever that there were no Hatzalah calls for a few days. The voice urges women to keep Lakewood safe by cutting their wigs ensuring that there will be no Hatzalah calls ever again. Oh, and if you’d like to make an appointment with a wig salon professional press 1 now!
When I heard this recording I almost lost my lunch.
It’s a near certainty that shortening wigs has no effect on health and safety. I say near certainty only because I am not certain. Anything is possible. But I am 99.9999999999% certain that the wigs and Hatzalah have no relationship. To make this audacious claim requires a tremendous amount of hubris, naiveté, guts, and foolishness. Another toxic mixture.
Worse yet, there were Hatzalah calls in Lakewood this week. Several calls in fact. Some of them were rather serious too. The claim itself is ludicrous. But when combined with the fact that it’s a bald-faced lie the claim rises to the level of nefariousness that we must protest this abomination and distortion of Torah and Judaism.
This is my protest: “My dear brethren of the robocall, you are perverting Judaism. I beg of you to stop your insidious campaign of fear mongering and vicious lies. Short wigs don’t save lives. They don’t do a thing other than make their wearers look worse. Lying to the public to convince them to use your wig cutting service so they can conform to this ridiculous stricture under the guise that health and safety is at stake is obscene and unacceptable. This is not Torah. Please ask the public to forgive you and start the repentance process immediately.”
We can’t stand by idly and fiddle while our religion is hijacked by crazy extremists who are bent on crashing us into a giant monolith. Don’t just ignore these idiots. Say something. Thank you.
Click play at your own risk:
My protest against the "The Worst Tznius Robocall of All Time" [with audio] http://t.co/LFtwjetflu
— Eliyahu Fink (@efink) May 22, 2014