Yesterday her post was about parents who blaming themselves for their child's special needs. This touched a nerve in the community, because parent after parent added to the comment section, sharing their own guilt and concern for what may have caused their child's disability. Reading each confession about the pain these women feel, the guilt, the analysis they live with every day, the what if questions, the blame they place on themselves, was heart breaking.
Some mentioned doctors who questioned their prenatal drug use, assumed they had not taken the right amounts of folic acid, or berated them for actions the parents never did.
Today I sat at a large conference table with about 10 members of the school staff and 2 parents. We wanted to discuss our concerns for their child, and consider the possibility of special education testing to determine whether or not the child has a disability. I sit in these meetings at least once a month, if not more often, watching the parents faces as they listen to 10 people, most of whom they have not met before, analyze their child's social, emotional, and academic skills.
Most of the time at these meetings we're looking for pieces to a puzzle. We're filling out paperwork and must be able to show a clear picture of the child. We analyze and re-analyze the child's actions. Question the child's performance in church, unstructured activities at home, the park- how are bedtime routines, eating routines? Does the child follow directions the first time you give them? Has the child been in counseling? Have you, as a family been in counseling? What about birth trauma? When did you notice delays? What did the doctors say? What is your child's diet? His bedtime? Why don't you put him to bed earlier?
I've heard people suggest parenting classes more than once at these meetings- just wanting to rule out whether or not the child's difficulties at school come from lack of routine at home, or from some other underlying cause.
We're only trying to do our jobs- fit together pieces of the puzzle so that we don't miss anything. Everyone at the table ultimately wants to help the child, and knows that the only way to do that is to make sure every Evaluation Report is as thorough as possible.
I can't begin to imagine what this feels like as a parent, particularly a parent who is already wondering if they have caused their child's disability.