Persuasiveness is an important skill everyone should learn because it is useful in countless situations. At work, home, and in your social life, the ability to be persuasive and influence others can be instrumental for achieving goals and being happy.
Learning about the tricks of persuasion can also give you insight into when they're being used on you. The biggest benefit of this is that money will stay in your pocket as you realize just how sales people and advertisers sell you products that you don't necessarily need. Here are several techniques that work on a subconscious level.
1Use framing to influence thought. “The glass is half empty.” That’s how a pessimist would "frame" the objective fact of a half a glass of water. Framing is simply a way to alter how we will sort, categorize, associate and ultimately give meaning to events, objects or behaviors.
- The headline “FBI agents Surround Cult Leader’s Compound” creates a mental picture vastly different than “FBI agents Raid Small Christian Gathering of Women and Children.” Both headlines might be accurate but the words used alter the associated internal images and feelings and thereby change or alter the meaning that a person will give to the objective events.
- Framing is frequently used by skillful politicians. For instance, politicians on both sides of the abortion debate cite their positions as "pro-life or pro-choice" because "pro" has better connotations than "anti." Framing subtly uses emotionally charged words to shift people towards your point of view.
- To frame a persuasive argument, select words that conjure images (positive, negative or neutral) in the minds of your audience. Even with other words nearby, a single framing word can still be effective.
- Another example is illustrated by the difference between saying "Having a cell phone will keep me out of trouble" and "Having a cell phone will keep me safe". Ponder which word is more effective for your message: "trouble" or "safe".
2Use the mirroring technique. Mirroring is the practice of mimicking the movements and body language of the person you are trying to persuade. By acting as the person listening does, you create a sense of empathy.
- You can mirror hand gestures, leaning forward or away, or various head and arm movements. We all do this subconsciously, and if you pay attention you'll probably notice yourself doing it.
- Be subtle about it and delay 2-4 seconds between the other person's movement and your mirroring. Mirroring is also known as "the chameleon effect".
3Promote the scarcity of something. Scarcity is frequently used by advertisers to make opportunities seem more appealing because they have limited availability. The assumption is that if a product is scarce, there must be a ton of demand for it! (Buy one now because they're selling out fast).
- Be aware that this is a technique of persuasion to which you are frequently exposed and take it into account when you make your purchase decision.
4Use reciprocation to create an obligation. When someone does something for us, we feel compelled to return the favor. So, if you want someone to do something nice for you, why not do something nice for them first?
- In a business setting, maybe you pass them a lead.
- At home, you might offer to lend your lawnmower to a neighbor.
- It doesn't matter where or when you do it, the key is to complement the relationship.
5Use timing to your advantage. People are more likely to be agreeable and submissive when they're mentally fatigued. Before you ask someone for something they might not readily agree to, consider waiting until they've just done something mentally taxing. This could be at the end of the work day when you catch a co-worker on their way out the door. Whatever you ask, a likely response is, "I'll take care of it tomorrow."
6Use congruence to obtain a wanted outcome. We all try, subconsciously, to be consistent with previous actions. A technique used by salespeople is to shake your hand as he is negotiating with you. In most people's minds, a handshake equates to a closed deal, and by doing this before the deal actually closed, the salesperson is more likely to actually close it.
- A good way to use this yourself is to get people acting before they make up their minds. For example, if you were out and about with a friend and you wanted to go see a movie but the friend was undecided, you could start walking in the direction of the theatre while they are considering it. Your friend is more likely to agree to go once he or she is walking in the direction you set.
7Use fluid speech. When we talk, we often use little interjections and hesitant phrases such as "ummm" or "I mean" and of course there is the ubiquitous "like". These little conversation fillers have the unintended effect of making us seem less confident and sure of ourselves, and thus less persuasive. If you're confident in your speech, others will be more easily persuaded by what you have to say.
8Use herd behavior to influence a decision. We constantly observe to those around us to determine our actions; we have the need for acceptance. We are far more likely to follow or be persuaded by someone we like or by someone who we see as an authority.
- An effective way to use this to your advantage is to be seen as a leader -- even if you don't have the official title.
- Be charming and confident and people will place greater weight on your opinion.
- If you're dealing with someone who isn't likely to see you as an authority (such as a superior in the workplace, or your significant other's parent) you can still take advantage of herd behavior.
- Casually praise a leader who that person admires.
- By triggering positive thoughts in that person's mind about a person they look up to, they'll be more likely to associate those qualities with you.
9Get or borrow a Man's best friend. To give people the impression that you're loyal, and to inspire them to be loyal to you, put up a picture of you with a dog (it doesn't even have to be your own dog). This can make you seem like a team player, but don't go overboard; putting up too many pictures can make you seem unprofessional.
10Offer a drink. Give the person who you're persuading a warm drink (tea, coffee, hot cocoa) to hold while you're talking to them. The warm sensation of the drink in their hands (and their body) can subconsciously make them feel like you're an emotionally warm, likable and welcoming person. Giving them a cold drink can have the opposite effect! In general, people tend to feel cold and crave warm food or drinks when they're feeling socially isolated, so fill that need in order to make them more receptive.
11Ask "Yes" Questions. Begin the conversation with questions that generate a "Yes" response. "Nice day today, isn't?" "You're looking for a great deal on a car, aren't you?"
- Once you get someone saying yes, it's easy to get them to continue, up to and including "Yes, I'll buy it."
- The best counter to this is to make non-committal answers, but make sure your wife knows WHY you don't think she looks all that nice today.
12Break the touch barrier. Whether you're closing a deal or asking someone on a date, touching them (in a subtle and appropriate way) can improve your chances by subconsciously activating the human desire to bond.
- In a professional it is usually best to 'touch" someone verbally by offering reassurance or praise as a physical touch can be interpreted as sexual harassment.
- In romantic situations, any soft touch from a woman will usually be taken well; men will require further reading in order to avoid making a woman feel uncomfortable.
- Don't pressure them! Try to ask them again after a week or two.
- When talking to the person, try to be as agreeable as possible. If the other person sees you as someone similar to them, they are more likely to listen to the things that you say.
- There are several things you can do to make yourself seem more dominant, like wearing an all-black outfit--as some judges, police and clergy do--or maintaining a neutral face, but there are times when being dominant (or neutral) isn't necessarily more persuasive. If you're a salesperson, you might prefer to relate to the client, rather than intimidate--but if you're a supervisor, giving people a more dominant impression might mean getting your way more often.
- Know when to give up. Sometimes, humans are the most stubborn creatures on Earth, and some people just don't like other people.
- If you promise to pay them back later, make a written contract, and make sure that a third party that you both trust signs it. This will ensure that the other person knows you plan to keep your word.
- Use the same techniques you fear on the salesperson to turn the table and intimidate him/her. For example when you are out to buy a car: lead the conversation. Ask questions that you know the answer to, like "So car sales are down, huh?" and "Man, I bet you guys need to move these 2012's with the 2013's already on the floor." This will encourage the sales person to work harder to close the sale. Remind them that their income is not what it once was, without coming out and saying so.
- Give your own opinion of the person's situation. For example, say someone recently discovers they have a hidden talent for predicting the future. Share a detailed account of how you first discovered your psychic ability and how it scared you. If at first, they don't want to share their story, give it a few days. Then respond with an example of an authority figure (a well-known psychic). Circle back to the original person to see if they have opened up to now sharing a tiny aspect of their story. Going in stages can persuade people to open up more.
- Do not talk over the person you are trying to persuade. It is better to have clear understanding of your audience than to make a point at their expense. It you show a clear ability to listen and understand, you are showing a willingness to spend your self for their benefit, rather than wasting their (and your) time.
- Get them into thinking, "This is what I want." This will make it easier to accomplish what you're trying to persuade.
- Don't speak too fast. You should seem confident but if you hurry up with your techniques then you may end up with negative effects.
- As soon as someone realizes they are being manipulated, they will feel extremely uncomfortable around you. Think how much you hate "hard-sell" from sales staff, or a passive-aggressive family member.
- Don't be rash or use inappropriate content in your messages.
- Be careful using persuasive techniques in friendships. Sometimes a decision needs to be made, and it is OK to convince others to 'buy in'. However, if you do this too often, people may interpret this as you being controlling, or manipulative, both of which can lead to undesirable outcomes.
- Don't persuade anyone to do something that isn't conducive to their well-being.
- If you ask too much, the deal might be off. Sure there never was a deal, but you had a tiny chance of them saying yes. Also, try to be nice to them for a long time and ask them when they are happy. If you ask when they are sad, they might get mad or something.
Sources and Citations
- DumbLittleMan.com - Original source, shared with permission.
- CovertCommunications.com - Definition of Framing shared with permission
In other languages:
Español: persuadir gente con técnicas subconscientes, Português: Persuadir os Outros Usando Técnicas Subconscientes, Deutsch: Jemanden mit unterbewussten Techniken überzeugen, Italiano: Persuadere le Persone con Messaggi Subliminali, Русский: убедить людей, используя психологические приемы манипулирования психическим сознанием
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