When our children are little we try to teach them to be good, be kind, share with others, don't hit, don't be mean, don't take what doesn't belong to them. We teach them that the police are their friend and that people don't all suck. And then we let them go out and make friends and grow up. We hope that our lessons stick. We hope that our children become good people.
We don't always teach our children about all the dangers out there, I think. Maybe there's a 'it couldn't happen to him/her' or 'she/he is with friends and safe' sorta mindset. I'm not sure. We teach our children about stranger danger but what about dangers closer to home?
What about the difference between 'telling on someone' and saving someone ? Will my son understand that moment when the cops should be called no matter how close a friend the people at the party are? I hope he will. I hope I'm wise enough to teach him that line in the sand.
The Kansas City Star recently ran an article about a girl who was assaulted. She was 14 years old and he/they were on the football team. It was video taped on peoples cellphones. There will be no prosecution, you see, for a million reasons. None of them are good reasons.
Then there was Stubenville where a 16 year old girl was assaulted by more than one football playing teenager. There were questions, initially, of whether or not they would be prosecuted. They were finally convincted though the town is still torn apart by it all.
When we talk to our children about sex and sexuality we need to take care to explain about consent. About what the word 'no' means and about why pressuring someone is wrong. We need to take the time to explain about rape culture and blame and the horrible things that can happen.
My son needs to know that he must respect others. My son needs to know that he must respect himself. My son also needs to know that if I ever find out that he even thought about passing a video around school of someone being hurt that the consequences are both horrifying and unimaginable. He needs to understand, deep inside, why doing that is wrong and why anyone who would do that isn't someone he should want in his life.
I won't always be here, you see. Someday I will grow old and I will die. Someday my son will have his own life and his own moral compass. Before that 'someday' happens I hope I can teach him the lessons that are most important. Respect. Humanity. Love.
image from nomore.org