Following the Greens annual convention in Las Vegas, their somewhat clumsily named umbrella group, World Organisation for Believing in Better Living Environmental Solutions, or WOBBLES for short, issued a call to ban shaving.
At a press conference after their visit by limousine to a local dragster meeting,their chairperson, Sir Richard Branson, pointed out that if everyone in the world stopped shaving, then 487.2 cubic megagallons of polluted water would be saved, 312 wastewater processing plants could be converted to lilly ponds, and enough power to mothball 12 coal fired power stations in Surrey alone would be saved.
When questioned closely by our correspondent Petunia Fforbes-Hetherington, a flirtatious Branson (87) conceded, "I didn't mean pretty young things like you honey."
Spokesperson Olga Kalashnikov for Gillette slammed the proposal,pointing out that clean shaven people were better in bed, and won more Olympic discus events.
Eva Braun, of the shaver company, pointed to independent research proving that regular users of Braun products could all play tennis, swim and ride a horse, whereas "all lefty beardies are pathetic at physical activities" In an earlier recorded TV interview she demanded that they all be "rounded up in a camp somewhere and shaved" Shares in Braun closed off 24% on the day.