We’re Fucked In More Ways Than One
We’re being fucked by porn.
We’re fucked because Cosmo magazines and cheap explicit downloads are the predominant role models for what and how sex should be.
We’re fucked because our parents were largely taught to be embarrassed and remain ignorant of the dynamics of a healthy sexual relationship.
We’re fucked because our institutions fail to provide any real sexual education.
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We’re fucked, because in this vacuum of any real discourse, we’re being taught to conform to porn’s image of sex or go fuck ourselves.
Porn and Cosmo tell us that there is a set of techniques that will please any partner… because everyone’s the same, right? Consent, respect, and listening to your partner, issues crucial to relationship equality and sexual fulfilment, are left to the imagination or left out completely in porn.
When we understand that any violation of sexual consent is sexual assault, we are breaking down rape culture. When we respect each other’s choices, we are encouraging diversity.
Let’s get into bed with the notion that REAL good sex is about respect, communication and appreciating the unexpected. Throw out the ideas that porn or Cosmo have given you and create your own. These things never asked for your consent when they put their ideas onto you. If you disagree with anything just remember, NO means NO.
Andrew’s 9 Steps to Good Sex
- Consent is necessary every step of the way – don’t know what consent means? Look it up: savp.vassar.edu/facts/consent.html
- You are not a mind-reader—ask what your partner enjoys
- Neither is your partner—communicate what you like too
- Take the time to appreciate every detail of your partner—where they like it; when they like it; how they like it; and why they like it. Get lost in the complexity!
- Be patient—good things take time. Good sex comes from knowing your partner but you can’t learn it all at once
- You won’t get it right every time—let your partner know that it is okay to communicate when it is not working so well (and same goes for you)
- You may have different sexual preferences—communicate them and be open but remember that NO means NO
- Laugh at the hiccups—sex is not scripted, like in porn. Relish it!
- Go with the flow – the intimacy of sex is a wonderful thing. Don’t stress!