Finding the words to express gratitude during a trying time, especially bereavement, can be very difficult. To write a sympathy thank-you card, follow these guidelines.
Write Your Own Thank You
1Buy cards with envelopes. The colors and design should generally be subdued. Since you are writing a personalized note, choose a blank card or one with very little text; an abundance of trite ready-made phrases will depersonalize your gesture of thanks.
- Alternatively, you can send a plain note. This is especially appropriate if you feel you have a lot to say. However, if you’re at a loss for words, stick with a store-bought card, as they don’t lend themselves to a lot of writing.
- While muted cards are "normal" and socially acceptable, consider using blank cards that reflect the personality of the person whose life is being remembered. For example, tasteful images of a motorbike for someone who loved riding.
- Do not email a sympathy thank-you. Though this is the most convenient way to contact people, it is also extremely impersonal and will be considered a serious faux pas.
2Write with pen. Whether you’ve chosen a card or a letter, hand-write the note in pen rather than typing it or writing in pencil. Again, this will give the thank-you a more intimate and polished feel.
3Address the recipient(s) by name. Opening with “Dear ___” breaks the ice and keeps the message intimate.
4Thank the recipient(s) for something specific. This can be an actual item (flowers, a card), a gesture of condolence (attending a funeral, making a heartfelt phone call), or simply emotional support. Mentioning specifics demonstrates that you noticed and appreciated the effort made.
5If possible, express something positive about the recipient(s). If someone has passed, for example, you might mention how much the recipient(s) meant to the deceased. If the recipient(s) attended an event, you might mention how much their being there gave you strength.
- If you can’t think of something nice to say about the recipient(s), compliment the present/gesture instead. For example, say that gift comforted you at a dark time, that the flowers were the deceased’s favorite, etc.
6Make your gratitude clear. Begin wrapping up your thoughts by offering a general expression of appreciation. State how much their kindness or condolences have meant to you and your family.
7Conclude the note. Write “Sincerely,” “With love,” “Warm regards,” “From our hearts,” etc. before signing your name(s).
- After a death, it isn't necessary to send a thank-you note to every person who came to pay their respects. Send thank-you notes to the following people: friends and loved ones of the deceased, anyone who gave flowers, donations, gifts, or cards, clergy, pallbearers, and anyone who provided services such as babysitting, food, or driving in the funeral procession.
- If you need addresses of funeral visitors you did not know, check the guestbook.
- Don’t wait too long to write and send out the thank-you notes. Though people will understand if you don’t feel like pouncing on your responsibilities during a difficult time, letting several weeks pass before thanking everyone will make you appear ungrateful.
Sources and Citations
In other languages:
Español: escribir una carta de agradecimiento por condolencia, Italiano: Scrivere una Nota di Ringraziamento, Português: Escrever um Bilhete de Gratidão, Русский: написать открытку с благодарностью за поддержку
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