It is said that, “Parents are their children’s first and best teachers.” It is only through the watchful guidance of parents, the child learns to speak properly and behave appropriately in front of everyone. But what happens when the parents start becoming too protective of their children, when the watchful eye becomes too possessive and are always worried even for the petty things?
Let me give two examples depicting two contrasting scenarios.
Example 1 – Scenario 1
In School – The child while playing gets himself hurt and has wounded his knees. He cries a little, allows for the medicine to be applied and is back up on his feet playing.
At Home – The mamma notices the wound, enquires the child whether it is hurting or not, has any medicine applied and does the child feel comfortable. On getting a positive feedback from the child, the mamma leaves the child to be on its own after asking him to come back to her in case of any problem. And she gets back to her daily chores without bothering of the wound and the child.
Example 1 – Scenario 2
In School – The child while playing gets himself hurt and has wounded his knees. He cries continuously screaming for mamma and doesn’t allow for the medicine to be applied. After lots of pampering and convincing he allowed for the medicine to be applied.
At Home – “Haaye mera bachcha!!” the mamma screams on noticing the wound, gets panicked, takes him on her shoulders and lays him on the bed. She calls the doctor asking him to come fast and check his son. In the meantime, she rests besides him making him comfortable, kissing him on his forehead and cheeks, telling him that he will be alright soon.
Example 2 – Scenario 1
The child is well behaved, has many friends and plays with them apart from playing on the Xbox. The parents are also chirpy, always cheerful and ready for any social gathering. They always take the child along with them which helps in opening up and being an extrovert.
Example 2 – Scenario 2
The child speaks very less, doesn’t have many friends and finds it difficult to initiate a talk with a stranger. Hence most of the time, the child is seen playing on the Xbox. The parents most of the time are worried about the child and hence always prefer the child to be in front of their eyes.
In both the examples we see two opposite parenting style.
The first set of style is parents who worry but do not show it on their faces. They let the child be on their own after some preliminary questions and concern. They keep an eye on their activities but never go overboard. This results in the child being enthusiastic, eager to learn more and ready to face the challenge set in front of them. They are able to place their views and opinions in front of others after having observed their parents in a social gathering or even on a daily basis.
On the other hand there are parents who are always worried about the child. They tend to be too protective about the child that they always want them in front of their eyes. They tend to go overboard in most of the situations leading to a sense of fear among the child. This then results into the child developing a shell around them and unfortunately loves to be in it most of the time which leads to the child being reserved.
So, from the above examples we see that when parents start worrying too much for their children, most of the time they end up becoming an introvert and eventually shy. We do live in a culture that values outgoingness. No one likes to interact with a shy person. Having said that it is also necessary to find a right balance between extremely introvert and extremely extrovert child.
It is also important to note that situations and conditions vary from child to child but it is always good and better to have your child bereft of shyness as early as possible.
Hetal Kachalia is a preschool teacher in the morning and a dotting home maker by the evening. She blogs at http://ponderingtwo.blogspot.in