There’s no such thing. What is your greatest fear?
I don’t have any left. I’ve already lost a son. I guess, maybe, that my wife would leave me, but she wouldn’t dare. Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Diogenes. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Self-absorption. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Self-absorption. What is your greatest extravagance?
I don’t have one. I’m too frugal—ask my wife. What is your favorite journey?
To work, wherever. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My skinny bowlegs. Which living person do you most despise?
Hey, I’m bipartisan. What is your greatest regret?
Not enough time with my kids through the years. When and where were you happiest?
Nineteen thirty-nine. Grand Rapids, Michigan. Station WOOD, 20 bucks a week. What is your current state of mind?
Bewildered. Where are we and where is the world? If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Suffocate my candor. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Still hangin’ at 87. What is your most treasured possession?
Home on the Vineyard. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Suicidal memories of depression. Where would you like to live?
Right here in God’s country, New York City. What is your most marked characteristic?
Marks from a bad case of acne. I was always happy when it was a gray rather than a sunshiny day. What is the quality you most like in a man?
Loyalty. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Honesty. Who are your favorite writers?
Andy Rooney. Who are you heroes in real life?
Martin Luther King Jr. He is the man. When Lyndon Johnson was doing everything he could to make black folks happier, King had the balls to come out against participation in Vietnam, taking on his greatest supporter. What is your motto?
From my high-school yearbook, “Hold the fort, I’m coming.” Now? “Fuck ’em.”