Independence. When you’re on your own, making your own decisions and living with them. That’s what it used to mean. But now in the world of helicopter parenting, it has a whole ‘nother meaning. In other words, independence means having your own room that Mom and Dad aren’t allowed to go in while they support you, fill out your college applications and make sure nothing bad happens to you.
Real independent, huh?
Oh, I’ve heard all the justifications from the parents’ point of view. “I’m spending (fill in the blank) thousand dollars a year to put Tiffany through college. I can’t afford to let her miss a deadline!” Or “Justin’s never done this for himself before; I have to help him!” Not only are their parents doing everything for them, they even come up with excuses for their bad habits: “Dahlia has so much stress in her life. That’s why she smokes!”
Not only is all of this pathetic. It does absolutely nothing to prepare them for real life. When your parent does your homework for Cindy (or complains to the teacher about your grade), they aren’t doing her any favors. When Mom makes a special holiday menu for Jimmy who will only eat chicken nuggets, exactly how is this preparing him for life? Can’t you just imagine him on a date or going to lunch with his boss?
These parents fund everything, from cars to companionship to college, then they wonder why their kids can’t make it on their own. They search the internet for jobs, fill out their applications, write their resumes. . . then can’t understand why Brandon can’t hold a job for more than a few months. “It just wasn’t challenging enough for him.” How about challenging them to do something – anything – on their own?
The saddest thing about this parental overreaching isn’t that their kids never learn what it is to struggle and overcome. It isn’t that they don’t get to enjoy the fruits of their own labor. It isn’t even that they get out of college expecting to make $100,000. The saddest thing is that they – and their helicopter parents – actually think that living at home, rent free, or going to college on Mom and Dad’s dime, or having Mommy do all the grunt work to get them a job or an acceptance letter is true independence.
What they need – or will need at some point in their life – is their own Declaration of Independence.
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for Tiffany and Justine to dissolve the bands which have connected them with Mommy and Daddy, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and Common Sense entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of (wo)mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. . . and to growing up.