The Dailyquote list for January-April begins here:
"One need not have broadband to get incredible value out of a connection."
"Yep, we celebrate Labor day by making it the second biggest shopping day of the year. This is less ironic than the biggest shopping day of the year kicking off the shopping season that celebrates Jesus' birthday, just like the apostles did, but this is our way."
"I guess there is less media drama if you kill people you know than if you kill people you don't know."
"First thing they taught me in J-school: Never use "only' before the number killed. They're each 100 percent dead."
"We really do need to build that wall around Florida to keep folks from coming over the border like these folks probably did."
"Or the condom around the southern tip to prevent contamination of Cuba."
"But debt is bad! It stands to reason."
"Courtesy of the University of Life, Department of One Guy Told Me So At the Bar."
"I don't think that it's so much that people can't use Google correctly; it's the fact that they'd have to."
"Conspiracy theories are a bit like paranoia - just because it's a conspiracy theory, doesn't mean there's nothing going on."
"Science figures out how to find the answer, then later - hopefully decides on an answer. What most of these 'economists' are doing is the opposite; decide on the answer, then later - hopefully figure out how they got to it."
"Despite the internet memes, conspiracy theories and cat videos that bombard us with so-called information, we are not in some enormous age of enlightenment."
"The good outnumber you, and we always will."
"Bad people cause an disproportional amount of pain and suffering, so even when it seems like the whole world is crazy, it's actually just a few people. Most people, most of the time, are awesome."
"I really don't care about holding those responsible accountable. My first thought is to prevent those responsible from doing it again."
"America being a fucked up place is not a defense for some other place being fucked up."
"The main difference between the plutocracy and the aristocracy is one has to wear a funny hat and be on the coins."
"I was stranded on a desert island once and having memorized calculus integrals came in very handy."
"There ought to be a law that makes it a punishable crime for comedians to not be funny. After all, humour, like offence, is an objective quality that we all understand and can apply."
"The biggest fish is usually caught in the muddiest waters, no? The same must be valid for big money."
"If computer systems fail on a large scale, not being able to write the invitation to a dinner party is going to be the least of our problems."
"Soccer simply does not compare with American field sports."
"Indeed. In that game, you actually need to have more than just one guy with some brain on the team."
"Evolution abhors things staying the same, aka conservatism."
"A yellow card is not so bad. It beats eternal torment any day. Consider it a form of harm reduction."
"I, for one, am glad to have membership in both the Roman cult of power and the worldwide Jewish Banking/Media Oligopoly. Plus I have a penis. So, go me!"
"There is a little bit of irony to allow the introduction of casinos as a contribution to the problem of financial speculation..."
"Weird cultures of the world sounds like something that can go very wrong, very fast."
"Not if we focus exclusively on Texas."
"I'm a repeat offender - I repeat, I will offend again!"
"So where exactly can same-sex cousins marry at 13?"
"We could tell our children that being a star athlete doesn't mean you can do whatever you want and get away with it - but we'd be full of shit - because that's exactly how it works in grown-up world."
"The day that I am seeing someone consistently prompting you to argue in ways that sound like defenses of the Roman Catholic Church is a day when I have to marvel how contorted distortions of history and logic can result in astonishing things."
"I'm of the opinion that the only thing Americans should say about Latin AMerica is "I'm sorry" and then they should remain quiet."
"I'm a fairy moderate Democrat, so our slogan was always "Yes, we can....be less awful.""
"If we want to think & act morally & philosophically, i.e. to be just & honest & true, then we must be willing to criticise ourselves & our homelands."
"Citing the Discovery Institute as support for an argument (without appropriate context) is like smearing your naked self with feces, attending a cocktail party and expecting high compliments on your fashion sense."
"Successful revolutions do not depend on violence. It requires violence to attempt to prevent them."
"Penalty for excessive white space!"
"Someone always plays the race card."
"When it comes to sinister, secret plots, the US is indeed all powerful. It's only when we try to do something in public that we can't tie our shoes."
"When money is speech and speech is money, it's no surprise our politicians are filthy rich."
"Need moar Glennbecks(tm)."
"One Glenn Beck is two billion too many."
"So, how to reconstruct the optimal system, and if possible how to change to it without piles of corpses....would be a neat trick."
"Bury the corpses before they start to pile up?"
"Just what is the "truth" about the Trinity, pray?"
"It is available for anyone who is wiling to do the legwork."
"Legwork? Like Pilates?"
"Is that Pontius Pilates?"
"Note to politicians: An American flag lapel pin will not get you into heaven any more."
"One of the mistakes people make in politics is decide that governments have a moral caliber when history has proven much the to the contrary. Every nation out for themselves, everyone knows that."
"Between the Greeks and the Turks it's Romeo Juliet time in Cyprus."
"DiCaprio still hasn't wan an Oscar. Perhaps he should make a movie about pot-smoking lesbians using their guns to stage a revolution in support of abortions - and watch the awards raining all over him."
"Is the health of Obama in question?"
"Maybe. Do they have health down there in Kenya?"
"America, We spend money on our military so you don't have to."
"The American people can forgive their leaders for not being very smart, but they cannot forgive them for having more fun than the[m]".
"Sex, videogames and atheists are pretty much the western world's three favorite scapegoats."
"You see, the problem is, the Atlantic ocean needs to be more Republican. It needs to compromise and take a more moderate stance!"
"Wouldn't that render it more unappealing to the Tea River movement?"
"A large part of our consciousness resides in our intestinal system."
"If the Pope farts and nobody is around to hear it, did he pass divine wind?"
"Imagine 8 years of Hillary; an entire generation would exist having never known a white male president..."
"Things are seen so much more clearly through the bottom of an emptied pint!"
"My nation needs to do a LOT of things a LOT better, not the least of which is to stop acting like we have a natural right to determine every other nation's legitimacy. And to stop thinking our influence is best made by being able to bomb every place on earth."
"And said Lenin, let there be Light! And there was communism plus electrification."
"Can't argue with dumb. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience!"
"Porn is data. Anyone who tells you otherwise doesn't use the net enough."
"When you cut off a dog's legs, it ceases to obey commands. Therefore, dogs must hear with their legs."
"Welcome to America...where vegetables confuse our children and most people in some states believe that fruits are destroying marriage."
"One needs to start thinking as a society in order to be successful as an individual. "
"That thing says We The People. And by that, it means the God-chosen people. And by God, it means that naked old guy with the long white beard who touches that younger naked guy on the finger in that painting."
"Is it just me or is this Tuesday a weekly occurrence?"
"I have heard that it happens once in 168 hours on average."
"I like my popes the way I like my men: on a horse, and storming a city's gates."
"Try the topic of racism-inspired abortions in gun-toting same-sex families living on welfare... and watch."
"People seeking "approval" to use epithets with deeply racist histories are most often seeking "approval" to be assholes without anyone punching them in the nose."
"Ah, democracy. Everyone loves it until it doesn't give them what they want."
"Other countries doing something without problem has never been a barrier to people think America will be ruined if we do it too."
"Someday, Obama's daughter will be my wife - and I'll become a secret world leader."
"We're so scared of WW2 because it shows what can happen when a whole nation allows itself to be lured into the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, etc."
"Only Communists and Libertarians run society based on how it should be."
"It's not about conclusions, it's about making little stair-step patterns with our responses."
"Nothing saves a president's face like a good old-fashioned war against the bad [insert name of Islamist organization]."
"Maybe the threat of civil war or revolution would mean a little more if the people threatening it ever do anything."
"Not only [do words have meanings], they magically acquire meaning-to-the-power-of-meaning after a certain threshold of beating-the-dead-horse has been passed. It's similar to the Planck scale in quantum mechanics."
"[The US] Constitution is so blindingly awesome, I need three pairs of sunglasses put on top of each other in order to read it."
"Nanny state? Is that where the government provides day care so that parents can work?"
"According to V, ideas are bullet proof, so they might come in handy during a school shooting."
"Meh, Caesar is over rated. So crucify me."
"Worse... you'll be RENDERED."
"Seems to me that Atlas is shrugging."
"Who is Galt Yāo hàn?"