Parenting on TV is about to get entertaining. Bravo is airing the first season of it’s new show “Extreme parenting” on August 7, 2014. The show will highlight families using alternative styles of parenting. To be fair, I’m not familiar with any of the parenting trends featured on the show, but if the sneak peek is any indication (along with the show’s name), we will be amazed at the very least.
Great parenting is by no means an easy feat. Most of us seek out this pinnacle of parenting success. Often it can be like fishing with your hands – slimy and slippery, requiring herculean effort. If we’re not busy trying to achieve it for ourselves, we’re overly concerned with other people on their parenting journey–which is why I see this show becoming a huge success; there is potential to be judgmental.
Keep in mind the spirit intended–primarily entertainment (or what not to do). While every person is free to parent the way they feel is right, I think (hope) most people use common sense before they subject their children to the newest fad in parenting.
Four predominant styles of parenting have ruled the day since the late sixties when they were noted by Psychologist, Diana Baumrind. Now is a perfect time to check them out–especially if you plan on watching “Extreme Parenting”.
Here are the four main styles complete with a mantra (in quotations) and how a parent in each category would react to a possible scenario. Scenario: Your four year old pushes her playmate to the ground.
Authoritarian- “Children should be seen and not heard.” Scenario–The parent in this case would loudly reprimand the child, without an explanation, and would not be opposed to spanking. The parent rules with an iron fist, and children have very little say in the matter. What Mom and Dad says rules the day. These parents may fail to express emotion toward their children and seem very cold.
Authoritative- (Not to be confused with authoritarian) “I’m not here to be my child’s friend.” Scenario–The parent would immediately stop the behavior. They would pull the child aside, and calmly remind them why their behavior is unacceptable. The parent would apologize to the child that was offended, and initiate pre-set consequences consistently. This is the style heralded as most effective for raising well-adjusted children. These children eventually are able to self-regulate their own behavior. The parents are loving, providing appropriate behavioral guidelines that the children know is expected in any given situation.
Permissive– “Don’t break their spirit!” Scenario–The permissive parents are most concerned with upsetting their children. They are highly loving parents, but very inconsistent. It’s impossible to tell how they would react in this situation, but even if they did respond it might not be right away. At times they may be oblivious to how their children treat others, and other times offering guidance. Occasionally they might be rough with their children out of frustration with the child who is unable to self-regulate himself. These parents often leave it up to the child to do the right thing. Since children need structure for healthy development, children parented permissively are more apt to be the bully or the victim in bullying situations over children parented from the other three parenting styles.
Uninvolved– “What children?” Scenario–The parent may or may not even be around to see what happened in this situation. If they did happen to catch the behavior of their child, they wouldn’t be moved to action. These parents are often cold toward their children, similar to the authoritarian parent. It may be possible that they are dealing with problems of their own and are unable to meet the emotional needs of their children.
It’s important to note that parents may be one, or several of these styles. For instance, your parents may follow the authoritarian style, however, be very warm in between circumstances requiring discipline. Finally, never discount modeling. Your children are watching you, so if you disrespect people, so will your children. Respect starts with you.
Parenting Style Resources;
What’s wrong with Permissive Parenting?
The Influence of Permissive Parenting Style on Bullying Behavior
Parenting Science, Great explanation
If you have a teen; By Parents For Parents
What to do if your child is a brat
Parenting: Respect Starts at home
Children should Show Respect As Should Parents
The Connection between Parenting Styles and Bullying Behavior
Authoritarian Parenting: A Style for Long Term Success
The Positive Parenting Center
The Positive Parenting Center