Once you have the conversation with your child about bullying, you need to decide how you can help. Intervention is vital.
Strategies for your child
Wherever possible, include your child in the resolution. Teach him/her how to handle bullies or conflict in a more positive manner, and show him/her how to report a bully. Some other things you can do are:
- Role-play with your child to show them positive ways to handle bullying or conflict. Give him/her tips and tricks on how to handle a bully, or how to resolve conflict in a non-aggressive way.
For example, act out a scenario where you are the bully in the schoolyard, carefully taunting your child. Have him/her look you directly in the eye and tell you firmly to stop it, and then walk away. (Caution: If your child is particularly vulnerable, be cautious not to further add to their distress through role playing.)
- Create opportunities for your child to make new friends.
- Help your child report the bullying – either through the online reporting tool or to a trusted adult at school.
- Encourage your child to stay away from the bully while the school investigates and finds a solution to the problem.
- Teach your child the difference between assertiveness and aggression. Make sure they know that it’s okay to stand up for themselves, but it’s not okay to be violent.
- Look into mentoring programs that may help your child gain some positive attention and new interests.
- Enrol your child in activities in or out of school, like sports, music, drama, art, etc.
How to talk to the school
It’s important to include the school in your conversation around bullying. School connectedness is strongly associated with positive mental health and wellness. A teacher or school administrator can play an important role in promoting school connectedness, and will bring a different perspective to the conversation, and will be able to help support your child.
- Develop a plan to address the bullying with your child’s school. Know who to talk to first:
- Talk to the teacher about the problem if it occurs in a specific class (i.e. gym class).
- Talk to the principal if the problem is happening in the hallways, on the playground, at the bus stop, or if the problem persists in the classroom.
- If neither of the above is able to help resolve the problem, talk to the district principal, assistant superintendent or the district superintendent.
- Know the policies, procedures and escalation process in your school district and find out what is best for your child’s circumstance. Make sure you get a copy of the Code of Conduct from your child’s school. This is often found on the school district website.
- If you feel your child is not safe, report the situation to your local police and the school. In B.C., many schools are working with police and youth-serving agencies to prevent bullying.
- If you’re not satisfied with the school’s response, you can appeal the decision to the Board of Education. If that doesn’t resolve your concern, head to the superintendent of achievement.
For more tips, check out Tips for Talking to Schools
Setting a good example
As a parent, you’re responsible for displaying positive and acceptable behaviour for your children. Children often mimic what they see at home. Here are some things you can do at home, to help set a positive example:
- Be a hands-on parent. This means talking to your child, listening, knowing who his/her friends are, monitoring activities, increasing the time spent with your child, etc.
- Think about your interaction with your child. Are you actively listening? Do you ask questions about his/her life? Do you acknowledge or reward his/her positive behaviour?
- Pay attention to your own behaviour. How do you handle conflict? How do you acknowledge the feelings of others? Make sure you are setting a good example for your child.
- Decrease violence at home. Turn off violent TV shows, movies and videogames.
If your child is a bully, you need to ask yourself some tough questions about how you and your spouse resolve conflict at home, at work, or with your children. Making positive behaviour changes at home can be a great step in changing your child’s behaviour.