You've heard yourself do it - you've used the word "gay" inappropriately, and it's caused offense. So, you don't want to be a prejudiced person, and you'd like to get out of the habit. Here's a guide to help you stop using the word gay in inappropriate ways.
1Recognize that using the word gay as a derogatory term is considered homophobic. Unless you already have, realize that using the word gay to insult something or someone implies that you think there is something wrong with being homosexual. This makes you look hateful, and most people are put off by prejudiced people. Sometimes people say things to each other that could be offensive, as a form of irony - but it's not often that you can get away with using the word gay or any other potentially derogatory term in a way that appears to be insulting in front of the general public or someone you have only just met. Avoiding using gay as a synonym for something bad or stupid or wrong is the best policy.
2Understand the word that you want to avoid using. Gay is just a term to describe a person's sexuality. Gay people have needs, feelings and goals just like you do. The only difference between a gay person and a straight person is who they are attracted to. Understand that using the word gay in a derogatory manner is extremely insulting. The word is intended to describe someone's sexual and romantic attraction. Everyone should have the right to not be constantly harassed about an aspect of the person that they are - imagine what it'd be like if words like straight, black, Christian or vegetarian were used to refer to someone or something that's unwanted or bad or wrong.
3Register every time you use gay in a derogatory manner. Every time you use (or try to use) the word gay to refer to someone or something that you don't like or think is stupid, wrong or bad in any way, take a mental note. Examine why you want to use it, and then every time you want to, try to use a different word that is not offensive to gay people or any other person. Use words like stupid, wick, annoying or wrong instead.
4Come up with alternative phrases or words to use. When using replacements, remember that they apply not only to spoken language, but also to writing and most importantly, thinking. If you constantly challenge yourself to use alternatives, over time you will become more used to them and may even forget that you could have used to use the word gay - inappropriately.
5Expand your vocabulary. Having a wider knowledge of words that you have at your disposal is amazingly useful, and makes you seem more tolerant and intelligent to the casual observer or audience. Buy yourself a thesaurus or research on the internet for synonyms of words that you would want to use as alternatives to gay. You could get yourself a word-a-day calendar or add a word-a-day widget to your browser's homepage.
6Avoid using gay to refer to people when you don't know their sexuality. Using the word gay to describe men who are not afraid to express their feelings or be romantic is a very narrow-minded and unattractive habit to have. Most women and gay or bisexual men are grateful that there are romantic and empathetic men on Earth, and if a man doesn't have the typical macho man attitude and doesn't mind showing emotion, don't automatically assume that the person is gay. Think to yourself: isn't it awful that some people are so scared of seeming like they are gay that they have to hide their emotion like this? This might lead to them themselves harboring negative feelings towards gay people. Get the stereotypes of men who show their feelings, or moisturize, or whatever you associate with being gay out of your head - being gay is just a matter of sexuality. Unless you know that a person is gay, avoid referring to anyone as such.
- Don't make a big deal about using gay in a negative context. Try not to make a big deal out of your decision to stop using this word in negative contexts, and try not to do so when people around you do. Tell them in a polite (but firm) manner that you don't approve of those comments.
- Don't give in to peer pressures. Just because your friends spout the term 'gay' to insult people or things, it doesn't mean you should also exploit it in order to make yourself 'sound cool'.
- Ask yourself why? Determine the reasons behind you feeling this way. Do you feel inclined to use the word gay in this way because your parents are prejudiced, or because you think your religion is against homosexuality? Did you grow up in a homophobic area?
- Understand that prejudice of any kind is wrong. If you do realize that you do have negative feelings towards the gay community (however slight or insignificant), you should try to combat this prejudice. All gay people are not the same, just as not all Asian people are the same, and not all English speakers are the same - so having negative feelings towards an entire portion of society just because they all happen to have one small aspect of their person the same is entirely ridiculous and insulting. Once you realize the roots of your negative feelings, you'll be able to stop using gay as a derogatory term much faster.
- Consider the reasons why you want to use the word gay. Do you ascribe certain negative behaviors to homosexual people and insist that they are the only people who do them? Do you get irritated or annoyed when you see gay people? Or is it just a force of habit, something that you are used to from your friends?
- Don't try to replace it with other potentially homophobic words, like queer. If you do this, you probably haven't accomplished anything.
- Don't get angry with people when you try to correct them. On overhearing any inappropriate use of the word gay and attempting to correct them, you may well be right that they are using it inappropriately, but then again, you could be wrong and they might fully understand the potential of the word to insult people, but are using it out of irony.
- Be careful what words you use as an insult next. You might offend a whole new group of people. Using words like "Stupid" is offensive to people with disabilities because those words have been used to insult to them for years. Using words like r*tard is also considered "hate speech" which could get you in trouble in certain situations.