In which I question the assumptions.
I just listened to a piece on NPR about a new Bollywood movie. The leading lady is quite hot, apparently, but can’t act her way out of a paper bag. She’s a porn actress. She was cast entirely for the titillation.
Indian movies are heavily censored. Bollywood was only allowed to show kisses starting a decade ago; they’re nowhere near soft porn yet. But the ads are implying a steamy, sexy movie even though such a film is against the law.
One of the commentators in the piece, an Indian, made it sound more or less like the best thing that could possibly happen would be for families sitting around their TVs to see this sex worker in interviews; that it would be a way for Indians to ‘have a conversation about sex.’
Now, mind you, this is, according to critics, a terrible movie with no plot and a horrible, wooden lead. There is no sex in the movie, and even if there were, it wouldn’t exactly be any kind of redeeming sex.
Those who identify as “pro-sex” (as if there were an army of folks who loathe sex to polarize against) always seem to think it’s great for a culture to be ‘having a conversation’ about sex, but I can’t figure out why. Thirty years after this conversation starts, when the culture’s shot and women are no longer respected and protected and bitches are breeding like rabbits and going on ‘slut walks’, when there is a great deal of sexual activity and a lot of pregnancy and antibiotic-resistant venereal disease and no increase in happiness but demonstrably higher numbers of people suffering from anxiety and depression, these people still want to have a ‘conversation about sex’ and they behave as if it’s the most reasonable, healthy thing ever.
Why is it good to place sex into the center of the culture? Why is it good to have lots and lots of meaningless sex? Why is it good to have open, graphic discussions about sex? Why is it good to have a culture teeming with females who aren’t whores but look, dress, and act just like whores? Why is it a good thing to sexualize pre-teens with clothes and entertainment that is focused on sex? Why is it a good thing to have boys who have been masturbating to porn from 12 or earlier who are so desensitized that they cannot perform with a real partner?
In short, what are the expected benefits of centralizing an act that ultimately is no less fleeting than a meal? I mean, you have to eat. Obviously. And you can make a hobby out of it. But in the end, it all ends up in the sewer so don’t take it too seriously.
‘Having a conversation’ about sex does not make shame go away, does not make abuse go away, does not make rape go away. Having a conversation about sex does not stop the misplacement of sexual attention. Having a conversation about it merely puts sex at top-of-mind.
It may introduce a few to new things to try, but do you honestly expect me to believe that a couple wouldn’t eventually figure out what they like on their own? Why is it better to have words like “watersports” and “fisting” and “polysexual” in our vocabularies? Do you really expect me to believe that this somehow raises my quality of life?
I mean, our cultural conversation about sex has made it possible for me to refer to women as ‘bitches.’ Is that progress?
I’ve said it before but it bears repeating: there’s nothing wrong with sex, but there’s nothing right about it either. It’s just not that goddamned important. It doesn’t raise IQ or feed the hungry. And for all the purported health benefits of fucking, it basically just relaxes the participants for a few moments. You know what else does that? A beer. Doing a good deed. A nap. Finishing a to-do list. Meditating. Chocolate. A hug. Exercise.
The assumption is that all this sex makes us happier and more satisfied, but I don’t think it does. I don’t think fucking around a lot is at all likely to deepen one’s satisfaction with life; and my observation has been precisely the opposite: the more you slut around the less happy you are, regardless of gender or orientation.
In thirty years, India will no longer worship its wives and mothers. In thirty years, they’ll have had their sexual revolution and they’ll have what we have: a bunch of dissatisfied feminists and a bunch of childish men, badly raising a generation of children in broken homes. And how, I ask you, will that be progress? Winning the right to be a slut and raise your children by yourself is hardly a victory, in my opinion, and I doubt it will end, say, sati or anything else: I don’t think that sexualizing a culture solves gender iniquities. I think it just leads to more selfishness, more focus on physical things, and ultimately, fewer complete adults.
I’m not championing a culture that demonizes normal bodily functions, of course not. But it’s my opinion that the US is grossly oversexualized, and that India is following soon to its detriment.