As parents how many times a day do we hear, “I don’t know”?
“I don’t know why I don’t write down my assignments.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t turn in my assignment.”
“I don’t know where I put my water bottles.”
“I don’t know where I put my assignment.”
If I had a penny for each “I don’t know,” I would be rich. At first I took it as if my child wasn’t trying hard enough, so my response, my irritated response would always be some version of, “why don’t you know?” I then became the teacher in Charlie Brown, “Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha!” This did nothing for him or for me. I had read all of the books, attended the webinars, but when you hear the, “I don’t know…” for the ten thousandth time, for me it wasn’t that he could not remember what he could not find, it was, it “is” the fear that engulfs me for my son’s future. This seemingly small, “I don’t know,” is bigger than those word three words. As a parent with a child with TS, most times things are not “just” small.
So, I made a choice to change how I operate, how I approach his “I don’t knows.” It was time to put what I learned into practice. I would love to say, the frustration is gone, but as quickly as it comes to mind, it disappears and we figure out what broke down. My son and I say the following to each other all the time, “The definition of insanity is to keep ‘consciously’ doing the same thing over and over expecting the result we really desire.” So the key is to find where the breakdown is. The “fool’s gold” in all of this is that it is easy. We have come up with systems that work for a while, and stop working. The investigation begins, why is it no longer working? Where is the breakdown? What happened? Did it ever work, or was that fool’s gold? However, the light is when you and your child/teen finally find an answer to just one of the, “I don’t knows”, and it sticks and works, is worth it all.
Now, when it comes to the “Teen” “I don’t knows” I still don’t know what to do about that!!!