If you’re a woman who owns a skateboard, you’re essentially Mew the Pokemon: magical, rare, and difficult to catch.
The general public tend to be so enamoured by your presence that they gawp openly. This is pretty terrible, especially when you’re starting out, because inevitably all the attention puts you off and leads to face-planting.
Here, we detail the five typical reactions when a wild female skater appears, in the hope that a few of you will stop doing it…
Nothing, and we mean nothing, is more infuriating than the person who grins at you like a lunatic with eyes that say “GOOD FOR YOU!”.
Remember when your parents said that after you pooped? Yeah.
Going to the shop on a skateboard is not an activity that deserves a hi-five or a cheer. It’s embarrassing for both skater and watcher alike when you congratulate her on “being herself.”
It’s not like being a gay rights activist in Russia. She just bought a skateboard and is trying to get on with her day.
A problem for those with penises, there are always a few (let’s face it, usually older gentlemen) who love to tell you how much of a nuisance you are.
Being a woman adds a further layer to their general disgust. They seem to think that ‘young ladies’ should ‘know better’.
“Young ladies should know better”
These people are perplexing because they actually think they’ll be able to get you to see the light, destroy your board and start making dinner.
The presence of mammary glands is enough to make even the most liberally-minded adult do a double-take as you cruise past.
Unfortunately, there’s never enough time for them to rearrange their perplexed faces.
“Perhaps they’re trying to work out if you’re a ‘lesbanim'”
Then, for the next week, you see their look of absolute bewilderment every time you close your eyes. How can you have made someone’s face look that pained by simply using a method of transport?
Perhaps they’re trying to work out if you are a ‘lesbanim’ or a boy with a hormonal disorder. C’mon guys. It’s 2014.
Definitely the most offensive of all the reactions listed here, a look of suspicion can rattle even the most enthusiastic female skater. The look implies one of the following sentiments:
1. “So, you’re trying to get laid then?”
2. “Yeah, but you can’t ACTUALLY skate.”
Firstly, don’t flatter yourselves gentlemen.
Secondly, what does that mean and who cares anyway?!
The second option is particularly a problem for girls with longboards, as many assume that they will suck at anything more technical. And they might do. But they also might be really amazing and show you up one day. Then you’ll feel like a tit.
Wolf whistles and people shouting an assumed sexual orientation at you are two sides of the same coin. Both are as gross as each other.
“Some men assume the colour pink means “I’M AVAILABLE!'”
These flirtatious noises are also greatly increased if you happen to be riding a particularly ‘female’ board – those with colourful grip tape tend to get more of this unwanted sexual attention because some men assume the colour pink means “I’M AVAILABLE”.
Sorry guys, some of us just like pink and the fact it’s the same colour as our nether-regions is incidental.