Larry King is older than sand and he was Spartacus‘ au pair, so you think that because he lived during the Roman Empire he’d be an expert on bisexuality, but the no-neck lizard has no idea how bisexuality works. Magnets, how do they work? Bisexuality, how does it work? While talking to Anna Paquin on his show Larry King Now, Larry asked her if she considers herself a non-practicing bi-sexual (Unimportant side note: One of my friends in high school had the thickest ass Chinese accent and she’d pronounce bi-sexual as “bi-sesh-ooh-ull”, so now I say it as “bi-sesh-ooh-ull,” because it just feels better on my tongue) since she’s married to a dude. Larry seems to think that as soon as Anna married Beeeeeeehl, her craving to puss and her attraction to ladies went dormant. Anna and Beeeehl sent her bi-sexuality to a farm where it runs around and plays with the former bi-sexualities of others and they keep meaning to visit it on the weekends, but they just haven’t found the time. Anna let Larry King know that just because she’s married to a guy and is staying true to him doesn’t mean her nipples don’t get hard for ladies anymore. Educate that lizard, Soookeh! via The Advocate
Larry: “Are you a non-practicing bisexual?”
Sookeh: “Well, I am married to my husband and we are happily monogamously married.”
Larry: “But you were bisexual?”
Sookeh: “Well, I don’t think it’s a past-tense thing.”
Sookeh: “No. Are you still straight if you are with somebody — if you were to break up with them or if they were to die, it doesn’t prevent your sexuality from existing. It doesn’t really work like that.”
Awkward IS Sookeh teaching Larry King about bi-sexuality. I watched the clip (at the 11:02 mark) and I still don’t know if Larry King got it. Sookeh should’ve broken it down in a way that Larry King understood. Sookeh should’ve told him that as a lizard, he probably really loves crickets and mango slices. He loves mango slices as much as he loves crickets. His tongue gets a boner for both of them. Let’s say that one day, Larry’s caretaker only gave him crickets and from that day on, he only got crickets for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yes, Larry would be perfectly happy, because he loves crickets, but that doesn’t mean he’d stop thinking about or stop craving mango slices. Sookeh should’ve put it like that. On second thought, that’s a bad idea, because that would’ve given Larry the hungries and then his lizard tongue would’ve shot out of his mouth and searched her teef for any food bits.
But seriously, bless Sookeh for educating the pepaws on one’s love of peen and poon. She should continue to do good things for the world by making sure that Sookeh and Beeehl die slow, painful deaths on the finale of True Blood, because they’ve been so goddamn annoying and the audience needs some satisfaction.
Here’s Sookeh still working that Mermista hair while leaving a spa in West Hollywood the other day and leaving LAX with her husband and one of her twins a couple of weeks ago.