Cartoon: Simon Letch
''AMERICAN doctors are testing microwave technology developed for a space-based missile defence system to shrink breast tumours before surgery.''
I confess I can't recall who wrote that brilliant sentence, but unfortunately it wasn't me.
It has it all though, doesn't it? Almost every word has a resonance that captures both the female and male eye as it skims the morning paper, let alone the effect such words might have on those who have ''breast tumours''.
My problem stems from being a cancer doctor - I'm the sucker supervising all the non-American, non-microwave, non-space-based technologies in an attempt to help my patients. Sometimes that means better cure rates, sometimes it means a more comfortable (but uncured) life, but my treatments lack pizzazz and are distinctly unsexy.
Well validated by carefully conducted clinical trials, but unconnected to missile programs, magic bullets and the like.
I blame a certain amount of it on God, or more precisely the lack of Him or Her in our secular society. Thanks to rationalism and the hard work of our scientists, we now have at least a partial understanding of the physics and chemistry of our world.
It is thus tempting to assume that there is a technological solution to all our problems. We cannot say: ''I am sick because the gods are angry and there's not much I can do about it'', but rather have a tendency to say: ''I am sick and there must be a machine that can fix me.''
When we are desperate, gizmos provide hope, especially if championed by A Current Affair but loudly condemned by the medical profession (who never seem to know anything).
Another pervasive misconception is the idea firstly that it is possible to categorise everything as ''natural'' or ''unnatural'' (what are the rules there?), and secondly that natural is good, unnatural bad.
Natural is not good. Natural is being eaten by a lion because you can't run fast enough. Natural is dying of pneumonia because there are no antibiotics. Natural is nasty.
We are not, of course, completely rational beings, thank goodness. But try as I might, I still cannot understand why some people refuse the wisdom of decades of research, yet welcome with open arms (or at least legs) a coffee enema. Especially if it is straight from the espresso machine, piping hot - ouch.
If it has to happen, at least make mine a lukewarm, very milky latte please. And no spoon, thank you all the same.