Snail Price Rise Forces French To Eat Own Bogies
A SHARP rise in the price of snails is forcing millions of hard-up Frenchmen to eat their own bogies.
The French normally consume 14,000 tonnes of snails every year, which they import from Eastern Europe to eat alongside frog thighs and horse testicles.
However, supplies have collapsed after a mass outbreak of shell flu among the vast snail herds of Bulgaria and the Russian Steppes.
Guy Defarge, head chef at Le Dégoûtant in Paris, said: "We try rat's pancreas, ze sex organs of a squid, and ze eyeballs of a raccoon, and zey all taste fantastique, very popular.
"But zey are not ze snail, so instead we just use bogies and zey work like a charm. Now we are asking ze staff to keep all their bogies in a jar."
He added: "We have also placed a sign in ze window offering instant cash payment for large, good quality bogies with no black bits."
Meanwhile President Sarkozy and his incredibly hot wife have come under fire from Le Monde for eating foreign worms instead of 'simple French snot'.
Defarge said: "Monsieur Sarkozy is out of touch. Lucky for him his wife is such a total and utter pump."