It's only a matter of time before you meet someone who's always late, cancels important meetings at the last minute, and never acts on their commitments. These people can be called 'flakes.' Almost everyone's acted flaky at some time in their lives, but chronic flakiness can be seriously annoying and disruptive. This behaviour can make your life miserable, so read on after the break to learn how to avoid it.
1Observe their timing. Flaky people often have problems with time. Are they always getting to class just before the bell rings, or getting to the business meeting right before it starts, etc? If so, this should be a warning sign.Ad
2Pay attention to their work habits. Most of the time, flakes don't take their work seriously, or do enough just to get by. These aren't good signs, since flaky people don't like to work. This might be because of insecurity and pain from perfectionism, but don't make judgments when you first meet the potential flake.
- Do they dump all the work on others, get things done at the last minute or work only when being watched? These aren't good signs, either.
3Consider their reliability. Determine whether or not they have a problem with commitments. When both of you are on an academics team, do they cancel a meet right before you get on the bus? When you work with them on a presentation for your boss, do they call late at night saying they can't work with you? These instances are nearly always followed by some sort of excuse, which may or may not be lame.
4Reflect on how they treat you. Flakes often go back and forth about how they act towards you. Do they have a 'hot-and-cold' behaviour cycle: one week you're their best friend, and the next they hate you? Do they send you nasty e-mails, then act like it's no big deal when you ask them about it?
5Watch their communication habits. Some flaky people will make rude comments about you and know that they will upset you. Then they'll brush it off as a joke. Do they communicate in one steady conversation, or in loose chatter? How often do they reply to your phone calls, texts, emails or IM's?
- When someone doesn't reply to your communication efforts (particularly urgent ones), that's another sign of bad time management skills.
- If they're unable to communicate in one steady stream of conversation with you, they usually aren't taking the relationship seriously. (Or they're shy or have poor communication skills.)
6Take note of their group behaviour. Some flaky people have a certain group that they want to fit in to, and keep an eye on them when they're with this group. Do they throw themselves into a conversation when there's a large group of people, and save talking to you when both of you aren't around others (like they're ashamed to be seen with you in public?) Do they treat other people like this?
- When they give you the cold shoulder, this may not be flakiness. They may be shy, in a bad mood, have a disagreement with you, have poor communication skills or they might like you.
7Flaky people aren't as destructive as you might think. For the most part, it's possible to be friends with a flake. They usually don't have an ego problem, and are easy to get along with. It's possible to be friends with them, but the key is to not rely on them.
- Whenever you rely on a flake for anything, the project will often collapse as soon as they drop out of it. This is because you trusted them with a responsibility that they didn't follow up on, and then you have to make up for their load (along with yours.)
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- Keep your own flakiness down as much as you can. Not only will people be able to rely on you, but you will also be respected for your dependability.
- Flaky people make two types of excuses: great ones that are believable, or ones that are completely nonsensical. Keep this in mind when they cancel at the last minute.
- When you remind a flaky person of some sort of obligation when they're in a good mood, they will often get mad at you.
- How do you know when you're becoming too involved with a flake? When you start considering them as a business partner or consider asking them to help you with a major project, then you might need to tone down the relationship.
- Flaky people often don't dump work on others outright. Instead, they take their time, talk forever and aren't very efficient. This behaviour is usually very annoying, and someone eventually picks up their load.
- Flakes aren't usually very destructive, but they can be incredibly annoying.
- Always try to read the potential flake's body language. This will save you confusion in the long-term.
- Never get seriously involved with a flake. This can cause you a lot of stress in the long term.
- Don't constantly remind them of their flakiness. This will only make them mad. Instead, gently point it out- preferably when they're in either a neutral or good mood. Then they might eventually get the point that people know they're flaky, and won't be depended on or taken seriously anytime soon.
Categories: Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions
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