Below the Surface On Fathers' Rights
Published: September 2, 1990
We are discovering millions of walking wounded as adult survivors of child abuse speak out about the horror of their childhoods. As children, most of them told an adult of the abuse but weren't believed. Sadly enough, nothing has changed. Children are still being abused by trusted adults in epidemic proportions, and no one is listening as they ask for help. While studies have shown that 98 percent of children who tell about abuse are telling the truth, child-protective services validate only about 40 percent of the alleged child-abuse reports made to them. Less than 5 percent of child sexual abusers ever admit to being abusive.
Custody and joint custody are given more and more frequently to abusing fathers as groups like Dr. Lipow's put pressure on judges to be more sensitive to ''fathers' rights'' than to the protection and best interest of the child. Fathers in these cases usually have much greater financial resources to continue the fight than do their partners or ex-partners. For those men lacking financial resources, support is found from organizations like Dr. Lipow's to continue the abuse of power and control in the lives of their partners and children.
Dr. Lipow indicated that non-custodial parents who refuse to pay child support do so because ''it's like having to pay dues to a club you no longer belong to.'' Children aren't commodities; they're a responsibility. Child-support orders aren't tickets to a ride, a show, or a club; they're the minimal definition of the financial responsibility of bringing a child into the world.
There is a place for joint custody. Many women find joint custody to be a viable option as they separate from their partners. Women generally encourage the participation of fathers in parenting unless that participation poses a threat to the children. Dr. Lipow's presentation of women as rigid, revengeful and resistant is erroneous and not based in fact.
We have very serious questions to answer as a society in looking at the issue of parental rights. Does a parent who abuses a child still have a parental right to that child? We now know that children who witness the abuse of their mother by their father are severely impacted even into adulthood. Do men who beat their wives maintain their parental rights? How can we provide legitmately supervised visitation in warm, non-institutional environments? Are we willing to believe our children and act to protect them regardless of the perpetrator's power, resources or standing in the community?
CHARLOTTE A. WATSON
Charlotte A. Watson is the executive director of My Sisters' Place, an organization in the county that addresses violence and abuse in the family. She is also chairwoman of the Task Force on Domestic Violence and Incest for the National Organization for Women in New York State.