How should I talk to my child about the new baby?
Once you've told your child he's going to have a sibling, you'll most likely have several months to wait before the baby arrives. During this time, you can follow your child's lead regarding how much he wants to talk about it or be involved in preparations.
Your child won't want to talk about the baby all the time, but you can continue to answer his questions as they come up. He may ask you what the baby is doing in there. "Is he moving around?" Or he may ask if she is going to come out: "Baby out?"
You can also ask him what he thinks: "What do you think she's doing in there?" Children usually have an idea about the answer when they ask the question. You don't always have to correct your child's "misconceptions."
Let your child feel the baby kicking once her movements are pronounced enough. You can invite him to sing to or pat the baby. Consider bringing your older toddler to a short prenatal visit to hear the baby's heartbeat.
Keep your talk about the new baby light and positive. You don't need to tell your child that you're feeling sick because of the pregnancy. Simply tell him you're not feeling well, just as you would if you were sick for another reason. If you want to explain your fatigue, you can say, "Growing a baby is a lot of work. I sometimes felt tired when you were growing inside, too."
How can I help my child understand what it will be like to have a new baby around?
Your 2-year-old may not be able to imagine what having a baby around will be like until the baby gets here. If your child is closer to 3, you can give him simple information such as, "The baby won't be able to play with you at first, but we will be able to kiss her toes or hold her hand. She'll spend most of her time sleeping, crying, and feeding. Sometimes babies cry because that's the only way they can tell us what they need."
At some point, you may want to show your older toddler some photos of what you looked like when you were pregnant with him. And of course, you'll want to go through his own baby pictures with him, tell him stories of what he was like when he was a baby, and explain how excited you were when he was born. This will help him understand that he was once the baby who got that special baby attention. It will also help him learn what a newborn looks like and how babies grow.
Visiting friends or relatives with babies is also helpful now. If your child is not used to being around babies or seeing you hold another child, he may have some strong reactions at first. It's great if you can spend relaxed time with other families so he can get used to the idea that even if his parents hold other babies, they still love him and will take care of him. Being around other babies will also give him a chance to see what they're like and to begin developing ways to interact with them.
Check out our collection of Parents' Voices to see how other parents helped prepare their child for a sibling on the way.