Holistic Computer System and Network Solutions™
Is your computer slowing down?
HoCNSol™ has the answers and solutions that you seek.
Through years of study and spiritual meditation our shepherd and medium, Master Guru™, has discovered the inner secrets to computer systems and networks.
How often have you had to deal with IT customer support, with no concern other than their machines – which all lead to a deadly anti-mana electromagnetic quantum defibrillation shell (which is harmful to living things!) – and who tell you that you are the problem?
Our Master Guru™ has not consulted, and thereby avoided the taint of, the modern textbooks of Computer “Science” classes from the arrogant and spiteful universities; why seek answers in an institutional department and center of study that has only been around for a few decades?
Master Guru™ has learned the deep mysteries of holistic computer care through the study and meditation of the great esoterics of the past, such as the Upanishads, the teachings of Hermes Trismegistus, The Book of Enoch and the Secret Book of Enoch, as well as fully comprehending the comprehensive system of Aleister Crowley’s Magick (2 = 0 & Love is the Law!).
Computers are living entities in need of care and nurturing, just like the people who operate them. You don’t kick or hit your wife or pet, do you? Then why mete out such physical violence against your computer? There is a better way!
Through detailed astronomical readings of your computer’s birthday, the day that you powered it up and hence established your astral Silver Cord connection to its subatomic quantum interface located deep within its core processor (or possibly its 3.5 disk drive), Master Guru™ can help not only fix the modern high-tech problems that plague you and your computer companion but he can also help you understand how this crevasseal abyss opened up between your heart, and your computer’s heart.
Deep into the heart is where you need to be in order to fully understand the functionality of computers. At the heart of computers is the universal law that cannot be broken unlike the laws of men, the Universal Law of Propulsion™ (ULoP™).
Master Guru™ is able to attain such a state of perfect mind and body that he is able to fix most computer problems through prayer alone. Remotely, from his sanctuary of succor in Sebastopol, California, Master Guru™ can apply the power of his Third Eye, which interconnects and dilates his life-energy to every Silver Cord in the Universe at once. This, coupled with his intimate knowledge of Astrology and Astrolobiology, allows Master Guru™ access to the hearts and minds of every individual and computer on this planet across multiple dimensions. With the warmth of his palms and a flicker of a smile, Master Guru™ has a 98% chance to fix your computer through remote prayer alone!
Should the power of prayer alone be insufficient, which it never is but due to outside negative forces of energy the prayer may be inverted or diverted away from the intended recipient, Master Guru™ can also create a Holistic Tincture Code Remedy™ (or a HoT CoRey™ as the MaGES™ like to say). This tincture code, like an herbal tincture, contains an imprint of the original virus or Trojan horse that infected your computer. But it is not harmful, as all numeric sums within the virus’ or trojan’s code has been distilled through a near infinite positive energy negative number iteration leaving the code harmless. Yet by installing this code into your computer, your computer’s natural defenses become able to recognize the virus and destroy it just like injecting a dead virus, a vaccine, into your body so that your white blood cells can learn to recognize the biological virus.
These secrets are not new! They have been passed down over generations from the Hidden Peoples of the High-Chi Plateau. This is how Master Guru™ is able to achieve such a perfect success rate as he relies upon the hidden mysteries of the ancients instead of the post-modern academic "learning" handed down by limited-sighted university clones.
Your donations to the Holistic Computer System and Network Solutions™ are needed to ensure astral portals to the telecommunication gateways remain open to the empathic mystic acupuncture of the Master Guru™ and his MaGES™. Please donate now, any currency in U.S. dollars in greater than or equal to twenty dollar increments with a minimum of five increments is graciously accepted and required in order to ensure proper healing of your computer.
Email him at mastergurutm "at" fizzygoo "dot" com.