By Dr. Joe Rubino
Far too often, people allow their fears to dictate their daily interpretations and sabotage their most important desires while allowing these fears to impede their ability to take decisive actions. When this happens, they sacrifice their ability to move their lives forward powerfully in alignment with their dreams and intentions.
Fear paralyzes and is one of the three most addictive emotions that dominate people’s lives…along with anger and sadness. In fact, studies show that 22% of women and 16% of men are addicted to fear! These are the worriers and to most, the depth of their addiction to fear is invisible to them. They are run by this overwhelming chronic mood and seemingly incapable of exiting from the drama cycle it creates in their lives. It doesn’t matter what the topic of their fear is. For some it’s the economy. For others, it may be losing their jobs. Some worry about a spouse or partner leaving them, others worry that they will never be able to exit an unfulfilling relationship. Those paralyzed by fear may avoid social situations or shun opportunities to advance their careers. The justifications to worry or be afraid are as numerous as the imagination, ranging from fear of terrorism, devastating weather patterns, flying, public speaking, not being liked or fitting in, etc. They will continually seek out reasons to be afraid so that they can keep their paralysis and ineffective behaviors in place.
In short, those addicted to fear will scan for and find reason after reason to remain on edge and in a constant state of worry, concern, or even panic. In fact, the nature of this emotional addiction is so strong that people will often actually marry the person that enables them to remain on edge or they will attract the sort of job that provides them with little security – just to keep their fearful state alive. Now, don’t get me wrong…those who are addicted to fear do not like to be constantly afraid. They simple have developed the habit of putting themselves into situations and relationships that allow them to “get their fear fix”, similar to a heroin addict’s need to shoot up the drug to stay in their accustomed state.
By keeping this persistent fearful condition in place, those who live in constant fear get to realize a number of contrary benefits. They get to be right about whatever it is they are afraid of that limits their ability to be, do, or have something they want. They get to be victims. After all, you can’t blame them…they were afraid! By failing to address their fears, they get to justify their inactions or their defensive posture. They get to blame their low self esteem on others. They get to evoke the assistance, pity, and protection of others (poor babies!) and all the while, they get to avoid responsibility for something that would move their lives forward powerfully – if they possessed the courage to face their fears and take bold action anyways.
It is only by realizing that these people are at the mercy of their fears and the extent to which these fears are costing them in such areas as their health, happiness, relationships, peace of mind, their personal effectiveness, and their ability to realize their dreams and desires, just to name a few costs…that they can possibly muster the courage to begin to face their fears and act boldly in the very direction of their fears.
If you are being ruled by your perpetual fear as a chronic condition that you see dominating your daily life, the following steps will support you to move beyond fear into self-confident personal power:
1. Keep a “fear journal,” writing down every time you find yourself worrying about something or afraid
2. Differentiate ‘what happened, what was said or done’ (the facts) in contrast to what you decided about that that caused you to be worried or afraid (your interpretations).
3. Realize what you decided about the facts does not support you. Create a different interpretation that does!
4. Ask yourself, “What action steps could I take to address this situation in a manner that supports me if I possessed the courage to do so?”
5. Write down what it is costing you to remain paralyzed by your fear.
6. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to release my fear and give up my right to be afraid temporarily?”
7. If you are willing to release your fear (even though keeping it in place is familiar and addicting) then count backwards slowly from 5 to 1 taking deep breaths between each number.
8. Say…”I consciously release my fear and decide to trust instead.” Trust in yourself, others, God, the universe to support your courageous decision.
9. Ask yourself, “If I were NOT afraid, what bold action could I take to move this situation forward to my benefit?”
10. Take that Bold Action now!
11. Acknowledge yourself for your courage and decisiveness. Write this acknowledgment in your journal.
12. Record in your journal what you learned from your decision to boldly take intelligent risks that align with your commitments, desires, and the person who you have decided to be.
13. Do this written exercise until you develop the new habit of managing your fears powerfully in the moment.
Dr. Joe Rubino, CEO of Http://www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com, is acknowledged as one of the world’s foremost experts on the topic of elevating self-esteem. He is a life-changing personal development and success coach on how to restore self-esteem, achieve business success, maximize joy and fulfillment in life and productivity. He is known for his groundbreaking work in personal and leadership development, building effective teams, enhancing listening and communication skills, life and business coaching and optimal life planning.
His 12 best-selling books and audio programs are available in 24 languages and in 58 countries. Learn more about his life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem and achieve greater success and happiness in life at:
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