1. So, you want to be a goth teen? Great! This is Lydia, and she’s the Princess of the Undead.
Stick with her and you’ll go far in the underworld, kids.
2. Step 1: Make the commitment to go on this goth journey solo, because loneliness is a key ingredient.
3. Step 2: Pick an unusual accessory!
If you don’t have a lace choker lying around, try stringing some spare keys to fishing line. Or anything that makes other people uncomfortable, really.
4. Step 3: Perfect your sullen “Really?” face.
You’ll need to make it every time someone judges you for your lifestyle.
7. Step 5: Goths prefer darkness, so pick outfits that look best in subdued light.
8. Step 6: In fact, practice a shocked face for when you’re forced to see actual sunlight.
9. Step 7: Become a voracious reader of all things disturbing.
10. Step 8: Always look like you’re filled with anguish and despair.
If you’re having a hard time conjuring up this look, just imagine that your parents are sending you to cheerleading camp all summer. Months filled with smiles, sunshine, and pleated whites. :::shivers:::
11. Step 9: Never EVER smile. Unless you’re in the presence of the undead, and then it’s fine.
But even then, it’s kind of NOT fine!
12. Step 10: When it comes to hair and makeup remember this: BLACK!
13. Step 11: Actually, just remember BLACK for all aspects regarding appearance.
14. Step 12: Get a new hobby that involves taking photos while dressed like a witch.
16. Step 14: Pretty much just hate everything.
18. Step 16: When faced with a “normal” social situation, make everyone around you uncomfortable.
20. Final step: Take a dance break, because goths secretly love dancing.
21. Especially to Harry Belafonte.
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