Update: I was unfortunately not aware of Shamus Young's severe criticism of Fallout 3 available here to link in the original piece and I regret that. It dovetails rather nicely with what I've written and it's much better executed than my piece. I strongly recommend anyone...
From: "Josh" (***@msn.com)
This letter was written last night, that is if you answered it
tommorrow morning, which means you didn't answer it when i
wrote it, which is now, which "now" is tonight, so if i refer
to something as tommorrow, then to you in the next day is now,
which is tommorrow to me, but to me, which is right now, is
tommorrow, but in your perspective everything i said, is a day
old. So the events would happen then.
Now THAT'S something to think about.
Uh, hey Josh,
Dude, it's Monday. Trying
to answer an e-mail like this could easily cause a synaptic shutdown
and cripple GR. Then who would feed the monkeys and see that they meet
Instead, we'll answer your
letter by staring blankly, smiling and nodding.
Michael's Other Glove
From: "nick s." (***@hotmail)
Could Bruce Lee get into the GR compound? If not, could Bruce Lee
get into the GR compound if he was wearing the Infinity
Sure, if we invited him.
P.S. There's really nothing
special about the Infinity
Gauntlet. Though it has power over time and space, Thanos or Galactus
would tell you, "It's you who are special, not the
gauntlet. Now give me that damn glove before I eat your planet."
P.P.S. *Ben gives massive wedgie to whoever wrote the above P.S.
Ice Ice Baby!
From: "???" (***@cs.com)
Subject: And The Spammy Goes To...
I WANT YOUR JOB, GIVE IT TO ME OR BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!!
Dear Mystery Writer,
You want it, you got it.
But it ain't comin' for free. I could use a new car, plus a new job.
And if I give you my job, can I still burn in hell? It's colder than
a witch's tit in here.
It's What's For Dinner
Subject: Zombie Fun
This Question Is Aimed At Zombie Duke:
On Resident Evil Director's Cut a zombie was eating
another zombie, can zombie's really snack off eachother?
Or will they eventually die by eating eachother, in
anycase why do they have to eat living people? I'm sure
people would accept zombies more if you ate more zombies
and less living people.
P.S. AOL smells funny
Dear Unfortunate AOL Zombie,
You have stumbled across the
very reason that the Resident Evil: Director's Cut was banned
in so many countries: zombie cannibalism. While exceedingly rare in
the real world of zombies, R.E. director Shinji Mikami
obviously uses zombie cannibalism as a cheap shock tactic.
Several countries have banned titles because of their beliefs. For example,
in Catholic Ireland the Monty Python movies Life of Brian and
The Meaning of Life have been banned because of their religious
commentary. However, it seems to me that every right-thinking nation
on Earth should be against the gratuitous portrayal of zombie cannibalism.
As long as perverted maniacs like Mr. Mikami are allowed to run free,
conscientious zombies like us must remain ever-vigilant. I even hear
that he is planning to include a scene of Dinosaur Pedophelia in Dino
To LCD or Not To LCD?
From: "Brandon Thomas" (***@hotmail.com)
Subject: ps one lcd?
is the ps one's lcd really worth the money? And what about
those speakers... i know you talked good about them in that
packgae article that you have but .......is it really true?
We have a really hard time
answering that with a "yes."
Gaming on the go is great, but it's also really expensive. Plus, no
one has made a screen bigger than 5 inches.
Let's do some math...
PSOne ($100) + LCD monitor
($130) = $230
If you own a PSOne, then
it might not be that much of an expense to get a portable LCD screen.
It really depends on how much you travel and how much you still play
your PSOne games. But 230 bucks is a lot of cash...
Let's do more math...
($200) + LCD monitor ($150) = $350
So for about $120 more you
can have next-gen gaming on the go.
We can't say whether either
is worth it. Gamers are a fickel bunch. Some of us are lightweights
while others of are ready to do this
if we can't game every single minute.