What to expect at this age
Unless you're a teetotaler, your kindergartner probably knows that grownups sometimes drink beer, wine, and other alcoholic drinks. The appeal of these beverages is still a mystery because most young children think alcohol tastes terrible. This is the perfect age, however, to help a child learn the values and decision-making skills she can use to resist alcohol abuse later on. You are her most important teacher and role model, so emphasize that if you drink you're doing it responsibly — having some wine with meals, for instance, not on an empty stomach; drinking water as well; making sure you don't drive if you've been drinking. Show and tell her that you're careful not to drink too much.
How to talk about it
Focus on health. At this age, it's important for your child to receive praise for taking care of her body and her overall health. Just as you tell her (repeatedly) that she needs to avoid too much sugar and brush her teeth daily, make sure she knows that certain things people put in their bodies can be very harmful. Explain that alcohol, even in small amounts, is especially dangerous for children because their bodies and brains are still growing and developing.
Make your values clear. Many parents assume their children know how they feel about alcohol, but your kindergartner won't magically absorb your values if you haven't discussed them. It's your job, as the parent, to communicate them clearly. In addition to not drinking excessively in front of her, you can also teach her the value of self-discipline in concrete and positive ways. Focus on temptations that have meaning for her: "I agree, those candy bars look good. But we each had a cookie before we came here, remember? It was delicious, but that was enough for now. Eating more sugar would be bad for my body." When she counters with "That's okay, it will be fine for my body," remind her of a time when she overdid it with treats and wound up with a stomachache.
Be approachable. Now is the time to establish yourself as a parent who will answer any question — no matter how difficult or disturbing — calmly and thoughtfully. When your child reaches middle school and starts to have serious questions about alcohol and drugs, it will help to have a history of heart-to-heart talks. Right now your child may not have many specific questions about alcohol, but you can set the stage for tomorrow's talks about drinking by answering today's questions about where babies come from. And since many kindergartners do have relatives or family friends who get drunk at family parties or who abuse alcohol regularly, even at this age she could have a lot of questions about this behavior and other people's reactions to it. Don't duck the issue.
Teach her how to say no. If your kindergartner can learn from an early age to assert her views confidently, she'll be better able to withstand the peer pressure of the preteen and teen years, when drinking becomes an issue. (The U.S. Department of Education reports that at least 4.6 million people already have a drinking problem in their teens.) Listen to your child when she states her opinions, and when you disagree with her, do so with respect. Kids who consistently hear, "That's a silly idea, why would anyone think that?" or "Don't you argue with me!" are, as teens, less confident, more rebellious, and less able to heed those inner voices preaching good sense.
Reassure your child that you approve of her. Children are more vulnerable to alcohol and drug use if they think poorly of themselves or if they're starved for affection and attention. Build a good foundation early by telling your child often how much you love her, and praise her genuinely whenever she deserves it.