Thank you for your very helpful answer.
Is it normal not to feel forgiveness towards my mother? want to forgive her but feel it.
What sort of professional do you recommend seeking help from, psychiatrist, etc?
Really scared to face all these feelings that have keep inside for so long.
Hi Dee,It is very normal to struggle with forgiving those who hurt you, especially when it is a parent. Children want to love their parents. They look to them not only for their basic needs, but for love and nurturing. And when you are betrayed and hurt instead, the pain can run deep. Forgiving usually happens when you are able to come to terms with what you suffered with that parent. And forgiving does not mean saying it was ok for your mother to hurt you. It just means you are letting it go.When you seek a therapist, someone with a Master's degree or Doctorate is the best option. For example someone with an M.Ed, MS, MSW or LSW etc. You can also see someone with a Ph.D which is a therapist with a doctorate. They cannot prescribe meds but they can do therapy. A psychiatrist is an M.D. with training in psychology. They can prescribe and also do therapy, though they usually concentrate on medications. At this point, unless your symptoms are bad enough to interrupt your daily life and you feel you cannot function, then seeing a therapist only is fine.Here is a link to help you with the definitions of the initials of the different types of therapists:http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/content/therapy_credentials.html It is ok to feel fearful of working through your feelings. It can be overwhelming and frightening. What helps is to realize that you have already survived the worst of it when you went through the abuse. You coped and did very well. And you are reacting in a very normal way to what you experienced. You may feel anxious, depressed or scared, but you are a survivor. What you feel is just the emotions you were not allowed to experience as a child because it was too unsafe. And keep in mind, you are no longer in the situation. You are safe now and you cannot be abused ever again. No one has any control over you anymore. Try helping yourself by building up support around yourself and lean on those in your life that are close to you. You will get through this and feel better. And if you ever have any questions or just need to talk, I am here.Kate