GH6001 Sexuality and Your Child -- For Children Ages 0 to 3
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and Your Child For Children Ages 0 to 3
Lynn Blinn Pike
Department of Human Development and Family Studies, University of Missouri-Columbia
As a parent, you may be wondering
when sexuality education for your child should begin. Many adults believe sex
education should begin at puberty. Sexual learning, however, begins at birth.
It is during the early years that your child will develop basic attitudes about
What is sexuality?
- Everything that has to
do with being male or female,
- How we think of our bodies,
- Our relationships with
- How we grow and change
- How we reproduce.
How do young children learn
- In the way they are touched,
caressed, cuddled and cared for from birth,
- Through exploration and
learning how their bodies feel to themselves,
- By learning what is OK
and not OK to do,
- From the words family
members say, and don't say, to refer to body parts,
- By observing how family
members express affection and caring for one another.
Infancy to two years
Characteristics of sexual
- Babies are curious. They
explore their world and their own bodies.
- All babies touch their
genitals. It feels good and is comforting to them.
- Babies develop trust
and the capacity for pleasure as they are cared for, held and cuddled.
- Babies need to like all
parts of their body, including genitals.
What can a parent do?
Help your baby recognize correct
names for body parts. During dressing, diapering and bathing, practice saying
names of body parts to your baby. If you use words such as penis, vulva and rectum
as you would words such as eye, ear and nose, you will be more comfortable using
these words in conversations when your child is older.
Two to three years
Characteristics of sexual
- Toddlers have more curiosity
about their own bodies than do infants.
- Masturbation increases,
especially when your toddler is tired or going to sleep.
- They also have an increased
awareness of being a boy or a girl.
- Young children imitate
adult behavior associated with gender: They want to be "just like Mommy,"
or "just like Daddy."
- Toilet training is an
important landmark for your toddler. Toddlers associate their genitals with
what happens when they have bowel movements or urinate.
What can a parent do?
Praise and reinforce your toddler
during toilet training. Promote your child's self-esteem and healthy sexual attitudes
by accepting their questions and explorations.
Parents will respond differently as their children's awareness of sexuality
Many parents wonder how they should respond to their young child's genital
play. Although genital play and masturbation are normal and universal in young
children, parents' responses may vary. You may:
- Choose to ignore the
behavior. When your child is older you can explain about modesty and private
- Smile as your baby discovers
his or her genitals. You may say, "I know that feels good," conveying respect
for your child's feelings.
If your child's genital
play is unacceptable to you, distract your child from that behavior by providing
another activity. Do not punish your child for genital play. Punishment may
result in long-lasting negative feelings about genital pleasure.
As you hold, cuddle and
touch your baby, you are communicating and expressing love, your acceptance
of your baby's maleness and femaleness and how important your baby is.
Both mothers and fathers
should cuddle and touch babies. During your child's first three years, he or
she is learning what it means to be a boy or a girl. Give your child the opportunity
to explore a range of roles and activities that are not restricted by barriers
that say "little girls do this," and "little boys don't do that." Your child
is learning about caring for others, sensitivity to feelings and solving problems.
Animals and reproduction
Young children love watching
baby animals, and you can use animals to talk about reproduction. Be sure, however,
to also talk to your child about how people reproduce. Do not confuse your baby
when he or she asks about human babies.
There are many books on sexuality
to help you meet your developing child's need for information.
Gordon, Sol and Gordon, Judith, 1982. Did the Sun Shine Before You Were
Born? Fayetteville, NY: Ed-U Press.
Hickling, Meg, 1996. Speaking of Sex: Are You Ready to Answer the Questions
Your Kids Will Ask? British Columbia: Northstone Publishing.
Mayle, Peter, 1973. Where Did I Come From? Secaucus, NH: Lyle Stuart.
Pearce, Patricia, 1988. See How You Grow. Hauppage, NY: Barrons.
Schoen, Mark, 1990. Belly Buttons and Navels. Buffalo, NY: Prometheus.
Weir, B. Alison (Ed.),
1992. What's Inside? Baby. Toronto: Grolier.
1999 University of Missouri. Published by University
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