|« Back to Article|
Bragg: Sorry to be a wet pig in a blanket …
By Roy Bragg : March 28, 2012 : Updated: March 28, 2012 6:56pm
Nothing chaps a Moravian more than the way their fellow Texans mispronounce the name of everyone's favorite Czech pastry.
When you go to a bakery or convenience store and order a meat-and-cheese "kolache," you are wrong in four distinct ways:
1. The word is "kolac" (pronounced KOH-lotch).
2. What you bought isn't one of them.
3. What you bought is closer to a "klobasnik," though just barely.
4. What you bought is actually a "pig in a blanket."
It may not seem like a big deal, but people who butcher the names of other ethnic foods - such as chile relleno or tamal or enchilada - are considered rubes. If you want to be a rube and pronounce the names of Czech foods incorrectly, it's your call. But don't expect the Czechs - or me - to stand by quietly while you do so.
"True Czechs will get a little miffed and say, 'If it doesn't have fruit or cheese, it's not a kolac,' " says Irene Polansky Szwarc, president of the Lavaca County Czech Heritage Society. "Around here, in Hallettsville and Schulenburg, if someone says 'kolac,' they aren't talking about meat and dough."
And what happens if someone orders a "ham-and-cheese kolache"?
"Those are fighting words."
The kolac is a big deal in Texas because Czechs are a big deal in the state's unique culture. Stephen Harrigan, for example, recently wrote a 7,091-word essay on the kolac for Texas Monthly. It's a great read, but I will accomplish what he did with 6,400 words to spare.
Before getting into Czech food etymology, understand that Czech words don't have standardized spellings in English because Czech is one of the Slavic languages, and they tend to be vowel optional. Given those translation issues, we end up with different spellings of some Czech words.
The plural of kolac, Szwarc says, could be "kolace" or "kolacke." Robert Janak, who studies Texas Czech history, says Czech plurals consider the number of items involved. In that case, 2-4 would be "kolache" and 5 or more would be "kolachu."
In every case, emphasize the first syllable.
As for the kolac itself, there are requirements.
The name comes from the Czech word "kolo," which means wheel. Therefore, Janak says, a kolac must be round.
A Kolac is made from a yeast-based dough. And it comes with a dollop - fruit, cheese or poppy seed - resting in a slight dimple in the center.
Just to be clear about this: That's a topping. There is no filling in a proper kolac.
So what are you buying on the way to work every morning?
The Czech word for sausage is "klobasa," Janak and Szwarc say, and the word for sausage roll - which is close to what you're eating on the way to work - is "klobasnik" or "klobasnek."
If you want to try to make Czech pastry at home, the Bexar County Czech Heritage Society group holds kolac-cooking classes every few months. You can find its website via Google.
You can buy an authentic kolac in some San Antonio-area bakeries, though it's hit and miss, says Robert Trompota, president of the Bexar County Czech Heritage Society. Broadway Daily Bread gets good marks, he says, as does Little Gretel in Boerne.
Szwarc says there are several authentic bakeries east of town, such as Kountry Bakery in Schulenburg and Hruska's in Ellinger, near La Grange.
A good way to check on the Czech cred of a bakery is to go in and say, "Jak se mas?" (pronounced yak say mawsh) to the person behind the counter. That literally means, "How are you?" but among the guys I knew growing up, it was essentially, "How's it going?"
The answer should be "pomalu" (prounounced PO-mah-lu), which means "slowly" or "dobry" (pronounced "Doh-bray), which means "good."
If they respond with either one, then by all means, stay and enjoy a delicious kolac.