Madame Rosebud and Little Brooklyn finally get around to reading Twilight
Edward listens for a vampire heartbeat?
This is an erectile dysfunction ad
For Mormons, this counts as third base
Edward displays his usual concern for Bella's needs
Bella realizes that 100 years is a long time to collect venereal diseases
Suddenly, Edward's Spidey sense starts tingling
Now Bella's senses are tingling
"It's OK, it happens to all men"
Edward gropes blindly for relief from his depression
…but for some reason finds no interest in his hand's current purchase
And suddenly it all makes sense
We all knew the Mormons' lack of sex education would come
back to bite them someday
Edward thinks vampire babies gestate in the kneecaps.
Syd is unaware of where he's pointing