So asks Details magazine.
I’m going to say… no. Is “no” the answer we’re looking for here?
Apparently, in the last ten years, instead of 26% of men and 25% of women having had anal sex, 38% of men and 35% of women have had anal sex. Okay, cool! The number of people who have had anal sex is going up! Probably some of it is because the popularity of anal in porn is leeching over into the mainstream, and some of it is because the Internet Generation in general seems a lot cooler about formerly taboo sex things.
The author, however, has taken this as an opportunity to ask a half-dozen of their friends about anal sex and end up writing an article which could basically double as Myths About Anal Sex, The Article.
“Why do men like anal sex?” is a stupid question. First of all, there are lots and lots of men that hate anal sex. It is not like the Universal Male Hivemind has put its seal of approval on buttfucking. But even if you edit the question to “why do men who like anal sex like anal sex?” there is no one true answer. Sure, Todd might like anal because he feels like it’s less intimate than PIV*, but that doesn’t mean all men like it because of that. Sure, Phil might like it because he can show off to his buddies, but that doesn’t mean all men like it because of that. Sure, John might like it because he thinks of it as a dominance thing, but it doesn’t mean all men like it because of that.
Some guys like assfucking as a kinky thing. Some guys like it because they really like asses. Some guys just like to mix it up, the same way you’d mix it up between blowjobs and PIV. Some guys like it because the girl they’re with really likes it and they enjoy getting off on her pleasure. Some guys think it feels different. Some guys dunno, they just like it, why do all you people have to get so introspective? Some guys don’t like it at all. Sex acts do not have inherent meaning: what they mean depends on context and the intent of the people practicing it.
Incidentally, the context and intent of the people in this article is terrible. “I only had to persuade two girls to do it”? “It’s something girls do when they’re really drunk”? Phillip’s entire bit about how he likes anal sex because it’s something that’s hard to get and is therefore… better… somehow… than other kinds of sex? Okay, NO. STOP THAT. You should only have sex that your partner wants to have. If they only want it when they’re really really drunk, that is not good consent. If your actions could be reasonably described as “persuading” them into sex**, that is not good consent. If you’re fetishizing pushing women’s boundaries I’m really not sure what to say to you, except that you’re really really creepy. I’m not saying it’s rape (although depending on circumstances it might be), but it is definitely not the way your sex life should be happening.
Seriously, though, this is the best Details could come up with? Men like anal because it makes sex rapier? What the fuck? The patriarchy hates men.
So if you can’t be certain whether the woman’s enjoying herself or just submitting to peer pressure, and the act itself can be unpleasant, what’s the motivation for demanding it?
Guys, I have this innovative way to discover if the woman’s enjoying herself: you ask. “Hey, lady I’m having sex with, do you like anal or are you doing it because you’re being pressured into it? If it’s the latter, we’ll stop.” Also, if it’s unpleasant because you’re afraid of hurting her and of shit spewing out, may I recommend preparing properly for anal sex, including taking a shit first and going slowly with plenty of lube? Seriously. Anal sex can– and should– be pleasurable for everyone involved.
Finally, Details comes up with its real explanation for why anal sex is a thing:
But the more plausible explanation is that it’s about accessibility—and instant gratification. Now that anal sex has been propelled higher on the mainstream menu by a hypersexualized culture and the proliferation of porn (see Ass-Hole O Mio and the Anal Excursions series), some men can’t help but order it. And some women feel the need to offer it.
So men are mindless robots driven by porn to have whatever kind of sex appears in their porn? Dammit, I don’t have fake breasts, I’m never going to get laid again. And those hentai fans must be fucked unless they can figure out how to develop tentacles. I mean, of course the sexual environment is influenced by porn: just look at the rise of the facial. But men have agency here! They can choose not to have anal if they don’t want it! Also, they can choose not to be really fucking rapey about how they get it!
Finally, I would like to point out the amusing assumption in this entire article that anal sex only comes in one form: man penetrates woman’s ass with his penis. You know, fingering, rimming, and pegging all exist. And cis dudes have a prostate up there. You might want to try getting fucked with a strapon. It doesn’t make you gay, and for a lot of dudes it’s a hell of a lot of fun.
*I used to believe that no one actually believed that PIV was Real Sex and that if they had anal or oral it Wouldn’t Count, but then last year I slept with two of them, so apparently they’re real. Weeeeeeeird.
**To be clear, “you said that you don’t want to because anal sex hurts, but it doesn’t hurt if you go slow and use lots of lube, which we will, and if it ever hurts just say so and we’ll stop immediately” is good consent. “Please baby, just once, for me?” is not.