It starts with the question:
GUY FIERI, have you eaten at your new restaurant in Times Square?
And continues as a serious of questions posed to Guy, such as:
Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?
Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?
How did nachos, one of the hardest dishes in the American canon to mess up, turn out so deeply unlovable? Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil? Why not bury those chips under a properly hot and filling layer of melted cheese and jalapeños instead of dribbling them with thin needles of pepperoni and cold gray clots of ground turkey?
It's a very amusing review. Enjoy.