1. Because they really want to see you fall.
Bee-tee-dubs, these also light up a la L.A. Gear and only cost $180.00.
2. Because when you wear these earrings, your hair and your troll doll’s hair will become one.
3. Because you’d love to pay five times the amount you originally paid for the sweatshirt you bought at Wal-Mart and wore every day of third grade.
4. Because this is actually highbrow, right? Like, a concept shirt based on your childhood sheets. It’s almost Warholian.
5. Because Dr. Martens are not ’90s enough alone; they deserve a coating of crushed velvet.
6. Because they believe you might be foolishly nostalgic enough to bring back the Candie’s style.
7. Because Hot Topic had some deadstock they needed to unload.
8. Because L.A. Gear had some deadstock to unload.
P.S. You should totally wear this with those rainbow light-up sneakers.