Dear Diary, Liz just won't stop nagging me. Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.
She's whining because I have a sense of humour and just don't care what I say these days.
Who the hell does she think she IS, Queen of England and nether regions or what?
Those stupid hand bags of hers are bloody awful. Also she won't tell anyone why she always wears gloves. It's because she is slowly turning brown, just like Michael Jackson was changing white. It's the same disease but in reverse.
She reckons it all started when Michelle Obama gave her a hug.
Excuse me a minute 'phtttttttttt bwwwwwwwwwwwwwpt'. Aah that's better. As the Queen mum used to say "Better out than in Phillip".
I do miss her you know. She had as much gas as I did. Memories!