What your preschooler knows — and needs to know
Preschoolers don't really understand the difference between fantasy and reality. These concrete, literal thinkers might assume that what they see on TV or in a movie or video game is real. Even though some 4-year-olds get that events in TV programs aren't actually happening, they don't grasp that violence in a cartoon would have real consequences in real life.
Most parents try to shield their preschoolers from seeing violence, but it becomes trickier as they get older. You can be taken off guard with commercials, previews, even classic films you remember being quite tame. So be prepared to talk to your child about what she sees.
How to minimize the violence your preschooler sees
Limit screen time. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a maximum of two hours of screen time a day (including time spent surfing the Internet and playing video games) for children ages 2 and up but research shows that preschoolers average between two and three hours of TV alone — excluding computer, video game, or movie time. If you have more than one TV in the house, be sure you're factoring in the viewing time on all of them — plus any video games.
Be selective. Don't just plunk your preschooler down in front of whatever happens to be on. TV today is often much more fast-paced and violent than what you grew up with. "Parents have the expectation that cartoon violence is so fantastical, it doesn't pose a risk. But that's not true," says Dimitri Christakis, professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington and coauthor of The Elephant in the Room: Making TV Work for Your Kids. Even superheroes convey the message that violence is acceptable under certain circumstances. "That can easily translate into a child using aggression when somebody cuts in front of her in line at the playground," says Christakis.
The best choices are programs that teach social skills like how to share and be a good friend. "Kids don't just emulate bad behavior; they also emulate good behavior," Christakis notes. Shows like Blues Clues, Sesame Street, and Dora teach your child to make sounds, say words, sing, and dance. If your favorites aren't on at the right time, record them, use TiVo or your cable company's on-demand programming, or pop in a DVD you've okayed rather than letting your child watch whatever's on. And when the program you've chosen is over, turn off the TV.
Watch together. Too many young kids watch TV unsupervised. Don't tune out when the TV is on. As much as you can, watch together — or at least poke your head in the room from time to time between chores so you know what's on. And don't fall into the trap of putting TV in your preschooler's bedroom; kids with TVs in their rooms are most at risk of overdoing it.
Crystal Listerman of Republic, Missouri, makes sure that her kids watch interactive TV. "If Elmo tells them to get up and do jumping jacks, but they just sit there and stare at him, I turn off the TV and have them dance, color, or read for a while."
Click away from violence. Research suggests that the more violence preschoolers see in the media, the more aggressive they become. If a program turns violent, change the channel or turn it off.
Bridget Young of Worcester, Massachusetts, has vetoed certain programs in her home. "The big one is SpongeBob Squarepants because I don't like my preschooler and kindergartner to model the hitting, fighting, and other rude behavior," she says.
Review the ratings and descriptions of kids' movies to make sure there's no violence, and screen any videos and DVDs you're not sure about before allowing your kids to watch. Consider V-chip technology — receivers that allow parents to block programs — as an additional tool.
Be careful with video games, too. More video games are being designed for the youngest kids. Even if your preschooler doesn't have the skills to play well, she'll be curious to try. Check the games out yourself before you decide whether to let your child start experimenting. Opt for games that teach skills like the alphabet, counting, and problem solving — or play together.
Know that even children's movies may be problematic. Big-screen kids' movies may be way too violent. Many a child has been carried crying from the kid hit of the day. Check the rating on Common Sense Media and any reviews before taking your child to the theater.
What to say when your preschooler does see something violent
Explain what's going on in the show. If, despite your best efforts, your preschooler sees something violent on TV or in a movie, don't just let it slide. If a character falls off a cliff and pops back up, explain that it doesn't work like that in real life. In the case of TV news violence, reassure your preschooler if she appears upset. Take it as an opportunity to point out what's acceptable and what's not.
Back up what you say with the Off button. In the middle of watching a popular movie with her daughters, Bridget Young switched it off when one character bit another and her girls did the same. "Neither of them had ever bitten before," she recalls. "I explained, 'That isn't allowed in our house because it isn't polite or respectful. We don't bite.'"
Ask a lot of questions. Preschoolers have a tendency to absorb violence on the screen unquestioningly. If you see your child watch something violent, keep her thinking by asking questions like: Is anyone hurt? How does that person feel? What do you think his mother is going to say? Was that nice or mean? What would you do?
Talk about any aggressive behavior. If your preschooler gets into a skirmish on the playground or in daycare, talk about it. "Strategize together about the right way to solve the conflict," says Christakis. If another child provoked your kid, you could say something like "Next time just walk away or tell Timmy to stop."
Sometimes young kids copy the hitting, kicking, and biting of other kids who are allowed to watch violent TV. When that happens to her children, Young says, "I explain that although someone else watches a certain cartoon or acts like that, it's not acceptable in our family."
What else you can do
Go through the children's books and DVDs in your house, especially any that were given as presents. Get rid of the ones that strike you as violent. For guidance on new purchases, read the reviews on Common Sense Media.
Get ratings and descriptions of video games at the Entertainment Software Rating Board website, on Common Sense Media, or on What They Play.
Have your kids watch shows on DVD, video on demand, or TiVo so that you have more control over what they watch and you can skip over commercials and previews for other programs that may be too violent.