WORLD – Local weather reporters across the planet have advised their viewers to prepare for an outbreak of dark cloud followed by falling fire from the sky and the likely end of the world.
Similar forecasts are being issued by news outlets in Europe, Asia and the Americas, leading environmental agencies to issue a severe “WTF Weather Warning” for Friday 21st of December.
The forecast for the weekend is currently non-existent.
Bad weather day
It’s agreed that the day would start at an average of 12 degrees C with scattered showers in some areas.
By mid afternoon, temperatures would rise to an unseasonal 1000 degrees C (1832 Fahrenheit) and be accompanied by a steady stream of hellfire raining from the sky in a south by south-westerly direction.
A Colorado based news station predict the skies will “open up an unleash an almighty barrage of thunder and molten fire from the heavens the likes of which no human has ever witnessed.”
KUSA, the number one local news source in Colorado, gave the conditions a rating of a nuclear hazard symbol in between two skull and crossbones.
“If you are the general vicinity of the planet earth it looks like you will be caught up in these apocalyptic like conditions from which there doesn’t looks like much chance of survival.”
“We’re also advising people to take on a lot of fluids because it is looking like a scorcher.”
Residents the world over are being evacuated from their homes have been taken to nearby houses of worship to repent for their sins – this after learning there was also a 65% chance of Jesus returning.
Despite the potential damage to property and human life, some residents have chosen to fire-proof their homes in efforts to ride out what looks like a once in a 5,126 year weather event.
Some businesses too look set to ignore warnings with Ben & Jerry’s stores worldwide expected to remain open for a “bumper day” of sales according to executives.
‘Keep sunscreen handy’
In the UK, the emergency motor company RAC have been ramping up staffing numbers to deal with what an anticipated surge in fireball related incidents.
“There’s always a few optimists who think they can make it through an unprecedented storm of fire and brimstone,” said responder David Matthews.
The RAC themselves are predicting temperatures high enough to damage tyres, cause engine failure and melt skin from bone.
“It’s just up to us to pick up the pieces.”