All men always act like Martians and all women always act like Venusians, right? Wrong.
Of course men and women are different but to always rely on gender specific labels in relationships can also be a way to justify bad behavior and poor communication. " Oh yeah all men don't feel, women feel too much, men run to caves, women can't receive, that's just the way it is. They just can't help it." I find as a relationship counselor that this type of gender thinking can keep you stuck and fighting over who the biggest victim is.
That's why I offer the sperm and egg metaphor to help you understand your relationship dynamic not from masculine and feminine labels and behaviors but from an energy perspective since we are all energy and we each have a unique energy system that feels, broadcasts and receives differently in every moment. And we know for a fact we all biologically come from a sperm and egg uniting and the sperm and egg contain certain energies.
For instance when your partner does something that you don't like you may go into sperm mode and wiggle and explode and race with blinders on to be right and that's all that matters to you. Or you may get quiet, surrender, take in the situation then take action when you feel its right like the egg.
Sometimes our reaction to our spouse can also arouse an energy that is sperm-like where we aggressively go towards what we want and we explode and get desperate, as if we'll die if we don't get our way, which is what happened to the millions of sperm that did not get their way. At other times we react more egg-like, trusting, patient and more receptive to the situation at hand, like the egg who sat back, reached out and chose which sperm to connect with.
How can this help your relationship?
At times when our partner does something that triggers us our energy body reacts, often beyond our control. All your experience and knowledge, your pain and joy, your forgotten secrets and your deepest truths, from all of your past relationships are stored as energy, recorded in your body so when your partner does something that triggers a memory you respond energetically to it and its either sperm like or egg like. Traumatic events in past relationships that remain unresolved push our energy buttons and we unconsciously let it out on our partners to reach resolution. Once such an energy pattern is set up between people, any similarly stressful event can trigger the old pain and keep the two of you battling for hours, days or forever either as two sperms battling to win the race, or 2 eggs waiting for the other to make the move forward.
Many couples report that in those heat of the moments when they notice their energetic reaction and identify it as sperm or egg it enables them to manage their behavior instead of it managing them. I suggest you have a discussion about how you two may act sperm or egg-like in your relationship dynamic. It can help you take a look at how you may want to catch and change how you respond energetically towards each other.
The following series of questions is designed to help you discover and decipher your particular energy make-up when it comes to relating and reacting to your partner. It also can start a stimulating and enlightening conversation for you two.
1) How do you communicate with your partner? Do you try to control conversations? Wiggle out of them? Explode? Sit Back? Or disappear?
Sometimes? Often? If you do any of the above, are you aware of it in the moment?
2) What does the energy in your body feel like underneath your effort to communicate? Nervousness? Impatience? Enthusiasm? Urgency?
3) Do you tend to hold back or take a passive role in asking for what you need?
If you do, are you aware of this in the moment? Do you have conscious reasons for doing this? What are the feelings underneath your holding back or being reserved?
4) Do you withhold your feelings from your spouse, family, friends, co-workers, or boss? If so, are you aware of doing this in the moment?
5) Are you aware of what your body is doing when you are in conflict? Do your hands move, maybe even in a swimming lashing motion?
A Simple Solution
If you notice you react like a sperm most of the time and it gets you closer to your partner, then keep doing it. If it seems to get you nowhere, then sit back, take a few breaths, think egg, and take in the energy of your partner. If you are always the one to sit back and wait and it gets you closer, great. If not, take on some sperm energy and flap your tail and go for what you need in the relationship.