Saxony Snickets: A Series of Implausible Events.
Maximillian Doorknob was an extremely tall man, in the sense that he was not short, nor of medium height. It was his birthday, in the sense that he had been born on the same, or at least a similar date quite a many years ago. And he was sitting on his couch, all alone, in the sense that no-one was with him, and he was sitting. Max was not very sociable, and had slaughtered his family at the age of 37, so there really was no-one to celebrate with him.
The couch was comfortable enough, built out of honey, berries, and grubs, but did have a tendency to attract bears in the dead of the night. Max had not considered this when he bought the couch, and regretted it to this day, mainly due to the several bear-shaped holes in his walls, and the fact that they had set fire to all four of his kittens, one of who had been ironically named Bernie, another Sooty. The third had been named SetAlightByBears, but all things considered, he probably had it coming. The fourth was Nameless, which bears little, or in fact no irony, apart from the fact i just used the word "bears".
Max arose from his comfortable bear-attracting couch to get some honey and berries from his refrigerator, thinking that he was maybe tempting fate too much. Luckily, fate had been tempted by an enormous block of chocolate the night previous, and still felt guilty about it, so he resisted setting bears upon Max just for now.
When Max returned to his couch, he found it had been entirely devoured, not by bears, but by the grubs themselves, who had grown into insects in his short absence, and fed on the delicious piece of furniture. The insects leapt upon Maximillian, in an attempt to somewhat subdue him, and subduing him somewhat was in fact the effect had. Max was as good as gone, when a bear burst through the wall, and began to eat all of the grubs. Miraculously, when he was done, there was not a single rip or ruffle in Max's clothing, although this did not concern Max much, as he had actually been eaten directly out of them for the simple reason that the bear was allergic to polyester. So, Maximillian Doorknob drew his final breath, on his 34th birthday (Yes, i know).
The moral of the story is: Don't write implausible storylines, and then try to make up a moral afterwards.
What is this, like the 4th or 5th time I've made a return to ? I just can't stay away. The End.