Sources at Warner Brothers said in the article that Michael Cera was being considered for the title role of Gilligan, while Beyonce Knowles was on the short list to play Ginger.
This revamping of an old chestnut of a series raises many questions. Chief among them is, “Why?”
The Warner Brothers’ publicity department has issued the following press release:
“Almost 50 years have gone by since the first episode of “Gilligan’s Island” was broadcast. Many things in our society and the entertainment industry have undergone radical changes.
Over the course of the last five decades there has been one constant, one unchanging element that continues to exert its mesmerizing hold on the populace, the plight of seven stranded castaways on an uncharted desert isle.
They were ill prepared for such an adventure. But left to their own devices, they managed to construct a functioning society, a microcosm of the world at large, if you will.
These hapless victims: Gilligan, the Skipper too, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the professor and a farm girl named Mary Ann, managed to not only eke out a primitive place in an untamed world, but also in our hearts.
These people had no phone, no lights and no motor cars. In fact, they didn’t have a single luxury. Their primitive existence could be compared to that experienced by Robinson Crusoe (If, of course, Robinson Crusoe had really existed).
This hapless group of passengers managed to create an iconic image in the course of the three years the show was on TV, but even the staunchest of fans will admit that much was frustratingly left unsaid.
Since “Gilligan’s Island” ended its run in 1967, a number of unanswered questions have continued to plague the stalwart defenders of the show. This simple “three hour tour” has managed to generate over 45 years of questions. We, at Warner Brothers, decided that it was time to put these uncertainties to rest.
When the audience views this film, they will find that every conundrum will be answered, every doubt will be assuaged.”
In his statement, the spokesperson promised that the audience would no longer grapple with uncertainty about …
• If “the mate was a mighty sailin’ man and the skipper brave and sure,” why is it that neither of them took the time to consult a weather report before they set out?
• What, or where, exactly were they “touring”?
• How much did the tour cost? Did that include refreshments?
• Why did the Howells bring so many clothes…and so much money?
• Since Mr. Howell was rich enough to own several yachts. What the heck was he doing taking a ride on an old whaler,
• What movies did Ginger star in and why didn’t she bring some casual wear? And exactly how many gowns did that clothes horse own?
• Did the Professor actually possess a Doctorate or was “Professor” just his nickname?
• Can you really make a radio out of a coconut? How about a car…or a Pina Colada? (Never mind, I know the answer to that last one.)
• And, if the professor could make a radio out of a coconut why couldn’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Over the course of their ordeal, the castaways were visited by more than 50 “guest stars” ranging from Phil Silvers to Zsa Zsa Gabor. Why didn’t any of these people notify the authorities after they returned to the mainland? And why, a few years later, did these people all suspiciously end up taking “The Love Boat” to “Fantasy Island,” never to be heard from again?
• How on earth did a man’s preference for either Ginger or Mary Ann somehow become a Rorschach measurement of where he fit on the “Madonna/Whore” continuum?
• Speaking about Ginger and Mary Ann, why didn’t at least one of those other women-starved horndogs make a move on them?
• Why didn’t the whole lot of them just devolve into a “Lord of the Flies” scenario?
• For that matter, why were the Howells accorded so much respect? They were the only ones referred to as Mr. or Mrs. and not by their first names,” Thurston” or “Eunice” (that’s right…”Eunice”).
• When Gilligan inevitably messed up a rescue attempt, why did the castaways abandon the plan rather than try it again? On second thought, after messing up so many escape plans, why didn’t the other castaways just banish him out to sea on a raft? (Wait a minute! Wouldn’t that be another rescue plan?).
The spokesperson concluded,
“‘Gilligan’s Island’ will no longer remain a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, stuffed into a coconut shell.”
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