Romance and Seduction
There's an old joke that says foreplay, to some extent, consists of the words, “Brace yourself, Betty Lou.” It's crass, but it does point to one problem, and that is not giving full attention to the seduction ritual, which is an important part of romantic sex. These rites can pass quickly or take hours, and they are important to getting things going in the right way. Let's break down foreplay into two categories, long-term methods and fast-track approaches, and take a quick look at each.
Here's where you talk about sexy lingerie, hot tubs, massages, oils, creams, whipped cream, scents, lotions, and all of those other tactics designed to lead to ecstasy later. Many couples know the joy of bathing or showering together as a prelude to having sex—or following it. We all love being caressed in just the right places. Even the right words can get the mood going.
Those of you in longer-term romantic relationships know that building expectations can be half the fun. The whole idea is to prolong the “waiting period” with the goal of amplifying the outcome. How you choose to do this depends on how familiar you are with each other, the boundaries you've drawn, and your individual tastes and preferences.
As you may have guessed by now, we think sex in a long-term relationship, especially marriage, is, to put it directly, better. You have time to work out all of the nuances. You know exactly where to go to get the right response. You learn to “read” each other as things progress. Both the act of seduction and the act of consummation are more familiar.
Some people say all this familiarity leads to a dull routine. We couldn't disagree more. It is so easy to avoid the “same-old, same-old” problem by expanding what you try over time and simply mixing up the routine. That, of course, leads us to the other side of seduction.
A Laundry List of Seduction Techniques
In a crowded restaurant, discreetly tell your lover that you're not wearing underwear.
Touch him under the tablecloth.
Call the office near the end of the day to let her know what's coming when she gets home.
Greet him at the door naked.
Talk dirty while you're driving.
Buy whipped cream and tell her she's dessert.
Buy scented oils and give him a lengthy massage.
Take a bath or shower and have your lover dry you off.
Blindfold your lover and feed her various foods with your fingers. Have her guess what they are.
Do a striptease.
Share a shower, bath, or hot tub.
Walk into the living area as you're drying off after a shower; then let the towel drop.
Breathe on her neck, ear, and later, on other places.
Unplug the phone and say, “The next hour is all yours.”
Go to a place where there's a risk of getting caught. See how he reacts.
Touch yourself inappropriately while he's watching the game. Tell him he can score later.
Role-play; be Scarlett and Rhett or nurse and patient. You can even rent costumes.
Book a hotel room for a night out.
Go to a favorite old make-out spot.
Smooch at the movies.
Sit at a table and write down every seductive thing you've ever done. See where it leads you.
Sit at a table and write down every seductive thing you want to do. See where that leads you.
Read aloud to each other the corny sex scenes from a romance novel.
Pretend you and your lover are stars in a porno film. Video is optional.
Play one of those sex board games sold in novelty shops.
Take turns writing down descriptions of various acts of foreplay on small pieces of paper and put the pieces in a hat. Draw them out and follow the instructions.
Be blunt—tell your lover you want him or her, right now.
Never underestimate the power of a quickie to make a day better. There are those instances when you just want to “get down to business” right away. It may be before you head off to work in the morning, just before the kids get home from school, or in some other unique situation where you just grab for the gusto.
Short little bursts of sex can lighten your mood while reminding each other how great it is to be together. Often, you'll discover the most romantic part of a quickie is the time you spend later appreciating each other's willingness to go with the flow.
The most important part of a fast-track seduction is making sure your partner is in the same mood; otherwise, it can be a recipe for disaster. Among other things, this means you'll need to develop a set of signals that can easily be discerned. The signals should include signs that say both yes and no. It can be something as simple as a passionate kiss that you both know might get out of hand quickly. She can jump in the shower with you, or he can say, “Are you in the same mood I'm in?”
Both fast-track and long-term seduction rituals can lead to various kinds of sex. Sometimes it's raunchy; sometimes it's quiet and intimate. Every version is good when the two of you are on the same page. What comes next? The act itself.