|Reviews for A disease|
| ConverseAllStar chapter 1 . 2/28/2012
Good. This displays a lot of emotion.
I will warn you now, I am a maniac when it comes to mistakes in english (my lovely native tongue.) For starters, it should be "in AN orderly tone" not A. If you place A or AN before a word beginning with a vowel, it is ALWAYS AN.
Second paragraph, the first sentence has the word 'weigh' in it. 'Weigh' is not a word, 'Weight' however, is. Also in the same sentence i believe it should say 'that's the smile of an angel THAT she has'. Second sentence, should be 'but a hint of melancholy still surfacES.' Actually, you switch tenses A LOT! And it just doesn't flow for me as a reader when I have to say to myself every sentence or every other sentence, 'OH! Tolerate means to say (whatever you said, just in the same tense as the beggining of the sentence.
Did you mean for it to be that way?Because if you did, I wholeheartedly apologize.
Other than that, it was beautiful.