Let me start out with an extreme example.
I have written five books on bullying in relationships in Danish before releasing “110 Ways to Detect a Bad Relationship – Before it’s too Late”. A man read my first book and wrote me that he was in shock. He had no idea how the way he had been treating/talking to his wife (who had killed herself years earlier) and various girlfriends might have affected them.
Obviously it made him think deeply. He thought himself a good husband and father – no cheating, no excessive drinking, no drugs, no stealing… but…
I find that people don’t even know they are condescending or putting others down. Being bossy, judgmental and sarcastic seem to be generally acceptable.
It is in the way that you say things – it can be very subtle but also very damaging in the long run. How you may say something like “Well, your sister would never do something like that…”, “My ex girlfriend always…”. How you may say you’ll do something but you “forget”.
So why can’t we spot such behavior by ourselves? It is really quite simple. We were brought up that way. That’s how our parents and friends talked to us and to their partners or friends. It has become normal and second nature and we forget the initial hurt. We have become callused. And then we pass it on to the next generation.
Try watching yourself over the coming weeks. Watch how people react when you speak to them, especially if you are upset with them. Look at their eyes. Is your spouse or child candid, or do they fidget when you talk to them? Do they look scared?
It is my hope that my book will find its way into the educational system so young adults will have the opportunity to learn how much words can damage.