I only have one “annoyance” to add: Rewriting portions of the manuscript while I’m in mid-edit. Not that the illustrious Tim Baer has ever done such a thing. – Ed.
1) Tern of spilchuck.
2) Make sure you mess up you’re homonyms. You here me?
Three) Use numbers on one page, then 4 pages later, write them out.
4) Call your protagonist Jennie for the first half of your manuscript, then Jenny in the second half.
5) Inconsistently have your characters tell each other, “I could care less.”
6) Refer to Los Angeles as the “Big Apple.”
7) Tell your readers that the capitol of Massachusetts is Worcester.
8) Keep referring to them as your proof readers.
9) Than do number eight again.
10) Spell they’re name wrong. Always.
11) Send an inquiry email moments after mailing them your manuscript asking if their corrections are done yet. Do this every 15 minutes for the next three days.
12) Omit all punctuation after all no one really uses commas and periods these days any more do they its a waste of a keystroke and your time is valuable ainna
13) Use regional colloquialisms and expect them to Google them. It is on them, ainna?
13) Tell them you could do their job since they only got started after reading, “Copyediting and Proofreading for Dummies.”
14) That nuclear-tipped missile you had hurtling down out of the sky towards that unsuspecting town in chapter three? Never reference it again. When called on it, tell them it’s a cliffhanger for book two.
15) Selectively edit their blog post and post it up on Facebook. ”My morning so far, besides slurping coffee, checking email, and farting…” Seriously? That’s all you’ve done so far today?
16) Whine when they tell you you’re way over your quota of snarky comments for the coming month and owe them a guest blog post.
17) Go way beyond the number of items listed in the title.
18) Sit back and see if they notice there were two line 13s, just because.