Here’s Mark McGuire’s super-jumbo online edition of his “Christmas Story” quiz. Find the answers here; feel free to post your own questions about this film or any other holiday staple in the comments below. If we achieve critical mass, we’ll run another Christmas quiz before the happy day:
(Warning: Some of these questions are ridiculously hard.)
1. What is Ralphie’s last name?
2. Where does he live (street, town, state)?
3. What does he want for Christmas? (Be exact)
4. According to his mom, teacher and Santa, what will happen if he gets it?
5. What does Ralphie explicitly not want for Christmas?
6. What is the name of the local department store?
7. What is the name of the Lone Ranger’s nephew’s horse?
8. What did the “clodhopper down in Griffith, Ind.,” swallow?
9. What contest does dad enter?
10. What is first prize?
11. What is Ralphie’s brother’s name?
12. Who directed, produced and co-wrote the movie?
13. This man also directed what 1982 movie about a group of Florida high schoolers and a sleazy nightclub owner?
14. What magazine does Ralphie’s mother read?
15. According to Ralphie (as he tries to con his dad), what did Flick see near Pulaski’s Candy Store?
16. What are the parents names?
17. What did the father want for Christmas?
18. What does he get?
19. In his dream sequence, what does Ralphie call his trusty firearm?
20. In that dream, who’s the leader of the desperados who attack his house?
21. What kind of car does dad drive?
22. To the best of Ralphie’s knowledge, where does his dad’s “tapestry of obscenity” still hover to this day?
23. Why does the little brother cry before going to school?
24. What song’s sheet music is written on the blackboard in Ralphie’s class?
25. What is the name of Ralphie’s teacher?
26. What is the name of the neighborhood bully?
27. What color eyes does he have?
28. This bully is played by Zack Ward. In what Fox comedy did he co-star as an adult?
29. What is the name of his toadie sidekick?
30. Name two things confiscated from students in the teacher’s desk.
31. What book is the class reading?
32. What is the most serious of all dares?
33. Melinda Dillon, who plays Ralphie’s mom, appears topless in what 1977 movie?
34. Where does Ralphie sit in class?
35. What theme does the teacher assign to the class?
36. What is the name of Ralphie’s neighbors?
37. Who wrote and narrated “A Christmas Story”?
38. Who does he play on-screen in the film?
39. What does dad guess is his “Major Award”?
40. When the crate arrives, where does he think it’s from?
41. How much does dad tip the delivery guys?
42. How long has Ralphie’s brother not eaten voluntarily?
43. When did mom last have a hot meal for herself?
44. What is the Major Award?
45. What is the nickname of the neighbor dad talks to across the street?
46. What time did “Lil’ Orphan Annie” start?
47. Who is the sponsor of the radio show?
48. What grade does Ralphie get on his theme?
49. How fast can dad change a flat tire?
49. In a dream sequence, how does Ralphie go blind?
50. What brand of soap does Ralphie like to have his mouth washed out with?
51. What brand does he hate?
52. When mom breaks dad’s Major Award, what “crusher” of a line does he stammer out?
53. What does dad then do with his Major Award?
54. What kind of dogs do the neighbors have?
55. Who had tickets to the Bears-Packers game?
56. Characters from this movie march in the Christmas parade.
57. Some of these characters pretend to beat up what other character in the parade?
58. Who/what does “Goggle Boy” waiting on line like?
59. What year did “A Christmas Story” likely take place?
60. What does the department store Santa hate?
61. Ralphie’s dad could replace a fuse faster than what?
62. What gifts did Ralphie and his brother throw over their shoulders in disgust?
63. What are the names of Ralphie’s two friends?
64. Name three gifts Ralphie’s brother received for Christmas.
65. What is the name of Ralphie’s aunt?
66. What does she think Ralphie is?
67. What does she make him as a gift?
68. What two things does dad say Ralphie looks like wearing it?
69. What school does Ralphie attend?
70. What does dad offer Ralphie on Christmas morning?
71. What is dad’s favorite food?
72. What happens to Ralphie’s glasses on Christmas morning?
73. According to mom, what will dad get if he eats dinner before it’s completely cooked?
74. What day of the week does Christmas fall on that year?
75. Where does the family go out to eat on Christmas night?
76. What is above the restaurant?
76. What two songs does the waitstaff sing?
77. How is that dinner like da Vinci’s “The Last Supper”?
78. What is the problem with the duck that’s served?
79. How is this resolved?
80. What does adult Ralphie call duck?