Sr Raeanne was all about hard truths. She made you think. But she was also a tyrant, a vicious disciplinarian. There was a rumor that - after years of shocking displays of temper and power-mongering over defenseless young children - she had finally been committed to a mental institution. But in fact, as I learned a few months ago from an old friend from the same class, she merely left the convent and got married.
I can still recall how she beat Jimmy Dillon because he wasn't singing "Spirit of God in the Clear Running Water" during our practice session for Mass the next day and how when Jeffrey Costa giggled (out of sheer nerves) while she was doing it, she hauled him up in front of the class to be beaten next. Jeffrey - a gentle boy - ended up becoming a policeman. I lost track of Jimmy Dillon, but the awful memory of his quavering voice, as he tried and failed to sing the song she forced him to perform alone in front of the class, remains with me to this day.
Common wisdom has it that experiences like those shape us more permanently than the words that were spoken. I'm not so sure. I remember that awful day vividly, but it did not cause me to lose my faith or to leave the Church. I just thought she was nuts.
Yet I still remember her words of wisdom. How much you love the person you love least is how much you love God. What you hate in another is what you hate in yourself.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately as I struggle with the care of an elderly, cantankerous relative. Her neediness and attention-seeking irritates me beyond reason and each time I manage to step back and observe myself (which is not as often as I would like), I wonder if Sr Raeanne was right. I wonder if I am so annoyed with her fretfulness and self-absorption because they are traits I dislike in myself. Seeing them lived out loud reminds me of how close to the surface they are in me.
And Sr Raeanne's thoughtful teaching style yet nasty way with the children in her class reminds me how easy it is to talk about inclusion, and how difficult it is to live it.