Just got a text from my girlfriend that read: You lying cheating bastard. I've just found out you're fucking that bird Clare from your accounts department. That's it, we're finished.
I called her straight back and said, " Just got your text. What the fuck are you talking about? There's nobody called Clare in our accounts department."
She said, " Shit, that was supposed to go to Michael."
I dumped her there and then. Not because I'd caught her cheating on me but because I'd told her Clare works in HR so she obviously never listens to a word I fucking say.
I just got a text from my mate that read, "Shit m8 just raped this really hot bird that lives by me and now shes locked in my loft and shes been crying for hours and wont shut up can you give any advice"
I was disgusted! Not a single bit of punctuation throughout the entire thing!