Different Kinds Of Poop
Poops all over the world are of different types. We all experience them at some point in our lives. How many have you flushed ?
Loose Your Belly Poop : You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.
Wish Poop : You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!
Mathematical poop : So hard you have to work it out with a pencil! (Think about it…)
Ghost Poop : You know you’ve pooped. There’s poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.
A-Bomb Poop : This one shoots straight down at close to the speed of sound, resulting in a mushroom cloud of water that soaks your cheeks, the backs of your thighs, and (if you’re unlucky) your trousers.
Gooey Poop : This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Poop (Encore poop /second wave poop or déjà poo): You’re all done wiping your butt and you’re about to stand up when you realize it…you’ve got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop : This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang : The kind of poop that hits you when you’re trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
Right Now Poop : You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Poop : This poop is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else’s house.
Wet Cheeks Poop : This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.
Cement Block or Oh God Poop : You wish you’d gotten a spinal block before you poop.
Snake Poop : This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Teflon Coated Poop : Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) : Even after the third flush, it’s still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else’s house.
Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) : You’ll know it’s alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.
NASA poop : This poor poop gets delayed for hours or even days due to unfavorable weather, computer problems, unforeseen budget shortfalls, incompetent management, etc. The more it gets delayed, the more frantic you get. Until ultimately you panic, try to fire it off prematurely, and blow out your o-ring – exploding spectacularly.
The Frightened Turtle : The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Bungee Poop : The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Poop : The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler : The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber : The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
Salvador Dali poop : Comes out in strange, surrealistic colors. A strong indication that you took at least one too many ‘shrooms last night.
The Incredible Hulk Poop : The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it’s normal size.
Jack the Ripper Poop : The kind of poop that yanks out your butt hair as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper : The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Poop : The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Poop : The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche – but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Poop : When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.
Oh Poop! Poop : You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say Oh Poop!
The Never Ending Poop : It’s the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt, your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. This always happens after eating at K.F.C.
Wraparound (aka cable dump or bowl winder) : When it is so long that it has to wrap itself around the toilet bowl in order to fit.
Graffiti dump (aka skid marks) : When the dropping of poops or spinning of poops from the flush creates marks on the toilet bowl.
Titanic poop : This one is so big you must christen it before saying, “Bon Voyage”, then it breaks in two before sinking.
Haven’t had all of them yet? Don’t worry and chill, you’re not abnormal