Each morning, we will read the Internet so you don't have to. Here are our takeaways:
KNOW THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE LOBSTER THAT MUCH
- "If lobster were priced like chicken, we might enjoy it less."
THIS IS HOW TO GIVE A CONVOCATION SPEECH
- Epic theme music. The hoarse, red-in-the-face excitement of a ball coach before the championship. And badassery.
STOP USING CLICHÉS
- A labrador donated blood that saved a tom cat.
IF THE PRICE OF A MONKEY SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS
- Two Michigan women sent $350 to Cameroon for a monkey, never got it, then called the police.
LEARN HOW TO BEAT BOX WITH A BLADE OF GRASS
- But remember to breathe. Breathing is important.