23 Disgustingly Cringeworthy Things We Need To Stop Saying About Ourselves
1. “I’m dead inside.”
No. You aren’t. This is sometimes funny, but people usually use some variation of saying they “don’t have feelings” as a cop out of being emotionally mature or understanding personal responsibility. You sound like a character in a bad Zach Braff movie. Put a cigarette in your mouth and write about it, stop making everyone listen to your insufferable lukewarm excuses.
2. “I don’t know how to talk to guys/girls.”
You’re not a teenager with a LiveJournal full of Dashboard Confessional lyrics and musings about your feelings. You are an adult. Stop saying that you don’t know how to do something that you’ve literally been practicing your entire life. It’s not true, and even if it were, it wouldn’t be cute or endearing.
3. “I’m just really sarcastic.”
It is 2014. We are all, to some degree, very sarcastic, savvy, sardonic, and full of an undying and totally disorienting appetite for irony and sincerity. Your ~cool sense of detached humor~ isn’t special anymore. Everyone is rolling their eyes at you when you identify as being sooooo sarcastic, and they aren’t doing it sarcastically.
4. “You probably wouldn’t *get* it, but…”
Right, because you are the authority on the intelligence and awareness of everyone around you. Tell us more.
5. “I studied that in college so I feel like-“
You spent four years getting introduced to a subject. You are not an expert. You are not a doctor, a lawyer, an author, or any other fully formed authority at all. Stop pointing out your education in regular conversations. Just drop the identifier and say whatever you were going to say. It has the same amount of relevance with or without your humble brag.