Bananas have been a part of the internet meme zeitgeist practically since the beginning of the internet. Bananas are a silly fruit, and they tend to come up in word salad any time people are grasping for the punchline of a joke. Perhaps it is because it reminds us of childhood, or maybe it’s because of their lifelong relationship to monkey pirate ninjas, who have been equally prolific and popular throughout the web for some time. Regardless of the cause, it seems that it may be beneficial for some of us to branch out a little and start tackling some topics other than the noble hand fruit. In the interests of diversification, we present you with ten items that are similar to the banana but won’t be found in your fruit salad.
1. Old-style telephones.
The traditional telephone was shaped like a banana, but then most of you reading the internet don’t remember that. In the past, you could pick up an actual banana-shaped telephone, connect with a pleasantly-voiced operator named Gladys, and be talking to John at phone number 43.
2. The moon.
Far be it from us to suggest some sort of nefarious circumstance, but it does appear suspicius that the crescent moon is strangely banana shaped as it both waxes and wanes. Maybe this has something to do with those ninjas?
3. Banana-flavored candy.
This takes a little bit of reaching because, of course, why wouldn’t banana-flavored candies taste like bananas? But this issue really goes far deeper than it may first appear, because banana-flavored candies never, ever taste like bananas. They don’t even taste like they have ever dreamt of bananas. It seems like a conspiracy.
Why don’t monkeys eat pickles? They’re delicious, hand held and they don’t need to be peeled. Monkey pickles could be the newest and greatest treat, but we don’t think zoos ever give monkeys pickles and we don’t think that monkeys have the brining technology to create them themselves. That just seems cruel.
5. Various buildings across the world.
Did you know that if you draw a line from every banana-shaped building across the world, that nothing in particular happens? Well… now you do.
6. Comical hot dogs.
Have you ever noticed that when they show a comical hot dog in a cartoon, it’s sitting in its bun with its ends pointing up at both ends like a tiny little sausage banana? Have you ever seen a hot dog do this on its own? We know you haven’t, you know you haven’t, and frankly it smacks of conspiracy.
Macaroni is suspiciously banana-shaped, a fact that many children may have noticed during endless school art classes. But why? How is macaroni made, anyway? It’s a hollow tube of sliced pasta, yes, but how do they get it hollow and why is it banana-shaped? These are the questions our administration needs to be answering.
A beautiful rainbow across the sky is a promise to mankind that never again will bananas flow freely, flooding our rivers and battering our crops.
Have you ever gazed longingly over a luxurious river and been struck by people merrily rowing across in a giant banana? Well, perhaps not, perhaps it’s just us, but a bright yellow canoe does look suspiciously like a banana.
10. Uh… you know.
You know. There’s that thing that looks really a lot like a banana. Quite a lot, really. Something maybe 50% of us see every day. You’re probably pretty familiar with it yourself. Maybe we shouldn’t say anything further and stop while we’re ahead…
Of course, there are a few obvious things that we neglected to mention because they’re just too easy. Plantains, for one, are shaped like bananas but are not actually bananas. A banana stand is shaped like a banana, but that’s because it sells bananas; there’s always money in a banana stand.