Play = Friend
RMP = Random Male Player
Play: Yeah, I tried to, but it was taking forever. Huh.
[we enter a lobby]
Play: There we go.
RMP1: Yeah baby.
Me: Carrier or random?
RMP1: …Shut up.
Me: That’s not how this works.
RMP1: Jenny the fat bitch.
Me: Oh-ho, big words. Play, what do you want to do?
RMP1: Hey yo, you sound like that, you look like that Pillsbury Doughgirl.
RMP2: [laughter] That’s stupid, nigger.
Play: Pillsbury Dough…girl? Okay. Pretty sure that’s not a girl.
RMP1: Yeah, shut up bitch. You’re probably that nigga licking those fat ass titties, nigga. Shut up.
Me: Oooo, Play, you’d be such a lucky guy.
RMP1: That ain’t a lucky guy nigga, that nigga’s squished.
Me: Oh my god, you are a mouth-breathing piece of shit.
[RMPs laugh so hard they lose their breath]
Play: Yo, fuckin’ use your inhaler man, use your inhaler before you run outta-
RMP1: Aw nigga, you protecting a fat ass bitch.
Play: Actually, she’s not fat actually.
RMP1: Yeah she is. Stop hidin’ it. Stop hidin’ it. She’s not fat? I seen her.
Play: She really isn’t.
RMP1 ended up on our team. Kept talking shit. Realized I was a better player than him, and said something like (I kid you not), “Jenny. I can’t give you shit anymore.” Then proceeded to send me a game invitation after the match ended. What the fuck. I will never, ever be that desperate for people to play with.