What Am I?
This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.
After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.
The Scottish Student
A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye, was living in the hall of residence during his first year.
After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt carrying reinforcements of oatmeal.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "They're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop.
The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!"
"Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?"
"Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"Sunday Satire, Jokes, Scottish, Student
Can you solve the puzzle
? Leave your comment with the answer!
Fun Facts For Friday
, the famous dinosaur that entertains kids is from Dallas
- Close to 3 billion movie tickets
are sold in India
- In 1894, the carnival
made its debut in North America
- In the movie "The Matrix Reloaded
" a 17 minute battle scene
cost over $40 million to produce.
- Kermit the frog
delivered the commencement address at Southampton College
located in the state of New York
- Mardi Gras
means "Fat Tuesday
- The "naked recreation
" industry has grown by 233% in the past decade.
- The accent that Mike Myers
used for the character Shrek
came from the accent that his mother would use when she was telling him bedtime stories when he was a child.
- The first restaurant
to open in Hollywood
was the Musso & Frank Grill
- Surveys indicate that the number one reason people play Bingo
is for leisure.Fun Facts For Friday
Do a little dance
. Make a little love
. Get down tonight
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa". "Pencil", however, is masculine: "el lápiz."
A student asked what gender is 'computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.Sunday Satire, Jokes, Spanish, Computer