I didn't want to hijack Rae's thread so I'll start my own.
Dotz, my skids also think I'm a controlling SM. It's pure projection of BM's behaviour onto me.
I'm fascinated by the whole thing; how can a person deny their own behaviour and then turn around and blame someone else for something they do themself? How can they not see how strange that is? And more frustratingly; why don't other people (eg the stepkids) see that?!
I think it's a coping mechanism and I also think it is taught behaviour. My skids see their own mum project her unfavourable traits and they learn to do the same. And it's understandable; they want to see the good in their mum, not the bad. So even though they know she's very controlling and acknowledge that at times, they cope by joining mum in projecting it onto me. It's just easier.
However the bond between me and my skids has been damaged and will probably never fully recover. I've learned to accept this, most of the time. There are still times when I feel my heart in my throat; some of the stuff they come out with is just so ridiculous. A mirror to BM's soul I tell myself and then I walk away. I've disengaged; which makes me sad but I just don't know what else to do anymore.