In a world where people can immediately save a number to their contacts, flirt through text, or declare exclusivity by changing a Facebook status to “in a relationship”, technology can be considered an integral part of building relationships. It even helps maintain relationships between friends, new lovers, and even long distance couples through the use of G-chat or Tweets. It is clear that these modes of communication allow for frequent and up to the minute contact, but what if that contact is with someone other than a current boyfriend or girlfriend? Can texts, emails, and tweets be considered cheating?
Since every relationship has its own rules about, and patterns of contact with “others”, there is no straightforward or universal law regarding texting (or other mode of communication) and cheating. Nevertheless, there are a few factors that, if present, may indicate that the communication (text, email, IM, Tweet, Facebook message, etc.) is in the cheating category. These factors are secrecy, intent, and personal feelings.
Communication with another person is regarded as cheating if it is done in secrecy, such as the girl who has a separate email account or cell phone number to communicate with a guy she met one night downtown with the girls. Secretive contact might include deleting texts/emails after they have been read, saving information under an alias, or setting the person’s ring tone to silent. The idea here is that contact with the other person is unknown to the current partner, and there is no intention of making it available to them.
Intent is another important factor in determining if contact with someone is cheating. This is the notion that if information about contact with the other person is intentionally left out, then it is cheating. Thus, the intention of the girl setting a ring tone to silent is so that her current partner will not know when the other guy calls. Another example may be that phone calls or texts are done when the current partner is not around. Also, is the purpose of the contact with the other person to set up rendezvous? It is these intentional actions that serve to keep contact with another person unknown to the current partner.
Finally, romantic feelings for the other person illustrate cheating more than any actions or intentional omissions of information. If emails or tweets with the other person make the heart race and is a source of pleasure, then clearly something more than an innocent texting friendship is going on. Keeping the true significance of the communication from the current partner is not healthy for a relationship.
Although many of these indicators often go unnoticed because they are intentionally kept secret, it is still possible to notice a general state of dissatisfaction with the current relationship. Be honest when bringing up the issue of cheating, and if the problem cannot be resolved, the relationship may have to end. However, it is not advised to end the relationship through text because that would be cheating.