From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Whoops Maybe you were looking for Mother Theresa
“I do not understand the french for they are so bloody french...”
“We must do somezin wiz zis problem”
“If you move your arms one more time i will break them and kick you in the armpit”
Tecktonik, or in its scientifical proname Spazzmatori Mobilis, is a derivative form of spazztaphobia. It is the main element of the Tck Bomb that had created Mass World confusion during the Cold War and its effects in the modern French Republic of France is terrifying.
edit The Discovery and brief history
In the late days of the Third Reich in Nazy Germany, Nazy scientists managed to extract a dangerous chemical compound known as dihydrogen monoxide from an obscure Czech plant (its name still remains secret today as it is part of Book 5 of the Seven Secret Books of the Vatican under the section "Plants, animals and greck gods"). This molecule was inoculated in a colonial synapse and damaged its host's brain cells provoking severe brain trauma and armari mobilissimi, flapping arms. After the second world war, the winners decided that the discovery would be held secret because of its epidemical possibilities. But during the cold war began the arms race and with this arms race, Welsh and Chinese searched a way to create a new chemical pandemic. In 1973, Prof. Pat J. Griff, of Glamorgan School of Minds, suxessfully identified the entirely fictional colonial synapse. Wales had therefore sent the Tck bomb on China's inner land of the People's Republic resulting in mass euphoria and communist killings. The Golden Shield Project was then initiated in China's inner land of the People's Republic to protect main opinion and media from the surprise attack and its aftermath: all victims had been shot by the Eastern Alliance for Destruction and Security (EADS), only operable military force in the east at the time. Survivors from the shootings were shot again. The UN had by then been in an uncontrollable angst not because of just a few minor killings because of the effects of the Tck bomb. Some low rated countries like Senegal, Thailand and Spain have tried many times to pass a ban on monoxide dihydrogen and tektonick but their actions have been in vain. It was planned during the Woodstock festival that information would be passed to visitors and audience on the negative effects of these dangerous sickness and molecule but unfortunately hippies were organizing the event and about 78,215% of the audience could nor read or write and the artists were for the most so high that the forgot the info and most of their song's lyrics. The effects of the bomb and tecktonik was first recognized as a verifiable derivative of the spazztaphobia, by the late Dr J. Hunt of the Beijing Institute of Sound and Lighting. The Tectonick Project had after the incident been abandoned due to lack of founds. The new british MP, Margaret Thatcher, wanted in the 80's hundreds to promote Wales and decided to search for new lands full of ovinids and launch the sheep-shagger communities. It has been reported that Tck bombc had been used during the Faulkland wars. However, in the years nought and seven of the second millennium of Jesus's coming, a group of slow-brained french and belgian sarkozy-loving youngsters had revived interest in nazy beliefs to better understand their president and incidentally sprayed their colonial synapse with dihydrogen monoxide and developed tck effects. The french demo-xenophobist coalition of the president Sarkonazy and his Prime Minister, Francois Fillon de Filliburn, lead by sociopathic left brained Segolene Royalist decided to cover up the story in the Chocolate Republic of Brusselles but forgot the Modern French Republic of France.
edit Life in France today: the effects of tck
These youngsters, read the last paragraphe above above, developed flappy arms in the Modern French Republic of France and were forced to live in their parents garage. Being feed only three times a day, these spasmic and highly contagious creatures are allowed to go out in the mornings and afternoons. Some regroup in peculiar clubs were they flapp arms together on terrifying real fake electronomical music.
Untill a law is passed to emprison or shot these infected, the french are subject to aggressive visions in public places: tck has been known to provoke brain damage to viewers and thus spreading its contagion. In the southern part of the Modern Vichy Liberated French Republic of France, public hangings are more and more commoun due to the lack of governamental involvement in the tck epidemic and also due to comprehensive and brain usage among some french citizens.
edit Tecktonik in Britain
In recent years (i dont remember which year but about a few years ago like 5 or 7), famous documentary filmmaker Danny Boyle, who had won the pullitzer price of documentaries in the 80's hundreds for his "very realistic and ass gasping truth" documentary about Scotland, Trainspotting, had directed 28 days later filming the epidemic in Britain after a tck infected monkey had bitten hippy vegan activists and leading to tck infectees in mainland Britain. A few 28 weeks later, the tck infectees who were just plain stupid died and the US repopulated Britain but the tck virus reappeared and just like in China's inner land of the People's Republic, code red had been activated and all citizens were shot on site. Both documentaries have helped preventing a third exposion to tck in Britain and Gordon Brown has banned usage of dihydrogen monoxide in the UK in may 2007. Whereas their continental counterparts, tck was controlled in Britain but the effects were slightly different. Infectees had developed these symptoms:
- Abusive and coarse language
- Zombie like groaning
- Sheep humping envies
- Acute stupidity
- bögar är lata
edit Commoun tecktonik symptoms
Allthough most scientific experts agree and concour that tck involves arm flapping, many other symptoms also occur:
- Soda envies: not like other normal people, tck infectees prefer soda to alcohol which Dr Einstein believes in his E=MC2 or energy=Mc'Donalds Coca Cola gives infectees the extra strength to arm flapping.
- Immesurable stupidity and brain cell disappearence: tecktonik activates a dormant gene that usually starts working during the human body's death to help destroy the brain. This cerebelicide gene known as Ignoramus Fascitus is activated and starts reproducing in its hosts cells eventually reaching the brain 28 days later, time of incubation, and just like a grandmother hand knitting a woolen sweater, starts to cut the links between the neurones creating mass confusion in the inefectees conscience and eventually no brain activity is left.
- Social downfall: infectees obey to a weird dress code and hair fashion. From shining powder on their faces to unicorns in their hair, they usually wear very tight pants to reduce fertility and tecktonik emblazed t-shirts and sweaters to be able to recognise a fellow tck comrade because their brain cannot operate tck recognition easily like other normal humans can.
- Weird noises: tck infectees often believe they are listening to music but in fact it is just some hazardous combination of rithmic notes and sound. To quote a tecktonickee, music in its principal basis is "to make notes with noises of sounds" thus resuming in a sentence what "tck music" really is.
- Leg flapping: is a belgian version also called jumpstyle. It's just some very intense repetitive and horrifying leg moving in several jump movements. 4 different movements have been counted so far.
TCK is leveled and contains 6 stages and a percentage level in 3. Stage 6 is its final and on average infectees approach a 2.21 level out of 3 (3 being either a Tchernobyl survivor or a Cantonese citizen)
edit Famous tck infectected people
Tck infected people are part of the CIA Wanted Death List and contain the following:
- Jerry Lewis (already dead). Number 27 on the list.
- Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris's tck stage is at level 4.97 out of 3 and thus can not be killed like other infected creatures. Number 2 on the list.
- George Washington Bush. This guy only developed oral tecktonic and therefore can not be recognised as harmless but does have occasionnal verbal slips just like Lewinsky. Not on the list until end of presidency.
- Britney Spears. Resulting in child care loss and hair loss and social downfall. (Number 5 on the list)
- Vanilla Ice. Number 78 on the list.
- Condoleeza Rice. Also known in her original name Cantoneesa Rice, emigrated after the welsh attack and remains one of the only survivors. Severe lip damage and brain damage still occur. Number 82 on the list.
- Hugo Chavez. Number 6 on the list.
edit French infectees
There also exists a french list involving main french infectees responsible for Sarkonazy's election and tck's introduction in France. This list only contains A.K.A's out of respect for the infectee's family and their own protection:
The Power Rangers squad
- Jey-Jey. This creature like half man half women half orc is the main leader of the Power Rangers squad. Reponsible for the Shoah and last year's bird influenza. He likes to collect emo oriented youngsters and has a preference of apples over Orangina.
He is called "Green Goddess" amongst creatures.
- Lektra. Lektra is Jey-jey's left arm. He specializes in sheep humping and worm eating. He is called "Special Red" amongst creatures.
- David Guetta. Former Dj, fell into the tecktonik spiral thinking fame would ensue but just stupid. He is called "White man" because he is white, he does not tan and likes to collect pigeons and tutle doves.
- Fredoo. Called Fredo because of his spanish origins. Fled the inquisition before having been a refugee in Jey-Jey's garage. Currently the leader's boyfriend. Fredoo or Fredo De Gonzales Jesus Virgen Amartequillo de Madrid likes to arm flapp in public and metro stations. Called "Humor Amarillo" (Yellow laugh) amongst creatures.
- Deepack. Gained his nickname for having weared a Superman like Tshirt with a big D and eventually tattoed a D on his breasts.
Called "Super puta" or just "Blue" amongst creatures.
Night of the living brain dead group
- Lili Azian. Part of the asian persuazion. Another survivor of the welsh attack. is known for explosive rice disorder and free video lessons on surviving brain hemorregeas.
- Natikor. Believes in Raptor Jesus and prones cross like movements during arm flapping.
- Gaydar. The gayest of the gays. Used to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show 12 times per day but blew up his brains during the first weeks of the french epidemic. Creator of the group.
Other notable infectees The SMDB: Maestro, Junky, Sofy, Treaxy, Eliten, Thalia Vavan, Spoke, Boobiz, Micktazz, Bello DJ Dess, RV. B, Max B. Grant, Miss Hiroko .......
edit Gay parades and Tecktonik
It is often believed that tecktonik launched gay parades, but the greeks toke care of that during the slave rebellions who did not like to be sexually enslaved to their masters, especially men to men, eventually leading to the downfall of Athens. But Gay parades have been introduced in these late years by the over usage of poppers and dihydrogen monoxide. Just like homosexuals, tecktonikees abide gay relationships and promote man love. They are also on the same stupidity level and are proud to be a factor of under population in Spain and Finland. Notable Danish scientist and sociologist, Max Hordebarmann found out recently that over 300 000 kids die of hunger every day and there exists over 50 million homosexual infectees and tecktonik infectees. If the meals of these infectees were to be delivered to these needfull children, there would no longer be world starvation and we could all live happily together. However he has been silenced by politicians.
edit Towards the eradiction of gays and tecktonik
Sir Godfree of the Allied Force may have discovered a cure to tck. The artefact still remains unsure, and speculation and mass media still agree that tck cannot be cured. However Sir Godefree's machine is still under conception and its mecanism and operational process remain government protected.
Another famous engineer Gyorgy Von Hangelvits Wankelmann came up with another invention: the Wankel rotary Engine. It is often used in kitten cleaning and mexican cuisine. Its mechanism remains complicated though. It is plugged within the patient's heart and swallows it's cells to then purify the cells by electrocucatating them and make them become good. Although 24 patients survived the first tests, the machine remains expansive (24 US $) and remains well above french wagers.
Many other ones are also under developpement but the preferred ones remain guillotine, hanging and shotguns. Definitely maybe.
edit Tecktonik in media
- litterature: I am Legend by Matherson, David Copperfield by Dick Van Dyke, Casino Royale by Sean Connery
- Movies: I am Legend by Will Blacksmith
- Music: Yelle, David Guetta, Mondotek
JOIN THE ANTI TECKTONIK LEAGUE AND FREE FRANCE TOGETHER