Controversial claims made by a historian that prehistoric man navigated his way across England using a crude version of sat nav based on stone circle markers, have seemingly been validated by the discovery of a number of recent archaeological finds; including an ancient ceremonial pathway blocked by some kind of prototype chariot ‘obviously facing the wrong way’.
Historian and writer Tom Brooks, who believes that ancient Britons were able to navigate successfully across the country thanks to a triangular grid of hilltop monuments and landmarks such as Stonehenge, believes the recent finds vindicate his theory. ‘This just goes to prove that, while our forebears were obviously sophisticated engineers with a complex understanding of geometry, they were also just as hopeless at utilising technology as we are today,’ he said from somewhere in the middle of a housing estate in Runcorn.
This network of monuments, which enabled prehistoric man to triangulate his position to an accuracy of within 100 metres, is believed to have triggered a wave of socio-economic issues. This is evidenced by the newly-discovered Babbington Gallery – a series of cave paintings which depict a furiously arguing couple standing in the middle of a field. According to Brooks, this scenario was obviously a common one: ‘there are clear parallels with the Celtic saga the Book of Cadeyrn, in which the hero loses his way following a cattle raid while following a mysterious voice. In one notable passage he is chided by his wife for ‘listening to that bloody thing’ instead of ‘going the usual way.’
The increased mobility offered by this revolution in travel also caused problems, with archaeological evidence pointing to a sharp decline in concentrated population centres. ‘At the same time as this technology is being employed, we see a sharp growth in out-of-town henges,’ said Brooks. ‘We also have oral testimony in the form of ancient ballads, many of which complain about the sudden unavailability of locally sourced virgins.’
However many in the scientific community, for example archaeologist professor James Prindle, remain sceptical, if not outraged by Brooks’ claims. ‘Sorry to be Percy Pedant but to have Sat-Nav, doesn't one need to Navigate using Satellites? This just another example of the media making 'science' more accessible to the cognitively challenged masses by referring to some easily recognisable concept – overlaying contemporary idioms over thousands of years of history. To get a more accurate picture, one must shun today’s book-promoting quacks and turn to the earliest historians such as noble Herodotus – the ancient Greeks’ Simon Sharma.’
With thanks to riesler, wallster and NewSuburbanDad