Let me get the ball rolling with these:
1. Mark Nicholas - laminated in a veneer of self-regard
2. Ian Botham - self-important, blokeish, ignorant, pompous
3. David Gower - unspeakably dull'; oddly, says "garn" instead of "gone"
4. Bob Willis - wrist-slashingly miserable.
5. David 'Bumble' Lloyd - professional Northerner. Imbecile.
Dreadful though numbers 2-5 are, there is clear blue water between Nicholas and the rest. Words can hardly describe how bad Nicholas is. His love for muscly Australians is legendary. He and they are welcome to each other.