more Lewis columns
The cleanest surface in your house is the inside of your oven.
No matter how many times you reheat your tea in the microwave, you never can manage to get a sip while it's warm.
Nine out of ten times you fetch a tissue, it's to blow someone else's nose.
You have not eaten a full meal at home without getting up out of your chair since the birth of your first child.
You cannot recall the original color of your carpet.
The last time you really looked in the mirror was 18 months ago, and you're certain there were far fewer gray hairs.
Your family room has been converted into a fort.
The finest artwork you own is displayed on your refrigerator.
Your attempts to assemble kids' cups (especially those with straws) have resulted in your child learning several four-letter words.
Your daughter has more jewelry than you do.
You never see the bottom of the laundry basket, or the sink.
Staples in your refrigerator include: peanut butter, ketchup, squeezable yogurt, and at least one unidentifiable container of something.
You say, "No, no!" several dozen times a day.
Your wardrobe has everything to do with function and nothing to do with fashion.
The main character in the last book you read was a princess, a farm animal or a purple dinosaur.
You can't remember what having eight consecutive hours of sleep feels like.
Your main sources of entertainment are witnessing dinnertime and bath time.
The contents of your car could nourish and amuse a family of chimpanzees for a week.
Your feet routinely adhere to the kitchen floor.
At any given moment, you are hearing the theme song from "Dora the Explorer," "Calliou" or "Dragon Tales" inside your head.
You haven't seen any of the Oscar-nominated movies.
You have over 1,500 photographs stored on your digital camera and/or computer that have yet to be printed.
Your attic holds enough outgrown shoes and clothes to outfit a small village.
You rarely spend less than $100 at the grocery store.
You've played Chutes and Ladders or Uno in the past 6 months.
The phrase "deserted island" makes you salivate.
You forgot what you did with your memory.
Lisa Lewis is a full-time mom residing in Athens with husband Geoff, daughter Ella and son Billy.
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