Business coach Renee Weisman writes about handling criticism in this week's Equalizing Work & Life column.
None of us like to be criticized, corrected, or interrupted. We work hard and we try to do the best for others. So when someone finds fault with what we have done, we typically have one of the following two reactions:
a) We "protect ourselves" by justifying our position and belittling theirs or b) We take the criticism personally.
Both of these behaviors can lead to conflict or frustration. I'd like to suggest a slightly different approach.
When someone is truly trying to give you constructive criticism, try to empathize first. Putting yourself in their shoes and hearing where they are coming from can give you a different perspective on the issue. You may still find you disagree and you may still feel somewhat insulted, but most of the time, thinking about the issue from their perspective takes a bit of the anger away and helps you be more objective. This approach is especially helpful if the person finding fault is emotionally involved or feeling slighted in any way. Listen to what the person has to say, tell him that you understand why he feels that way and then explain what led you to do what you did without "justifying it". If you did hurt the other person's feelings unintentionally, apologize.
Secondly, unless this person has clearly targeted you for some reason, the criticism is much more likely about the action or the issue than about you. In this case, it is best to keep it on a professional level and address the specific objections. Look for ways to incorporate the ideas of the other person if it might enhance what you have been doing. Of course, if the individual is simply criticizing with no recommendations or has a history of finding fault with everything, then you might simply thank him for his perspective and then go on to do what you believe is correct.
One last point. If you are going to give criticism, avoid doing it through email or texting. If you have received criticism over email, call the person and discuss it directly. Receiving criticism by mail almost always leads to overreaction, which will escalate further through email wars. Constructive criticism should be given face to face or over the phone unless you are going to be providing only positive feedback.
Renee Weisman, author of "Winning in a Man's World" and "5 Ways to Get a Man to Listen," is the owner of Winning at Work Consulting. She teaches companies how to become more successful. Visit www.winning-at-work.net or email email@example.com.