My 53-year-old husband has CLL — chronic lymphocytic leukemia — which was diagnosed six years ago. After undergoing chemotherapy, he was told he was in partial remission. He immediately became a changed man, and not for the better. He became angry at me, lashing out, and then left me 24 days later. He engaged a divorce attorney only five weeks after walking out on me. Please let me know if you have any ideas about how or why someone could so abruptly change after treatment and the news of the partial remission.
Cancer can create such an emotionally charged situation. Sometimes the cancer or its treatments can cause or drive the emotional changes, and sometimes the psychological reaction to the diagnosis and its fallout may be responsible. For example, some “solid” tumors that grow in specific brain regions can change a person’s behavior, impulsivity, and judgment. However, with CLL, or chronic lymphocytic leukemia, solid brain lesions are unusual. The treatment of CLL does sometimes involve medicines that can affect brain function — certain therapy regimens, for instance, use steroids, which can cause a profound change in some patients’ personalities.
More commonly, though, and unfortunately, the diagnosis can induce psychological tendencies that are destructive to relationships. Beyond counseling, peer support, and time, there are limited therapeutic interventions for this aspect of a CLL diagnosis. Another possibility is that, faced with their own mortality, some patients may withdraw to spare those around them pain and misery.
Any one of the above possibilities might be in play in your relationship. I am so sorry to hear about your emotional travails.
Learn more in the Everyday Health Leukemia Center.