Re: Just how real is violence? And where does Aikido stands in all of this?
Mary, I think you misread Brian's post. You emphasized a couple of words and I think you have misinterpreted what he said. I will paraphrase what he wrote from my understanding. If Bad Person acts out physically towards Victim Person, then Victim Person has crossed a real or imaginary line. Victim Person can choose not see see staring someone down as aggressive, but Victim Person would be incorrect in his assessment. In other words, staring someone down, maddogging them, may not be intended as an aggressive behavior, but may well be viewed as aggressive by the subject of the staring and may trigger a violent reaction. Context is everything of course, but usually staring down a young male in particular is a poor idea.
Brian cited two distinct concepts that aren't mutally exclusive. Nor are they interdependent. One can intentionally cross a social boundary and provoke a violent reaction. One can also cross an imaginary boundary without intent and be on the receiving end of violence. Just wearing the wrong color in some neighborhoods can get you killed. Staring someone down is an example of the former.
I don't think the two of you are that far apart in your expressed thoughts.