WOOF! This thread is becoming intense.
I haven't responded primarily because of the required investment in time and energy. Walls of text, intense emotional and relational problems, blech!
Most of you EXFP's are right in what you ORIGINALLY suspect/believe/feeling about your SO. Then you let love blind you and explain it all away. Maybe your right to do so, as @Yardiff Bey mentiioned, it's better to just get along. However, there comes a point of diminishing returns. And if you keep smelling smoke, you should look for a fire. Go watch Gaslight.
If you are wanting to vent, fine. Post walls of text and the EXFPs will gather round to hold and console. If you are wanting input from ISTJs, then post a question and include minimal background information (around 100 words is a good rule of thumb).
You are all great, but this is wearing me out. BTDT and I feel your pain.