Ever wonder if others really understand the thoughts and ideas you are trying to communicate to them? Do you find yourself walking away from meetings, phone calls and conversations feeling like you've been entirely misunderstood? The steps in this article will help you evaluate and improve your communication skills.
1Hear the responses listeners give you. If your audience (be it one person or many) tells you they don't understand what you are saying, hear them. Many a good point is lost on listeners when a speaker refuses to stop pressing on with their speech to clarify a point they've made. Stop and clarify what you are saying even if it means it'll take longer to make your point(s).Ad
2Don't take yourself, or your ideas, too seriously. If feeling "misunderstood" defines your life-long interaction with others, that's not a communication problem. It's probably an emotional and psychological problem.
3Make sure you aren't equating agreement with understanding. Humans understand an amazing amount of stuff, but they don't necessarily agree with what they see and hear. Communication is about the expression of ideas and thoughts, not gaining acceptance and agreement with every assertion made.
4Be clear and concise. You may have a million thoughts spinning through your mind as you communicate with others, but it is best to limit your expression of thought to one or two (related) things at a time. Attempts to de-clutter your head by talking to someone (unless you warn them first) will likely result in muddled communication. If your audience shows signs of being confused, frustrated, or inattentive, you may be drifting and need to stop talking and gather your thoughts before proceeding. Remember, the more you pack into a communication session, the less people will remember of it without prompting.
5Speak clearly. If the words you speak are garbled, your grammar is poor and you speak too loudly or too softly, your communication is negatively affected. Practice reading into a recorder and listening to yourself talk to find the pitch and volume necessary for people to hear you easily, and refine your cadence and enunciation of words. There are many education websites, online, that offer help in grammar and phonics; take a few minutes each day to brush up on your skills.
6Remain calm. The more agitated you become while speaking or writing, the more difficult it is for you to clearly communicate your thoughts. If your voice rises and quakes, your listener will be distracted from what you are saying and retain little of it. If you find anxiety kicking in while you are speaking, stop for a moment, take a deep breath and let it out fully, then try again; no doubt your listener has been in your shoes and they'll be patient until you're ready to go on speaking.
7Respect the viewpoint of others. If you want to be a good communicator, you must learn to accept the strongly held views of others. People are not mentally weak, morally bankrupt, or inherently evil, merely because they disagree with the ideas you feel very strongly about. If you conclude arguments with others by saying "Well, you must be stupid" or "You're just scared" you've succumbed to the temptation to bully others, rather than keeping good perspective and allowing for dissent. To communicate more effectively, try playing devil's advocate with yourself over your most strongly held philosophical beliefs; bully yourself into seeing the opposing viewpoint.
8Ask your co-workers and friends if they see you as an effective communicator; better yet, ask your boss. Those with whom you speak regularly can best tell you how well you relate to others, including people you don't particularly care for. Ask them if you tend to bully others. Ask if you most often persuade them to agree with, or inform them of your opinions. Ask them if they believe you are honest in your communication. And finally, ask them if they consider you trustworthy or in need of a major character overhaul.Ad
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- Inaccurate, but effective communication is possible. Make sure you've got your facts right before you communicate with others.
- Dishonest communication (lying) has far-reaching consequences that cannot always be anticipated or negated, so even if you believe you are a talented fraud, keep your communication with others on the up-and-up.