I’m not sure exactly just how far off the deep end one must fall before actually purchasing one of Hammacher Schlemmer’s lonely rider-controlled water crafts, but I imagine it’s got to be pretty damn far off that edge. The cruiser you see above isn’t for the faint of heart, nay, this water craft is strictly for the adamant water sportsman who enjoys his rides sad and without any kind of wake whatsoever. At best, I suppose the three-cylinder, two-stroke 70 horsepower engine could be helpful when trying to avoid the boatloads of onlookers who can’t seem to stop laughing at your expense. Also helpful is the water craft’s (intentionally) delayed response system, built into the handle controls, meaning that when you click for the boat to drift right, you’ll have several seconds to prepare for the turn -or it means that you’ll have several terrifying seconds to reason with God as to why the boat isn’t turning right away and how you’re going to die today.
So why wait? Act now and this $17,000 stagmobile can be yours…and only yours…to never share or show anyone else…ever. You loser.
Additional pics after the jump: