Friends and followers of Christ, we knew the Chinese were a possible military threat from abroad. Recent revelations from the ever-vigilant investigative journalists at Christwire have revealed that the Chinese are intent on snaking their way into American society, brainwashing our children and converting us from a Christian nation to a Godless hive of communism. But just how far have they gone? My recent investigative forays have yielded shocking results that, for the safety and preservation of the Christian community, I feel compelled to share.
Friends, I am not pleased to report that the Chinese infiltration has penetrated deep into our culture. The ranks of decent Christian men and women fall at an ever-increasing rate, crushed by the oppressive influence of the Chinese agenda. You may be wondering: “Isn’t there any way I can fight back against the imminent Chinese threat?” Luckily, I have investigated and identified the top five ways to spot a Chinese traitor.
1) You can’t understand what they’re saying.
The following is a quote from an article on Christwire by someone whom I suspect of Chinese treachery:
sure I’m so scared of your article seriously an educated person would Go find their information other than this Biased racist site ( or betetr would go to the said country)
I can’t tell what is attempting to be conveyed here, and neither can you. There’s a reason for that: you don’t speak Chinese. Actually, it’s a pretty good bet that if you don’t know what somebody is talking about, they’re probably speaking Chinese. Be on the lookout for this one especially.
2. They speak highly of socialism and/or Barack Obama.
It is a well known fact that the Chinese are great supporters of our ineffective, closeted communist president, Barack Obama. If they sing loud praises of his socialist regime, take note; they’re likely Chinese.
3. They mix up their L’s and R’s.
The Chinese don’t know the difference between L and R. If you’re greeted by a man with a “HERRO!” or are told you “look vely nice today,” APPREHEND THAT MAN. He has been corrupted by the powerful Chinese influence (or else is Chinese himself).
4. They are not Christian.
It is indisputable fact that America is a Christian nation and was founded upon Biblical principles. The Chinese hate Christianity. It is in their nature, their very blood, to contradict the Godly American precepts. The following, though far from an exhaustive list, is a decent summary of the visible signs that somebody is not Christian, and therefore Chinese:
a) They are loudmouthed atheists.
b) They are working on a Sunday.
c) They are masturbating or fornicating.
d) They support the homogay agenda.
e) They smell like shellfish.
If you see someone doing any of the above, they are probably Chinese and should be apprehended.
5. They attempt to make a distinction between the Chinese and other miscellaneous Orientals.
As good Christians, our eyes have been shielded from the ability to distinguish between the various kinds of Orientals. It’s a moot point anyway, because they all serve the same Communist, anti-Christian agenda. But anyone who can tell the difference, or who claims to be able to, has access to specialized knowledge only available to the Chinese Orientals and Satan worshipers. The following poster on Christwire is an example of a suspicious Chinese traitor:
amber, did you know that the japanese attacked pearl harbor, not the chinese?
Be vigilant, dear followers of Christ, and with the guidance I have provided here, confront any and all potential Chinese threats to the American way.