Corresponding is too easy. For the sake of civilization, this madness must end.
Did that seem harsh? Sorry, you caught me at a bad moment.
It is Tuesday morning, and I just returned to work from a long weekend in the mud, squalor and majesty of the Kentucky Derby, the horse race known as "The Drunkest Two Minutes in Sport."
Having missed two work days, the following correspondence built up and demands attention: Two letters delivered by the U.S. Postal Service, four telephone messages, one fax and 86 e-mail messages.
Planet Earth does not contain 86 people who both know me and like me. Only a tiny fraction of those people have any reason to make contact.
Who are these 86 people who wish to correspond?
The best of the bunch are a small minority with a good reason to communicate.
Some are satisfied readers with ideas for stories for the paper. Their ideas are often very good.
Others are angry readers who wish to lash out at a moronic buffoon. "Your ignorance is appalling," they say. Or, "Hit a treadmill you gluttonous media dinosaur." Can't argue with you there, guys!
Still others are local newsmakers with information to share.
Congressman Mark Schauer, for one example, is a regular correspondent who keeps me in the loop with messages like "Schauer Announces Processing of Applications for Webb-Mitchell GI Bill Benefits to Begin Today." Thus Jackson can be assured someone stays on top of application-processing issues.
Unfortunately, the vast majority of correspondents are a waste of time. They only contact me because it is easy. If it meant wasting a stamp or looking up my phone number, they would not bother.
President Barack Obama has no idea I exist yet he barely makes a move without keeping me informed. The White House sends word of bill signings and equally fascinating developments two or three times a day, whether I like it or not.
Worst of all, most correspondence comes from strangers with no sensible reason to expect I should care. They tell me about the invention of a wrinkle cream in Seattle or a marching band festival in Indianapolis.
Sifting through 86 e-mail messages to delete the junk and respond to what's important will take more than an hour. This cannot strike anyone as a step forward for American productivity.
If correspondence gets much easier, nothing will get done.