Children and Domestic Violence
Although the issues of domestic violence and child abuse are often separated, a growing body of research suggests that child abuse and domestic violence are linked within families.
Some effects Family Violence can have on Children
When children witness abuser or are victimized themselves, they suffer deeply. This trauma produces emotional, cognitive, and behavioral effects. Abuse by or of a caretaker effects children’s core beliefs about themselves, those in authority, relationships with others and assumptions about the world.
Emotional Effects Children experience terror at the threat of abuse. Once abuse has occurred they may have pervasive anxiety, fearing that another attack is imminent. They often feel guilty at their inability to intervene and stop the abuse from occurring to themselves and their mothers. They may feel rage at the abusive parent, as well as anger at the non-abusive parent for not being able to protect them. Children who witness the abuse of their mother often feel guilty and ashamed about themselves and their families. If the family is separated as a result of legal intervention, the children often experience grief and depression over separation from familiar surroundings.
Cognitive Effects Children learn that violence is a normal way to deal with anger. They also learn that violence works, because those who are victimized comply with the abuser’s demands to avoid further attack. They learn that adults are not to be trusted, since promises are so often broken in these families. They may equate caring with abuse. They almost always believe that the abuse is occurring because the victim deserves it or it is for their own good. If children are threatened or punished when they disclose their experiences at home, they may learn to be deceptive and indirect in their communication with others. They learn very rigid sex roles. They may believe that it is appropriate for men to be aggressive and domineering. Women may be viewed as powerless and deserving of their victimization. Having no experience of intimate relationships based on equality and non-violence, these children may believe that dominance and subordination are intrinsic to all relationships.
Behavioral Effects Children’s anxiety about their family situation may interfere with their ability to function in school. It is common for these children to have learning disabilities and many develop stress-related ailments. Some children show regressive behavior in response to violence, while others develop patterns of aggressive acting out. The belief system they develop about themselves and others is understandable given their experiences. Their reactions can also be viewed as consequences of trauma and attempts to survive. However, these beliefs and patterns of survival are incompatible with healthy human development. When these patterns persist into adulthood, victims may find themselves crippled in their ability to have trusting, productive, relationships with family or the community. Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in non-violent homes. There is some evidence that girls who witness their mother’s abuse have a higher risk of being battered as adults.
What the kids are seeing/feeling
Living in a home where domestic violence occurs affects children. Many children believe they are responsible or are partly to blame. In an interview, some children who had stayed in a shelter with their mother to escape domestic were asked to share their thoughts and feelings. Some comments shared were:
How to Help
If a child tells you he or she is living in a violent situation, you can:
Mothers Taking Actions,Talking with your Children
It is important for children to understand that your partner’s physical violence or verbal abusiveness and any other destructive behavior is wrong. This can help reduce any damage to their self-worth, and their ideas about how family members can respect and relate to each other.
An overview of children who witness domestic violence
These kids often appear:
Domestic violence may be kept from relatives, neighbors, clergy and others, but the children
of violent partners know what is happening. In one home there may not be any physical
violence against a child whose adult caretakers have an abusive relationship, while in
anther home there may be physical abuse of the child as well. Either way, a child who
lives in a home where domestic violence occurs is a victim all the same.
Risk to children of domestic violence
There is a strong correlation between woman abuse and child maltreatment. Several studies document the high correlation between the abuse of women by their partners and child abuse. Several factors contribute to this tendency. Battered women are physically and emotionally worn down by the abuse. This may interfere with her ability to adequately meet her children’s needs, which could lead to some form of neglect. Secondly, men who batter their wives are likely to assault their children. Older children are frequently assaulted when they intervene to defend or protect their mothers. The abuse of women is also the context for sexual abuse of female children. Where the father assaults the mother, their daughters risk of sexual abuse by the father is much greater than girls in non-abusive families.
Physical abuse is the infliction of physical injury by slapping, punching, beating, kicking, biting, and burning. It may include the use of a weapon or any other object used to inflict harm. Exposing the child to danger through activities such as drunk and reckless driving are also forms of abuse.
Unwanted touching or penetration in any body opening with any object is sexual abuse. It includes unwanted fondling, relating to the child as a potential sexual partner, exposure of adult sexual parts to the child, and forcing the child to be physically affectionate to another adult. It can also involve activities initiated as games which involve confusion about body touching or sexual contact between an adult and child.
Any behavior that intimidates the child and thus impedes child development is psychological abuse. It can include threats, name calling, and belittling, shaming the child in front of others, unrealistic expectations of the child’s performance, emotional withholding, not respecting the child’s privacy. Bizarre and severe forms of punishment such as locking the child in a dark closet are also psychologically abusive.
The failure to provide for the child’s basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, supervision, education and medical care.
When the battered woman seeks to escape an abusive relationship, her children are faced with a whole other different set of risks.
Loss of Custody
When a battered woman separates from her partner, she fears and often risks losing her children, if she lacks the funds to support them on her own. Many abusive fathers seek and are awarded custody of their children. The law in Alabama states the victim shall be awarded custody in domestic violence cases.
Battering men use custodial access to the children as a tool to terrorize battered women or to retaliate for separation. Some of our country’s missing children are actually being hidden by their mothers to protect them from violent fathers. Conversely, abusers sometimes kidnap their children to punish their partners for leaving or to get them to come back.
It is natural to assume that if a woman leaves an abusive relationship, she will be safe as will her children. However, leave taking alone does not protect battered women and their children. Battering men often escalate violence to recapture battered women and children who have sought safety in separation.
Implications for Teachers
Teachers are in an ideal position to assist children affected by abuse in the home by picking up signs and responding sympathetically to such children.