Many persons who might have tried hard being fair with their children and in treating them equally, find themselves favoring one child over the other.
Favoritism, according to Irving Bieber, a clinical professor at the New York Medical College, adversely affects both the ignored child and the preferred child.
The preferred child might want to see why he was chosen and may even feel guilty because his brothers and sisters are being deprived of their fair share of parental love because of him. On the other hand, the ignored child will also want to know why he was not favored. Consequently, he might develop an inferiority complex and may harbor ill feelings towards the favored sibling.
One author seems to have expressed pessimism over the efforts done at solving favoritism in the family when she says: “What parent can honestly ignore the fact that one of her children may be physically more attractive, a better student, or a more outstanding athlete or performer than his other siblings?’
Dr. Lee Salk, a clinical professor of psychology in the department of psychiatry at the New York Hospital – Cornell Medical Center, speaking why a parent favors one child over another, says: “There’s no way a parent can love all her children exactly the same because they are all different human beings and inevitable elicit different reactions from us.”
In solving the problem of favoritism, experts say that parents must “accept each child as a unique human being” and “love and respect him for his distinctiveness.” How this can be done is illustrated by one mother: “I love one of my girls for her sensitivity, creativity, and kindness; the other for her lively wit, energy and her perseverance at school. They are completely different from one another, but I love them both.”
Here are some tips to parents in dealing with favoritism. The focus is more on the ignored child.
- Try to understand this child’s world. Spending time alone with this child will help you see the youngster with special needs, thoughts, and desires.
- Find mutual areas of enjoyment. Do things together to build positive experiences with one another. The good times you’ve shared will help both of you overcome the more difficult parts of your relationship.
- Get the perspective of a perspective of a third party. A teacher, a relative or family friend can give useful insights as they can see facets of a child’s personality you don’t see.
- Share something of yourself with that child. “The key to getting closer your child lies only in discovering and honoring his interests but allowing him to glimpse yours.
Published in: Family