What do you call a fly with no wings?
Why was the Tomato blushing?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
A termite walks into a barroom and asks,
"Is the bar tender here?"
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he/she had no guts!
What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Their middle name.
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!
Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
Because they taste funny.
A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar.
"A pint of lager and a mop please.
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
What's brown and sticky?
A horse walks into a bar, the barman says
"why the long face?"
Why are proctologists so gloomy?
They always have the end in sight.
What do you give an elephant with diarreha?
Lots of Room
What does mozart do now that he is dead?
Why do they put bells on cows?
Because their horns don't work!
Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "god it's hot in here, and the other sausage says...
"OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"