Today’s news is all about teeth. Teeth and scary grandmothers. Sigmund Freud would love this post.
First off, we have the dentures that “saved the world”. If that sounds incredibly stupid and overblown, well, that’s because it is. These are the dentures of Winston Churchill, and you can have them for the incredibly low price of…$23,723. Oh, and if you actually use them (and why would you), you’ll lisp; they were designed to retain Winnie’s slight speech impediment, because clarity wasn’t valued back then. Also, he tended to flick them across the room by putting his thumb behind them. Yeah, he may have helped save the free world, but gross.
Far more interesting dentures are owned by Patricia Robertson, a 73-year-old great-grandmother who, when her purse was snatched by an industrious young couple, immediately leaped into action and bit the man so hard it drew blood. Then, deciding that wasn’t nearly bad-ass enough, she grabbed onto their truck as it dragged her several feet. Ultimately, it was a nice guy with a cell phone who tracked down the couple and got Patricia’s purse back. Unfortunately, now Patricia has a taste for human blood, so you might want to avoid Florida for a while.
- Churchill’s “vital weapon” goes on sale. Also, his dentures. (The Register)
- Grandma pwns purse snatchers (Daytona Beach News-Journal)
- Cats continue their rampage of destruction, as we reported yesterday (Associated Press)
- Meanwhile, bears continue to do whatever they please, including eating your fruit, drinking out of your fishbowl, and stealing your teddy (WMUR)
- Despite their ability to end wars, dentures only have 10% of the chewing power of normal teeth. Unless they’re Churchill’s teeth. (Go-A-Dentist)
- Bad-ass grandmas are common in, where else, Japan, where arrests of old people for non traffic violations doubled over the last decade (Foreign Policy)