Consider this your Fourth of July public safety announcement.
Through the magic of GIFs, these examples repeat so you can see over and over, through the misfortune of others, how to avoid fiery disaster and potential dismemberment at your Independence Day bash or any impromptu block party with a dozen M-80s, a fistful of roman candles and artillery shells.
Before the GIFs, a step back: Why do Americans love fireworks so much? Mainly because they’re loud and explosive. Pretty colors bursting in air, summertime, an element of danger. It certainly didn’t hurt the fireworks industry when Katy Perry shot colorful rockets from her oft-displayed breasts. We get it.
But without a doubt there will be a slew of reports on local news stations again this year about poor souls getting severely injured, and even killed because of fireworks accidents. Some people, as you’ll see, brought it upon themselves. So don’t be a dope, and never, ever, relight a dud. It took years of evolution for humans to gain opposable thumbs. On to the action…
1. Fireworks pinball
2. Who wants a foul ball when you can get a face full of explosion?
3. This group played hide-and-seek with fireworks, and lost
4. This is how roman candle fights end
5. Run! Run!! RUN!!!!!!
6. Redheads, meet the new Lord of the Firecrotch
8. “Nah, I planted it firmly in the ground.”
9. This is how Hollywood came up with wobbly cam footage