Loss is a part of life. We lose relationships, people we love, things, dreams, abilities, trust and more, yet we rarely are formally taught about grief and loss. I am amazed that we don't teach grief and loss in schools, although our children are grieving and sometimes turning to unhealthy means to deal with their grief. I believe that grief underlies many of the current youth issues today.
One of the things I do at Good Grief, is go into classrooms and speak to students about grief and loss. I often hear students say, "finally, a talk about something that we all can relate to.Why don't we talk about things like this more often in school?" I tell them that I wonder too. I know that children in school deal with loss on a daily basis. They lose friends, pets die, have a sibling with autism, have a grandparent with Alzheimer's or struggle with a learning disability. Others may get bullied, rejected, deal with ill family members, addiction in the family or deal with parents' divorce, just to name a few examples.
Students ask me how they can help themselves as well as their friends, siblings, and parents. They want to know what is normal in grief and how does one live through such pain without turning to addictions. They talk about guilt and regret, ask if it is normal to never cry or cry a lot, and wonder if numbness is normal. Others ask me how to help a friend who is in trouble but refuses help, what to say to a friend who has a dying parent, and ask for healthy ways to express feelings like anger and rage.
Many students say that these are great classes because they are relevant and real. One student wrote, "I feel like death and grieving are taboo in our culture. It really helps to hear someone talk about it and how to cope and help a friend." Another wrote,"I think children should take grief classes from the time they are a small child until graduating high school, if not longer."
Grief and loss education would allow children to grow up with useful knowledge, tools, and an emotional vocabulary. Empathy, patience, tolerance and compassion would be units as well as coping skills and healthy mourning. Students would learn about integrating loss, meaning making and growth that often follows loss. Imagine the difference schools could make if grief and loss education was part of the standard curriculum.