A leading authority on English literature has suggested a revolutionary approach to battling school bullies - the recitation of poetry.
Professor John Barking of Hay-on-Rye University says that the power of prose is a formidable weapon in the armoury of those who suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune during dinner break.
"Never underestimate the power of the rhyming couplet in the face of mindless savagery" he says. "A well-timed stanza can be as sure a defence as an expertly-wielded set of nunchucks - only far less likely to get you into trouble with the rozzers" he chuckles.
Asked to recommend some appropriate pieces the professor enthusiastically endorses Kipling's "If" and Owen's "Anthem for Doomed Youth" both of which he firmly believes capable of mollifying "the most belligerent of ruffians".
"Alternatively, a stirring rendition of Tennyson's "Charge of The Light Brigade" might open their eyes to the madness and futility of violence and stir within them their latent sense of brotherhood." Pausing, he adds "You could of course try to humour them with a dirty limerick."
Failing all else Professor Barking suggests adopting an air of stoical indifference and repeating the opening lines of Robert Service's "Portent"
"I plant my little pot of beans,
I sit beneath my Cyprus tree,
I do not know what trouble means,
I cultivate tranquility."
"That just might throw the blighters." he says. "At least until the ambulance arrives."
Professor Barking says his theories have yet to be put into practice and that a search for volunteers is ongoing.