What are the factors that prevent building and maintaining positive relationships?
- Lack of courtesy
- Inconsiderate behavior
- Not meeting commitments
- Rude behavior
- Lack of integrity and honesty
- Self-centeredness – a person all wrapped up in himself makes a pretty small package
- Arrogance – an arrogant person is content with his opinion and knowledge. That will guarantee him perpetual ignorance
- Conceit – since nature abhors a vacuum, she fills empty heads with conceit
- Negative attitude
- Close mind
- Lack of listening
- Suspicious nature
- Lack of respect for values (low moral)
- Lack of discipline
- Lack of compassion (cruelty is a sign of weakness)
- Anger – temper gets a person in trouble and ego keeps him there
- Manipulative behavior
- Escapist behavior
- Touchy nature
- Unwillingness to accept the truth
- Past bad experience
- An uncaring attitude – being ignored is not a good feeling. It shows a lack of concern
- Greed – is like sea water: The more you drink, the thirstier you get
This probably is not an all-inclusive list. Most of us may have some of the characteristics mentioned above. Some may have more of one than the other. The objective is to evaluate and adjust course in those areas.
The difference between ego and pride
The biggest hurdle in building a positive relationship is Ego. Ego is self-intoxicating. Ego is negative pride resulting in arrogance. Healthy pride is a feeling of the pleasure of accomplishment with humility. Ego gives a swollen head while pride gives a swollen heart. A big head gives a big headache whereas a big heart gives humility.
No matter what the size of a person’s accomplishments is, there is never an excuse for having a big head. Pride, yes; big head, no.
Ego – The “I know it all” attitude – To an egocentric person, the world begins, ends and revolves around him. An egotist can be funny by default. A boss asked one of his employees how badly he wanted a raise. The employee said, “Real badly. I have been praying to God for one”. The boss replied, “You are not going to get it because you went over my head”. An egoist talks and looks down on others.
Egotism is the unaesthetic that deadens the pain of stupidity.
What is the difference between selfishness and self-interest?
It is important to understand the distinction between these two words. Selfishness is negative and destructive. It destroys relationships because it is based on negative values. It believes in the win/lose principle. Self-interest is positive. It welcomes prosperity, peace of mind, good health, and happiness. Self-interest believes in win/win.
Envy/jealousy – crab mentality – What is crab mentality? Do you know how they catch crabs? They put a box with one side open for the crabs to walk in. it has a base but no lid. When the box is full, they close the fourth side. The crabs could easily crawl out of the box and go free. But this doesn’t happen, because the crab mentality doesn’t let it happen. The moment one crab starts crawling up, the others pull it down, and nobody gets out. Guess where they all end up? They all get cooked.
The same thing is true with people who are jealous. They never get ahead in life and prevent others from succeeding. Jealously is a sign of poor self-esteem. It is a universal trait. The biggest challenge comes when jealously becomes a national character. Countries start degenerating, resulting in disastrous consequences for coming generations. Jealously corrupts people.
One should have an open mind rather than an empty mind – What is the difference between an open mind and an empty mind? An open mind is flexible; it evaluates and may accept or reject ideas and concepts based on merit. An empty mind is a dumping ground for good and bad. It accepts without evaluation.
Steps to building a positive personality
Step 1: accept responsibility
“Responsibilities gravitate to the person who can shoulder them”. When people accept additional responsibility they are actually giving themselves a promotion. Responsible behavior is to accept accountability and that represents maturity. Acceptance of responsibility is a reflection of our attitude and the environment we operate in. most people are quick to take credit for what goes right but very few would accept responsibility when things go wrong. A person who does not accept responsibility is not absolved from being responsible. Our objective is to cultivate responsible behavior. Responsible behavior should be inculcated right from childhood. It cannot be taught without a certain degree of obedience.
Stop the blame game – Avoid phrases such as:
- Everyone does it,
- Or no one does it, or
- It is all your fault
People who don’t accept responsibility shift the blame to their parents, teachers, genes, God, fate, luck or the stars. John said, “Mama, Jimmy broke the window”. Mama asked, “How did he do it?” John replied, “I threw a stone at him and he ducked”.
People who use their privileges without accepting responsibility usually end up losing them. Responsibility involves thoughtful action.
Pettiness causes us to ignore our responsibility – Think about it. Petty minds are busy passing the buck rather than doing what needs to be done.
Social responsibility – Ancient Indian wisdom teaches us that our first responsibility is to the community, second to our family and third to our self. A society starts degenerating when this order is reversed. Social responsibility ought to be the moral obligation of every citizen. Responsibility and freedom go hand in hand. A sign of a good citizen is that he is willing to pull his own weight.
For price of goodness is responsibility.
Societies are destroyed by the activities of rascals but by the inactivity of good people. What a paradox! If they can tolerate destruction by being inactive, how can they be good? The question is, are they discharging their social responsibility?
For evil to flourish; good people have to do nothing and evil shall flourish.
Step 2: consideration
One day, a ten-year-old boy went to an ice-cream shop, sat at a table, and asked the waitress, “How much is an ice-cream cone?” She said, “seventy-five cents”. Then the boy started counting the coins he had in his hand. Then he asked how much a small cup of ice-cream was. The waitress impatiently replied, “sixty-five cents”. The boy said, “I will have the small ice-cream cup”. He had his ice-cream, paid the bill and left. When the waitress came to pick up the empty plate, she was touched. Underneath was ten one-cent coin as tip. The little boy had consideration for the waitress before he ordered his ice-cream. He showed sensitivity and caring. He thought of others before himself.
If we all thought like the little boy, we would have a great place to live. Show consideration, courtesy, and politeness. Thoughtfulness shows a caring attitude.
Step 3: think win/win
A man died and St. Peter asked him if he would to go to heaven or hell. The asked if he could see both before deciding. St. Peter took him to hell first and the man saw a big hall with a long table, lots of food on it and music playing. He also saw rows of people with pale, sad faces. They looked starved and there was no laughter. And he observed one more thing. Their hand were tied to four-foot forks and knives and they were trying to get the food from the center of the table to put into their mouths. But they couldn’t.
Then, he went to see heaven. There he saw a big hall with long table, with lots of food on the table and music playing. He noticed rows of people on both sides of the table with their hands tied to four-foot forks and knives also. But he observed there was something different here. People were laughing and were well-fed and healthy looking. He noticed that they were feeding one another across the table. The result was happiness, prosperity, enjoyment, and gratification. Because they were not thinking of themselves alone; they were thinking win/win. The same is true of our lives. When we serve our customers, our families, or employer and employees, we automatically win.
A Little Black Pen