Re: Mommy Mistake - How To Fix? Took Away 5yo's Birthday Party
First, let me ask why it is you think it's a mistake? Is it a mistake because you feel bad that your kid feels bad? Or is it a mistake because you feel like the punishment really doesn't fit the crime? If it's just because you don't like that your kid feels bad, then I say that's not a mistake. If you think it's a mistake because you don't feel like the punishment fits the crime (and honestly, if it's the ongoing issue like you say, then I think the punishment probably does fit the crime,) then I would say you just apologize for overreacting and substitute a more appropriate punishment.
If you just feel bad that the kid feels bad, well I would just let it stand. I wouldn't completely ignore the birthday, I would suggest acknowledging it, perhaps with a special mommy/daughter trip to get ice cream the night of the birthday. But, I think that completely removing all the guests and cake and presents might just be appropriate punishment and I would let it stand.
Now, as to dealing with the tantrums...my teenager has been having teenage tantrums lately. And one thing my mom keeps telling me that I keep forgetting is, it's really hard to have a tantrum with an audience. And it's true. The vast majority of tantrums, especially in the younger set, are about the audience and displaying to EVERYONE just how upset/unhappy/angry the tantruming child is. SO, just don't give the child an audience. Walk away. If they follow, then you send them to their room. If they refuse to go, you pick them up and put them there. And, that's not even a time out or a punishment. It's just..."I am not going to listen to your tantrum. When you are ready to stop throwing a fit and listen to me, then we can talk about XYZ. But until then, you go have your fit somewhere else so I don't have to listen to it." And you do your best to completly ignore it. Which can be next to impossible. But really, that type of response isn't even about stopping the behavior, it's just about not subjecting yourself or anyone else in the house to it.
(it's especially difficult to ignore when your kid begins to scream like a banshee at the top of her lungs like my 4 yr old has taken to doing because she knows that's exactly what pushes my buttons. I still haven't figured out how to stop that)