Britney Spears' Secret Valentine: Five Scandalous Suspects
Or maybe this guy is from the future and traveled back in time to prevent a different time traveling guy from killing Britney Spears, thereby sparking Charles Manson's long overdue Helter Skelter race war. Where are the fucking Mayans when you need them, aren't I correct?
Brit has been known to, ahem, shit where she eats (in addition to pee where she bathes and vomit bile where she sleeps). The probability is high that her secret boo is somebody that works for her.
Yeah, we get paid to write this crap. But instead of money, they give us a flaming barrel of discarded peanut shells (see also: Roadhouse Grille) and a leather boot overflowing with gin.