You might have Ebola if: 1) You are Presbyterian
2) You flew on a plane in the last twenty years
3) If both 1 and 2 are true, you have it.
4) You left home at least once in your life.
5) Someone in your family left home once in their life.
6) You have a fever or ever knew someone who had a fever
7) If you ate food from anywhere.
8) You know someone in Dallas or even said the word Dallas.
9) You said the word Africa.
10) You give in to this stupid panic.