Years ago, there was a time when bands like Lynyrd Skynyrd,
Creedence Clearwater Revival, and Journey were marketable,
when pick-up trucks were popular, when they were still making
new episodes of Dukes of Hazzard, and when Budweiser beer
could be drunk openly in public.
At this time, there was a great thing happening in society.
The mullet, a hairstyle that would define a generation, was
at its height.
The mullet was the definitive hairstyle of the 1970s and
early 1980s. Its origins are disputed by modern hair
historians, but it is likely to have been started by either
Chuck Norris, God, or the Roman emperor Nero.
Of the three, Nero is the most likely candidate.
In the Roman writer Seutonius' biographies of the Roman
emperors, Seutonius writes this of Nero's hair on his trip to
Greece: "He was utterly shameless in the care of his person
and in his dress, always having his hair arranged in tiers of
curls, and during the trip to Greece also letting it grow
long and hang down behind." Clearly, though Seutonius fails
to understand the profound beauty of Nero's hair, this record
establishes Nero, arguably the greatest leader of Roman
history, as having had the first recorded mullet.
Regardless of the questions around its origins, the mullet
spread like wildfire. People cut the front and sides of the
hair short, leaving the back to grow gloriously long. The
mullet became a great countercultural icon that would
captivate millions worldwide.
In its heyday, millions of people, young or old, rich or
poor, male or female, wore this majestic hairstyle with
Many celebrities, such as George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Paul
McCartney, and even experimental rock icon David Bowie have
sported this venerable hairdo.
However, this was not enough.
Mullet sightings declined rapidly through the late 1980s and
early 1990s, leaving only a few cities and rural areas in the
southern United States as mullet havens. Trailer parks became
similar to unofficial world heritage sites where tourists
could witness the remains of a great civilisation.
The "rat's tail", a sort of thin, generally tied, bastardised
mullet, has gained popularity among youth throughout New
Zealand and Australia in recent times.
While some people, blindly nostalgic for the golden days of
mullets, greet this as an opportunity for a renaissance,
mullet purists insist that nothing but glorious, long, and
healthy streams of hair, left untied, can qualify.
The future looks uncertain for the mullet. A few strongholds
of this ancient hair culture survive, but will youths 50
years from now only be able to witness the glory of this
hairdo in textbooks?
Can this ancient eighth wonder of the world be rejuvenated?
The suspense of this situation is overwhelming; only time
•By Gareth McMullen, Year 13, Logan Park High School