For those of you who don't know where the 800-pound
gorilla came from, here's the answer. It was a joke.
Question: Where does an 800-pound gorilla sit?
Answer: Anywhere he wants.
A-rod just tied the game with a two-run frozen rope
into the stands. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be
distracted. I'm sitting in my studio watching the
Yanks play as I work. It's 94 degrees outside and
they're playing baseball in the Bronx. It has to be
well over 100 degrees on the field. They're playing
the Royals, who I'm sure are used to these temps in
Kansas in June, but our delicate Northeastern bodies
It's odd. I don't have memories of being super-hot as
much as I do being super-cold. I remember coming home
from playing outside in late winter, wet and frozen to
the bone. I was at that transitional age, maybe
twelve. One day you're starting to understand the
ironic humor of Mad magazine, the next day you're
playing kid's games. We were playing Army, or cowboys
and Indians or something like that. I was having too
much fun to come in until dinner time. I shivered all
the way home.
That was around the time I heard my first "adult"
joke. I can't tell it here, family newspapers being
what they are, but let's put it this way. It involved a
popular song, slang and a female body part.
The problem was, I didn't get the joke. I didn't know
what the punch line meant or the slang, but whenever I
told it to the older boys I sometimes hung around
with, they laughed. I had no idea what they were
laughing at, but I kept telling the joke. It was fun
to be the center of attention and make people laugh.
It still is.
My all-time favorite adult joke is one my father told
me years ago. He used to sell carpets and met a lot of traveling salesmen, the subject of a variety of adult jokes themselves. I can't tell it here--same problem--but let's just say it's scatological in nature.
This joke is so funny, I won an award for it. I play
golf with a bunch of cartoonists in September and
afterward we have dinner and some laughs and a few
off-color jokes. They don't usually give an award for
a joke but this one is so funny, they awarded me this
brand new hideous golf shirt. If you've seen golf
clothes, you know how weird they can be. This shirt
tops them all. If we ever play golf together and there
are no children around, I'll tell it to you.
Here's an adult joke I can tell. The reason it's an
adult joke is that you have to be over forty, maybe
fifty, to get it. It's a knock-knock joke:
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening (sing it to the tune of "Some
See. I told you it was adult.