Do you find that other people always have a problem communicating with you? Do you find yourself wondering what’s wrong with them and why can't they just get their act together?Conflict can occur at many levels within an organisation, team or between two individuals. How does conflict initially arise? Normally, conflict occurs because there is a divergence in views or opinions on what has happened, the facts, where you are going, the aims, goals and aspirations, how you get there, what methods and measures you take to complete a course of action and ethics i.e. the values or boundaries that exist for your or the group’s behaviour i.e. what is acceptable or unacceptable practice. In many situations conflict occurs as a result of subconscious behaviour and often the individuals concerned are unaware of how they actually reached the point where they are at loggerheads with others. Often we assume that it must be the other person who has the problem and that we don’t do anything ourselves to cause the conflict. However, before you accuse another person of having the attitude problem ask yourself if any of these apply to you – do you:
Always believe that you are right and only your opinion matters;
Tough it out and refuse to give way on any issue;
Threaten others in order to get your own way;
Instantly react in a situation, never count to ten first before responding;
Talk in a sarcastic or cynical way to others;
Undermine others so that their position is weakened;
Don’t hold anything back, say anything that comes into your head;
Explode in anger when you think that others let you down.
Praise the positive, before discussing the negative in any situation;
Resist the need to use anger when you feel you are losing control;
Orchestrate how you argue a point so that it appears to be a win-win result for everyone;
Base your approach to others on how you wish to be treated yourself – with respect;
Listen to others and then explain clearly and calmly why you disagree with them;
Empathise with others and understand why their approach is different to yours and determine how you are going to reach consensus;
Manage communication effectively.
So next time you are heading for conflict ask yourself who is it that has the problem?