5 October is World Teachers Day. And even though it’s been years since the majority of us have held a CGP textbook, we still remember those pesky teachers who told us we’d never amount to anything if we didn’t apply ourselves. (What does that even mean?!)
World Teachers Day is a UNESCO initiative devoted to appreciating, assessing, and improving the educators of the world. So to celebrate all the wonderful people who taught us how to do joined-up writing and play the recorder, here’s a list of ten of the different types of teachers we had at school.
The One Who Was Always Late
You remember that teacher that always used to rush into class, huffing and puffing, shirt buttons undone, papers falling out of his hands…?
You’ve been waiting for him for 15 minutes. If you were in university, you would have been halfway home. But unfortunately for you, the 15 minute rule does not apply at primary or secondary school.
The One Who Knows Everybody’s Names
If you’re not the headteacher there is no reason why you should know everybody’s name. I reckon even the headteacher can get away with memorising 70% of the pupil’s names. And you’re just the maths teacher. I mean isn’t teaching Pythagoras’ theorem hard enough without remembering which Michael is Michael A and how to pronounce the name Nana?
The Long-Term Supply Teacher
Remember the feeling you got, when it was announced that your insanely strict teacher wasn’t in and you’d be getting a supply? It felt almost as good as getting an extra slice on pizza day. It’s the same feeling the next day, and the day after that. But then those days become weeks, the weeks become months. And eventually the supply teacher becomes your actual teacher.
Well kind of, because even though it’s been half a year, you still don’t remember her name.
The One Who Tries to be Cool
No matter how young you are, as a teacher you will never be cool. I mean you may be our favourite teacher, or you might do something that’s considered cool. Such as letting us leave the classroom before the bell or having a secret tattoo under your shirt. But we’ll still avoid you in the street. Even if you do address us with an “Oi blud”.
The One Who Was Really Attractive
I’m sure there’s a study somewhere that proves that students perform 100% better in class when their teacher is attractive.
Everyone hated French, but we endured it because Miss Beauvois was obviously a model in her spare time. And it’s so much harder to disobey a teacher that you fancy. Even the worst behaved kids would make sure they had all their homework done. And it was the only class where they actually put up their hands and asked questions, such as: “Miss I don’t know what this word says, could you help me (by standing really close to me so I can smell your perfume)?”
The One Dating Another Teacher
There was always that male teacher who used to hang around that female teacher’s office. He didn’t teach the same subject as her, so they definitely weren’t discussing lessons plans during their hourly meetups. I don’t know if they were unaware that teachers are allowed to date one another, but they snuck around like a pair of teenagers for years until they got married and suddenly she was no longer Miss Winter, but Mrs Dixon.
The Science Teacher Also Teaching PE
When I was at school, there was always talk of a thing called ‘budget cuts’. I never really knew what it meant until I saw my science teacher in the sports hall, wearing basketball shorts and plimsolls. And you know your school’s going to shit when the caretaker is now teaching Geography.
The One Who Changed Your Life
No one can forget that one teacher you can credit for making you realise your purpose in life. Mine was a Mr Lancaster. He started a Readers and Writers club and as well as taking us to the theatre multiple times, he also managed to squeeze a trip in to the Arsenal stadium, because apparently it was relevant.
On his last day he told me I was talented and that I should never give up writing. I tried to friend him on Facebook five years later. He blocked me.
The One Who Understands What You’re going Through
“I was once a young girl too you know”, said every teacher in the world. Yes, you were young once , but that was like 50 years ago. In a world free of Twitter, X Factor and One Direction. How can you understand that Zayn Malik unfollowed me? How can you understand that going all the way to Birmingham because the X Factor auditions won’t be held in Ireland this year is more important than sitting my GCSE mock exams?
The One Who Taught You, Your Parents (and Everyone Else in Your Family)
I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure teachers are supposed to retire between the ages of 60 and 65. So how is it that one of my former teachers has taught my 24-year-old self, my 28-year-old sister and my 50-year-old mother?! I had a teacher called Mrs Taylor at school and somehow she had managed to work her way through my entire family. And she’s probably still teaching there!
And there you have it, our top ten teachers you had at school. Let me know if I’ve missed any out in the comments below and if you’re reading this at school instead of actually learning, shame on you!