Because let’s be honest: most people are pretty stinking awful at rolling a ball the size and weight of a human head perfectly straight down a sixty-foot lane. There are gutters on both sides, you’re slipping around in torn-up shoes that look like they’ve been through a war and a washing machine,and every time you go up for a toss you’re in the spotlight, up on stage, with critical eyes piercing holes in your back, watching your every move.
Yeah, it’s pressure all right.
But that’s what makes it so great when you do finally pick up that perfect spare or hit a big ten-pen knockdown in the final frame. Because that’s when it’s time for a bowling celebration — ideally featuring several of the following:
1. The Stage Dance. Hey, you’re up on stage so why not throw out a couple of moves? Perhaps the famous Hulk Hogan ear-cup, the invisible hula-hoop, or the Tiger Woods fist-pump? If all else fails you can do the moonwalk back down to your seat. Not a terrible choice.
2. The Celebrity. Pretty self-explanatory. The paparazzi loves you and you love them back, only without the paparazzi.
3. The All-Business Around-The-World High Five. This can happen when you have around ten hands to slap. There are just so many hands — so your eyes narrow, your eyebrows crunch, and your tongue fixes itself on your top lip as you focus on nailing every single high five offered to you. You don’t miss a slap. Yes, you’re all business around the world.
4. The Overly Exaggerated Jump. Always a fan-favorite. But watch out for that greasy floor and those all-skid shoes.
5. The Friendly Stranger. This is where a casual stranger who has been keeping a passive eye on your game suddenly leaves his lane and jumps into your bowling celebration. The Friendly Stranger can be awkward, but it does give your sweet roll some extra lane cred.
Now, whatever your style, it’s important to remember that once you hit down some pins, it’s all about the bowling celebration. You can do no wrong at this point, so just relax and do a little dance. Make a little love. And get down tonight.
Get down tonight.