By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
Courtney Lovesick: Instead of expertly riffing off The Beatles and The Kinks, Simon Dawes could wear baby doll dresses and give goonie-shots to the audience by hiking a leg up on the amplifier while clumsily plucking one long, continuous power chord.
The Chaka Kahn Artists: Don Caballero could abandon its cache of complex instrumental jams and transform itself into an Afro'd atom bomb of a funk band that writes its own name over and over at the top of lyric sheets.
Slim Sade: Rather than its introspective, Henry Miller-inspired tunes like "All Her Crooked Ways," Simon Dawes could write seductive soul songs about killing their wives.
The Willie Nelsons: If Don Caballero could drop its thunderous prog-rock rhythm section and pick up some banjos, it could totally smoke the bluegrass as a big-braided country band.
Rick James, Bitch!: Since Simon Dawes' PR buzz says its album Carnivore is "the album The Strokes tried to copy except they couldn't figure out the guitar parts," Simon Dawes needs to drop its sensitive Dylan-esque ditties and hump on some funky bass lines that smoke them bitches like a crack pipe.
Yoko Ono Bono: All Don Caballero would have to do is jerk around and scream "AYAYAYAYAYA!" while acting as if it were a pop culture political leader.