Q. "Last year my son had numerous problems at school with misbehaving. He was put in detention several times for not listening to his teacher. I am worried that this behavior will begin again this year. What can I do?
A. Some students have gone back to school and others will do so within a couple of weeks. In school, it is inevitable that some children will exhibit behavior problems. These problems might include disruptive talking in the classroom, name-calling or fighting. However, children also might act out in school because of being bullied, problems at home or to being frustrated by an inability to understand the schoolwork. Children who are acting out in school might have strong feelings building up inside about these issues. Those feelings might be coming out in their bad behavior.
The well-behaved child behaves for a reason, as does the child who is acting up. His or her behavior has a purpose, one which might be hard for parents to comprehend. Parents might have trouble understanding why their child is misbehaving, but once a parent understands the reasons, then it might be easier to choose ways to handle the situation. Some children might feel that any attention is better than no attention, even if the attention they get is negative. When children begin to experience a new situation, such as starting school, they might act out from fear of the unknown. Having to make new friends, meet new teachers and attempt schoolwork can be scary for some kids.
It is difficult to treat acting-out behavior effectively until the reasons for it are known. It is important for parents to address their child's behavior problems early on in the school year. Being able to address these potential problems might help avoid more severe problems in the future.
Parents might avert their child's budding behavior problems at school by:
- Being active at your child's school. Get to know their teachers and attend school functions such as teachers conferences, plays or any activities where parents are welcome.
- Talk to your child. Ask him or her how he or she feels about school, teachers and friends. You cannot always be with your child when new situations occur, so begin to teach him or her tolerance by listening to how he or she feels without offering any advice or judging. This will help your child know that he or she can talk to you about anything.
- Understand and be realistic about your child's abilities. Be aware if he or she is having trouble understanding or completing schoolwork, and talk to his or her teacher if necessary.
- Be a good role model for your child. Be aware of your behavior as a parent. The parental saying, "do as I say not as I do" is not the best motto for parents. Make it clear to your child which behaviors you want him or her to choose for themselves by exhibiting those behaviors yourself.
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