In my eight-year tenure as a parent, there has been one technique that I've found to be the most effective in creating peace and compliance in my home: the reward chart.
My kids and I started working with reward charts when they were very young. I quickly realized that their motivation for earning stars each night was a huge bargaining tool in getting them to follow our family rules during the day. In fact, when we lapse from working with the chart, my kids' behavior quickly declines – as does my patience.
We try to keep our rewards fairly simple. We have a star chart that reviews six behaviors each day, so my kids can earn up to six stars during that time period. Once they have reached seven stars under all six of the behavior areas, they earn a prize. It's usually something small and is oftentimes something I would have given them anyway. I might use the prize as an opportunity to give them fun new pencils for school, a Halloween costume in early October or even pajamas designed with their favorite characters.
I've also created each of our star charts to match the behaviors of each child, because they tend to have their own things they struggle with. For example, my youngest has a column devoted to quickly buckling into her car seat, because she tends to lag and make the family wait. My middle child has a column for using an “inside voice,” since he tends to struggle with yelling all day long.
Here are some of my best tips to effectively use a star chart system:
Keep behaviors specific
It is too vague to tell a child that he needs to work on “self-control.” But if there are specific behaviors that warrant more self-control, you could focus on that.
Use pictures for pre-readers
When we started doing charts, none of my kids knew how to read. So I used a picture for each column that represented what they were working on. I did a simple online search for clip art and was able to find things such as a photo of a star, a smiley face and pictures of beds (to denote making their beds). After a few weeks, they were able to look at the star chart and remember what each column represented based on the pictures.
Print out several copies at a time
It's sad to say, but one of the biggest challenges for me is remembering to print out their star charts at the beginning of each week. I have found that printing several copies at a time, and then storing them on a clipboard underneath the current copy, makes switching over each week more seamless.
Set them up to win
The star chart should not provoke anxiety. If it does, it's time to recalibrate it. Encourage your kids and make their goals attainable. If they are missing more than two behavioral goals on most days, you probably need to lower the bar. Not receiving a star should be an exception, not an everyday occurrence. Start with small goals that they can meet.
Contact the writer: Keep it positive