To contextualize the film somewhat, it’s a step down from 2009’s “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra,” which I recall being more entertaining, for reasons that now escape me. All I remember is Sienna Miller in black leather, never seeing Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s face (it was probably in his contract) and something about “nanomites.” “Retaliation” is a step up in terms of headliner talent – it features Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Bruce Willis and the return of Channing Tatum, reprising the role of Duke from the first movie. The two films are similarly dopey, pitching their tents so deep in Camp Valley, there is no hope of ever returning.
It is my duty to report the movie’s release date was bumped from summer, 2012 so post-production 3-D effects could be added (I saw it in IMAX 3-D, a presentation which typically improves the moviegoing experience, but not always, evident by this film). They’re notable, but forgettable. Also, the rumor that reshoots occurred to give Tatum a bigger role appears to be false, considering he and Willis have about 15 minutes of screen time each.
This means Johnson carries the brunt of the load with generic co-stars D.J. Cotrona and Adrianne Palicki. They play, respectively, Roadblock, Flint and Lady Jaye, key members of the specialest of special-ops military units, dubbed G.I. Joe. They recite dialogue such as “PREPARE FOR EXTRACTION!” and “GO GO GO !” and “DAMN NINJAS!” and the relentlessly pragmatic “AERIAL THREAT! DOWN!”, a line deployed when they hear an airplane overhead. These roles do not require thespian nuance, but they do ask for screen presence and charisma, which Johnson effortlessly deploys, while his castmates stand by, posing their toned and muscular bodies. Especially vapid is Palicki, whose character dons the most exquisite shade of lip gloss to match her skin tone, before going into battle.
The plot is set after the “Nanomite Wars.” The nasty bad guys in the evil organization known as Cobra have kidnapped the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce) and impersonated him so they can free their leader, the masked Cobra Commander (Luke Bracey), from prison and formulate a dastardly plan to take over the world while they wring their hands and cackle maniacally. This involves killing a bunch of Joes and framing the survivors, besmirching their good name. They seek out the original G.I. Joe, played by Willis, who is retired but still hoarding weaponry, and may be the sole reason Wal Mart can’t keep ammunition stocked on the shelves.
Meanwhile, master of disguise Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) uses nanomite technology to look like the President. Firefly (Ray Stevenson) is on the ground, doing all the dirty work. The Cobra fellows say things like “THE G.I. JOES ARE NO MORE!” and “SOON THE WORLD WILL COWER!”, presumably because they all have scars on their faces and are very bitter about it.
There also is a ninja subplot about ninjas doing ninja stuff. Mute, masked good-guy Joe ninja Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and newcomer lady ninja Jinx (Elodie Yung) go to Japan to capture bad-guy Cobra ninja Storm Shadow (Lee Byung-Hun) from a mountaintop ninja lair. In order to accomplish this, they must fight a bunch of ninjas while swinging and dangling from cliff faces, a sequence that’s sometimes exhilarating, but more often incomprehensible, a criticism that can be applied to all of the film’s action set pieces. “Retaliation” is edited for maximum stupification, and we struggle to decipher what is being blown up by which explosive discharge, or why one plot point would so gracelessly smash into the next.
The story is starved for logical consistency, but it doesn’t exist to be comprehensible and linear. Plot threads exist as an excuse to stage high-order nonsense rife with bloodless violence, one screeching clanging noise blending into the next. The film exists to capitalize upon the nostalgia of children of the 1980s, who played with the Hasbro action figures until the little rubber bands inside them snapped. So far, the “G.I. Joe” movie franchise remains fairly watchable crap, which is much more than can be said for its sort-of sister series, “Transformers,” which sets the bar disturbingly low for these types of movies.