It's a good idea to explain your family's rules even to a young baby, but you can't expect your child to understand or follow them until he's at least 2 years old.
"And even then he won't really understand the 'why' of most rules until closer to 3," says Traci B. Pitts, a child psychologist in Reno, Nevada.
Even if he seems to understand (and moves away from the stove when you firmly remind him not to touch, for example), it will take him years to develop good self-control. Toddlers and preschoolers are preoccupied with exploring and testing limits: Don't expect him to obey rules or use good judgment consistently.
When teaching rules to young children, patience is key. "You need to have realistic expectations or you'll be very frustrated," says Pitts.
She recommends keeping rules impersonal. Instead of saying, "You can't drink juice in the family room," say, "We only eat and drink in the kitchen or dining room." This helps your child understand that everyone needs to follow rules and explains what he should do – not just what he shouldn't do.
Focus positive attention on behavior you want to encourage. Your child is less likely to learn self-control with strict, punishing discipline. And for your own sanity, try not to compare your child's behavior to other children's behavior – a toddler's ability to show self-control and follow directions varies widely.
Keep in mind that children encounter unfamiliar situations several times a day, and what seems like an obvious rule to you may not make sense to them. You'll need to explain the rules repeatedly and redirect your child often.
For instance, the first time your child uses crayons, he probably won't know he should use them only on paper. If he starts scribbling on the coffee table say, "We color on paper."
If he continues to draw on the furniture, take the crayons away and direct him to another activity. It may take firm repeating – and, in this case, several very short coloring sessions – before your child understands and remembers the rule.
Be consistent about enforcing rules and make sure the rest of the family follows them too. It will confuse your child to see you doing something you've said is off-limits, and he may conclude that rules aren't that important after all.