As an act of wanton barbarism, there is little to rival the symbolism of setting fire to a book. It is, therefore, genuinely shocking to learn that book-burning is taking place in south Wales. Pensioners in Swansea are reportedly buying books from charity shops for just a few pence each and taking them home for fuel. With temperatures plummeting and energy costs on the rise, thick books such as encyclopaedias are said to be particularly sought after.
"Book burning seems terribly wrong, but we have to get rid of unsold stock for pennies and some of the pensioners say the books make ideal slow-burning fuel for fires and stoves," one charity-shop assistant said.
In the name of civility, we must stop this outrage – even if some of the books might be remaindered celebrity autobiographies. So, while we await the fruits of our politicians' promises to tackle fuel poverty, here are some alternative sources of cheap heat:
• Telephone directories. Do the neighbourly thing and direct a directory towards someone who could make better use of it than as a glorified door stop. Rip off any shiny covers, though; when burned, plastic-coated paper produces nasty pollutants such as dioxins. For the same reason, never burn plastic food packaging.
• Cowpats. Hundreds of millions of people around the world use dried dung as a domestic fuel source, so why shouldn't we? Well, there is one good reason: on a mass scale, in places such as India, the burning of dung causes considerable localised air pollution. But a few dried cowpats tossed on the fire at home probably won't trigger an environmental armageddon.
• Wooden pallets. Most industrial estates will have surplus pallets. Ask if you can take one to break up for use as kindling or as an alternative to logs.
• Newspaper briquettes. If you're still intent on combusting hard-crafted words, then you might as well set fire to this very newspaper instead. Buy yourself a briquette press, soak a load of old copies in the bath, then spend a few hours making your own paper briquettes. Once dry, they will burn much like logs.