If you read, and believed, my post on the most most alpha Myers-Briggs types you may have wondered how some types fell to the bottom. In this post I hope to explain why some types may be great people but bad seducers.
If I had to use one word to describe those least successful (or at least hampered by their natural personality) in seduction it would be “nerd.” If I had two words the would be “introverted nerd.” If I had to assign a Myers-Briggs type to these less seductive types, it would be Introverted iNtuitive.
There is nothing that says introverts are necessarily lacking in social skills. However, by definition, they have less interest in and tolerance for social activity. Seduction is, if nothing else, a social activity. It means projecting a certain amount of energy and enthusiasm. It means projecting confidence and intruding on other’s space. This “intrusion” is not rude, it is merely creating enough presence that the other person is aware of you.
Seduction happens over time. It works best with an increasing level of energy and rising tension. Unfortunately, social activity drains introverts. They will likely suffer falling energy levels over the course of an interaction. The higher stakes and increased tension may drain their energy even quicker.
The introvert suffers one final problem; extraverts outnumber them. They live in a world that tends to expect and prefer extraverted behavior. While this affects both men and women, it can be particular damaging to the male trying to seduce a female. If extraversion is expected from all, it is especially expected from a male.
Sensing and intuition are two different ways of experiencing the world. Sensors remain clearly connected to the concrete reality around them. The notice specific details of their surroundings. Intuitives are more “atmosphere” types. They are less observant of details and have a more abstract view. To a Sensor a table has a distinct color, shape, size, texture. To the iNtuitive, it is something to put stuff on. If pushed they may describe it in the sensory terms of color, shape, size, and texture but that is not what they notice.
Any social interaction begins with small talk. Referring to your surroundings is the easiest and most popular form of small talk. Lacking that firm grip on their surroundings makes it harder to grasp the first conversational straw.
Intuitives are more abstract in their thinking. They tend to see the big picture and would prefer to explore a topic deeply and fully. Most social interactions are the equivalent of splashing around, at least they will begin that way. Seduction (or any building of friendship) begins with paddling on the surface, progresses to swimming, and eventual might end up deep diving. The iNtuitive is less comfortable with the splashing around and either leaves the other behind with his deep dives or becomes uncomfortable with the splashing around.
Like introverts, iNtuitives are strangers in a strange land. Perhaps 25 percent of the population are iNtuitives. This means that the majority of the people an iNtuitive meets will not speak the same “language.” They will experience the world in a different manner. They may find the iNtuitive hard to “get.”
Seduction is about the moment. There are no rules. There is no set path. It is about noticing and reacting to the other person. Success will tend to go to those that can stay out of their heads and go with the flow.
Introverts by their nature can be stuck in their heads. They need to process what they experience before they act. Intuitives are aware of possibilities. Rather than be tied to the moment their mind can envision possibilities and alternatives that stem from the now. Instead of smoothly moving with the flow, they can get caught in mental loops or move the conversation in a direction that does not help (i.e., they break the flow).
For the would be seducer, introversion and intuition can be a toxic mixture. IN does not equal gINa tingle. Sorry!
The Judging or Perceiving preference of our hapless IN can influence how they mess up. The Thinking or Judging preference can influence how they react to it.
Perceiving types are most likely to get caught in mental loops. Their mind likes to explore possibilities, so while they have the flexibility to go with the flow they can, like some manic chess master, become caught up with if . . .then scenarios that may have little to do with what is happening.
Judging types may find it hard to go with the flow. They will not get caught in the same loops as perceiving types but may find it hard to change course if their initial choice was wrong. They are looking for order in something where there is no order.
Thinking types will have post (and even during ) game analysis that is full of could-have, would-have, should have.
Feeling types may take rejection hard. They may even detect rejection when there was none (sometimes things just do not work out). Where the thinking types may obsess over their bad game, feeling types may become convinced they are a bad (or worthless) person.
As with my other Myers-Briggs related posts this is only one way of looking at human interactions. It should not be taken too literally. Disclaimer aside I have tried to give one possible view for the difficulty that some suffer in what others take for granted. No one is doomed to failure nor guaranteed success. This was just a way of describing why some may find success more elusive. Finally, I will say again, in case you missed it before: “There are no good or bad types, only good or bad people.” Every type will offer joys and frustrations to themselves and others.