As I sat at my computer today, doing my job like a good little worker bee, I began to feel quite nauseous. It came on me quickly, like a dark storm cloud over a small, helpless boat in the ocean. The waves of stomach discomfort washed over me, pounding my core and tapping the well of regurgitation within. I struggled to avoid the disaster, and steered myself away from my desk for a bit, and took slow, deep breaths while attempting to reach a state of anti-puke enlightenment through meditation and prayer. Slowly, with my eyes closed and my hands about my face, I began to feel the storm lifting. My urge to pray to the porcelain god receded, and I slowly found myself drifting back into the world of consciousness and health.
After this tsunami of nausea ended, and I began to feel like myself again, I began the inevitable quest of knowledge and discovery for which I am known, and tried to contemplate a possible reason for my sudden stomach storm. My first thoughts turned towards the most obvious culprit: my breakfast. I analyzed the contents of my first meal of the day, and found only nothing that would explain my current condition. I woke up and had a glass of orange juice, and a cereal bar. Then I came to work, and had a glass of water, and then a bit later, an apple.
Hmmm. Not exactly the unhealthiest breakfast ever created, now is it? So, if the breakfast as a whole was not the cause of my sickness, then perhaps it was one individual food item that was the source of my discomfort. I took aside each food item, in separate rooms, and questioned them individually about the incident. The orange juice was very suspect at first, with his dodgy gaze and his nervous ticks. Upon further interrogation, however, it was determined that the acid content of the orange juice was too high to invoke such a sudden and drastic change in stomach balance and order. Upset stomach would point towards orange juice in a lineup…but not nausea. The search must continue.
Next, I questioned the water but quickly dismissed her. Only water in vast quantities could cause a person to become physically sick, and one coffee cup full of water would not qualify as such a vast quantity.
I then chose to address the cereal bar, but with a heavy heart. I knew that this poor kid was innocent; he was too gentle and kind to be of any harm. But, protocol is protocol…and so I forced myself, through gritted teeth and closed eyes, to ask him about the possibility of his involvement in the Sudden Nausea Experience, or SNE. The possibility was there, of course. Traditional breakfast cereal bars do have all sorts of things in them that can cause stomach discomfort: sugars, carbohydrates, preservatives, dyes…but what bothered me was the fact that I had eaten this very cereal bar every other morning of this week, and never had I experienced a negative outcome. Not once. Why would it affect me today, but never before? I suppose there is a first time for everything…but that just seems too unlikely, to me.
That left the apple. That innocent, red-coated harlot of health nuts everywhere just stared at me. She licked her wax-covered body with obvious discontent as I began to talk to her about the SNE, and she laughed out loud. How could she, the perfect snack, have caused the incident? Apples don’t make people sick! People have loved her for ages, especially doctors. They hurl her maxim through the air like Frisbees, every chance they get. An apple a day, keeps the doctor away. As far as suspects go, she seemed to be the most innocent.
It was then, as my hopes to finding a cause to my stomach dilemma dwindled, that I began to think back to the incident, and analyze it more deeply. I had eaten the cereal bar when I first came into the office…and then a bit later, I had gone to get some water, and wash off my new Fuji apple in the sink. I had drank the water, and then I had slowly eaten my apple, and I chatted on the phone, and checked my email. Later on, when the nausea hit, there was only one thing that popped into my head as I teetered on the precipice of vomit-land; one thing that made the sensations in my stomach worsen with each breath…the apple.
It seemed crazy to me, at first. How could an apple make me feel nauseous? How could a healthy, fruit wonderful snack cause such horrible discomfort and sadness? I began to ask myself…can apples make you sick?
Perhaps it was the combination of the water and the apple, that caused my tummy to become too full, and caused some slight nausea. Maybe the apple was bad, or I ate it too slow? Perhaps the orange juice didn’t like the apple invading his territory?
Whatever the reason, I have decided to look into The Apple Question with more vigor, and hopefully discover some answers that will quell my thirst for knowledge about the SNE, and the possible apple connection.
If any of you have ever felt sick after eating an apple, please post a comment about it. I am here for you. Only together, can we find a cure...if there is one.