Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry. The man ate an Indian.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.