It’s Narcissist Friday!
A question that came up lately in a discussion: Can times of trauma, confusion, or other stress lead to narcissistic characteristics in a way that the person would not have been considered a narcissist prior to the stress and may return to normal life when the stress is alleviated?
The most obvious answer is, “Of course!” However, that leads to other questions and considerations. First, why did this person handle the stress in that way? Has he been a covert narcissist who simply was exposed while under pressure? Some narcissists are bound by their upbringing or other social restrictions to keep their perspective to themselves. Others are smart enough to understand that a covert service of their image will be more effective and desirable. Is it possible that the stress has revealed a way of looking at the world which was not obvious before? If this is the case, the person may not have been considered a narcissist before the stress and, when the stress is relieved, may return to an apparently normal life.
Another thought: knowing how narcissists so habitually blame others for any negative in their lives, what would stop a diagnosed narcissist from saying that the narcissism was only the consequence of the stress of a bad marriage, a bad job, or something else? In that case, the narcissist would assure you that, when the stress is relieved, he would return to his normal perspective.
Interestingly, the victim of a narcissist may present as narcissistic when he or she has reached the breaking point. At that time, the victim may say things like, “What about me? I’m important, too.” She may decide to do things her way and for her own sake, even though she was submissive and giving before the break. Many writers have noted the rage experienced by the victims of narcissists. Often that rage fuels a narcissistic perspective. The victim may say, “He has had everything he wanted; now it’s my turn.”
I would suggest that it is quite possible for a person under stress to exhibit narcissistic characteristics, even to quite advanced degrees. Narcissism is fundamentally a coping mechanism, a way of and desire to control the world that causes pain. The classic narcissist learns to cope in this way when very young and refines his art through the years. The person under sudden or cumulative stress may find a narcissistic perspective to be a way of hiding from or judging the source of that stress. It may be helpful to seek to understand why the person chose that particular way of coping, but it may not be appropriate to consider such a person a narcissist.