LIGHT addiction is leaving thousands of moths unable live normal lives.
A SHARP decline in hedgehog numbers has been blamed on the ineffectiveness of curling into a ball when threatened.
BRITONS are sweating like pigs as the weather refuses to make up its mind.
SPRING will bypass the UK this year after deciding that to arrive so late would be unbearably awkward.
FREEZING Britons expect the newly-Arctic UK to lead to a spate of compelling crime-based television.