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How to know if it's a nightmareIf your child wakes up crying or fearful and has trouble getting back to sleep, chances are he's had a nightmare. These scary episodes usually take place during the second half of the night, when dreaming is most likely to occur. Your child may remember his bad dream the next day and may continue to be bothered by it.
Nightmares shouldn't be confused with night terrors, a less common sleep disturbance that usually strikes during the first third of the night. Children having a night-terror episode remain fast asleep throughout, in a deep, non-dreaming state, yet they're extremely agitated and hard to console. Afterwards, they go back to snoozing soundly and don't remember the incident in the morning.
Why nightmares happenMost children have nightmares once in a while, but two to four year olds are particularly prone – this is an age when normal fears develop, imagination blossoms, and the ability to describe a bad dream kicks into high gear.
Your youngster’s nightmares may stem from listening to a story that's scary (even if it doesn't seem scary to you), watching an upsetting TV show or movie, getting excited or worked up before bed, or feeling anxious or stressed during the day.
Many things can cause stress – and nightmares – for a two to four year old, from toilet training to moving to a big bed, changes in childcare or at preschool, or a parent's redundancy from work. For a child working through his feelings about these stressful events, nightmares are a normal response, and you're not a bad parent if your child has them.
How to help your child after a nightmareGo to your child when he cries out. Physical reassurance is important, so hug him or rub his back until he calms down. If you bring your child into your bed to comfort him, be aware you could be creating a habit that's hard to reverse.
Let him tell you about the nightmare if he wants to, but don't push it. Console him verbally, but remember that "it's only a dream" might not be much help, as your child is just beginning to understand the difference between reality and fantasy. But it's still something worth saying, since children this age are ready to start learning that nightmares aren't real.
You may also want to show your preschooler there are no monsters under the bed or hiding in the closet. Be nonchalant about it to avoid getting drawn into an all-the-lights-on monster-hunt extravaganza. Double-check that your child's favourite toy or stuffed animal is tucked in with him, make sure the night-light is on, and remind him you're right down the hall, ready to assure that everyone in the house is safe.
If he’s still talking about the nightmare the next morning, ask him to draw a picture of what happened in his dream and let him throw it away.
Preventing nightmaresIt's certainly not foolproof, but a peaceful bedtime routine – a warm bath, an upbeat story, a song, and a night-light – can help ward off nightmares. Choose bedtime stories carefully, avoiding books with potentially frightening themes or pictures.
Sometimes children feel better if they attempt to take control of a scary situation. Though not all children are comforted by methods like these, here are a few nighttime tricks to try:
- Help your preschooler make a ‘dreamcatcher’ out of pipe cleaners or draw one on a piece of paper, and hang it over the bed to snare bad dreams and let only the good ones through.
- Let him rub a little skin lotion or face cream – you might call it "good dream cream" – on his tummy or forehead before turning in for the night.
- Fill a spray bottle with water scented with a couple drops of vanilla extract ("monster spray" or "nightmare repellent") and let your child banish scary dreams by spraying a little around his room before bed.
If you suspect anxiety or stress is behind the bad dreams, try talking to your child about what might be bothering him during the calmer daylight hours. If the nightmares persist and he's extremely afraid of going to bed or fearful during the day, bring it up with his doctor – the dreams could signal an emotional issue that needs addressing.