Name: ARos | | Location: New York , New York |Question: If you have a first date, with a guy you never met, and the guy blows you off should you give him another chance. I don’t want to but needed another opinion. |Age: 34
It all depends on how and why he blew you off. Often times, we assume we were “blown off” when really, something actually came up that made it impossible or difficult for the other person to get together.
I was reading a story last night about a woman who had been dating a man for a couple months. She had met his friends and family. Things were progressing. They had scheduled a date for that Friday night. He confirms the night before. Date night comes and, 15 minutes before he’s supposed to pick her up, he sends her a text telling her he has a flat tire and can’t meet up with her, but would like a raincheck. The woman replies and says okay. Then she goes to Facebook and she defriends him and blocks him. The guy sends her another text a few hours later, apologizing for canceling and asked her to let him know when he could make it up to her. Woman never replies and then is upset when the man doesn’t follow up with her. She didn’t believe he had a flat tire. Nor did the other woman to whom she was telling the story.
I shook my head as I read the story. First, if I haven’t said it enough, Facebook is a tool for the passive aggressive and emotionally immature. Seriously. If you’re upset or annoyed at someone, tell them using your big girl/boy words. Don’t communicate your feelings via social media. If you don’t have the balls to do that, or get defensive when they call you on it, then you really shouldn’t be dating to begin with.
Next, I’m the most skeptical person in the world, and even I believed he had a flat tire. But let’s say he didn’t. Let’s say he was lying and actually, as the woman’s friend suggested, had a better offer. How do you know for sure? Are you so willing to kick a guy to the curb, especially one who had demonstrated his interest in other ways, with no actual proof of wrong doing? It’s one thing if the person has a habit of canceling. But if they don’t? You have to just suck it up and get over your disappointment. Things happen. Tires blow. People get sick. Traffic builds up. You can’t expect every relationship to be speedbump free. That’s just not realistic.
My general rule of thumb is to give the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason not to. If you and a person you meet online make plans to go out, don’t sit back and wait for them to check in and confirm. Confirm with them the night before or morning of. If they reply back and cancel or ask to reschedule, suggest a date and time right then. If they say they have to check their schedule and get back to you, let them. I don’t care who asked whom out first or what your gender is. Forget about all that protocol. There’s just so many unknown variables that you can’t live by some set of rules you read in Cosmo or on AskMen.com. If you’re someone who likes to plan your week a few days in advance, or just like to know what you’re doing 24 hours before, check in and confirm.
If they never follow up again, they weren’t interested. But if they do, and they express a sincere interest, then give them a shot. If the take a couple weeks to follow up, you should be somewhat guarded, but you should still give them a chance. But if they don’t even bother to call you to tell you they have to cancel, and don’t even reply to your inquiry about the plans you’ve made, move on. That’s the only time I would say you’re justified in not giving them a second chance.
And keep something else in mind…if you’re someone who believes they should offer a profuse apology, get over it. A lot of people – male and female – don’t apologize because they don’t want to dredge up what they hope is in the past. It’s not necessarily a sign that they aren’t sincerely sorry.
I really hate this mentality that a man or woman should “beg” for forgiveness so they can somehow prove their interest. If you’re constantly going to be measuring someone’s interest by how hard they try to impress you, you’re in for a lot of frustration.