Monday, April 27, 2009
Happy Fantabulous Tuesday!
So it seems my boy Maliek made a lil jokie joke on Facebook the other day about me hurting Rameer's feelings - something about the stripper being my baby daddy and Rameer getting all bent out of shape - ha ha...very funny :)
Maliek said that I shouldn't "get Rameer back like dat." :) Funny as hell, as Maliek tends to be, but it got me to thinking about the lyrics to "Song Cry" and "Back like That." Let's start with Ghost Face and NeYo's joint.
Shorty what is you thinking bout
Didn't I put you down
Flyest whips, rollin' round like yea
That's the bosses chick, on the side
I might of had, one or two
Them silly broads wasn't nothing on you
Rolling with him, try'nna get revenge
That's what you just don't do
Now, correct me if I'm wrong...but...huh?
How does a man justify his cheating or doing dirt by saying "I know what I did was wack, but you don't get your man back like that"? Actually, messing around with one of his enemies is a GREAT way to get him back for cheating on you....right?
...back to that in a minute...
How about Jay's lyrics...
"Word back home is that you had a special friend
So what was oh so special then?
You have given away without gettin at me
That's your fault, how many times you forgiven me?
How was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
I know the way a nigga livin was whack
But you don't get a nigga back like that!
Shit I'm a man with pride, you don't do shit like that
You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that
You don't throw away what we had, just like that
I was just fuckin them girls, I was gon' get right back"
Again I say....huh?
Oh, so because you were just f*ckin' those girls, it's okay...right?
These are just lyrics to songs, but it begs the bigger question - who is more forgiving of cheating - men or women?
I think women are...and here's why.
First, a man's ego is bigger than his woman's heart and the love he may have for her. If you damage his ego, chances are the relationship is over. Not saying a man can't forgive, just less likely that he will...especially if he's not married. If he's married with kids, he may consider it...maybe. A woman may be more likely to forgive in a marital situation, especially if children are involved because no woman wants to raise children alone. She may put up with infidelity if it means more financial stability and safety for her children.
Also, men are more territorial. The thought of another man sniffing around their woman will make a man crazy. If he plants his flag on a woman, he feels she's his forever. Maybe that's why they're always asking "who's p*ssy is this?"....or so I've heard ;)
If a man admits to - or most likely gets caught - cheating, usually the first question a woman will ask (after "who is the bitch?") is "do you love her?" If a woman admits to cheating (cuz most women are 2 steps ahead of her man and rarely gets caught), the first question the man asks (after she gets up off the floor after receiving a Chris Brown style beatdown) is "did you f*ck him?"
See...two different questions. Why? Because when men cheat, it's usually all about the moment and the physical. When women cheat, it's mostly due to her emotions. We care about feelings, men just wanna know if another man hit it.
Sex to men is fleeting. They can separate love from sex. They can separate "like" from sex. They barely have to know your name. It's a physical release to them - busting a nut and nothing else. But men know that if a women has sex with another man, chances are it's more than just something physical for her. There's usually an emotional connection, and no man wants to believe that about their woman.
If a man cheats, he expects us to forgive him based on his logic that it was strictly sex, not love. If a woman cheats, and says that it was just about sex, he probably still won't forgive her...because that logic doesn't apply to us. Men are taught that women are nurturers. They believe that we are, or SHOULD BE, monogamous creatures that stick by our men.
Most women believe that all men cheat - that that's just what they do. So forgiving them comes with the territory because they believe all men are naturally born that way and that monogamy is unnatural and unrealistic. So we forgive. We don't forget, ever. NEVER EVER EVA. Women will bring your infidelity up in a heartbeat! Five days later, 5 months later, 5 years later - she'll never forget. But she'll stay with you and continue loving you...she'll just have a hard time FULLY trusting you again.
Men...not so much. If they don't trust you, that's it...over...done. Or so it seems.
And not for nothing, women tend to worry more about the woman the man cheated with, not the man himself - which may be another reason why women forgive more often. They feel that if they leave, the other woman will get her man...and that the other woman will "win." She'll be DAMNED if another woman benefits from all the hard work she put in with her man. She's not giving him up; she'll stay with him and try to figure out how to "train" him. Buffoonery I know...but hey...didn't say it made sense.
And if that man has money and/or fame, he can humiliate her Kobe Bryant style, and the woman will STILL be on tv looking crazy holding her man's hand while he sits there crying because there is NO WAY a woman will give up her millionaire to another woman so that he can spend his loot on HER. Hey, that's how a lot of women think. Not saying it's right, but it it what it is sometimes.
So, do you agree? Are women more forgiving of infidelity than men are? If so, why do you think so?...if not, same question.
Or is each situation so unique that we can't make a general statement about it? You tell me. We can explore how to forgive or survive cheating tomorrow if you like, but for now, let's discuss who's better at forgiving infidelity. Break it down for me...