It's Time to Boost Your Self-Esteem
There is no time like the present to begin the project. Go
ahead and practice the following suggestions. They will feel
awkward at first, but like any "habit" (low self-esteem is
like a habit of always thinking negatively about yourself),
self-esteem can be modified with practice, patience, and positive
Practice "Depersonalization." Let's face it... the
whole world is not out to do you in. Many things happen to,
and around, you that really have nothing to do with you personally.
Recognize that it may be someone else's doing or that no one's
really to blame. Also, don't let others criticize you. Be
mindful that it's your behavior that may be evaluated, but
not who you are as a person.
Avoid Negative Self-Labels. Most likely, you're accustomed
to labeling your personality traits as defects. When you catch
yourself saying, "I'm such a jerk" or other self-labels, tell
yourself, "STOP! " Remember, self put-downs don't help; they
only make you feel worse. Just because you behaved in a particular
way, your behavior does not define who you are as a person.
Let Go of the Past. You can punish yourself indefinitely
for things you could have or should have done in the past.
Remember, "hindsight sees 20-20." Since you cannot precisely
forecast the future, you're bound to make errors. By understanding
this, you can practice forgiving others and yourself
for old mistakes, and embarrassments. Don't wallow in feelings
of guilt, resentment and shame. They are ineffective motivators
for growth. Instead, focus on the present and develop realistic
plans for the future.
Quit Your Complaining. No one likes to hear endless
complaints. Besides, repetitious complaining conditions you
to see the world negatively. If you have a legitimate gripe,
see if there's something constructive you can do to correct
it. If there's really nothing you can do, accept it as one
of life's quirks and shake it off.
Accentuate the Positive. Recognize your strengths.
Make a list of your positive qualities, and add to the list
every few days. Give yourself credit even for the smallest
things. At the end of each day, review your accomplishments.
Don't discount your successes by magnifying your mishaps.
If you're going to think about errors, concentrate on what
you have learned and how you can improve things for the future.
Learn to accept compliments with a smile; say, "thank you,"
and don't undo them by explaining why you did something.
Self-Affirmations. Use personal "pep talks" about
what you can do and what is possible. To be your own cheerleader,
try repeating to yourself, "I know I can do it" and "I have
what it takes to handle things." Here's something bold to
try. Face yourself in the mirror and say out loud, "I'm a
worthwhile person." Also, write down a positive thought, e.g.,
"I have a wonderful smile," and stick it on your door, refrigerator,
or car dashboard.
Self-Care Strategies (Not to be confused with selfishness.)
Enjoy the specialness of being alone (which is quite different
from loneliness). Pamper yourself without guilt. Take some
time for a quiet stroll, listen to music, watch a sunset,
or do whatever activity that is self-nurturing.
Learn to Relax. Throughout the day, take "mini-breaks."
Sit down and get comfortable. Slowly take a deep breath, hold
it, and then exhale very slowly. At the same time,
let your shoulder muscles droop, smile, and quietly say to
yourself, "I am r-e-l-a-x-e-d."
Lighten Your Load. Humor and laughter have been shown
to have powerful effects on our physical as well as psychological
functioning. Learn to chuckle at yourself and your actions.
See the humor in your predicaments. Take the wind out of the
serious sail of life by having a good time with it. The smile
that results will help you feel good about who you are.
Friendliness Counts. Be sure to have eye contact with
people. Say good morning to classmates. And, smile more; it
will help you and others feel good. Let people know you like
spending time with them. Ask them how they're doing and what
they're into. Share your ideas and experiences. Remember to
speak in a clear voice.
Learn More About Yourself. Cast self-consciousness
aside. Don't be overly cautious. Try new things and explore
opportunities. Discover items of interest. Find out what you
truly like and enjoy. You'll discover that there's a very
interesting person inside you.
If you would like to discuss your self-esteem in more detail,
you may request a confidential consultation with a member
of the counseling psychology staff in L108. Professional psychological
services are free to currently enrolled students.