"Why does dan the man ask such long rambling questions when the short ones are easier why do people get offended when others cheer bad people dying or people they don't like get over it people i just don't Understand, why did you throw the jack of hearts away it was the only card in the deck that i had left to play,"
The BIG WHY (sans punctuation, that is.) aka the "I Think What dan is trying to say..." Department.
In times of yore, we often asked ourselves (and that ain't the foist tyme we proffered igg-NO-rinse onna subject)
How does the mind of dan "the man" the man work?
"I'm beginning to think he has some sort of 'magic app' on his smartphone that transfers his speech directly as posts on this message board."
You said it, Tho-mas! But why give technologee the blame?
"The reason they can never answer the question "What is dan trying to say?" is that it's the wrong question. Given what dan the man is, the question is "Do you haveta know everything 'bout a sunset before you like to see it?" Why don't we just roll with it?
"I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert" Department
Most assuredly not, Asgardian, but we feel that giving credit where said credit is most defin-ite-ly due applies Louvre-ingly to the art that is dan the man.
In facto de facto, Thorski, never let it be said that the danian way or even Phelpsian Proclivity was the path of choice among the effete elite enmesh-ed of the FSM Un-Collective, so we're in between a rock and that proverbial hard place, n'est-ce pas?
How 'bout "Shine on You Crazy Diamond"? Department.
While we're in mucho macho agree-mint over dan-o's waywordly ways, we'd be remiss in our redactory redistribution of All That is Barrettesque by looking past THIS heir to The Barrett's [and we don't mean Rona, pally!] Throne of Uniquity...
...whose stream-of-consciousness wordsmithery had us thinking of the delight-full denizen of FSM's own Suicide Shack in its "one-thing-definitely-doesn't-lead-to-what-you-think-is-the-other" dizziness....
Speakin' o' The Great Alleged One, "Wanna Know whut's RILLY Funny, Kemosabe?" Department.
...That Of all the FSM Gin joints that our guest of honor coulda, woulda, and SHOULDA burned one of his diaphanous, not-so-lucid, and poz-o-tively loose-stallion association dreamscape RAMblings into, it HADN'T to be....
And fer that, dearest Johnson & Johnson, we must proclaim that this particular world is most certainly...
It Takes a Message Board of Dozens to Hold Us Back Dept.
In the glacial pace of the Olde FSM Board's reluctant revolution, we feel that dan's of The man-NESS Madness is a welcome change in a (virtual) world dominated by the hordes of the decidedly desperately-needed -to-be-arrested stripe.
So, Man-ned One, we bow at the High, Evolutionary grandeur for which you are justly famoso...
...for his wisdom beyond original thought and for making the banal abso-LUTE-lee sublime!