Eagle Eyed Security Guard Mohammed Jones was in attendence yesterday at the Jones Academy of the Vigilant Graduation Commencement.
The Academy is named for the Hawk Eyed Sleuth who was discovered in the act of Dis-Assembling an explosive device on the Jersey piers last year.
Jones said: "Ten thousand Bastard Geldings of the Infidel would crumble into nothingness before my attendence could be prevented."
Jones then addressed the Graduating Class: "Know this-- The Infidel will be smitten and his Parched toungue will never again afford words of Sanctuary to the Minions of the Unclean drinking of his Venom
"This I swear by the Prophets Beard!"
Coffee and Cookies were then served as the Jones Academy of the Vigilant Marching Band Performed the Greatest Wedding Songs of the 20th Century Starting with "We've only just Begun" by the Carpenters