Tired of the same old cleavage shots? Need something new to get you all pumped up about breasts again? Boob fans everywhere need not fear, underboobs are here!
… and so begins the most objectifying piece of filth in the long, sad history of Bleacher Report’s misogynistic slide shows.
The content is awful, but the inherent message behind the opening paragraphs of this collection of exploitative photographs is accurate. The more we immerse ourselves in something, the more likely we are to be desensitized to it, thus enhancing our desire for more extreme stimuli. In psychology, this is referred to as inurement.
In sports, we find evidence of the phenomenon, not in ogling the female ventral regions that house mammary glands, but in how we define an amazing play. This definition is incredibly subjective, and largely based on the number of exceptional moments in sports that an individual has witnessed.
To someone watching American football for the first time, a routine tackle or catch can seem marvelous. However, to a spectator who sees multiple basketball games a day, only the most stupendous of Blake Griffin dunks (probably from his rookie year) are likely to cause arousal. To me – someone who watches a lot of baseball games, but few cricket matches – the stunning boundary catch made by West Indies all-rounder Kieron Pollard in the video above is incredibly impressive.
Look at his height and extension. Certainly, such an effort would be impressive in any sport. And yet, if we compare it to a baseball catch, we must recognize that Pollard accomplishes this with a harder ball without the benefit of a leather glove.
Without much experience watching cricket, such a play could very well be routine, and I wouldn’t have any idea. Obviously, any extraordinary play is dependent on some knowledge of the rules governing the sport in which it occurs. However, one need not have the deepest of understandings to appreciate greatness within it. Any doubts to my immediate reaction in thinking this play amazing could be easily confirmed by the crowd’s response.
Anything that’s spectacular enough to impresses a celestial Moon Baby dressed in a jerry-rigged C-3PO costume is more than enough to impress me. Now, you might imagine such an outfit to be regrettably hot attire for an afternoon in the sun at Manuka Oval in Canberra, but what you’re likely failing to recognize is the cold-bloodedness of Moon Babies. Temperatures don’t affect them all that much. Now, by their very nature, Moon Babies are untrustworthy, so if you require additional evidence for the impressiveness of this play, we can look to the more trustworthy reactions from among our own species.
We can measure the amazingness of this catch by counting the mouths agape. Just in the vicinity of the catch, there are seven wide-open mouths, shocked by the play into slack-jawedness. Perhaps most impressive of all is that the play manages to impress the single most cynical person in the world: The radar operator at a sporting event while the temperature is hot.
Wednesday marked the fourth day of increased temperature in Canberra, reaching a high of 29.2 degrees Celsius. On it’s own, high 20s weather might not seem hot, but in relative terms it was hottest day in a week, breaking a February cool spell. Radar operators, at the best of times, don’t enjoy exerting themselves. In the heat, even more so.
Like camera men, and other metrics collectors, they’ve seen it all. Spectators with purpose, spectacular plays in front of people whose job it is to be there is like giving a dozen donuts to a donut shop employee. “Whatevs, yo” is their most common response. But look at that young man, lethargic from the heat of the environment and misanthropy of his profession, barely able to bother at all with his device anymore, he is moved by the play. Stunned. Shocked. Amazed.
He keeps his mouth open for five seconds.
A second later:
Another second later:
A second after that:
And just before the camera angle changes:
From grizzled veteran viewers of cricket to complete newbies, we can all agree that Kieron Pollard’s boundary catch was an amazing play. In fact, it’s so good, and new, and fresh too, that we can refer to it as the underboob of amazing plays.
Unfortunately, his defensive prowess wasn’t enough to stop Australia from enjoying a 39-run win over his West Indies cricket team.