One off the Wrist for Coca Cola!
Have you spotted the new Coca Cola advertising campaign yet? Surprise surprise, they admit that sugary drinks contain calories that you then need to burn off or else you will get fat. They helpfully point out some of the ways of burning off the 140 calories in a standard can….but strangely they don’t mention “One Off the Wrist”!
History of Coca Cola:
The original Coca Cola recipe was patented as a medicine in the late 19th Century by John Pemberton….but it was not until 1944 that the name “Coke” became a registered trade mark in the USA. Coca Cola have developed an enviable business plan…..basically they manufacture a gloopy concentrate that is sold to franchise holders at bottling plants around the world. They then mix the gloop with filtered water and sugar to create the final product for local distribution. When first launched Coco Cola contained two major stimulants….cocaine from the coca leaf and caffeine from the kola nut. So with the “k” replaced with a “c” we have the dubious origin of this famous national beverage! Pemberton’s original recipe in 1891 apparently included around 5 ounces of coca leaf per gallon of syrup, but by 1904 the fresh leaves were replaced with “spent” leaves….a recycled bi-product from cocaine production…how ecological! Today coca leaf is sill used in the recipe but it is completely denatured to remove the narcotic component by the Stepan Company, which is the only manufacturing plant authorized by the Federal Government to import and process the coca plant. Kola nuts have a bitter flavor and can contain up to 3% caffeine. In 1911 there was a famous law case brought by the US Government to try to get the caffeine removed from Coca Cola and related soft drinks. The case failed, but in the aftermath the Pure Food and Drug Act was amended and added caffeine to the list of “habit-forming” and “deleterious” substances which must be listed on a product’s label. Standard Coca Cola still contains a significant amount of caffeine…typically over 9 mg per 100 ml.
The Coca Cola Recipe:
The ingredients of regular Coke are as follows….
- Filtered carbonated water
- Sugar – usually Fructose Corn syrup since it is cheaper than sugar and 3 times a sweet…..
- Phosphoric Acid – added to give a sharp flavor and to slow down the growth of bacteria and molds
- Carmel color
- Natural flavorings….mostly derived from the processed coca leaf
So yep, Coke is fizzy sugary water…we all knew that…big deal! Well in fact Coke hasn’t really ever shaken off the unsavory beginnings since it still contains a harmful cocktail. Phosphoric Acid is bad for teeth, and of course so is the sugar…but the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition examined research and found that carbonated drinks containing caffeine and phosphoric acid can lead to excess calcium loss from the body via urine. So drink a lot of Coke and you risk ending up with no teeth and no backbone!!!!
In order to “put it’s house in order” Coca Cola has embarked on a huge healthy living advertising campaign. Not content with sponsoring sports like the Olympics (what irony!) it is now trying to become the champion of healthy diet and exercise…all this from a product founded on cocaine!
How to Burn off those Calories?
A pound of body fat is equivalent to around 3500 calories…..so drinking 25 cans of Coke over and above the calories you are burning will pile on the weight…now those 25 Cokes could be spread over a year, a month…or for many people a week. In order to prevent weight gain you need to burn the excess calories…the actual maths depends on your weight, fitness and metabolic rate…but here we will just look at some average examples.
Exercise needed to burn the 140 Calories in a Coke:
However, there is a much better method. Research has found that masturbation can burn between 100 and 150 calories a pop. How about that then? Men or women, one off the wrist, buff the muff or bash the bishop and you can gulp down as much of that fizzy pop as you want! Lets face it, anybody who drinks Coca Cola in this day and age has got to be a right wanker!!!
Take a Frugal Tip from the MeanyGoat and cut out all those “empty calories” from fizzy drinks like Coco Cola and drink water or herbal teas (hot or cold) instead. If you do feel the need to imbibe a Coke from time to time then the quickest way for a man to burn off the calories is a quick one off the wrist…3 minutes and job done….of course for a woman it can take longer, but the outcome is the same! Just make sure you don’t do it in public….
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