With the weekend approaching, I’d like to lighten things up around here with a little humor I’ve received in the email recently. I’m not quite sure I understand each and every one of these jokes but they sure made me chuckle! Some of them have to do with Mohammed, the muslim prophet who is widely recognized as Islam’s first pedophile for marrying a pretty six-year old girl named Aisha when he was a grisly and fat 53-year old man. Many of today’s muslims carry on this practice by marrying “child brides” or else having sex with little boys they dress up as girls (see this shocking news report entitled, “The Dancing Boys of Afghanistan”).
Even worse, these absurd silly people have no sense of humor so let’s try to get them to grin and have a little laugh at their own expense! Please this comedy is for mature adults only!
Yo Mohammed so stupid, I told him to makeup his mind and he put lipstick on his forehead.
Yo Mohammed so cross-eyed he threw a bolt of lightning at the Earth and missed.
Yo Mohammed so poor he eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
Yo Mohammed so ugly cartoonists are afraid to draw him.
A terrorist blows himself up and goes up to Heaven where he sees St. Peter at the Pearly Gates and says, “Are you Mohammed?”
St. Peter says. “No, he’s further up.”
He walks up further and sees Jesus. “Are you Mohammed?”
Jesus says, “No, he’s further up…”
Walks on further and sees God with a big beard. “You must be Mohammed!”
“No,” says God, “I’m God, take a seat. Would you like tea?”
The terrorist sits down and says, “Yes, please, I’d love some tea.”
God calls out loudly “Mohammed! Two teas now and make it quick!”
Q. What is the difference between the Prophet Muhammad and Michael Jackson?
A. One is a pedophile child rapist and the other recorded six platinum albums.
Q. Why don’t Muslims eat pork?
A. The Koran forbids cannibalism.
Q. Why do Arab men wear dirty bed sheets?
A. Because a camel can hear the sound of a zipper from a mile away.
Q. What’s the difference between Mecca and a bowl of yogurt?
A. The yogurt has a living culture.
Q. How do you get a Muslim out of a shower?
A. Turn the water on.
I ran into George Bush the other day and asked him what he’s up to and he said, “I’m going to nuke the Middle East and kill two clowns.”
“Two clowns?” I asked. “Why are you going to kill two clowns?”
“See!” he replied. “Nobody cares about no stinkin’ Arabs!”
Q. What is the difference between a roll of toilet paper and the Koran?
A. One is great for wiping your butt and the other comes in 2-ply.
Q. What do you call an Iman who owns a camel and a goat?
Q. Why does Osama make his wives wear veils?
A. Because he gets jealous when they have longer beards than him.
Q. What’s the difference between a Muslim woman and a basketball team?
A. The basketball team showers after four periods.
Q. What do you get when you cross an Arab and a gorilla?
A. A dumb gorilla!
The prophet Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of his tent. He sat down beside her and said, “Why are you leaving me, wife?”
“I heard one of the other wives say that you are a pedophile!” she answered.
Mohammed thinks for a minute and responds, “That’s a mighty big word for a 6-year old!”
Yo Mohammed so stupid he prays to Buddha to make it rain in the Middle East.
Yo Mohammed so short you can see his feet on his drivers license.
Yo Mohammed so nasty a seven year-old wouldn’t marry him.
Yo Mohammed so ugly he makes makes Arabs commit suicide.
Tommy is walking down the street when he spots a tall building on fire. He stands below on the sidewalk and yells to the people trapped inside, “Jump and I’ll catch you!” A woman jumps and he catches her. Then a man jumps and he’s caught, too. Then an Arab jumps but hits the pavement. Tommy looks up and shouts, “There’s no time to throw out the burnt ones!”
Q. How many American soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, but he has to unplug the Iraqi first.
Q. Why doesn’t God stop the wars in the Middle East?
A. He doesn’t like Muslims either.
Q. How can you tell when a Muslim becomes a man?
A. When the diaper goes from his dirty butt to his greasy head.
Q. Why do most Muslim rapes go unreported?
A. Goats can’t testify.
Q. What do you get when an Arab and a Mexican have a baby?
A. A child too lazy to blow himself up.
A comprehensive list of things that aren’t offensive to Muslims:
Q. What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?
A. A map!
Q. When is it okay to spit in a Saudi princess’s face?
A. When her moustache is on fire.
Q. Did you hear about the Egyptian who showered daily?
A. Nope me neither.
Q. What’s the difference between a refrigerator and an Afghani boy?
A. The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
Q. What’s the definition of a virgin in Iran?
A. A very fast goat!
Q. How do you get a Pakistani woman pregnant?
A. Dress her up as a 10-year old boy.
Q. Why are there no pigs in Saudi Arabia?
A. Because they are not prepared to live with a bunch of filthy, stinking Arabs.
Q. How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
A. Shoot the goat pulling it.
Q. Why don’t Muslims use toilet paper?
A. It takes the all fun out of touching yourself.
A feminist visits Kabul just after the fall of the Taliban and is not pleased to find that women must walk five paces behind the men. A year later she returns and is delighted to find that men must now walk five paces behind women.
She asks the interpreter, “What brought about the change?”
He replies, “Landmines.”
Q. Did you hear about the Muslim family living in the US who are making every effort they can to integrate themselves into the local community, thereby contributing to worldwide peace and harmony and a greater understanding of their faith?
A. Nope me neither!
Got a Muslim joke to share? Leave it below, I’d love to hear it and God bless!