Federal employees hoping to work their way through all five seasons of 'Breaking Bad' have been left fuming by the online disclosure of key plot twists. Instead of hoarding canned goods in anticipation of the inevitable collapse of capitalism and the ensuing zombie apocalypse, most 'non-essential' workers had been using the last seventeen years to accumulate DVD box sets, chick-lit novels and homebrew.
As the US government edges towards a shutdown, one Museum attendant complained: 'I'd hoped that this extended gardening leave might at least allow me to catch up with my TV watching, essential DIY and furtive masturbation. But instead, a torrent of spoilers has ruined my plan to stew in my boxers for the week. I mean, who knew that crystal meth was an illegal substance? Or that Bridget Jones would die alone? And apparently someone gets killed in Game of Thrones! It's very frustrating. I've now started watching a show called Firefly - please don't tell me how the season end.'
The Departments of Education and of Energy are due to have ten of thousands of workers sitting at home irritated by their prior knowledge that 'Lost' is 'a pile of hyena offal' before they even start watching it. Ironically the Republican Party had planned to issue their own spoiler alert concerning their continued refusal to fund 'Obamacare', but it seems that it had already leaked over the last fifty years that they were 'greedy a******s'.