The key is for all of us to remember the cumulative effect of many individual sentences impacts prevailing attitudes. When this cumulative effect helps rapists we call this rape culture. But the culture is made up of all of us so we have the power to switch from a rape culture to an anti-rape culture.
Those who are sexually violent depend on believing they have the support of others and they depend on the silence of those who don't support them. So here are 7 tips for how to respond to victim blaming or other deliberate or accidental support for sexual violence.
- When someone says something which helps support an anti-rape culture, thank them and praise them to others.
- When someone says, "Boys will be boys," when they learn a boy has been accused of rape ask them, "Do you really believe all boys are rapists?"
- When someone says, "The only way to prevent sexual violence is to teach girls and women how to avoid danger," respond with, "And I suppose the only way to prevent gun crimes is to teach people how to dodge bullets."
- When you encounter someone who seems to be otherwise caring saying something which supports sexual violence, use the phrase, "Excuse me?" as if someone just said, "You should drink 5 glasses of vegetable oil every day if you don't want to die next week."
- When someone says, "I don't understand how a real rape victim could ___ (fill in the blank with any common stereotype) so I believe she's not a real rape victim," respond with a parallel statement such as "I don't understand how a real human could walk on the moon so I believe no humans have ever walked on the moon."
- When someone calls a woman who is vocal against sexual violence a "man hater," ask them, "Is that really the only reason you can think of for why a woman would find rape repulsive enough to speak up against it?"
- When someone says rape is just illegal sex respond with "Yeah, and hitting a pedestrian with your car is just giving someone an illegal car ride."