Becoming a More Spiritual Lover Doesn’t Mean You Have To Be an Angel
Sometimes spiritual sex relationships just happen, like a puff of wind blown in by the Good Witch of the North. You suddenly have a sense of merging with your lover. You feel expanded into a larger time and space. You find yourself in the presence of a power greater than yourself, whatever you may call that—God, Goddess, Wolf, Tree, Universal Energy. Your orgasms are more than just physical, they take you literally out of this world.
How do you get to this magical place? You can’t always depend on the winds to whoosh you there. But there are ways you can set the stage for connecting sex and spirit—and helping your relationship become deeply erotic and powerful, in the bedroom and beyond.
Begin by speaking your heart. Sharing deep feelings is essential for great sex. Our sex-role conditioning about how we’re supposed to “perform” in bed keeps too many of us locked into a kind of cultural missionary position, which usually ends up being man-on-top. And this kind of sex is so predictable that it can get old really fast. It’s not only women who say this. I hear it from men as well. And by women and men, I’m talking about same sex couples as well as heterosexuals.
Women—you may need to break with your good-girl training by speaking up clearly and directly for what you want—and letting your partner know what turns you off, too. Men, you may need to break from your men-are-invulnerable training to admit what moves you to tears—tears of joy, and also tears of vulnerability, and even pain. Then partners: you both need to listen openly to one another. Erotic connection is always a two-way street.
There may be times you crave an element of risk, surprise, or outrageous fun, especially if sex has grooved into a rut. Two-thirds of the respondents who answered my survey on sexuality and spirituality say letting go of control is crucial to connecting sex and spirit. Have you ever wanted to kiss as if these were the last lips on the planet? Or nibble every inch of your lucious lover’s body? Or roar like a mating tiger at the moment of orgasm?
So let your wild woman out of her cage every once in a while and let your cave man out to play—as long as you can do so in mutual pleasure and safety.
One couple said they made love as if they were animals, and chased each other growling and gnawing all over the house one Saturday morning. This primitive, elemental connection filled her with erotic power she didn’t know she possessed. And it filled him with a sense that he could be both voracious and gentle at the same time. That sense of release was a spiritual breakthrough for both of them. And it was transformational for their relationship. It pushed the boundaries to the outer limits, so their life together was never ho-hum again in the same way. And even during their most ordinary sex there was always the sense of rippling energy lurking just beneath the skin, which they felt as a bond between themselves and the universe.
Jungle activities may not be your thing. But this story is a reminder that “spiritual” is not all about messages from angels. It can also mean tapping the murky depths of your most primal desires—whether you decide to act on them or just dangle them tantalizingly before your lover.