Insights from the original domestic goddess...
By Becky | Uncategorized
Where do I begin?!? I am a product of a functional alcoholic father, a narcissistic mother, a pedophile grandfather ( which my Mother knows, and doesn’t accept her father did that to her daughter, ME), a rape victim at age 11 (which i didn’t even realize was rape til age 40 ish) and yet I’m married now for 27 years to a man who gets me, yet my family who inflicted and denies all that has happened to me acts as if , well, we were just hunky dory. I’m not hunky dory, I’m a mess. Yet the ones (family members) I want to acknowledge my pain are old school and want to never hear of it…..Why bring up the past? It’s done and over, is what they want. I want recognition. Is that wrong, or am I a cryer, a dweller a whiner? If I were to tell my parents my pain, it would PISS them off, so I’m scarred, but why should “I” be scarred? And that makes me more mad. I’m damned if I do, and I’m a damned if i don’t—speak my pain. And my kids—-should they know or not, my history? Why burden them with my junk? But then why not? Maybe then they can and would understand their Mothers ways afterall, but then , do they really need to know, and if they did, would they understand more or be disgusted by what they now know. I’ve loved you Roseanne, and your show forever and I guess that’s why I’m typing now all of this now, cuz me and my husband can relate to the ol show. We are sorta those “cool” parents with all the baggage of the parents past. His parents are gone, and I have a lot of guilt, and my parents are here, and don’t want to hear or fix things, which leaves me more of a mess. Should I just forget my past and not expect recognition or fight for acknowledgement of the pain? Either way, I feel like a victim, ashamed and alone. Why hurt someone with my junk, someone who may not even care ie: parents, and kids. I have soooooooooooooooo much to reveal and all I keep thinking of is Oprahs guest who wrote A millions pieces and thinking , I could write that book, I am, a million and one pieces and know one even knows, and know one even really cares, cuz really know one really cares about me. My kids don’t want to hear it, why would they? My parents don’t want to hear it, why would they-why?-too real, my friends ? never would want to reveale, so never did. Roseanne, I need help, I need to talk. Will you help?
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