The name "Beowulf" alone surely will inspire painful memories of high-school English class and pangs of dread.
Never fear. This 3-D animated "Beowulf" is more like "300," only with more violence, if that's possible. And nudity - lots and lots of nudity.
Director Robert Zemeckis, using the same performance-capture technology he introduced with 2004's "The Polar Express," takes on the epic Old English poem by sexing it up.
Adapted by Neil Gaiman (the "Sandman" comics) and Roger Avary (who co-wrote "Pulp Fiction"), the film follows the mythic Viking hero who emerges from the sea to rid a Danish kingdom of the bloody, raging, pus-covered monster Grendel (played with pathos and twisted physicality by Crispin Glover). Only then can there be much merrymaking and mead-drinking and wench-bedding.
The 3-D effects are extremely cool - and "Beowulf" is also being shown in IMAX 3-D, if your brain can stand the sensory overload. The way stuff comes at you (swords, spurts of blood) and seems to come out of nowhere from behind you (buildings, ocean waves), along with Zemeckis' use of reflections and realistic perspectives, makes you feel as if you're fully immersed in this ancient world. But then the characters look distractingly fake and stiff, as if they're made of wax - that's an element of the technology that hasn't improved much since "Polar Express," unfortunately.
Beowulf is played with a growl and a roar and very little clothing by Ray Winstone, though the character on screen strangely looks nothing like Winstone, the slightly tubby yet powerful British actor best known for his work in "The Departed" and "Sexy Beast." Everyone else in the stellar cast resembles the actors playing them: Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Robin Wright Penn, Brendan Gleeson and especially Angelina Jolie as Grendel's seductive, magical mother.
After watching many of his people slaughtered, Hopkins' aging King Hrothgar prays that someone will kill the mighty Grendel. His prayers are answered when Beowulf arrives on his shores with his army of warriors; meanwhile, his young queen, Wealthow (Penn), finds herself unexpectedly smitten.
Themes of heroism and bravery and loyalty seem secondary here. Depicted today, this comes off as a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of undeserved fame. Beowulf could be Paris Hilton, if Paris Hilton had a goatee and six-pack abs.
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