Re-re-re-edited & compiled by Charles K. Hughes and others
Reformatting, spelling correction, later additions, still-yet-more-editing, etc., by Roger Burton West <>
More additions by Sean Desmond, Charles Hill, Séan Keane, Shaun Murrant, Phil Masters
Real Men: The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and tells him to leave before he gets hurt.
Real Rôle-players: The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you all out of prison.
Loonies: The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a fireball at ground zero.
Munchkins: Need we say more?
Real Rôle-players: hide behind them.
Loonies: harass them with stupid suggestions.
Munchkins: say "I'm a Real Man, too!"
Real Rôle-players: sigh with relief to know they're not alone, and then get their characters involved in love affairs and death feuds.
Loonies: harass them with stupid suggestions.
Munchkins: say "I'm a Real Rôle-player, too!"
Real Rôle-players: sometimes harass them back by taking a stupid suggestion and making it work.
Loonies: declare a pie fight at 20 paces... and cheat.
Munchkins: try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat.
Real Rôle-players: trick them into being cannon fodder.
Loonies: make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get the Munchkin killed in an amusing way.
Munchkins: query, "What's a Munchkin?"
Real Rôle-players: play RuneQuest III
Loonies: play Toon
Munchkins: play anything by TSR
Real Rôle-players: play Space Opera
Loonies: play a variant Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins: play anything by TSR
Real Rôle-players: play Call of Cthulhu
Loonies: play a very variant Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins: play anything by TSR
Real Rôle-players: play Superworld
Loonies: play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins: play anything by TSR
Real Rôle-players: play Mercenaries, Spies, and Private Eyes.
Loonies: play Creeks and Crawdads or an unrecognisable variant of Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins: play anything by TSR
Real Rôle-players: play The Morrow Project
Loonies: play an extremely unrecognisable variant of Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins: play anything by TSR
Real Rôle-players: play Pendragon
Loonies: play a variant of Spawn of Fashan so variant it shouldn't be called Spawn of Fashan anymore
Munchkins: play anything by TSR
Real Rôle-players: like RuneQuest or GURPS
Loonies: like Toon or TF2V
Munchkins: like AD&D or Shadowrun
Real Rôle-players: play in Glorantha
Loonies: play in Southern California
Munchkins: play SpellJammer in the Forgotten Realms
Real Rôle-players: read small-press prozines
Loonies: read fanzines
Munchkins: read White Dwarf
Real Rôle-players: hang out at the White Hart
Loonies: hang out at the Big Bang Burger Bar / Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Munchkins: hang out wherever they don't get carded
Real Rôle-players: like Jericho / The Spirit
Loonies: like Bat-Mite / Flaming Carrot / Cutey Bunny / The Badger / Obnoxio
Munchkins: like Galactus
Real Rôle-players: use Walther PPKs
Loonies: use water pistols
Munchkins: use Infinite-Repeating Uzis
Real Rôle-players: play Bridge
Loonies: play Fizzbin / Fungus and Fruitbats
Munchkins: cheat at Poker
Real Rôle-players: listen to 14th-century madrigals
Loonies: listen to Weird Al Yankovic
Munchkins: watch MTV
Real Rôle-players: read the Journal of Abnormal Psychology and argue about the point value of disadvantages.
Loonies: read National Lampoon and bitch about how it's gone downhill.
Munchkins: read comic books and argue about whether Spider-Man should have married MJ.
Real Rôle-players: go to seminars / hide in their rooms and play games
Loonies: play video games / do hoax zines
Munchkins: run and shout and cut in lines
Real Rôle-players: vote for the Origins Awards
Loonies: come in at the end of the Origins ceremony to vote on the Silver Hatchets
Munchkins: vote for the Strategists Club awards
Real Rôle-players: use three 6-siders
Loonies: use 30-sided for everything
Munchkins: have them all, and like to roll as many as possible
Real Rôle-players: Elsinore
Munchkins: Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants)
Real Rôle-players: Play Empire of the Petal Throne / Star Wars.
Loonies: like Toon / Paranoia / Tales from the Floating Vagabond.
Munchkins: Don't like silly RPGs.
Real Rôle-players: Play Herbivores.
Loonies: Play Richard Nixon.
Munchkins: Don't understand the game and make a character to take advantage of loop-holes to build a powerful character.
Real Rôle-players: play somewhere atmospheric - cellars especially
Loonies: play outside, for the "atmospheric" weather conditions
Munchkins: play in their bedrooms - they're not allowed to use the living room table
Real Rôle-players: like reading and writing more gaming material
Loonies: like ruining the Real Men's chances
Munchkins: like bunking off school - they have to be home by 8 anyway
Real Rôle-players: use spreadsheet printouts, often with a multiple-page character history
Loonies: don't bother with a character sheet
Munchkins: use the "Official" character sheet pads
Real Rôle-players: Aleksandr Nevskiy
Loonies: Richard Nixon's dog Checkers
Munchkins: Benito Mussolini
Real Rôle-players: like some obscure battle nobody's ever heard of
Loonies: like the Charge of the Light Brigade
Munchkins: like Desert Storm 1991
Real Rôle-players: Thou shalt not make thee any graven image... Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor serve them.
Loonies: Neither shalt thou covet thy neighbour's... ass.
Munchkins: Neither shalt thou bear false witness against thy neighbour.
Real Rôle-players: play in re-enactment groups (and get to use real weapons)
Loonies: play in their nearest High Street or convenient motorway
Munchkins: play at Chiselhurst Caves (Labyrinthe)
Real Rôle-players: use a longbow
Loonies: use a nerf crossbow
Munchkins: use a paintball gun (in a fantasy setting)
Real Rôle-players: Finds loopholes and mentions them to the GM in return for a playtest credit
Loonies: Asks what kind of yeast the GM's using
Munchkins: Finds loopholes and giggles
Real Rôle-players: Dynasties In Collision
Loonies: The Damned And The Paved
Real Rôle-players: Sigh, hand over 3" file of character background for writing of eulogy
Loonies: Smile, say "It worked"
Munchkins: Generate new character with exact same stats and equipment, but a new name
Real Rôle-players: Don't notice until half-way through the session
Loonies: Play without sheet until the character is killed (5 mins), then generate new character
Munchkins: Ask the GM to trust them to remember all the stats and skills
Real Rôle-players: AD&D Magic-User, now retired and raising a family (how boring can you get?)
Munchkins: AD&D multiclassed Bard (still alive and in play as major deity)
Real Rôle-players: Challenged a blacksmith to a duel (giving him choice of weapons)
Loonies: Played a schizophrenic paranoid instead of a paranoid schizophrenic
Real Rôle-players: net.god
Munchkins: B1FF's younger brother
Real Rôle-players: Look at the Real Men, and whimper.
Loonies: Build a house out of them.
Munchkins: Hide the biggest treasure card up their sleeves.
Real Rôle-players: Digs out thesaurus.
Real Rôle-players: Is never in.
Loonies: Opens the door looking haggard, immediately yells "Don't flush!"
Munchkins: Mother opens the door, offering orange juice and cookies - hide the beer.
Real Rôle-players: The Internet
Loonies: Mouse House
Munchkins: Super Nintendo adaptor
Real Rôle-players: use spreadsheets and word processors
Loonies: play Tetris and Lemmings
Munchkins: play Sonic and Mario
Real Rôle-players: play PBeM games
Loonies: read netnews and grab X-GIFs by FTP
Munchkins: get into flamewars
Real Rôle-players: use PGP/RSAREF
Loonies: use rot13
Munchkins: use Clipper
Real Rôle-players: Authentic 17th century wood shavings
Loonies: Armbrust Flakes™
Munchkins: Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs™
Real Rôle-players: Original Marguerita
Loonies: Anything involving machine oil
Munchkins: Super Supreme Extra Deluxe Plus (individual portion)
Real Rôle-players: Bartender, what's he drinking?
Loonies: Bartender, how much for the drip tray?
Munchkins: Bartender, a cup of beer, pl... (notices spirits bottles)
Real Rôle-players: Fuller's Mild
Loonies: "A pint of your fakest ale, please"
Munchkins: Foster's Shandy
Real Rôle-players: Absinthe
Munchkins: Neat Foster's
Real Rôle-players: The Goat and New Moon
Loonies: The Kebab and Calculator (or The Gibbous Moon and Tentacle)
Munchkins: Gets thrown out of The Docker's Fists
Real Rôle-players: Shish kebab
Loonies: Burger King's Spicy Beanburger (only when you're sharing a room with them) or pumpkin pizza with garlic ice-cream
Real Rôle-players: Mint Imperials / Altoids
Loonies: Fruit-flavoured Polo
Munchkins: Soft mints
Real Rôle-players: Jars of homebrew and pot of pasta (this is an all-night session, right?)
Loonies: Bottles of Paranoia, and a bucket of poached squid
Munchkins: Pitcher of orange juice from mum, and credit card for pizza
Real Rôle-players: like Claus Kinski
Loonies: like Curly
Munchkins: watch Saturday morning cartoons
Real Rôle-players: like Adrienne Barbeau
Loonies: like Phyllis Diller
Munchkins: are far too young to know about Sex
Real Rôle-players: like George Lazenby
Loonies: like David Niven
Munchkins: like Roger Moore
Real Rôle-players: like Die Hard
Loonies: like Split Second
Munchkins: like Under Siege or Rambo III
Real Rôle-players: like The Three Musketeers
Loonies: like Royal Flash
Munchkins: don't watch period movies
Real Rôle-players: like Michael Praed or Patrick Bergen
Loonies: like the Disney cartoon version
Munchkins: like Kevin Costner
Real Rôle-players: like Betty Blue
Loonies: like anything by Gérard Dépardieu or Jacques Tati
Munchkins: like Asterix in Britain
Real Rôle-players: kept pointing out the plot holes and wrote alternate scripts the next week
Loonies: liked it, especially the free-fall crucifixion scene
Munchkins: thought it was the best of the three
Real Rôle-players: Turns green, mutters something about "unnecessary violence".
Loonies: "Which setting is he using, wood or masonry?"
Munchkins: "Hey, I've just had a great idea for a character!"
Real Rôle-players: like Kigumare Orange Road or Yamato
Loonies: like Dominion
Munchkins: like Lensman
Real Rôle-players: like Blues Brothers
Loonies: like Bad Taste or Duck Soup
Munchkins: like Spaceballs or Morons From Outer Space
Real Rôle-players: like Dogtanian
Loonies: like Tiny Toon Adventures
Munchkins: like the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon
Real Rôle-players: don't watch soaps - they get enough emotional anguish in their games
Loonies: watch Soap
Munchkins: watch Neighbours
Real Rôle-players: like Hill Street Blues
Loonies: like Sledge Hammer or Police Squad
Munchkins: like The Professionals
Real Rôle-players: So I walk up to the barman and say... hey, why have they turned off the lights?
Loonies: I'll kick sand in the dragon's face (NB: only after the Real Men have gone to the dealers' room)
Munchkins: (plops down file of 10,000 characters rolled at 5 per second on a Vic-20, keeping only the ones with four or more 18s.)
Real Rôle-players: Take the opportunity to ask the questions they know won't get answered at the seminar
Loonies: Play Stake 'Em and get arrested by the Klingons
Munchkins: "Hey, is this free? How about this?" (Stops and drools over Magic games)
Real Rôle-players: A Real Rôle-Playing Event, now relegated to the 17th level of the Deep Echoing Dungeon.
Loonies: "Cheating" in the Safe House Interactive.
Munchkins: TSR demo games (and arguing with the designers), or free video games in the dealers' room
Real Rôle-players: Two formulæ, to calculate results in a fraction of a second
Loonies: The Bumper Book of PI
Munchkins: A Vic-20, sprayed matte black, with "O'no-Sendye" hand-written in silver pen
Real Rôle-players: 2" thick file of 17th century shoelace fashions
Loonies: Trout, dead (with bar code)
Munchkins: TSR Dungeon Master's and Player's Shields™
Real Rôle-players: Cloak and staff (keep 'em guessing)
Loonies: Foil-lined hat to ward off Orbital Mind Control Lasers™
Munchkins: Dad's Klan robe
Real Rôle-players: Ah, of course... in disguise...
Loonies: Foil-lined hat to ward off Orbital Mind Control Lasers™, and Cthulhu plush doll glued to shoulder
Munchkins: Junior-size Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt
Real Rôle-players: "Call this authentic? I can't see any cockroaches" (Followed by "Look, right here!")
Loonies: Eat the handouts
Munchkins: Try to sneak into the (otherwise deserted) con bar
Real Rôle-players: Somehow make a litre last an hour
Loonies: Scrape the salt off the pretzels into the Munchkins' beer
Munchkins: Get rescued from the rubbish tip behind the Pissort by the Real Men... on a bet
Real Rôle-players: Anything with more than six syllables in the name
Loonies: Pretzels dipped in beer
Munchkins: Food? Cuts down on the drinking time!
Real Rôle-players: T-shirts with all the variants on the Bavarian coat of arms
Loonies: Plush menagerie won on the Bucking Bronco shooting gallery
Real Rôle-players: Parry and counterattack; protect comrade's backs.
Loonies: Throw sword at opponent, then attack with scabbard and lunch box.
Munchkins: Leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike.
Real Rôle-players: On deathbed, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.
Loonies: Laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a bag of holding.
Munchkins: Die? You're kidding, right?
Real Rôle-players: bluff the Ogres
Loonies: tell dirty jokes to Green Slime
Munchkins: do whatever gives the most experience / rip each other off
Real Rôle-players: Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon (and the GM) thinking it got the better deal.
Loonies: Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man.
Munchkins: Kill it, make armour out of the hide, and then resurrect it as a familiar.
Real Rôle-players: use Rapiers and Main-Gauches
Loonies: use Stage Knives
Munchkins: use whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: throw Bolas
Loonies: throw their friends' magic items
Munchkins: throw whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: shoot Crossbows
Loonies: shoot Catapults loaded with offal
Munchkins: shoot whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: use chairs, chair legs or pokers
Loonies: use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste
Munchkins: use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks
Loonies: throw Nerf frisbees
Munchkins: are too busy running from the Real Men / Whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: cast Find the Path
Loonies: cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking
Munchkins: cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace
[As an alternative, real munchkins cast Destroy Plane (the munchkin, 1-segment, no-save version) followed by Create Plane (instant version) on the Prime Material Plane to get the XP for creatures killed (and re-created), and to re-create themselves with STR, INT, WIS, and CON of 10,000,000. Then they take the maps away from the DM and re-write them.]
Real Rôle-players: cast Demoralise on their foes
Loonies: cast Befuddle on their friends
Munchkins: cast Fireball
Real Rôle-players: cast Damage Resistance on their familiars / themselves
Loonies: cast Dominate Human on themselves
Munchkins: cast Meteor Swarm
Real Rôle-players: cast Heal Body
Loonies: cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat
Munchkins: cast Timestop
Real Rôle-players: cast Lend Language on the strangers they meet
Loonies: cast Mystic Mist in the town square
Munchkins: cast Enslave on the city guard
Real Rôle-players: use Shape Alteration
Loonies: use Sea Anemone Hypnosis
Munchkins: use Assume Godhood
Real Rôle-players: don't use alignment
Loonies: are Amoral Silly
Munchkins: are whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: enchanter or illusionist
Loonies: illusionist with ventriloquism, audible glamer, and spectral force, conjurer specialising in create banana peel spell, or a transmuter specialising in polymorph self into a random creature, plant, or object
Munchkins: a multi-classed abjurer / conjurer / diviner / enchanter / illusionist / invoker / necromancer / transmuter / wildmage / psionicist
Real Rôle-players: don't use published scenarios
Loonies: play Dungeonland
Munchkins: play Expedition to the Barrier Peaks
Real Rôle-players: play Clerics
Loonies: play street preachers
Munchkins: play Demigods
Real Rôle-players: play Morokanths
Loonies: play a Dwarf-Elf half-breed
Munchkins: play whatever gives the most plusses / Demi-gods
Real Rôle-players: summon Wraiths
Loonies: send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet
Munchkins: summon Cerberus
Real Rôle-players: cast Legend Lore / Telepathy / Mind Read
Loonies: tell puns to them
Munchkins: peek behind the GM's shield
Real Rôle-players: like Cacodemon
Loonies: like Spiro Agnew
Munchkins: like Satan's grandfather
Real Rôle-players: worship Issaries / Lhankor Mhy
Loonies: worship Hare Krishna
Munchkins: worship whoever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: love Repulsor Rays
Loonies: love Radioactive Teeth / +3 Kleenex
Munchkins: love Uru's Hammer
Real Rôle-players: drink potions of Animal / Plant Control
Loonies: drink potions of Jell-O
Munchkins: drink potions of Deity Control
Real Rôle-players: wear rings of Free Action
Loonies: wear rings of Smurf Control
Munchkins: wear rings of Infinite Wishes / the One Ring
Real Rôle-players: wield wands of Healing
Loonies: wield rods of styrofoam
Munchkins: wield staves of Deity Power
Real Rôle-players: wear Elven Chain mail
Loonies: wear Horse Barding
Munchkins: wear powered armour a la Starship Troopers
Real Rôle-players: wear a Helm of Telepathy
Loonies: wear a Helm of Blindness ("Works great against medusas")
Munchkins: wear a Helm of 360-Degree Vision with Force Field
Real Rôle-players: use a Kite Shield
Loonies: use a panty shield
Munchkins: don't get the previous joke / use a Shield of Automatic Parry
Real Rôle-players: wear Gloves of Dexterity
Loonies: wear THE Glove of Michael Jackson Charisma
Munchkins: wear Gauntlets of Infinite Ring-Wearing
Real Rôle-players: wear Boots of Stealth
Loonies: wear house slippers
Munchkins: wear Boots of Infinite Speed
Real Rôle-players: ride palfreys
Loonies: ride sheep
Munchkins: ride heavy war tyrannosauri
Real Rôle-players: like Medea
Loonies: like Doctor Who
Munchkins: like Darth Vader / Teela Brown
Real Rôle-players: have Owls
Loonies: have Slugs
Munchkins: have whatever gives the most plusses / Ancient Red Dragons
Real Rôle-players: like Tolkien's elves
Loonies: like Santa's elves
Munchkins: like Storm Giants with pointed ears
Real Rôle-players: like Glorantha's Dwarfs
Loonies: like the Seven Dwarfs
Munchkins: like Earth Elementals with beards
Real Rôle-players: bring along iron rations
Loonies: bring along Froot Loops / aluminium rations
Munchkins: bring along whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: read Robert Asprin's "Thieves' World" series
Loonies: read Robert Asprin's "Myth" series
Munchkins: read E. Gary Gygax
Real Rôle-players: like Highlander
Loonies: like The Princess Bride
Munchkins: like Highlander II
Real Rôle-players: sneak away quietly.
Loonies: tie its shoelaces together.
Munchkins: have their 34th-level thief backstab it with their +17 Sword of Slay Anything, and then put all its treasure in one backpack and run away.
Real Rôle-players: drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone.
Loonies: order watermelon daiquiris and start food fights.
Munchkins: say "What's a town?"
Real Rôle-players: use Stun Guns / Tanglers
Loonies: use Thermonuclear Hand Grenades / Tripod Flamers
Munchkins: use whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: negotiate with the refugees from the evil Empire
Loonies: hitch a ride with Vogons
Munchkins: invade the BEMs' home planet and enslave them all
Real Rôle-players: watch "2001: A Space Odyssey / 2010: Odyssey Two"
Loonies: watch "The Three Stooges Go To Mars"
Munchkins: watch the Star Trek films
Real Rôle-players: watch Star Trek III
Loonies: watch Duck Trek
Munchkins: watch Star Trek V
Real Rôle-players: Deep Space 9
Loonies: The animated series
Munchkins: Watched TNG until Wesley Crusher left
Real Rôle-players: use suspended animation
Loonies: use the Infinite Improbability Drive
Munchkins: push the button and it goes
Real Rôle-players: colonise Alpha Centauri
Loonies: colonise Cygnus X-1
Munchkins: colonise wherever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: some like Star Cops, but many spend hours arguing over which is best
Loonies: like the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Munchkins: like Red Dwarf
Real Rôle-players: read Arthur C. Clarke
Loonies: read Bored of the Rings / Doon / Hitchhiker
Munchkins: read E. Gary Gygax
Real Rôle-players: like the Moties
Loonies: like the beach ball from Dark Star
Munchkins: like E.T.
Real Rôle-players: play Light Worlders / Spacers
Loonies: play Sex Androids
Munchkins: play Enhanced Humans with all the advantages
Real Rôle-players: cast Elder Sign
Loonies: cast Summon Smurf
Munchkins: cast Control Cthulhu
Real Rôle-players: don't like any of them
Loonies: like Masters of the Universe Slime
Munchkins: like Azathoth
Real Rôle-players: play Professors of Ancient Egyptian Archaeology
Loonies: play Red Indian Sex Maniacs
Munchkins: play Magic-Users
Real Rôle-players: face to face with Nyarlathotep (character becomes an NPC)
Loonies: one syllable away from summoning Yog-Sothoth (killed by the party)
Munchkins: falling off Shantak during victory lap around R'lyeh
Real Rôle-players: think the campaigns are too short.
Loonies: think the game isn't funny enough.
Munchkins: don't think the game is supposed to be funny.
Real Rôle-players: like Tech Services and CPU.
Loonies: like R&D.
Munchkins: like IntSec.
Real Rôle-players: like Free Enterprise and Sierra Club.
Loonies: like Corpore Metal, Death Leopard, and Mystics.
Munchkins: like Psion.
Real Rôle-players: like Hypersenses.
Loonies: like Project Total Chaos.
Munchkins: like characters with the works.
Real Rôle-players: like laser pistols.
Loonies: like chainsaws and anything from R&D.
Munchkins: like Plasma Generators.
Real Rôle-players: shoot the Munchkins' characters.
Loonies: shoot anything fragile-looking.
Munchkins: shoot anything in sight, starting with the other PCs.
Real Rôle-players: like to try to survive the briefing.
Loonies: like to place themselves under surveillance and report hourly.
Munchkins: like to attack a rival Alpha Complex.
Real Rôle-players: think the game is silly.
Loonies: think the game is about them.
Munchkins: want to play their 700-point Champions character.
Real Rôle-players: play Humans.
Loonies: play green fuzzy blobs that drip slime.
Munchkins: play Deities.
Real Rôle-players: have Teleport, Deep Freeze, and Talk to Aliens.
Loonies: have Bounce, Summon Pizza, and Telephone.
Munchkins: have all of them.
Real Rôle-players: like Figure Things Out and Look Cool in Shades.
Loonies: like Weird Science and Eat Anything.
Munchkins: like Do Anything I Want.
Real Rôle-players: like Duplicator Guns.
Loonies: like Goop Guns and Boy / Girl Guns.
Munchkins: like AT-AT Walkers.
Real Rôle-players: use the Number 42 Crosstown Expedience Route.
Loonies: use Rocket Sneakers.
Munchkins: use Battlestars.
Real Rôle-players: think there's too much combat.
Loonies: think it's a great system for simulating reality.
Munchkins: think starting characters don't have enough points.
Real Rôle-players: like Mentalists.
Loonies: like Cream-Puff Projectors.
Munchkins: like visiting Gods.
Real Rôle-players: like Telepathy.
Loonies: like Instant Change with the advantage Usable on Others.
Munchkins: like Autofire Find Weakness.
Real Rôle-players: like Ego.
Loonies: like Comeliness.
Munchkins: like Speed.
Real Rôle-players: like Psychological Limitations.
Loonies: like Dependency on Spinach Egg Noodles.
Munchkins: like Unusual Looks.
Real Rôle-players: like Limited Uses.
Loonies: like Activation on 8-.
Munchkins: like Focus and Multipower.
Real Rôle-players: create an illusion of the hostages getting away.
Loonies: taunt the villains.
Munchkins: waste the villains with their 10d6 Autofire Armour-Piercing Ranged Killing Attack, and use Regeneration Usable on Others to heal the injured bystanders.
Real Rôle-players: don't like how expensive magic is.
Loonies: like the bizarre disadvantages you can create.
Munchkins: like the crossover from Champions.
Real Rôle-players: play Elven Mages.
Loonies: play Halfling Knights.
Munchkins: play their Champions characters.
Real Rôle-players: like Gestures, Incantation, and Concentrate.
Loonies: like Side Effects.
Munchkins: use the Champions rules.
Real Rôle-players: like Perceive and Illusions.
Loonies: like Dominate usable on Self Only.
Munchkins: like Blast, Variable Advantage, Reduced END to zero.
Real Rôle-players: think there aren't enough supplements.
Loonies: think there aren't enough disadvantages.
Munchkins: think there aren't enough hit points.
Real Rôle-players: like Charisma, Danger Sense, Empathy, Literacy and Voice.
Loonies: like Luck, Absolute Timing and Unusual Background.
Munchkins: like Magery 3, Patron (Superman), and PK (80).
Real Rôle-players: like Sense of Duty and Poverty
Loonies: like Severe Delusions, Severe Phobias, Split Personality, Total Pacifism and Berserk - all at the same time.
Munchkins: like Enemies and Dependents (for the points).
Real Rôle-players: like Acting, Bard, Detect Lies, Diplomacy, Fast-Talk, Merchant, Savoir-Faire and Streetwise.
Loonies: like to use ALL skills at a default level of 5.
Munchkins: like Fast-Talk GM and Whine.
Real Rôle-players: cast Blur and Flash.
Loonies: cast Create Object (cream pies) and throw them.
Munchkins: cast Armour, Shield, Invisibility and Deathtouch.
Real Rôle-players: cast Major Healing.
Loonies: cast Drunkenness on the other PCs.
Munchkins: cast Linking spells on everything they own.
Real Rôle-players: like Space, Horror and Japan.
Loonies: like Toon.
Munchkins: like Fantasy, Horror and Autoduel - in the same game.
Real Rôle-players: want Illuminati.
Loonies: want Pet Rocks / Creeks & Crawdads.
Munchkins: want Supers and Mecha, to add to their Fantasy / Horror / Autoduel game.
Real Rôle-players: Join the government peacekeeping force.
Loonies: Represent themselves at their trials.
Munchkins: Are above the Superhero Code (aren't they?)
Real Rôle-players: Play telepaths.
Loonies: Play insane androids.
Munchkins: Play alien sorcerers.
Real Rôle-players: Like Psionics.
Loonies: Like Mutant Power.
Munchkins: Like Power Absorption.
Real Rôle-players: Like Intelligence.
Loonies: Like Charisma.
Munchkins: Like Agility.
Real Rôle-players: Like Physical Handicap.
Loonies: Like Psychosis.
Munchkins: What weaknesses?
Real Rôle-players: Wear their opponents down before finishing them off.
Loonies: Dump a bucket of Cool Whip on a villain's head and talk about Planet of the Apes.
Munchkins: Negate their friend's attacks so they get all the experience themselves.
Real Rôle-players: Like to trick villains into attacking each other instead of the heroes.
Loonies: Like Multiple Back Attacks.
Munchkins: Like Multiple Weakness Detection.
Real Rôle-players: Like FORCE.
Loonies: Like The Dawn of DNA.
Munchkins: Like Devil's Domain and Dawn of the Devil.
Real Rôle-players: Like FIST.
Loonies: Like Mocker.
Munchkins: Like Mercury Mercenary.
Real Rôle-players: Like Dreamweaver.
Loonies: Like Laserfire.
Munchkins: Think the Crusaders are wimps.
Real Rôle-players: Like Iron Maiden.
Loonies: Like Ratman.
Munchkins: Like Annihilator.
Real Rôle-players: Like Cockroach.
Loonies: Like Shee-Ariel.
Munchkins: Like Dr. DNA.
Real Rôle-players: Like Shadarkos.
Loonies: Like Cicada.
Munchkins: Like FORCE.
Real Rôle-players: like Doppleganger.
Loonies: like Napalm and Crash.
Munchkins: like Radical Babe.
Real Rôle-players: like Malachai.
Loonies: Methane Lord.
Munchkins: like Sidewinder.
Real Rôle-players: like Vixen.
Munchkins: Black Raspberry Ice.
Real Rôle-players: like Captain Freedom.
Loonies: like The Invisible Object.
Munchkins: like Can't Touch This.
Real Rôle-players: play 10th generation Tremere or Ventrue Architects
Loonies: play 14th generation Malkavian Anti-tribu Visionaries
Munchkins: play Caitiff Antediluvians
Real Rôle-players: agonise over it, eat their friends in a frenzy and lose Humanity points.
Loonies: eat flies.
Munchkins: eat Caine.
Real Rôle-players: agonise over it, diablerize their sires, and lose Humanity points.
Loonies: diablerize themselves, agonise over it and enter Torpor.
Munchkins: eat Caine.
Real Rôle-players: agonise over it, ghoul politicians and lose Humanity points.
Loonies: ghoul Wal-Mart cashiers.
Munchkins: ghoul the entire Tremere clan.
Real Rôle-players: agonise over buying the books, say "I don't NEED a sourcebook", agonise again, read the books in the store, buy the books anyway and lose Humanity points.
Loonies: like Count Duckula
Munchkins: like the Mummies.
Real Rôle-players: play Uktena Theurges with Baneskins
Loonies: play a hairy bag-lady with a shopping cart
Munchkins: play a Major Incarna with a Silver Sword
Real Rôle-players: align with Coyote
Loonies: align with the harmonic convergence
Munchkins: align with themselves
Real Rôle-players: as the shadowy pictures from Plato's Allegory of the Cave.
Loonies: from a padded cell.
Munchkins: as their kingdom.
Real Rôle-players: carry their ancestor's klaive.
Loonies: carry a tune.
Munchkins: carry a silver sword, two klaives, a fang dagger, an Atchisson with 20 rounds of silver-phosphate and a thermite grenade.
Real Rôle-players: join House Jerbiton
Loonies: join House Criamon or House Merinita
Munchkins: join House Bjornaer, Bonisagus or Verditius
Real Rôle-players: have the Gentle Gift
Loonies: have Withstand Magic and Berserk
Munchkins: have the Great Worm of the Pyrenées as a heartbeast
Real Rôle-players: take Sense of Doom
Loonies: take Magic Addiction, Lack of Concentration and Chaotic Magic.
Munchkins: don't understand the concept
Real Rôle-players: join monasteries
Loonies: 'quick, the bishop's coming, hide the demonic text in the chapel...'
Munchkins: seem to have lost that bit of paper
Real Rôle-players: cast Frosty Breath of the Spoken Lie
Loonies: cast Confusion of the Insane Vibrations while near a clifftop
Munchkins: cast Opening the Earth's Pore
Real Rôle-players: play wandering friars
Loonies: play time-travelling Californians
Munchkins: never got round to creating a companion- they'll play their magus
Real Rôle-players: take familiars and apprentices
Loonies: experiment on Creo Ignem spells with three points of exceptional risk.
Munchkins: invent 'Cleanse the Verminous Infestation of People'.
Real Rôle-players: like the long-term character development
Loonies: like the chance to make the Crown-prince think he's a slug
Munchkins: like to be able to blackmail all of Mythic Europe by threatening to cast an 80th level ritual.
Real Rôle-players: think there aren't enough flaw points to define their character
Loonies: think there aren't enough ways to annoy the mundanes
Munchkins: think magi aren't powerful enough
Real Rôle-players: "Who do you believe? Him? He's a Christian!"
Loonies: "I healed the dog. I took his toe nails."
Real Rôle-players: like the game: lots of intrigue.
Loonies: don't like the game: not enough Stuffer Shacks.
Munchkins: like the game: lots of plusses.
Real Rôle-players: like the deadlier combat, too, hoping that the heightened lethality will cause less of an emphasis on combat.
Loonies: still want more Stuffer Shacks.
Munchkins: are disappointed because lots of the 'holes' in the rules have been plugged.
Real Rôle-players: Private Investigator or Decker
Loonies: play Ant Shamans with empty Narcoject guns
Munchkins: play Decker/Rigger/Mages with level 4 power focus and a custom super cyberdeck
(A dissenting opinion holds that Munchkins play 30th level initiate physical adepts. Some munchkins prefer 30th level hermetic magicians.)
Real Rôle-players: play Dwarfs or Elves.
Loonies: play Sasquatches or Toons.
Munchkins: play Vampires... or Great Dragons.
Real Rôle-players: like undercover operations.
Loonies: like working the counter at Stuffer Shack.
Munchkins: like political insurrections, but only if they get to run the country afterward.
Real Rôle-players: like policlubs.
Loonies: like DocWagon.
Munchkins: like Aztlan.
Real Rôle-players: hate it when the Real Men blow their cover.
Loonies: hate it when the other players won't help them out of their self-inflicted predicament.
Munchkins: hate it when the opposition puts up a fight.
Real Rôle-players: get in under disguise, jigger the security systems and slip out in a delivery van.
Loonies: go up to the front desk and announce, "Candygram!"
Munchkins: blow away the guards, get what they came for, blow away the cops and go home.
Real Rôle-players: wear corporate suits, tribal garb and neohippie outfits over their Form-Fitting Body Armor.
Loonies: wear Lined Coats over nothing at all.
Munchkins: wear Full Heavy Armor and Gyro-mount harnesses for a stroll down Main Street.
Real Rôle-players: like Negotiate.
Loonies: like Etiquette (Zoo Animal).
Munchkins: don't waste points on Social Skills.
Real Rôle-players: like their Bartender.
Loonies: like their Rotary Club Habitué.
Munchkins: like the High Prince of Tir Tairngire.
Real Rôle-players: like shuriken, Narcoject guns and sniper rifles.
Loonies: like Tiffani Self-Defenders on Gyro-mounts and Ares Squirts filled with disappearing ink.
Munchkins: like Dikote monofilament whips, assault cannons with APDS ammo and recoilless Vindicator miniguns.
Real Rôle-players: like drugged armor piercing rounds (usually sleep drugs or DMSO)
Loonies: like ping-pong balls
Munchkins: like enchanted, exploding, armor piercing flechette rounds that home in on living things and are coated with Cyanide-IV causing instant death on contact. Rounds are preferably manufactured using some material with a high astral background count, such as the Nazi Concentration Camp furnaces.
Real Rôle-players: like stun batons and shock gloves
Loonies: like shock gloves--inside out/Nerf Swords
Munchkins: like Force 6 Light Saber Weapons Foci
Real Rôle-players: like Internal Voice Mask and Skillwires 3, Datajack, and lots of Headware Memory
Loonies: like Cortex Bombs (in self) or Neon Rainbow Swirl Cybereyes with the color blindness enhancement only.
Munchkins: like beta clinic Wired Reflexes 3 and Vehicle Control Rig 3 at the same time.
Real Rôle-players: like Ford Americars, heavily customized.
Loonies: like Winnebagos.
Munchkins: prefer GMC Banshees, but a Citymaster will do in a pinch.
Real Rôle-players: cast Detection, Illusion, and Health spells.
Loonies: cast Pie In Face - at themselves.
Munchkins: cast whatever gives them the most plusses.
Real Rôle-players: like Mask.
Loonies: like Mana Tickle and Ram vs. Bowling Pins.
Munchkins: like Turn to Goo, even though it was taken out of the 2nd Edition.
Real Rôle-players: like Raccoon.
Loonies: like Roadrunner.
Munchkins: like Owl.
Real Rôle-players: like the new Metahuman allergy rules.
Loonies: like the new Laubenstein color illustration with all the weirdos piled into a truck.
Munchkins: like the new loopholes.
Real Rôle-players: don't like that the list of 2050s slang is gone.
Loonies: don't like that the "Food Fight" scenario is gone.
Munchkins: don't like that the Turn to Goo spell is gone.
Real Rôle-players: have Spell Purpose and Specific Spell foci.
Loonies: have a plastic butter knife Weapon Focus.
Munchkins: have whatever gives them the most plusses.
Real Rôle-players: use a Fuchi-7
Loonies: use a Radio Shack with random erase feature
Munchkins: use the Aztechnology mainframe
Real Rôle-players: run Sleaze
Loonies: run Microsoft Word
Munchkins: run the black IC downloaded from the Aztechnology mainframe / whatever gives the most plusses
Real Rôle-players: wear lined coats and Secure Jackets
Loonies: wear a titanium jock strap - on their heads
Munchkins: wear rigged power armor a-la Starship Troopers over everything above (except the jock strap)
Real Rôle-players: use a Narcoject/Taser from dark cover
Loonies: use slingshots
Munchkins: call their Dragon gang and have them do it.
Real Rôle-players: create a multiple front diversion, then sneak in and out quietly
Loonies: pretend they're pizza delivery and knock on the front door
Munchkins: attack with Dropships and a lance of Battlemechs, take the loot and about 10 billion nuyen worth of other materials, collect their pay, and buy another Battlemech
Real Rôle-players: hang out with Squatters, Humanis members, and Media Freelancers
Loonies: hang out with Boffo the Wonder Dog
Munchkins: have Dunkelzahn as a butler and Harlequin as a chauffeur / Cthulhu
Real Rôle-players: say "Instead of money, how about you smooth some ruffled feathers over at Renraku? I'd rather they weren't out for my blood anymore."
Loonies: say "Can we have it all in Stuffer Shack gift certificates?"
Munchkins: say "Right, one million nuyen plus controlling stock in Ares America, plus a Nightsky with full-auto Panther cannons and your youngest daughter. Also, you have to supply our hardware needs, which I have right here..." (pulls out some-thing akin to an encyclopedia)
Real Rôle-players: bone up on their B/R skills
Loonies: hit themselves over the head with a hammer, repeatedly
Munchkins: dominate the world
Real Rôle-players: Are intimately familiar with the trade-offs between armour protection and encumbrance.
Loonies: Don't wear Armour either.
Munchkins: Believe that Enchanted weapons can offset the penalities of wearing Full Plate and Chain / Try to convince the GM to allow them to bring in the Battle Dress they had in last weeks Traveller game.
Real Rôle-players: Actually UNDERSTAND the rules.
Loonies: Couldn't care less about the rules.
Munchkins: Think that the GM is making all this crap up.
Real Rôle-players: Try to avoid combat as long as possible / Plan, Plan, Plan.
Loonies: Attack Big Creatures with pocket knives.
Munchkins: Quickly get their feelings hurt and go off and sulk.
Real Rôle-players: Enjoy the challenge inherent in playing "realistically" power-leveled characters.
Loonies: Stick all their points into Appearance, Constitution, and Stamina.
Munchkins: Are convinced any character designed with these rules is automatically a wimp.
Real Rôle-players: Love the selection of Vocations, and end up with a Philosopher
Loonies: Emphasis on non-lethal, weaponless hand-to-hand and use of the Buffoonery K/S Area in combat
Munchkins: Immediately are disappointed by the dearth of magickal items
Real Rôle-players: All of them, 'cause they all have so much potential
Munchkins: Mysticism, and they make certain to meditate every day, and whine about having to actually make rolls, 'cause the DR is "easy" anyways...
Real Rôle-players: Actually, the breadth of magick types has potential. Why not make an Herbalism/Alchemist specialist?
Loonies: Alright! Spellsongs! There's one called "Acclumsed Ode" that makes the opponent keep fumbling. Yeah!
Munchkins: I'll play a Full Practitioner Mage-Priest with Alchemy, Astrology, Apotropaism, Conjuration, Divination, Sorcery, Witchcraeft, Spellsongs, Heka- Forging, Necromancy, and...
Real Rôle-players: like the skill system
Loonies: like the background options
Munchkins: like the criticals
Real Rôle-players: play Sages, Seers and Alchemists.
Loonies: play Dream Lords, Farmers and Macabres.
Munchkins: play Warrior Mages, Paladins and Elementalists.
Real Rôle-players: want the Alchemy Companion
Loonies: want the Spell Users' Companion
Munchkins: want the Elemental Companion
Real Rôle-players: use Philosopher's Elixir
Loonies: use Transferring Ways
Munchkins: use Mana Moulding
Real Rôle-players: play in Shadow World
Loonies: play Time Riders
Munchkins: play Dark Space (as Vlathachna)
Real Rôle-players: like Uruk-Hai
Loonies: like Black Reavers
Munchkins: eat Elder Worms
Real Rôle-players: play starving street-kids
Loonies: play Empaths
Munchkins: play Special Forces Nomenklatura Empathic Paraphysicist ET Pilots
Real Rôle-players: drive a Zil or a Yugo, or take the bus
Loonies: drive a converted school bus
Munchkins: drive a P-320 APC everywhere
Real Rôle-players: use a Colt Krait
Loonies: use a crossbow
Munchkins: use an Armington Heavy Laser
Real Rôle-players: use a Sonic Stunner
Loonies: use a Deliquescer
Munchkins: use a Spectral Gatherer
Real Rôle-players: want a Facedancer
Loonies: want an Empathic Viral Mutator
Munchkins: want a Folder Pod
Real Rôle-players: use a Beretta M92
Loonies: use a .22 derringer
Munchkins: use a Neemis .666
Real Rôle-players: use an MP5
Loonies: use an American 180
Munchkins: use Uzis (they've never heard of the others)
Real Rôle-players: use H&K G11s
Loonies: use an SA-80
Munchkins: use a Barrett
Real Rôle-players: use a double-barrelled Purdey
Loonies: use Atchissons
Munchkins: use an M576 40mm canister round
Real Rôle-players: use a compound bow
Loonies: use strap-on claymores
Munchkins: use flamethrowers
Real Rôle-players: use an FMPX7
Loonies: use Turtle Mines or a Scythe
Munchkins: use an X3LAR3 Dragoncrest Lase Cannon
Real Rôle-players: like Skiffdress
Loonies: like Neemis Templar
Munchkins: like Grav APCs
Real Rôle-players: play Fixers or Techies
Loonies: play Rockers
Munchkins: play Street Samurai or Psionic Vampires
Real Rôle-players: use light SMGs
Loonies: use a .22 Gatling
Munchkins: use a Barrett-Arasaka 20mm cannon, modified for fully automatic fire, with a sawn-off barrel and a cut-down stock to fit under an armoured long coat
Real Rôle-players: wear a light armour jacket
Loonies: wear a t-shirt and ripped jeans
Munchkins: get a Dragoon full-body conversion
Real Rôle-players: like interface plugs
Loonies: like a forehead-mounted Mr Studd™
Munchkins: get a HumanityRestoraTron™
Real Rôle-players: Bicycle
Loonies: Advertising blimp
Munchkins: Punknaught with the works, with extra pepperoni
Real Rôle-players: Switch sides
Loonies: Click the heels of their combat boots together and say "there's no place like home".
Munchkins: Break their Trauma Team card
Real Rôle-players: Look under doormat for keys
Loonies: Ring the doorbell
Munchkins: Use the Militech Plastic Explosive Delivery Service
Real Rôle-players: Librarian
Loonies: Quality Control personnel for Second Chance Armour Inc.
Munchkins: CEO (at age 15)
Real Rôle-players: like a Downtown Gang
Loonies: kick Halloween Jack in the Pods and say "Tag! You're it!"
Munchkins: have no enemies left alive...(they wish)
Real Rôle-players: take Detect, Communication
Loonies: take Reality Fold Doobrie
Munchkins: formulate Enhancment 10, Protect 10, Blast 10
Real Rôle-players: idolise Teeth
Loonies: try and see every episode of Captain Contract
Munchkins: are Idols dammit.... Reputation 10 !
Real Rôle-players: favor the tried and tested FEN 30-30
Loonies: like a KPS Mangler with bolass rounds
Munchkins: bolt a Power Reaper to a FEN TRI and control it from the next sector
Real Rôle-players: take a FEN 204
Loonies: but a black market 3rd hand CAF pistol
Munchkins: Take a Contract Killer Custom Blitzer
Real Rôle-players: prefer a FlickScythe
Loonies: paint themselves blue and run in with a pig bladder on the end of a stick
Munchkins: like an Electrified Sledge Hammer with spikes on, and lots of Contract Killer Custom Gear
Real Rôle-players: like APCs
Loonies: take rickshaws
Munchkins: fly fully armed Kilcopters
Real Rôle-players: wear PP7 Exo
Loonies: wear Striker with Fluorescent Go Faster Stripes
Munchkins: wear Mal Shock and don't go into buildings
Real Rôle-players: like DAFs
Loonies: have an entire clan of Armed Frother Doobries
Munchkins: have Pentreth Tigers
Real Rôle-players: actually try and socialise in The Pit
Loonies: try the Mosh floor in The Pit wearing a T-shirt saying "Stormers Suck"
Munchkins: go to Karma Labs for the next upgrade
Real Rôle-players: take I&I
Loonies: take Media
Munchkins: take Death Squad with AutoSupport & Rifle
Real Rôle-players: like Downtown
Loonies: spend most their lives in the sewers
Munchkins: like New Paris and an unlimited credit account
Real Rôle-players: take Leadership
Loonies: take VideoGames & Cookery
Munchkins: take SLA Information
Real Rôle-players: take Bad Reputation
Loonies: like minus figures Luck, Pacifist, Major Enemy 10 (Preceptor Teeth)
Munchkins: take only ones which dont need to be roleplayed
Real Rôle-players: take Simple Hobby and Good Vision/Hearing
Loonies: take all over DNA Tattoo and Simple Hobby (Stamp Collecting)
Munchkins: minmax Vehicle/Income
Real Rôle-players: have trouble forming lasting relationships
Loonies: develop deep meaningful bonds with their Doobries
Munchkins: pay for theirs....
Real Rôle-players: enter into inter-species relationships...
Loonies: spend all their time in random partner virtual reality booths in The Pit
Munchkins: just don't have time for it
Real Rôle-players: are Sponsored by KPS
Loonies: are Sponsored by Wheaties Breakfast Cereals
Munchkins: are Sponsored by Dark Lament
Real Men: take cover
Real Rôle-players: make sure all the paperwork is done
Loonies: order out for Pizza
Munchkins: just reload (again)
Real Men: play humans
Real Rôle-players: take Ebons/Shaktars/Wraith Raiders
Loonies: like Frothers
Munchkins: roll up a BW or a Stormer
it just occured to me, that munchkins would probably want to play Thresher Player Characters anyway, making a lot of the munchkin entries moot ;-)
Jared also lent his wit to some of these, thanks Jared ;-)
Real Roleplayers will play Witches.
Loonies: will play Guerilla Mimes.
Munchkins: will try and play Troll Wizards, argue with the GM, mumble about the points system being unfair, and finally play Mercenaries.
Real Roleplayers will choose Susan Sto Helit, Rincewind, and Granny Weatherwax.
Loonies: will choose the Bursar, Rincewind, and Granny Weatherwax.
Munchkins: will choose Cohen, Detritus, and Lilly Weatherwax.
Real Rôle-players: will play Assassins.
Loonies: will play Mediums. ("Just because we killed them shouldn't stop us talking to them.")
Munchkins: will play Trolls.
Real Rôle-players: will play Watchmen.
Loonies: will play Zoons.
Munchkins: will play Trolls.
Real Rôle-players: will play Elfkin.
Loonies: will play Gnomes.
Munchkins: will play Trolls.
Real Rôle-players: will choose Genua.
Loonies: will choose the Tezuman Empire.
Munchkins: will choose Dumanifestin... Oh, alright, how about the Agatean Empire (you know, with all the gold)...
Real Rôle-players: will go for Inspiration Magnet.
Loonies: will go for Sapient Pearwood Property.
Munchkins: will go for Recognized Divinity.
Real Rôle-players: will go for Fools' Lore.
Loonies: will go for Astrozoology.
Munchkins: will go for Discworld Alchemy (and try to make gunpowder).
Real Rôle-players: will want to be Village Witches.
Loonies: will want to be Street Mimes.
Munchkins: will want to be Mad Wizards.
Real Rôle-players: will worship The Lady (carefully).
Loonies: will worship the Hogfather.
Munchkins: will worship The Lady (less carefully).
Real Rôle-players: will say "Oh, let's start a witches' coven, or join a new city watch, or something."
Loonies: will say "Let's start a revolution in Ankh-Morpork."
Munchkins: will ask "Where's the dungeon?"
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