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HPRC Fitness Arena: Family & Relationships
Living in high-stress environments while deployed often affects life when Warfighters return home. Families become an important source of reintegration support. However, finding the balance between taking care of others and taking care of yourself is important. The Real Warriors program suggests that time should be set aside for each individual to reset – which could include hanging out with friends and family outside the home, relaxing with a book, through an activity like yoga, or helping out in the community.
According to MedicineNet.com, good friends and family do more than make life worth living. These relationships may help you live longer! A recent analysis of scientific literature suggests that lack of social relationships is a risk factor for death. In other words, people with lots of close friends and family around will likely live a lot longer than lonely people. These findings show that the effect of social relationships on the risk of death are similar to those of smoking and alcohol consumption and have a profound effect on the quality of our life.
- Under age 5: May be shy, demanding or feel guilt thinking they “made Mom or Dad go away,” and may act out more than usual.
- Ages 5-12: May respond happily and talk often about their returning family member, or they may feel ashamed that they were not “good enough” while the family member was gone.
- Ages 12-18: May respond happily with excitement. Interestingly, teenagers will have changed emotionally and physically by the time the reunion occurs, and may feel that they are too old to greet their returning parent with enthusiasm as they arrive home.
Lisa Jansen-Rees from the National Military Family Association describes the Top Things That Military Families Don't Do Well, and states, "Thank goodness!" She lists:
- Drift along without a purpose
- Lose track of loved ones
- Lost sight of their goals
- Hide their patriotism
- Turn a blind eye
- Spoil their kids
A recent study published in the Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior found that 4th and 5th grade students ate more fruits and vegetables if they helped their family shop for them, and if their parent(s) ate fruits and vegetables the day before. The bottom line: eating fruits and vegetables helps us, and the children around us, be healthier.
Social support after deployment significantly decreases symptoms of PTSD and depression, a recent study found. Individuals who have emotional support from family, friends, coworkers, employers, and community members had less PTSD and depression. Warfighters who received social support immediately following deployment reported substantially reduced symptoms.
A study of National Guard reserve troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, and their families, identified five stressors experienced by family members: worrying, waiting, going it alone, pulling double duty, and loneliness.
What helped these families most? Keeping busy and involved in activities at home, using technology to stay in touch, and staying connected to each other on a daily or weekly basis.
Working out with a friend can ramp up performance and help you reach your fitness goals by helping you stick to your regimen and providing a source of friendly competition. Taking a friend along for a run or other workout will help you both. Click here for more information.
Harmony on the homefront helps ease deployment stress on Warfighters and their families. One Army spouse shares her tips for decreasing stress during deployment:
- Gather important documents before deployment.
- Identify possible problems and discuss them ahead of time.
- Tape an enlarged photo of the deployed parent in the car, and don't lose sight of the big picture, which as she describes as "come home safe and sound, to an intact family."
In our previous post, we talked about why family relationships are important for Warfighter performance. This week, we’ve identified strategies for enhancing one’s relationships, based on the latest research we’ve read. Just like our bodies, relationships can be made stronger with training.
Think about adding the following strategies to your “relationship fitness plan.” They can be used in any close relationship: with your partner, your child, other family, or friends.
1) Relationships need work before problems arise. Many programs, like the Comprehensive Soldier Fitness Program and the One Shot One Kill v2.0 Resilience Program, address this concept of prevention. Just as you don’t start training for combat the day before a mission, you shouldn’t start relationship training after issues arise. Your relationship fitness plan should include practicing these behaviors:
Appreciate your loved ones through words or deeds.
Obey the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. When in a fight, stop and ask yourself what the true message is behind the other person’s words.
Listening openly rather than reacting to angry behavior can head off an argument.
Communicate using “I-statements,” rather than blaming statements beginning with “you.” Start with an “I” and clearly state what you want to say from your perspective.
Keep negative comments and interactions to a minimum. For every one negative comment or interaction, five positive ones are needed to balance it out.
Soften your “start-up.” Conversations that turn into fights can be predicted from the start of the conversation. If a conversation begins with angry tones, high-pitched voices, or aggressive behavior, it can quickly escalate into an argument.
Keep things in perspective. Focus on the bright side.
Have fun. Remember to laugh together and have fun.
2) Relationship problems don’t go away by ignoring them. Being proactive by addressing recurring problems can go a long way towards fewer problems and creating less stress in the long run.
3) Timing is everything. Be strategic about when you address problems. When emotions are high, you’re more likely to say things without first thinking them through. With sensitive issues, take a break and address the issue when everyone is calm. At the very least, break from the argument for the time it would take to drink a glass of water.
4) Practice good relationship skills during the good times, so you’re prepared in difficult times. Just as Warfighters constantly train in order to be prepared for the difficulties they might encounter, relationship skills require practice before they’re put to the test in stressful situations.
The above strategies can help your relationships be positive forces in your life – and with less stress and more love, you can handle the rest of your life better.