1. Is there another
word for synonym?
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's
the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would
defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets
aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking
and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill
himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating
an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid
someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the
right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?
23. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
25. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other
27. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able
to say it.
28. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large
29. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
30. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
31. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
32. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
33. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
34. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
35. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
36. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back
37. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
38. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
39. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to
43. If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
45. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?