Indifference Can Sometimes Hurt People, But Can You Really Blame Someone Who Doesnt Even Know They Are Hurting You?Its weird. Its hard to even try and explain this story because i dont know how, hah ironic isnt it? What can I say? I feel like i never know whats going on with me or around me, but I think should. I feel like everyone is awake and im in some kind of weird dream world or something. I dont care about anything, I dont know how i feel, I dont know what I want, I just dont know anything. My mom gets really mad at me for this because she thinks that im already old enough to defend myself and such. She says that I need to learn how to speak and say what Im thinking. Its not like I dont want to say what Im thinking, and its not like im shy or scared or anything, I just really dont know. When someone asks me simple questions like "do you want water?" "what movie would you like to watch?" "how are you?" I always respond the same thing "I dont know." Its the truth though...People think im avoiding the question but im not... I always try to make up an answer because well i got tired of people getting mad at me for being so indecisive. Sometimes I do know, but not right away...Minutes later after someone asks me something I finnally come up with a good answer but by that point i already answered the question with something else. Uhm its not just in normal conversations, its pretty much in EVERYTHING. Its starting to annoy me because I noticed that this happens also in my "romantic relationships" with people. I dont know how i feel about anyone, I dont know if i like them or want them. Its like...as long as im not sick of a person yet it means I like that person. I know it doesnt but thats about how close i get to actually liking someone that way. But someone more exciting can come along and I thats when I notice i didnt actually like the first person, i just didnt dislike that person until i got bored. Anyone can actually come along and confuse me into liking them. Like thats actually happened before alot of times, friends say oph you like him and I probably didnt even notice that person and just because they say so alot I suddenly start being attracted to him but its fake...Im not sure if this is even making sense anymore, I know its not okay. It also happens with my moods, I can be smiling and then crying and then being mad but not know why. Its like I react to things without having a reason to, or when im supposed to react to things I dont. I feel like theres something wrong with me. I mean, shouldnt I know what I feel? I should know myself enough to atleast make a proper decision. I should probably start caring more but im not sure how to do that or what to even care about. Im just..really indifferent about everything.
fairynila 16-17, F 0 Jul 27, 2011