OTHER EU WRITERS FICS
Colleagues, I, as your editor, have summoned you this summer day. We’re preparing "Tales from Jabba’s Palace." Well, the meeting started!
So, for a start we will rewatch this scene for 20 times. And you have to write a story per each bully. Let us choose the characters – horned or tailed, and to help you I will build a puppet parade along the wall.
Rancor for me! Someone noticed, how that fat man fell into despondency, when Luke had shoven a barebone into monster’s throat? Seeing this, I decided that that guy was feeding the creature. I will write you a psychodrama.
“Can I behold this lady? That green, with horns, it will fit in a melodrama!”
“Bay her on the entire planet, but do without sex, Kathy!”
“No, Kevin, Jabba was a man - that's why he kept slave women!”
“To behold their beauty, porny Kathy.”
“I'll write about Boba Fett, how the sarlacc spat Boba out, how Boba’s jetpack saved him.”
“Why do you stick to this trailer park trash! Write: I’ll take Gamorreans!”
“I’ll trust them to the specialist. But do not pull Callista into the story!”
A blue elephant with keyboard, and the Biths are blowing in the saxophone - that's the focus of talents! Who writes about musicians? No volunteers to make up something about the droid EV-9D9? In love with suffering, she tortured droids.”
“I’m not that excited. Hey, Kevin! Can I possibly pull the character from my ass?”
“I allow only you!”
And along the wall dolls were staying - rancor, Twi’lek and sarlacc. Hiccuping, with blurry eyes, my drunken enemy burst into the room. Zahn also writes a tale, he’s the idol of all Warsies, and the caption on his t-shirt is: "Everyone is scum - I am Shakespeare". Naked doll from a sex shop in his hands, sweeping floor with her red mane. The mangy scribbler, stinking with scary fume, hiccuped:
“I'll write about my Mara!”
I had to reason with Tim:
“We write about the characters from the movie, about those who have appeared on screen!”
“They just haven’t shown her! But my Mara was there, I will write - and it works!”
Zan spat, lit a cigarette.
“She was to kill Luke on Tatooine by Emperor’s order, he sent her to Jabba!”
I shuddered with horror. We are all writing nonsense, but the Zahn’s speech is the most stupid. Burn in hell, you drunken trash!
All the cream of the Expanded Universe is now sitting in front of me: one with a broken leg, the second sitting with his hand in plaster, this one is severely bruised, but that one - just one-eyed. Wheezing meaningless phrases, their curved hands shrink notebooks or laptops, when will I break away to freedom from a parade of all these freaks?