An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
How does Moses make his tea?
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker,
but then I lost interest.
England has no kidney bank,
but it does have a Liverpool .
They told me I had type-A blood,
but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.
It’s syncing now.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid,
but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
and then it dawned on me.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can’t put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.
Why were the Indians able to settle here first?
They had reservations.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
I hope there’s no pop quiz.
I didn’t like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection….
you know urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro – what a rip off!
What did the mom buffalo say to her kid when she dropped him off to school? Bison.
A man lost his left arm and leg in a terrible work accident…..but he’s all right now.
The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
A vas deferens separates a man from a woman.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Two TV antennas got married. The ceremony was terrible, but the reception was excellent.
“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.” – Harry Secombe
An Englishman, a Scot and an Irishman walk into a pub. The barman says, “Is this some sort of joke?”
Why did Hitler get hit with a baseball? He did nazi it coming.