I wanted to show you this bit from a Newsweek article as a good example of how you can blend definitions into the text. But now, I can’t resist suggesting that it would be improved by some sculpting of the information. The second sentence is 45 words and the length contributes to making it a tough read. Sculpting reduces the cognitive load of the number of words.
What do you think?
“At least five large, randomized controlled studies have analyzed treatments for stable heart patients who have nothing worse than mild chest pain.
The studies compared invasive procedures including angioplasty, in which a surgeon mechanically widens a blocked blood vessel by crushing the fatty deposits called plaques; stenting, or propping open a vessel with wire mesh; and bypass surgery, grafting a new blood vessel onto a blocked one.”
Here is the second sentence after a rework.
The studies compared invasive procedures, including:
in which a surgeon mechanically widens a blocked blood vessel by crushing the fatty deposits called plaques
propping open a vessel with wire mesh
- bypass surgery
grafting a new blood vessel onto a blocked one.