Boxing Day – How And Why You Should Celebrate ItPosted: December 17, 2010
December 26 marks the most under celebrated holiday in the United States. We all know that Americans are not averse to celebrating holidays, so why is it that so few of us celebrate Boxing Day?
The answer lies in two related concepts – ignorance and corporate sponsorship.
I was a boy when I first saw Boxing Day noted on the calendar. I questioned my parents about my discovery but neither could give me any answers. This caused me much stress. I thought my parents knew everything.
Decades later, I have come to understand that my parents do know everything, except about Boxing Day. That exception is because of the conspiracy between the greeting card and sparking wine industries to protect their profits by making Boxing Day a non factor as a holiday.
It’s true. The leading sponsor of Christmas, the greeting card industry and the top sponsor of New Year’s Eve, the sparkling wine industry work together to keep you and my parents from understanding and celebrating Boxing Day. Their position is that having a strong Boxing Day holiday during the week that is framed by Christmas and New Year’s would cut in to the profits they can expect out of the holidays they’ve invested in.
Profit is not a valid reason to drop this holiday. To combat their efforts, I hope to provide you with some background on Boxing Day.
The History Of This Great Holiday
Boxing Day was originally a holiday started as a tribute to the ancient Roman Emperor, Punchicus Caesar. Punchicus was a benevolent ruler who was loved by his people. He had only one known vice – he bet on boxing matches.
When Punchicus died, his son decreed a holiday called Boxing Day to commemorate the fallen emperor. Early Boxing Day celebrations were marked by constant fighting.
The fights were sanctioned by the new Emperor. They served not only as a tribute to Punchicus, but as a means to settle disputes. People would challenge rivals to box them in what was called The Ring Of Mediation. Disputes settled in The Ring Of Mediation were considered resolved and enforceable in the courts.
Boxing Day celebrations continued through the ages. The holiday even made its way to the new world and was celebrated in the United States until it was eliminated by an Executive Order issued by President Grover Cleveland. Cleveland justified his action by saying that the fighting was getting out of hand and disorderly.
Years later, historians found that President Cleveland was in the pocket of the powerful greeting card manufacturers, who plied him with campaign donations and Asti Spumante.
Friends, I urge you to rise up against Grover Cleveland’s corruption. I don’t want boxing day to go away because President Cleveland woke up one day with some extra cash in his pocket and a terrible hangover. It isn’t too late to plan your own Boxing Day celebration.
I consulted Boxing Day advocates, and am passing on some of the great suggestions they had to help you plan your family’s celebration by honoring the contributions the sport of boxing makes to our society:
- Begin your day by drinking 6 raw eggs like Rocky. Protein? Sure. Salmonella?
- George Foreman has six sons named George. Spend all day calling everyone under 18 years old by your first name. Decide if George was an egotist, or just struck in the head way too many times.
- Face tattoos like Mike Tyson’s are a good idea. Create some skin art on a sleeping relative using a permanent felt tipped marker…real tattoo equipment is noisy.
- Don’t forget to honor the societal contributions of boxing referees. Put on a long sleeve shirt and a bow tie. Go to a gym and boss around the biggest guy you can find.
- As you begin and end any social encounter on Boxing Day, remember to say Hail Punchicus, in tribute to that good, decent, yet slightly flawed man. Everyone will respect you for not bowing down to President Cleveland.
Most of all, be spontaneous and unrestrained in your Boxing Day celebration. Consider yourself a holiday pioneer. There are no wrong answers on Boxing Day, unless you go back to not honoring the holiday. I am looking forward to hearing all the new commitments to celebrate this joyous holiday and from Boxing Day veterans who are ready to share their holiday traditions.
Stand up for what is right!