(Photo by Julian Finney/Getty Images)
WHAT IS IT: It's a physical disorder in which a victim's crush on a Russian tennis player grows into love, and then turns into obsession.
However, the tennis player does not entertain my calls or letters...uhh...sorry, I mean the victim's calls or letters or rose bouquets, and instead first unleashes 18 rabid hungry dogs on that person when he tries to enter her house, and then gets a restraining order against me...uhhh...I mean...that person.
IT AFFECTS: The heart.
There are many strands of this virus, but the most common type is Marius Sharapovas. It's known to be less dangerous though than the now dormant Kournikovas or Steffus Grafus virus...
VICTIMS: All males can fall prey to this virus. Whether they know a thing about tennis or not is not even a factor.
SYMPTOMS: Thinking all day about that tennis player, covering all the walls of your room with posters of her, setting your Facebook status to "in a complicated relationship," and telling people it's "her"...
DANGERS: The victims can go to jail...but worse than that, the tennis player's angry dad can kick the victim's butt.
CURE: No known cure.