Children with effective academic and social skills typically look forward to a new school year as an opportunity to learn and reunite with friends. Children who struggle academically or socially may be less enthusiastic.
There are many things parents can do to help their children in school.
A key starting point is for parents to talk with their children about school and listen to what they say.
For many parents and children, this communication is difficult. As parents greet their young students in the car, at the bus stop or at home, they ask, “How was school today?” “What did you do in school today?” or “Do you have any homework?”
By asking these questions, parents legitimately hope to gain a sense of how their children spent their day. However, children often see these questions as obvious, intrusive or annoying.
Children frequently process questions by asking themselves, “What answer can I give that won’t get me in trouble? What answer is Mom looking for? What did I do in school today?”
“How was school?” typically generates a one-word answer, such as “OK, fine, the same, or boring.” Responses to “What did you do?” might include “nothing, stuff, learned things, or the same as yesterday.”
Very young children imagine that their parents somehow know everything they do. So asking “What did you do?” seems silly to them. Questions might also appear repetitive. My son would come home and announce, “Don’t ask me about school. I’ll tell you and Mom at dinner so I don’t have to repeat myself!”
It is helpful for parents to take their cues from their children. If they are eager to share their day, that’s great. If a one-word answer is the best a child can do at the moment, that’s OK too. Children need time to decompress or “chill” with a snack or some down time. There will be opportunities to talk later about the day, such as dinner or bath.
Avoid questions which begin with the word “Why?” and questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no.” Listen carefully to your child’s answers and let your child guide the conversation. Here are some sample questions which encourage children to talk about their day:
Who did you sit with at lunch?
Who did you play with at recess?
What game did you play at recess?
What type of problems did you work on in Math? Science?
What do you like about your teacher? Your classmates?
What don’t you like about your teacher? Your classmates?
Is there anything you would like to tell me about school?
Parenting With Pete by Peter Herbst appears every other Thursday in The Jersey Journal. Comment at http://www.nj.com/parenting-with-pete/.