A reader wrote in and wanted to know why I hadn’t covered the obvious lizard people of Goldman Sachs yet on this blog. This oversight has now been corrected. Here you go, fine readers: It’s guessed by our staff that Gary Cohn and Lloyd Blankfein entered the United States sometime in the mid 1960′s in the form of small children. In their immature state, they began to grow and find ways to feed their growing, insatiable hunger for fresh meat. After wiping out a small farm, including the family living there, they entered a cocoon-like state where they evolved into full-grown selves.
Upon this transformation into an adult lizard person, they discovered that their taste for flesh could be more easily satisfied by consuming enormous quantities of US American Dollars. The result has created the modern Goldman Sachs, that is not afraid of anything or anyone. The total contempt for humanity can be exhibited by the Goldman Sachs Elevator Twitter account as well – They have successfully recruited an army of lizard people and their willing food-slaves into the company to help continue to consume the world’s economy and money supply.
Keep an eye out for these guys. They’re danger.