It's unlikely that you will find this word in the dictionary. Some may not even have a clue what it is. What is it? Well, it's called a frienemy which also can be spelled as frenemy. It's a hybrid, slang word that's the combination of friend and enemy. A frienemy is nothing more than a false friend. Someone who pretends to be your friend but really is not. This sort of person is more like an enemy. In fact, frienemies can be worse than your enemies. How so? When it comes to anyone that you may consider an enemy or one who may look at you in that manner, obviously both of you realize that for whatever reasons, you both have a mutual dislike for one another. Both of you know what to expect and know what's coming. However, with frienemies you don't know what's coming. Why? Because frienemies operate under a hypocritical and deceitful guise of friendship. But really, frienemies are jealous and envious of the one they profess to be friends with. Frienemies have no loyalty and they're out to sabotage and destroy. Lets look at some ways on how to detect frienemies and differentiate them from true friends. And not only that, but keeping them out of your life!!
Unlike true friends, frienemies fail to show an unselfish, genuine concern for you. They only show their face when they need or want something, such as money. Frienemies only pop up when it seems that things are going well for you personally- but it's only because they may selfishly attempt to benefit from your success. Frienemies are basically freeloaders, leeches and parasites. However, when things turn sour, they're nowhere to be found. We see these kind of people all the time; especially in the entertainment industry don't we?
Similar to the previous statement, frienemies are good for using the one they claim to be friends with. Once they get what they want or they achieve some sort of success, they're overly secretive of what they're doing and don't want you to share in their joy and happiness of their accomplishment. With true friends, regardless of whether things are going well for one or both of you, that friend will share in your joy and would allow you to do the same.
A true friend will tell you something even if it doesn't agree with your line of thinking or something you necessarily want to hear. Frienemies tell you everything you want to hear. Why? Because they're like corn on the cob, they want to butter you up!! They love to do what can be referred to as 'sucker stroking.' That means that they use deceptive, flattering and insincere speech hoping that you fall for it. But the reason for their phony praise is to exploit you for their own selfish gain.
Whether you make a right or wrong choice, a true friend nevertheless wants you to prosper and succeed. A true friend will give you advice and forewarn you so as to prevent you from heading down a disastrous path. Not the frienemy! Frienemies are bad advisers and whatever information they have that would be of benefit to you, they withhold it. If something in your life turns out to be an embarrassment or disaster, the frienemy will give you important information AFTER THE FACT!! Why? Because of their own envy and bitterness of how their lives turned out, they want to see you fall on your face so to speak.
There are simply some things that are confidential and are not meant to be told to others. But the frienemy gets gratification off revealing things regarding your personal life to others who are not entitled to it. They even reveal it to other persons whom they know that you have a difference with or don't socialize with. Frienemies make great gossipers as well as slanderers!
Have you ever heard of someone being two-faced? Well, frienemies are two-faced! The frienemy smiles in your face and praises you but secretly tears you down to others. Frienemies will act friendly with you, but if in the presence of others and they see you, they act as if they never knew you in their entire life! Some friend to have!!
Real friends at times will joke around and tease each other. But the frienemy will if given the chance will constantly try to belittle and embarrass you, especially in front of others. Any so-called friend that always tries to make someone else the butt of their jokes demonstrates that they're not a true friend. They really demonstrate that they are the one with the problem, not you!
Frienemies love to take anything in your life as far as your imperfections and failures and attempt to use it against you. It may even be something small and not even worth considering. They only do it because of jealousy, envy and recognition of their own failures. So the frienemy will use that method as a means of putting you down subliminally. Sometimes they may attempt to compare you with others whether you have a difference with that individual or not. But they only do it as a means of trying to upset you.
In harmony with the previous statement, frienemies are troublemakers and love to start crap! The frienemy will attempt to bait you into speaking negative of someone you may have no problem with or someone you may have a problem with. If successful, they in turn will go to the other repeating your statements. It's also interesting that if someone spoke negative of you, the true friend would correct them and put them in their place. The frienemy doesn't. They thrive off repeating negative things from someone else to keep you angry and hostile towards another. Frienemies love to play both sides and are very divisive!
Frienemies may have a level of inadequacy and insecurity. They don't recognize the need to be themselves and have their own identity. So what do they do? They become obsessed and study you and try to copy you. Frienemies are plagiarists. They will take everything as far as your character, identity, style and work and try to present it as if it's their own. This is also dangerous because it may be a sign of serious psychological problems. Get away from them!
A true friend recognizes that the other has their own personality and set of talents and abilities. Frienemies on the other hand similar to what's stated above- instead of working to improve themselves and step up their own game attempt to compete with and surpass you. Sometimes they will resort to secretly discrediting and maligning you because they see you as a threat so to speak. With true friends, those kind of things make no difference and are insignificant.
Frienemies are what's called "Jobs comforters." Just like the three false comforters mentioned in the biblical Old Testament book of Job, frienemies are just the same. True friends are there when you're undergoing adversity and distress. Frienemies are not! Instead of being a source of help and encouragement, frienemies only make the situation worse. They do it by being self-righteous, critical and judgmental of you. And why so? Because it's not about you, it's only about the frienemy and the satisfaction of their selfish desires!
There are many other points I may have forgotten in which a frienemy can be identified. But one thing is for certain: Frienemies are toxic and poisonous. What do we do in relation to something that's toxic and poisonous? We avoid it and stay away from it! So stay away from frienemies. Better yet, they may stay away from you. With these sort of people they feel that as long as they have you in the dark and wrapped around their finger, everything is cool. But when they recognize that they have been exposed for their deceit, disloyalty, selfishness and treachery they can't handle it at all. My deceased mother used to always have a saying: "You sometimes have to deal with some people like a long handled wooden spoon." I didn't know what in the world she meant, but I understand now. That means that anyone that you may consider an enemy or as this blog emphasized, a false friend; in their presence you don't show hate, anger or vindictiveness. You can remain cordial, respectful and courteous and continue going your own way. In other words, you have to deal with them from a distance. Whatever you do, please be beware of the frienemy. The very person or persons breaking bread with you may turn out to be Judas or Benedict Arnold. Be careful people!