Indigo's Peer Journal Exercises- Exercise #2
Practice Saying "NO"
Here's one you can do with or without a partner, or even without anyone else's knowledge. It involves teaching yourself to set your own boundaries, by becoming more comfortable with saying "No". It may sound silly, but you can "teach" yourself to say "no" more effectively, and without guilt, by practicing.
If you decide to let your family or friends in on your exercise, you might choose to make the exercise a little harder by choosing something to say "no" to that you might ordinarily say "yes" to.
Here's how it works:
- For a week or two, pick something each day that you wouldn't normally say "no" to. Then, instead of saying "yes" automatically-- say "NO"!
- It doesn't have to be something terribly important; just something that others would normally take for granted.
For example, if you're out shopping with the kids, and they always ask for ice cream, and you'd rather not get it but usually do it anyway because it's easier than fighting over it- then don't! Say "NO" and then don't back down.
- Or when a phone solicitor calls and you don't want to hurt their feelings, you let them finish the spiel and then set an appointment you don't intend to keep- don't!
- Say "No, thank you, I'm not interested" in the first 10 seconds or so, and be done with it.
Keep a record of how you feel when you say "no" in your journal for the whole time period. Notice if you feel differently about saying "no" when you get to the end of your time period than you did at the beginning. If not, consider doing the exercise for a longer time period.
- Strive for saying "NO" without feeling guilty. Recognize that you have a right to say "NO" whenever you wish, and to feel good about doing so.
What you gain from this:
- Many victims, especially those of childhood abuse, lack the recognition that they are important, that their wishes are important, and that they have the right to refuse anything that is uncomfortable to them. They have little sense of control in the world around them. Learning to set your own boundaries and determine what is acceptable for YOU is a hard thing to practice. Anything that helps re-inforce your sense of personal rights or "space" is good practice for choosing where you wish to draw your own lines. This exercise is a preliminary to gaining:
- 1. Increased self-esteem
- 2. Increased sense of self-control
- 3. Recognition that it's okay to set your own boundaries
- 4. Feeling comfortable with setting your own boundaries
- 5. Helping to decide where to make those boundaries
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