Q) What animal has more "hands" than feet?
A) Why, a horse, of course!
Q) What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
A) A tale of WHOA!
Q) How long should a horse's legs be?
A) Long enough to reach the ground.
Q) When do vampires like horse racing?
A) When it's neck and neck.
Where do horses stay in a hotel?
In the bridle suite.
What did the waiter say to the horse?
I can't take your order. That's not my stable.
What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
Use the Pony Express.
Then there was the horse trainer who told riders that the hardest part about learning
to ride was the ground.
I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went
horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of
control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could
not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell
head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or
even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager
came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!
... Then, of course, there are horses with six legs. Those that are being ridden.
How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?
With Southern Hospitality!
There was a famous jockey that never lost a race. When asked how he achieved this, he
replied, I whisper in the horse's ear: Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that lose
are made into glue.
A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been
stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of
you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, Im gonna
have one more beer and if my hoss aint outside by the time I finish, Im gonna
do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is
back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the
bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him,
and says, "I had to bloody walk home."
Q) What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
A) Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
Q) What did one horse say to the other horse?
A) The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.
Q) What are the only animals to sleep with their shoes on?
A) A horse, of course!
How many horses have three legs?
They all do!
Q) What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house?
A) All breeds. Houses don't jump.
Q) A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd. How is
A) His horse's name was June 3rd.
Q) How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?
A) Start with a large fortune.
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country
road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for
help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched
Benny to the man's car bumper. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny
didn't move. Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move.
Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood. Then
the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull." Benny pulled the car out of
the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called
his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if
he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."