Do you speak Texan?
If you want to grab a hot cowboy in Texas then you have to speak Texan.
Here’s Lesson Number One, along with some of my hot cowboys.
A traveling couple were once passing through the small town of Mexica south of Dallas and arguing over its pronunciation. “MEX-ee-ah,” said the man. “Ma-HAY-uh,” said the woman. “All right, said the man. “We’ll settle this.” Hde turned into a fast food joint. Walking in the door he called to a waitress, “How do you pronounce this place?” She called back slowly so he could properly understand, “D-A-I-R-Y Q-U-E-E-N.”
Speaking of which, if you want to conduct business in Texas you must do it at a DQ.
Are these drawl or twang?
EYESbawks: cold storage place where things are kept so they don’t get spoiled.
GEYut: To fetch something. Often used as a command to dogs, as in “Gone, boy-e, go geyut it.”
SPAY-uhl: Passage of time (“Come sit a SPAY-uhl and take a load off.”)
WhurYAT: A query as to someone’s location
YAWNTo: A query: YawTo go to the MAWul?
One problem with speaking Texan is you can’t speak it anywhere else in the world unless you’re talking to another Texan.
You might be a Texan if:
You’ve ever been excused from school because the cows got out
You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist
You use the phrase “fixin’ to” on a daily basis
Aigs: food produced by poultry
B.L.-A man’s first name as in former president B. L. Clinton
DAINce: to move rhythmically to music
Jeet: To consume food, as in “Heighty, jeetyet?”
Rules for non-Texans (follow them and you wonlt offend a Texan, and with practice might just pass as a Texan):
Pull up your droopy pants
Texans drive pickups because they need to. It’s called a “gravel road”. No matter how slow you drive you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
Texans may smell like pigs, cattle and oil wells to you. They smell like money to Texans.
Stay tuned for Lesson Two. If you pass the test we may just open our borders to you.