Don't worry, everybody: Starbucks has thought about this whole shutdown crisis, and has just the thing to solve it. The company will launch a petition drive asking Congress to "pass a bipartisan and comprehensive long-term budget deal by the end of the year." Petitions, while boasting a Starbucks-like saturation of the political outrage market, are not exactly our nation's most effective policy-changing tools. But Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz seems to think that the company's leverage will make this petition different. This is, after all, the company that convinced vast stretches of America that Pumpkin Spice Lattes are to be celebrated, rather than shunned as a sugary abomination of all things autumnal.