That crystallized moment made clear to me the long period of erasing my own identity, of erasing myself. I had worked hard on distancing myself from my family, reducing contact to monthly visits. I had tried to adopt a new identity, adopt random families, I blamed myself and I discovered that I too don't actually have any Mizrahi friends, and that those who were Mizrahi have shrunken themselves almost as much as I have. I went through the process of getting angry with the whole world, and again blaming myself, and secretly searching for the few Mizrahi students at the Gilman humanities building in Tel Aviv University, of embarrassing them and of being embarrassed. That was also when I started hearing that "this is all in your head" and "enough with this inferiority complex already."