I figured that since the device was still clearly working -- I hadn't dropped it and had, in fact, kept it in a case the whole time, so it looked pretty pristine -- it was a software bug that Apple, not I, was responsible for. Yeah, the device was way out of warranty, but since this was a software issue, Apple would cut me some slack, particularly because I owned an iPhone, three iPod Touches, three iPads, three Apple laptops, an iMac, an Apple TV, and a bunch of iPods, including the very first one that still worked. If the geniuses couldn't fix the problem by restoring the device, they'd replace it or offer me an enticing deal on a newer model. (I didn't think repairing the device free of charge would be an option since there wasn't anything to repair.)